Democrats tried to ruin the 4th of July with anti-American attacks, but President Trump pulled off a grand Independence Day celebration and gave an inspiring speech. The WTF? came in from the liberal media who refused to cover this and then floated conspiracy theories that the massive crowds shown in pictures were photoshopped. Here’s some other WTF? that also makes you ask, “WTF?”
Headline of the Week
Dead dog and AK-47 shooting spree that also killed camel spurs Oregon lawsuit
A southern Oregon man is suing a bar for allegedly serving too much alcohol to his neighbor — who then went home, took out an AK-47 and started shooting in a wild spree that left the man wounded, his dog dead and a camel in a nearby wildlife preserve suffering from a stray bullet.
John LaRue, 49, of Cave Junction claims in the lawsuit that his neighbor, Joseph Sallman, was known to “become violent and use firearms when he is intoxicated.”
A probable cause affidavit filed by Oregon State Police says the shooting occurred outside Sallman’s home as LaRue was driving by in his truck. A bullet “grazed” LaRue inside the truck, police said.
But LaRue says in the lawsuit that he was shot three times and suffered “damage to the muscles, ligaments, tendons, nerves, and other soft tissue of the chest and right shoulder” and experienced “loss of feeling and use of his right arm” as well as post-traumatic stress disorder and grief over the death of his service dog, Ben.
Sallman also hit a camel across the Redwood Highway at the Tiger Preservation Center, The Associated Press reported after the shooting. The camel, named Camille, died two days later, Robert Ringo, who runs the center, told The Associated Press at the time. The camel isn’t mentioned in the lawsuit.
The camel wasn’t named in the lawsuit because she’s running for president. Speaking of which…
Kamala of the Week
Mum, 40, changes her surname to ‘Cameltoe’ after boozy Magaluf holiday leaving son embarrassed
Lisa Bell, 40, from Blackpool, decided to get the cartoon creature on her left foot following a drunken night with friends.
She said: “I was going up to groups of lads saying ‘do you want to see my cameltoe?”
And after returning home, she decided to change her name in memory of her trip – paying £40 to legally change from Bell to Cameltoe.
But she claims her son was left “in tears” after fearing his name would also be changed.
“I was going to change my full name to Iva Cameltoe – my first name was going to be Iva – but my friends convinced me to stick to just the surname.
At least she never slept with a married man to advance her political career.
Blister Dick of the Week
A would-be thief has been forced to pull down his pants and reveal his stolen spaghetti after it quickly started burning his leg.
The footage shows a young man walking in the hot food isle where he quickly settles on a small aluminium foil container of hot pasta for his lunch.
In the full view of a customer browsing the aisle next to him he opens the waist of his trousers and slides it down his pant leg.
Quickly realising the heat of the situation, he starts walking towards the registers but his stride quickly turns in to a fast limp as the temperature becomes to much to handle.
Now in quite a lot of pain, he reaches into his pants but the container has come apart in his trousers as the young man flings out the pasta lid in vain.
The shoplifter heads straight for the door leaving a trail of spaghetti behind him.
Penis al dente.
Fish Dick of the Week
Minnesota man arrested for fishing naked
A Twin Cities-area man is facing charges after he was arrested for fishing naked in west-central Minnesota.
Otter Tail County Sheriff’s Lt. Keith Van Dyke said deputies received a call July 1 from people living on North Turtle Lake that 59-year-old Michael Blake was fishing naked from his pontoon boat about 50 feet from shore.
Van Dyke said summer homes line the lake but Blake, of Brooklyn Center, told responding deputies that he didn’t think anyone was around so fishing naked wouldn’t be a problem.
Van Dyke said Blake has been charged with gross misdemeanor indecent exposure.
You’ve heard of hillbilly hand fishing? This is Minnesota Dick Fishing and yes its gross.
Dickhead of the Week
Barber Shaves A Penis On Mate’s Head Then ‘Runs Out’ Of Razors
We all like to help our pals out, right? Well, how about if doing a solid for your mate left you forced to travel home with a massively realistic penis – complete with a vein – shaved into your head?
Let me tell you the story of Conrad North from Basingstoke.
Now, being a sound guy, Conrad agreed to let his mate, a barber called Daryl Parsons, practise some work on his head. After all, he’s getting a free trim out of it too.
However, Daryl had other ideas. He wasn’t just practising pattern work, he shaved a massive c**k into Conrad’s head then – remarkably conveniently – ‘ran out’ of razors.
That left Conrad travelling home afterwards with a massive willy on his head.
And just to be funny he got a smiley face in his pubes.
Helping Hand of the Week
Man whose penis was burnt off in an electric shock has it rebuilt using tissue from his arm
The 25-year-old, known as Ramesh, underwent a gruelling eight-hour op where surgeons used tissue with blood vessels and nerves from his hand and arm so reconstruct his penis.
The Times of India reports that he was bullied mercilessly at school for his disability, being called “kinnar” by other kids – meaning a man who identifies as a woman.
He was just nine when he was burnt from head to toe, having been shocked by a high powererd electric transmission line in his small village.
Ramesh (not his real name) said he was chronically depressed as a child because he couldn’t stand and pee like other boys.
Any time he tried, he’d be soaked in urine.
‘We reconstructed his penis from tissues of his hand through microvascular penile reconstruction.
Did you hear about the guy with 5 penises? His pants fit like a glove.
GMILF of the Week
65-year-old woman jailed after lovemaking flap
A tiff after an evening of wine and intimacy wound up landing a 65-year-old woman behind bars, according to a sheriff’s report.
