Between Joe’s Teeth falling out, AOC accusing Asians of white supremacy, and Beto threatening to take our guns, there was plenty of WTF? to go around or as democrats call it, a normal week. Here’s a few WTF? kind of things that were a little more out of the ordinary:
Headline of the Week
French scientists win Ig Nobel prize for testing temperature of postmen’s testicles
A study testing the temperature of French postmen’s testicles has won the Ig Nobel International prize for anatomy.
Researchers at the University of Toulouse attached thermometers to the testicles of male French postal workers to see if they remained the same temperature throughout the day.
The study found the left testicle is slightly warmer than the right but only when the subject is wearing clothes.
The authors of the report, Roger Mieusset and Bourras Bengoudifa, did not outline why postal workers were the ideal test subjects but conducted a follow up experiment on 11 bus drivers.
They measured the temperature of these mailmen’s nuts in snow, rain, heat, and gloom of night.
Rubik’s Cube of the Week
Scientists solve the mystery of wombats’ cube-shaped poo
Researchers have finally discovered why wombats’ faeces is cube shaped, and it is not what they initially thought.
When a group of University of Tasmania researchers sliced open a wombat corpse, they were surprised.
For years, scientists believed the cubes were formed “at the point of exit”.
But a more recent discovery reveals the animals’ intestines have more to do with the unusual shape of their faeces.
Senior lecturer in wildlife ecology Scott Carver was dissecting wombats to study mange disease when he and his research team made the discovery.
“It was quite incredible,” Mr Carver said. “We found that their cubed faeces actually goes back about a metre inside their intestines from their anus, which is really quite far inside their bodies,” he said.
Dude, that’s wombat-shit crazy.
Sinner of the Week
Woman used rose pruner to cut husband’s penis off
An Eastern Carolina woman is accused of tying her husband up and cutting his penis off.
Carteret County deputies have charged Victoria Frabutt, of Newport, with malicious castration.
Major Jason Wank says deputies were called to the couple’s home on Murdoch Road around 4:00 a.m. Tuesday. He said the motive for the castration is still unclear.
Wank says they were able to recover the 61-year-old man’s body part and it was immediately put on ice.
James Frabutt was taken to Vidant Medical Center where his condition is unknown.
In the 911 call, Frabutt told the operator a pruner was used. The operator asked what kind of pruner. “Actually it’s good for pruning roses,” Frabutt replied.
The woman referred to James Frabutt as her soon to be ex.
911 asked her if he was seriously bleeding. “Oh no,” said Frabutt. “Like I said, I couldn’t even get enough blood to make the sign of the cross, or write sinner, or anything like that.”
On the call, the woman was evasive when asked about specific injuries. 911 asked where he was bleeding from. “That would be his favorite part of himself,” Frabutt replied.
Deputies have not said anything about a motive but in the 911 call, the woman gave some clues when 911 asked what caused his physical pain. “That would be part of the message against sinning against God and fornication,” she was heard saying on the call.
Fratbutt said she put a towel on him, telling her husband he wasn’t going to die “because you’re going to carry a message.”
What are the chances that Major Wank would respond to a castration call?
Close Shave of the Week
Botched circumcision leaves British man unable to have sex
A British man who experienced difficulties urinating underwent surgery that left him with an “extremely buried penis” – worsening his condition and preventing him from having sex with his wife, according to a report.
The man had been initially told that he would undergo a “dorsal slit” — a single incision along the upper length of the foreskin — for his urinary problem, but when he was wheeled into surgery at Furness General Hospital, Dr. Kavinder Madhra told him he would perform a full circumcision…
But during the October 2012 surgery, when he was 54, too much skin was removed and he was left with an “extremely buried penis,” a condition that “took his manhood away,” almost caused his marriage to break down and left him suicidal.
The unidentified man also was left unable to direct the flow of urine and has to press a bucket against himself when going to the toilet, according to the news outlet.
“After the operation I suffered an infection and when all the swelling had gone down I was pretty much left without a penis as it was buried in my body,” he said.
They took his foreskin down to a zero-skin.
Muppet of the Week
N.J. man in Elmo costume touched 14-year-old girl’s buttocks in Times Square, cops say
A 54-year-old New Jersey man clad in an Elmo costume in New York’s Times Square was arrested Sunday on charges he touched the buttocks of a teenage girl Sunday, authorities said.
