Normally democrats WTF? things up for the rest of us but this week WTF? kicked them right in the ass. Between the Iowa caucus fiasco, Pelosi’s meltdown, and President Trump’s acquittal it was a hilariously bad week for the liberals. Here’s some other truly hysterical crap that happened this week:
Headline of the Week
Train passenger arrives in Chandigarh with glass bottle in rectum, operated upon
A 22-year-old man from Moradabad, Uttar Pradesh, was operated upon for a glass bottle in his rectum at PGIMER, Chandigarh, on Saturday night.
Police said the youth had arrived in Chandigarh via train to visit his mother at Mauli Jagran.
Feeling discomfort in his abdomen, he visited the Panchkula civil hospital in Sector 6 on Friday night. There, an X-ray revealed a glass bottle in his rectum.
Suspecting unnatural offence, the hospital authorities informed the local police.
“The youth took a train from Moradabad to Chandigarh to meet his mother. During his journey, he had alcoholic drinks with some men and blacked out. He suspects the other men forced the glass bottle into him while he was unconscious,” said inspector Naresh Kumar, SHO, Chandigarh GRP, after taking the man’s statement.
That is one loco-motive.
Hacker of the Week
Thai man stabs rival 23 times, hacks off penis over wife’s cheating ways
A jilted Thai man’s fortune teller wife should have seen the bloody carnage coming.
Amornrak Jitkoh went on a jealous rampage after discovering his wife, Nai, was having an affair with a local cop, Jumrus Doljue, 57, and wanted to leave him.
According to the Daily Mail, 45-year-old Jitkoh allegedly set fire to Doljue’s car outside his home in Kalasin to lure him outside, jumped him and stabbed him to death. Then, in a final indignity, Jitkoh cut off his rival’s penis and threw it in the fire before roaring away on his motorcycle.
“I cut off his penis because of my anger,” Jitkoh reportedly said during a press conference held by the police.
Jitkoh allegedly stabbed Doljue 23 times in the neck and body before hacking off his penis.
The Thai version of a liberal hack is terrifying.
Chopper of the Week
POLICE have launched an investigation after a Newcastle fan exposed his penis during the side’s FA Cup tie at Oxford.
Allan Saint-Maximim had scored what turned out to be the winning goal when one man took his celebration too far.
In bizarre footage caught live on BBC One the fan was spotted hurtling toward the pitch surrounded by ecstatic Geordies.
And as he approached the advertising hoardings, rather than hug one of his fellow fans, the chap decided to expose his old chap.
He pulled up his jacket, pulled down his pants and started shaking his penis for all to see.
Unfortunately for the BBC who were broadcasting the game live, their commentators inadvertently added to the comedy value.
As the footage was being shown, they can be heard saying: “That is right out of the top drawer.”
Before the co-commentator chipped in with: “Something special could be happening here.”
The cameras quickly cut away when the culprit became clear among the carnage.
This is not the worst helicopter-related news we’ve had recently.
Whacker of the Week
Woman cuts off rapist’s penis as he tries to attack her in Pakistan
A woman cut off a man’s penis as he allegedly tried to rape her in Pakistan.
The woman told police she was alone in her house in the central province of Punjab when the alleged attacker entered.
The 25-year-old claims the man began attempting to rape her, prompting her to run to the kitchen and grab a knife in self-defense.
She then proceeded to cut off the alleged rapist’s penis, police official Mohamed Ilyas told the DPA news agency.
The man, 28, was rushed to the Civil Hospital in the nearby city of Faisalabad where he received treatment for his injuries.
It is understood he has since been released.
Hundreds of women are raped in Pakistan each year but the abuse often goes unpunished due to weak legislation and reluctance of victims to come forward.
It’s the Paki attack hacky sack whack.
ZZ Top of the Week
A divorcée with double Z cup breasts has insisted that she’ll never stop enlarging her chest because she’s aiming to look like Jessica Rabbit.
Foxy Menagerie, 42, from Michigan, started having surgery six years ago, in order to revamp her look following a divorce.
Obsessed with achieving what she sees as the ‘perfect’ image, Foxy now has implants that measure 6,640 cubic centimeters – and plans to expand them even more.
She said: ‘My aim is to achieve a more hourglass morphed look with body modification – I want the perfect hourglass figure.
‘My breasts are still growing. They have expanders in, so I am hopefully going to hit 7,000cc (cubic centimetres) very soon before more surgery.
Whilst Foxy loves the current size of her breasts, she admits they make certain things more tricky for her in day to day life.
‘The worst thing about having such large breasts are some of the silly little things that I discover I suddenly can’t do,’ she said.
‘So, cooking on the front burner of the stove is not a good idea, because then it’s like Mrs Doubtfire. That’s bad.
‘I have to put my leg up sideways to put my shoe on, I can’t just bend over.