Tina Seri was jailed on a domestic battery charge after the June 17 spat…
A 53-year-old man identified as Seri’s boyfriend told investigators after 9:30 p.m. that he and Seri imbibed some glasses of wine, and were getting intimate.
“Get off of me, I’m done,” he quoted Seri as saying.
The boyfriend said he complied, but called her an unflattering name. He said they argued and exchanged obscenities before Seri threw a glass bowl at him.
He also said Seri started slicing his body pillow.
A sliced body pillow? He got off a lot easier than this guy:
Hacker of the Week
‘Drunk’ woman ‘hacks off husband’s penis after he refused sex as punishment’
A ‘drunk’ woman slashed her husband’s penis after he refused to have sex with her, it is claimed.
Moses Okot, 46, who is a peasant farmer from Apac District in Uganda, is said to be fighting for his life after the incident.
Mr Okot says his 35-year-old wife Beatrice Acen is on the run after returning home intoxicated and cutting his penis…
“When I returned home from hunting around 7pm, my wife was not home,” he told the paper.
“My daughter served me food and I went to bed thereafter. My wife returned at around 10pm and shouted that I open for her the door.
“I was already asleep. I felt some little pain, which woke me up only to find my pant wetted with blood,” he said.
Mr Okot claims the alleged incident happened after he refused to have sex with her, which he did as a punishment for her drinking.
“The woman comes back home when she is too drunk,” he continued.
“As a man, I would no longer tolerate such, so I decided to deny her sex with hope that she would reform. She had always demanded for sex.”
The couple, who have five children, have been married for more than ten years.
In retrospect he probably should have just hit that.
ATM of the Week
An inmate in Lake County Illinois has been charged after allegedly removing a baggie from his buttocks and swallowing it during an intake search.
According to the Lake County Sheriff’s Office, correctional officers conducted a secondary search of an inmate around 1 a.m. on the 4th of July.
During the search, officers found that the inmate was concealing a small baggine, containing an unknown substance, wedged in his buttocks.
He was ordered by correctional officers to turn the baggie over but instead he removed it and quickly swallowed it.
Due to not knowing what was in the baggie, paramedics were called and the man was taken to a local hospital for evaluation.
I have a feeling that’s not the only swallowing he’ll be doing in jail.
Peep of the Week
Peeping Tom masturbates while looking into bedroom in Davie
DAVIE, Fla. – A peeping Tom was captured on surveillance video masturbating inside the patio area of a home while looking into a bedroom through a pair of french doors, authorities said.
According to police, the man is seen in the video entering the gated backyard and looking into a bedroom window while lying on a pool heater.
He then crawls into the screened-in patio and appears to masturbate while looking in to a bedroom through french doors.
Florida Man really is every “Tom, Dick, and Harry.” I mean hairy.
Pillow Biter of the Week
Zafer Kuzu had been sentenced to community service after he was convicted of causing ‘wounding’ in the north-eastern Turkish city of Erzurum.
The 24-year-old had allegedly asked his friends to hospitalise him to sidestep having to serve the rest of his sentence.
Kuzu and two friends decided to use a shotgun and he reportedly strapped two pillows to his back as protection.
According to local media, one of the victim’s friends shot Kuzu at close range and the wayward buckshot seriously injured him.
His friends tried to take him to a nearby hospital, but he died before they left the house.
The important thing is that he did manage to get out of community services. F*ck all those needy people.
Mulch of the Week
Man killed by ODOT mower while sleeping near Highway 42 in Douglas County identified
A man sleeping in the grass on the side of a highway died Tuesday morning after being hit by a mower.
Around 9:15 a.m., an Oregon Department of Transportation employee was mowing adjacent to the eastbound shoulder of Highway 42 in Douglas County, near milepost 59, when he hit the man.
Oregon State Police and emergency responders attempted first aid, but the man did not survive.
The important thing is this guy was trying to sleep and now he’s doing it full-time.
Terrorist of the Week
Isis jihadi jailed for making child watch him masturbate on FaceTime
An Isis supporter who shared jihadist propaganda is a secret pedophile who made a child watch him masturbate on FaceTime.
Seitu Sulayman Kokayi, 30, spent a total of 32 hours grooming his 15 year-old girl over the phone, and would have explicit sex conversations with him.
They also had 43 video calls. Kokayi, jailed for 10 years on Friday, also made the youngster undress and engage in sexual acts using the iPhone video-calling service.
The married Koran teacher, from Alexandria in Virginia, did the same to the victim as she watched him, and was branded a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ by prosecutors.
A sentencing judge told Kokayi: ‘Your case is an unusual one.
Kokayi was convicted of enticing a minor to engage in sexual conduct, and transferring obscene material to a minor at a court hearing in April this year.
He was not sentenced to extra time for sharing the Isis material after a judge ruled that the sentence he faced on the child sex charges was sufficiently long.
Obama would have called this “workplace fapping” not terrorism.
WTF? of the Week
Uber driver pulls out sex toy on cops who feared it was a gun
A Connecticut Uber driver was tackled to the ground by police who believed he was reaching for a gun — only for him to whip out a sex toy, authorities said.
Eliot Buenano-Andrade, 48, was allegedly caught masturbating in his white BMW sedan, which was pulled over with foggy windows in Monroe on Tuesday…
He had an open case of beer on the passenger side, and when asked to recite the alphabet, started at “D” and ended at “K,” according to the report.
When he was ordered to get out of the car, Buenano-Andrade started reaching into his pants — and officers, fearing he was going to pull out a gun, wrestled him to the ground, the report said.
Buenano-Andrade instead yelled that it was a sex toy and pulled one out of his underwear.
This dude could have been shot over a fleshlight. Better to just let the police find it on their own, especially if it’s loaded.