The 14-year-old girl and other members of her group were posing for a photo with the furry, red Sesame Street character near the corner of Broadway and West 46th Street around 7:20 p.m. when the man slid his hands down the girl’s back, the New York Police Department said.
Inocente Andrade-Pacheco, of Passaic, was charged with forcible touching.
Grope Me Elmo will be a hot seller this Christmas. Joe Biden has pre-ordered 12.
Honey Shot of the Week
Man whose penis ‘split’ has it reconstructed with HONEY – and he can now have sex again
The 55-year-old patient, from Roskilde, Denmark, first went to medics after his foreskin became too tight to pull back.
Doctors initially thought he balanoposthitis, which occurs when the foreskin and head of the penis become inflamed.
But during an examination it was revealed that the unnamed man was circumcised…
Medics at Zealand University Hospital discovered the patient had non-cancerous tumours at the root, shaft and tip of his penis, which were infected.
The growths were causing the skin to split – known as penile denudation.
Medics removed the tumours and attempted to reconstruct his member with skin grafts, but the procedure was unsuccessful.
They then decided to try Manuka honey, renowned for its anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory and healing properties, the docs said.
Incredibly, the honey dressings had a “satisfying result” and after two weeks healthy tissue had started to fill the wound.
Oh Honey, no? Oh honey, yes!
Bee-Kake of the Week
MALE HONEY BEES TEMPORARILY BLIND QUEENS WITH THEIR SEMEN SO THEY CAN’T MATE AGAIN
The semen of male honey bees contains a poison that makes queens temporarily lose their sight after sex, in what scientists described as a “sexual arms race.”
In most social insects—the category encompassing creatures like ants, bees, and wasps—the queen mates for one day in her life. But the honey bee queen is different. During an early period of her life, she flies around mating with males to collect a lifetime’s worth of sperm.
Even after a number of drones have inseminated her, she might set off again for several days. Scientists think the queen takes the risk of finding more mates because of the long-term gain of having a workforce with genetically diverse offspring, which can help to protect against disease.
This, however, is bad news for males who have already mated with the queen. By buzzing about in search of news mates, she lowers their chances of her offspring carrying their genes.
To try to stop the queen from mating with other males, bees use their semen to weaken her sight, the authors believe. The seminal fluid contains toxic proteins which affect the expression of her genes related to vision. These appear to cause the queen’s eyesight to suffer for 24 to 48 hours after insemination.
Just don’t get it in her hair.
Green New Deal of the Week
Lightning strike kills 23 cows instantly after bolt hit metal fence they were standing next to
A lightning bolt has killed 23 cows after it hit one and then traveled along a metal fence the others were standing next to.
Disturbing footage shows the animals, which have scorch marks on their stomachs, lying in a row on a farm in Texas after a thunderstorm.
Rancher Bobby Woody III said it was one of the ‘wildest and craziest’ things he had ever witnessed.
‘When the lightning hit, it had such strong voltage, it basically jolted one cow in the middle of the field,’ Woody [said].
That this happened around the same time democrats vowed to ban meat can’t be a coincidence.
Optimist of the Week
Man shoots himself in testicle while holstering gun in Guadalupe County
A man shot himself in the testicle on Saturday while trying to holster his gun…
An employee with McQueeney Gun Club, where the incident occurred, helped treat the man and was able to stop the bleeding in less than a minute, a Guadalupe County Police Sgt. Donny White said.
“He was trying to place it back in the holster and somehow hit the slide release or the safety and it actually went off,” White [said].
White said the gun the man shot himself with was a 9 mm Smith & Wesson.
The man was taken to San Antonio Military Medical Center and was “in good spirits” when Seguin EMS arrived…
There’s no use in crying over shot testicles, plus it’s not like this guy stabbed himself because that would be really stupid.
Poke of the Week
Auburn man accidentally stabbed himself
A 30-year-old man was hospitalized Thursday after suffering a stab wound in the leg at a home on Highland Avenue.
Police later said Philip Gagne accidentally stabbed himself but tried to blame it on a man with whom he had been arguing. After investigating the matter further, police charged Gagne with filing a false report or alarm, a Class D misdemeanor.