‘Walking down the stairs, I fall a lot. So I hold on to the rail to save my life.’
She’s trying to find a Sharp Dressed Man with Cheap Sunglasses to do the Tube Snake Boogie with but she doesn’t have the Legs for it.
Trickster of the Week
TSA agent arrested for allegedly tricking woman into showing her breasts
An agent with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) was arrested on Thursday for allegedly tricking an airline passenger into showing him her breasts and letting him look into her pants.
Johnathon Lomeli, 22, has been charged with one felony count of ”false imprisonment for intentionally and unlawfully detaining an individual through the use of fraud or deceit” stemming from the June 2019 incident…
According to a criminal complaint, Lomeli allegedly stopped a female passenger at the Los Angeles International Airport (LAX), claiming that he needed to look into her bra during a security screening. The woman told investigators he also instructed her to hold her waistband out so he could look down into her pants…
Lomeli then allegedly told the woman she needed additional screening in a private room, and took her into an elevator where he instructed her to lift her shirt and bra to “to show me your full breasts,” the woman said. He also allegedly looked into her pants once more before allowing her to leave, but not before complimenting her breasts.
The woman was apparently fooled by the agent’s “Official Bikini Inspector” t-shirt.
Jerry of the Week
Man accused of drinking beer while watching porn at Sandusky library
A Sandusky-area man is temporarily banned from a local library after allegedly watching porn on a public computer while drinking a beer.
According to police, an officer was approached Tuesday just after 7 p.m. by a librarygoer who reported a man watching pornagraphic material on the computer at the West Adams Street branch.
Police found Clarence Stoll looking at inappropriate content while drinking a Budweiser beer. Several empty cans and some that were unopened were also found in a bag under Stoll’s computer.
The 40-year-old Sandusky man initially gave police his brother’s identity, but the officer recognized him and threatened to charge him with providing false information if he wasn’t honest.
The police reports states that Stoll would be charged with trespassing if he returns to the library within the next 60 days. He was cited with having an open container in a public place, a minor misdemeanor.
He’ll be back to drunken public tapping in no time.
Secret Santa of the Week
North Pole man found guilty of all counts of sexually abusing babysitter
A jury returned guilty verdicts on all eight counts against Con Compton. The verdict came shortly after 10 a.m. on Friday.
Compton, 34, of North Pole spent this week in a sexual assault and sexual abuse of a minor trial. He was found to have met a 16-year-old girl on a dating app in December of 2018. After communicating with her over the app, he hired her to come babysit his five kids. After she came to his house he began groping her over and under her clothing.
Compton will be sentenced at a later date. He is also currently involved in another case from between 2003-2005 where he is accused of sexually abusing a minor numerous times. That case is expected to go to trial later this month.
In prison his focus will shift from his north pole to his south hole.
Dung Beetle Of The Week
Alleged rapist defecates in High Court, claims trial to 6 charges
The trial of a 49-year-old Singaporean man accused of raping two teenage girls began on Tuesday (14 January), following his multiple attempts to delay court proceedings by urinating and defecating in court.
When Isham Kayubi first appeared in the High Court before Justice See Kee Oon last August, he exposed his penis and urinated while in the dock. The judge later ordered the accused man – who also responded with “I don’t know” to the charges read against him – to be remanded and assessed at the Institute of Mental Health. Isham was found to be of sound mind.
During his second court appearance on Tuesday, Isham again delayed court proceedings by defecating in his prison attire. Efforts were made to clean him up and he returned to court more than an hour later. Prison officers wearing surgical masks and gloves were observed setting a plastic sheet over the chair for the handcuffed Isham.
While the prosecution was interviewing its first witness, Isham again disrupted proceedings when he wiped his faeces on the dock’s glass panel, leading him to be restrained by a prison officer. The accused’s shirtfront was also seen smeared with faeces and the court interpreter was given a face mask before the session resumed.
Shitty people do shitty things.
Metal Head of the Week
EPA Challenges Butte Baby Poop Study Results
There’s an ongoing debate in Butte about public health and exposure to heavy metals in the environment from historic and current mining operations. The most recent controversy flared up this week between scientists and the Environmental Protection Agency, over the contents of dirty diapers.
Last year, a team of independent researchers collected samples of baby poop from 32 infants born in Butte and Columbia, South Carolina and tested them for heavy metals. The results of the peer-reviewed study dominated local headlines, grabbing the attention of the community and government agencies. Federal officials this week called for the study to be retracted from the academic journal.
Katie Hailer, a chemist at Montana Tech who worked on the study, says to some extent, baby’s first poop, called meconium, can reveal what a fetus was exposed to in utero. And, it’s free, and easy to get.
“Meconium is gonna be passed whether you want it to be or not,” she says. “And it goes into a diaper and it goes in the trash. And most people are not attached to meconium in any way, and they’re more than willing to let you take it with you.”
