This is a battle of the heavyweights in which the title of “World’s Most Insipid Woman” is a stake. In this corner we have Hillary Clinton with her complete lack of self-awareness and in this corner is Elizabeth “Fauxcahontas” Warren bringing her cultural appropriation. Today in this ring we will settle once and for all who had the absolutely worst tweet celebrating LGBT Pride Month.
At the ring of the bell, Hillary came out swinging with this tweet:
Happy Pride Month! Gay rights are human rights, now and forever. This administration’s attacks on the LGBTQ+ community can never change that, and I’m proud to stand and fight with you to make sure those rights are recognized as they should be. 🌈
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 3, 2019
Uh, what attacks? Seriously, Donald Trump is the only US President to enter office supporting gay marriage. He has also launched a campaign to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. He is without question the most LGBT-friendly president this country has ever had.
When Hillary was Secretary of State, she did nothing to address the human rights violations of countries like Iran and China where being gay is a death sentence.
Because this is Hillary, this tweet comes with an extra level of bullshit.
Her husband Bill, a former POTUS, signed the Defense of Marriage act in 1996 that defined marriage as being between a man and a woman.
At the time, this was a real quote from Hillary, who supported this anti-LGBT legislation:
“Marriage has historic, religious and moral content that goes back to the beginning of time, and I think a marriage is as a marriage has always been, between a man and a woman,” said Hillary.
Gee, that seems kind of like an attack on the LGBTQ+ community, doesn’t it? Also, what the f*ck does the “plus” at the end of that acronym stand for?
Hillary drew first blood, but Elizabeth Warren struck back with this:
#PrideMonth is a celebration. And it’s a time to remember the trailblazers who fought for LGBTQ+ civil rights. Today—and every day—we renew our commitment to fight until everyone can live proudly, without fear. I’ll be right there alongside you. Happy #Pride! pic.twitter.com/uyHe6SQ8PY
— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) June 2, 2019
Holy shit! What did I just see? My nightmares are less scary than this.
Warren of course is famous for pretending to be Native American to advance her career and here she seems to be pretending to be gay to advance her presidential campaign. She already had the lesbian hair, but the rainbow boa really drives home the cultural appropriation. Plus there’s the insane yelling. Hey, maybe that’s what the “plus” stands for: Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer, plus crazy.
Now all Warren has to do is concoct some kind of bullshit family story like she did with the Indian Princess thing to claim herself as gay. Her lie is that her grandpa eloped with her Indian grandma because her family was racist and didn’t approve. She could change that to her grandpa eloped with her other grandpa because her family was homophobic. It doesn’t explain how she or her mom could have been born but at least there’s no DNA test to prove she isn’t gay.
Because of her Native American lie, Warren was called “Fauxcahontas” and “Lieawatha.” Now that she seems to be pretending to be a a tranny drag queen maybe we can call her “Ru False.” Okay, that kind of sucks, but I don’t have much to work with here. Who’s a famous cross dresser with a name that puns well with being full of shit?
This was a fight for the ages, with both combatants landing heavy blows, but as the final bell rings both are still standing. We’ll have to go to the scorecard to determine a winner.
In a unanimous decision, underdog Elizabeth Warren wins the bout and takes the title. Hillary put up a great fight, but she is so irrelevant that the judges couldn’t award her points. Elizabeth Warren is at least an elected official who is running for president, while Hillary is a bitter old lady who wanders around the woods yelling about Russians and deplorables.