“It was a great team effort,” Auburn police Lt. Scott Watkins said. “The officers, sergeants and detectives did a great job in determining what really occurred.”
Friends of the injured man applied a tourniquet to stop the bleeding as rescue crews rushed to 37 Highland Ave. just after 4 p.m.
Police interviewed several people who were inside the home at the time of the stabbing. It appeared that Gagne suffered the wound while in the basement of the 2½-story house.
I was just cleaning my knife when it suddenly went off.
Bowler of the Week
Three people have been taken to hospital after a famed Brisbane River boat crashed into a jetty and had its floor split in half.
The Kookaburra Queen 2 vessel had been completing a journey with 60 people on-board when it crashed into the Eagle Street Pier today, splintering its outer railing and floor level.
In the commotion caused by the damages, a woman aged in her 30s fell through the cracks created in the floor and landed on the lap of a fellow passenger – aged in her 70s – while she had been sitting on the boat’s toilet.
“The floor just parted and my wife went down and I fell on the deck,” the woman’s husband told 9News.
Either shit or get off the pot, lady.
Horror Show of the Week
Two women having loud sex in hotel led to fight, gunplay, biting, and arrest
Staff at the Days Inn Hotel, Baltimore, asked the hotel’s security guard to investigate after a loud commotion was reported in one of the rooms.
Believing that a fight was going on, the security guard called for help from local police.
Cops gained access to the room and interviewed the two women inside.
Both insisted that they weren’t fighting, but having sex.
Nevertheless the couple were asked to leave the premises.
They did so, but as they were on there way out one of the women realised that she’d left her phone behind and asked to go back to the room to check.
While she did that her companion, 34-year-old Allison Daughtrey, was left to wait in the hotel lobby where she got into an altercation with hotel staff.
One thing led to another and Daughtrey produced a pistol from her bag and pointed it at him, the hotel security guard…
He tried to take the handgun away from her and in the ensuing struggle the gun went off.
The police officer who had been called to the scene was on his way back to his car but returned to the lobby on hearing the gunshot and arrested Daughtrey.
No-one was shot during the incident but the security guard required treatment for a bite wound.
Baltimore isn’t just infested with rats.
Dr. Evil of the Week
FLORIDA MAN SMASHES 20 CARS, SAYS ‘I DID IT BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP OWES ME ONE TRILLION DOLLARS’
A homeless man in Florida went on a car vandalism spree Monday, smashing at least 20 vehicles before getting tired and falling asleep on a nearby bench. When questioned by authorities, he said it happened because President Donald Trump “owes me one trillion dollars.”
The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office in a press release identified the man as 30-year-old Justin James Wilson, and said he damaged at least 20 cars or more that were parked at the Holiday Inn Resort on Okaloosa Island.
The sheriff’s office interviewed witnesses, who claimed they saw Wilson smash and damage cars by using rocks and belt buckles to beat the cars and smash windows.
When deputies located Wilson nearby, he confessed to the officers and said, “Take me to jail. I did it because Donald Trump owes me one trillion dollars and these vehicles belong to the mafia.”
Good luck trying to collect on that.
WTF? of the Week
Last week, a man vacationing in the picturesque Perhentian Islands was arrested by the Terengganu Religious Affair Department (JHEAT), after a raid on his beach-side chalet revealed that he was a sharing a bed with two other women.
When questioned by JHEAT, the 20-year-old man told them that he had moved into the chalet next door, where his two female companions were sleeping, because he was afraid of the large cicak (lizard) that were present.
The trio were busted at 3:30am Friday morning after authorities went to investigate the circumstances that they were vacationing under. The three checked into two chalets at the resort, but at some point that evening, the man had moved into the room with the two other women, one of whom is married. And no, not to the guy who is afraid of lizards.
Thirty JHEAT officials were deployed to the resort, where another couple was arrested, when a 40-year-old man was discovered to be sleeping in a room with his 20-year-old girlfriend. When questioned by officials, the man claimed that he fell asleep in his paramour’s room after going to pick something up.
Sharia law bans unmarried men and unmarried women from sharing any “secluded place, house or room under circumstances that may give rise to the suspicion that they are engaged in an immoral act.”
Islam is neither the religion of peace or getting a piece.