Hailer says the goal of this exploratory study was to see if they could detect heavy metals in the poop, and how levels in Butte, a copper mining town and Superfund site, compare to a non-industrial community across the country.
What they found was that, “The metal concentrations in Butte were very different than South Carolina,” Hailer says.
According to the researchers, concentrations of copper, zinc and manganese were more than 1,000 times higher in Butte baby poop versus South Carolina.
Well duh, they listen to country music in South Carolina so of course Montana is more metal. \m/
Easy Rider of the Week
Man kidnapped girlfriend, shot at cop, fled on tricycle, authorities say
A man accused of firing at a police officer had ordered his girlfriend at gunpoint to drive him to New Jersey, authorities said Wednesday.
Miguel Angel-Villegas, 29, was indicted on several counts related to a shooting and manhunt that shut down parts of Little Egg Harbor and Tuckerton this past November, a week before Thanksgiving, authorities said.
The morning of Nov. 21, 2019, a Tuckerton officer pulled over a car driven by Angel-Villegas’ girlfriend. The New Haven, Connecticut man was a passenger, authorities said.
Angel-Villegas ordered his girlfriend to tell the officer a fake name, and forced her to speed away from the traffic stop, officials said. They struck another vehicle, injuring its driver, before Angel-Villegas got away on a blue tricycle, the announcement said.
Schools in the area were on lockdown as authorities searchedfor Angel-Villegas, who was on a train and had passed through Union County.
That night, U.S. Marshals and NYPD arrested Angel-Villegas in New York Penn Station.
Couldn’t get away in the car, couldn’t flee on the train, but the tricycle escape was successful?
Battle Bots of the Week
Battle between Yukon neighbors ends with alleged Roomba attack
A Yukon neighborhood is on edge after one of their neighbors went on a violent spree, allegedly throwing fecal matter, breaking down a fence and barricading himself inside his home. Eventually the bomb squad and the SWAT team were called out, and he was taken into custody.
“I told him, ‘If you break through this fence, I will have to shoot you,’” David Baird said.
David Baird had his gun in hand after his neighbor John Stafford was allegedly trying to break down their shared fence with a Roomba vacuum cleaner.
“I was scared for my family,” Baird said.
His wife and kids were huddled inside their Yukon home after a 12-hour ordeal with the man next door.
“He threw fecal matter out from his driveway onto our yard,” Baird said.
Eventually, the SWAT team and the bomb squad and their robot were called out.
Stafford barricaded himself inside his home while making several calls to police.
“Yukon 9-1-1, what is the location of your emergency?” the Yukon dispatcher said.
“I would like to report a d* bag,” Stafford said.
“Sir, you would like to report a what?” the dispatcher said.
“A d* bag,” Stafford said.”
“Can you speak like an adult, please, and tell me what situation you are having?” the dispatcher asked.
“Did you hear me?” Stafford said.
OKC and Yukon dispatchers took six 9-1-1 calls from him in all.
“I am going to run you guys into the f—–g ground,” Stafford said.
“Ok, have a nice night,” the dispatcher said.
These are not the droids you are looking for.
D-Bags of the Week
Florida troopers find narcotics in bag labeled ‘Bag Full of Drugs’
Two men were arrested in Florida after troopers said they found a not so conspicuous bag filled with illegal drugs.
The Florida Highway Patrol said they arrested two alleged drug traffickers after troopers pulled them over and found drugs in a bag labeled “Bag Full of Drugs”.
“Santa Rosa K-9 Deputies recently assisted FHP on a traffic stop on I-10 where a large amount of narcotics were discovered. Note to self- do not traffic your illegal narcotics in bags labeled “Bag Full Of Drugs”. Our K-9’s can read,” a Facebook post from the Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office said.
Only slightly better than the guy with the “Dead hookers in trunk” bumpersticker.
WTF? of the Week
Foot fetish grandma, 60, charges young men $200 AN HOUR to watch her X-rated cam girl performances
Tammi Baltin, 60, from Long Beach, California, began modelling at 57 after a 20-year relationship ended in 2017.
Tammi decided to try cam modelling after one match told her that her look – which includes tied hair and tattoos – was highly desired in the online world.
She says her fanbase is varied, but made up mostly of students and married men between 18 and 35.
She charges around $200 an hour, and can make up to $3000 a month as a performer. 1
Clients on live chat rooms can see Tammi in lingerie, completely naked, and even close-ups of her feet.
“My feet are very flexible and I have long toes, plus I can articulate my feet,” she says.
Tammi has been married four times and has an adult son, though doesn’t speak with him because of political and religious differences.
She is also a grandmother.
She says she is happier now she’s single, and isn’t worried what her friends and family might think of her new career.
“The few people in my life are okay about it but I’m very private about my life to generic friends,” she said.
Unlike a fine cheddar, toe cheese does not improve with age.
