Once again my powers of prognostication have proven to be awesome. I’ve said on numerous occasions that when the Robert Mueller investigation proves President Trump didn’t collude with the Russians, liberals will burst into flames. Actually I may have said their heads would explode but this is close enough. Earlier today Mueller gave a statement reiterating that he found no evidence of Trump conspiring with the Russians to influence the 2016 election and a few hours later a moron set himself on fire near the White House. Coincidence? I think not.
Fox News reports that a man set himself on fire on The Ellipse, just south of the White House. The Secret Service and Park Police rushed over to douse this fire hazard. He was taken to the hospital in unknown condition.
Here’s a really good video of this very dumb thing:
Umm someone just set himself on fire 5 minutes away from my office and outside the White House pic.twitter.com/Be9U0KiIIj
— Ali عَلِي ☪ (@LoyaltyIsFirst) May 29, 2019
By my count they guy was walking around for a good 35 seconds on fire before authorities put him out. Also, he was strolling casually while engulfed in flames, which leads me to believe he was wearing a fire-retardant suit. Either that or he’s completely insane because people don’t generally act nonchalant while their entire body is on fire. A more natural reaction would be to freak the f*ck out and roll on the ground screaming in agony.
I just don’t see a way that a human being could be on fire for over 3o seconds and not die.
Maybe this wasn’t a liberal spontaneously combusting at the thought of President Trump being the freely-elected legitimate President of the United States. I’m going to guess this dude is either a magician or a wannabe stunt man trying to land a job in an action movie.
If this was a liberal suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, there’s certainly some interesting science to discover about this affliction. Apparently sufferers are so whacked out of the skulls that they can be on fire without feeling any pain, probably do to the fact that nothing is more painful than the thought of Trump being the president. I always though “flaming liberal” was just an expression.
In scenario number two, this guy will obviously become a liberal superstar and maybe even inspire a Resistance YouTube challenge: Immolate Yourself To Own the Cons. The liberal temper tantrum since Trump won has already been ridiculous, but if they are going to start lighting themselves on fire until he leaves office, there might need to be an intervention.
Just like people who get unicorn tramp-stamp tattoos, liberals are going to regret this. They’ll miss their skin and eyebrows and demand some kind of socialist plan to get free skin-grafts from the rich 1% who have more skin than they could ever need.
If this is indeed the new TDS thing, they only place to go from bursting into flames is exploding heads, which would make my prediction more accurate. I’ve actually heard, and I don’t know if it’s true, that if a person fills his or her mouth with water and then fires a gun from under the chin, his or her head will explode like a bomb. Maybe that could be a liberal thing when Trump wins reelection in 2020.
