Applause is the ultimate expression of support and adulation, but it’s apparently a little too “triggering” for some delicate snowflakes at Oxford University, so it has been replaced by jazz hands. Writers at satire sites like The Onion and The Babylon Bee couldn’t have come up with something this absurd and yet it’s very real. Instead of clapping, students must now jiggle their hands like a bunch of safe-space goofballs.
Here’s a real headline from non-satire site Metro News: Clapping banned at Oxford University to stop people being triggered
And here’s some real insanity:
Students at the University of Oxford have voted to ‘replace clapping’ with a silent wave because it ‘could trigger anxiety’.
They are instead being told to use ‘jazz hands’, where they wave their hands in the air.
The motion to ‘mandate the encouragement of silent clapping’ was successfully passed by the university’s student union officers, following their first meeting of the year on Tuesday.
It will come apply at student union events, and if successful, rolled out to other societies and events.
Unfortunately nothing in this article explains how clapping triggers anxiety. In reality, the lack of clapping causes anxiety. When someone is standing on front of crowd and speaks or performs, silence is the absolute worst possible thing they could experience. Maybe they are trying to say that the people doing the clapping feel anxious, but it’s unclear how that works. If you don’t feel like clapping, don’t. Very simple.
This wasn’t helpful either:
Jazz hands is the British Sign Language expression for applause and is considered a more inclusive gesture.
Sabbatical Officers Roisin McCallion said: ‘The policy was proposed in order to encourage the use of British Sign Language clapping during our democratic events, to make those events more accessible and inclusive for all, including people who suffer from anxiety.
Wait, the British sign language expression for clapping, an actual hand gesture, is jazz hands? What’s the sign for waving? Fist pumping? Also, what the hell is the British sign language expression for jazz hands? Apparently the English don’t just suck at speaking English, they are also terrible with expressing universally recognized hand gestures.
It gets even more confusing because the article included this photo of McCallion:
That ain’t jazz hands. Those are “magnum” finger guns, which I would imagine are way more triggering than clapping. Clapping is offensive, but pretending to shoot someone is a gesture of goodwill? Again, the British are a very confused bunch.
Since signs of appreciation and gratitude are too triggering and non-inclusive for Oxford students, they are obviously going to clean house on this. They’ll have to ditch “thumbs up” in favor of “bopha deez middle fingers.” The unknown motivation of a smile can be made unambiguous with a bared-assed mooning. A reassuring nod will be more inclusive by spitting in a person’s face.
I suspect this leftist insanity is related to another bit of liberal craziness: global warming. They may not be able to prove the ice caps are disappearing but they sure as hell can keep the snowflakes from melting by coddling them with garbage like this.
