I don’t know if President Trump is a Troll Ninja or a Troll Jedi, but he’s damn good at it. While doing the annual presidential turkey pardons, Trump managed to drag House Intelligence Committee coup-master Adam Schiff. Instead of roasting Turkeys, Trump roasted democrats for Thanksgiving. As a bonus, we can all be thankful that Obama is no longer doing this with his cringe-worthy dad jokes.
The White House received a pair of turkeys named Bread and Butter for a Thanksgiving feast, but President Trump was in a merciful mood and decided to pardon these two gobblers. ABC was on hand to capture the moment and got a little more than they probably wanted to broadcast.
Pres. Trump says Bread and Butter, turkeys vying for Thanksgiving pardon, have “already received subpoenas to appear in Adam Schiff’s basement on Thursday.”
“But Bread and Butter, I should note that unlike previous witnesses, you and I have actually met.” https://t.co/35Zg7d7Kfs pic.twitter.com/l4s4elhHQw
— ABC News (@ABC) November 26, 2019
“Thankfully Bread and Butter have been specially raised…to remain calm under any conditions, which will be very important because they’ve already received subpoenas to appear in Adam Schiff’s basement on Thursday,” said Trump.
Nice one!
“It seems the democrats are accusing me of being too soft on Turkey,” started Trump. “But Bread and Butter, I should note that, unlike previous witnesses, you and I have actually met.”
President Trump noted that this was “very unusual” in the democrats’ sham impeachment inquiry.
He’s not just roasting Schiff and the impeachment-happy democrats, he’s filleting and skewering them.
Obviously Trump was joking, but watch, democrats will turn this into their latest hysterical fit. First liberal pundits will cry because they’ll say Trump is debasing the president and threatening our democracy by using the turkey pardon to take partisan shots at “patriotic” democrats who are trying to stage a coup. In fact, they’ll call it the “Turkey Pard-isan.”
Next, Adam Schiff will figure out that the Constitution doesn’t specifically grant presidential powers to pardon turkeys and accuse Trump of abusing the power of his office. With their Ukraine quid pro quo farce falling flat, they’ll need something new to get Trump out of office before his 2020 reelection.
Clearly former presidents, including democrats, have pardoned turkeys, but the democrats don’t care what Joe Biden did in Ukraine, so why would they give a rat’s ass what Obama did with turkeys?
Trump joked, but those turkeys are going to get subpoenaed. So too will the grower of these turkeys, Wellie Jackson. Democrats will probe if the man who raised these turkeys has any connections to Russia, like maybe he once used Russian dressing on a salad.
I actually did find some evidence of impropriety in all of this. According to NPR, these two turkeys, “stayed at a fancy hotel in Washington.” Doesn’t Donald Trump own a fancy hotel in Washington D.C.? Emoluments clause! Obviously Trump is personally profiting off of this turkey pardon, which is selling the office of the presidency to the powerful turkey lobby and a clear-cut case of treason.
Okay, now I’m joking, but this is exactly to stupid kind of thing democrats would pounce on to keep the American people from being allowed to chose their leader.
The presidential turkey pardon may seem like a silly thing, but it actually reveals a lot about a president’s character. Obama told horrible jokes because he’s out of touch and self-absorbed. Bill Clinton actually lied several times while pardoning turkeys because he’s…well, a laying sack of crap. At least he didn’t rape them. President Trump used the pardon to roast the democrats because he is the Master Troll.
