As much of the country is opening up, liberal strongholds seem intent on keeping people unemployed and dependent upon the government with never-ending coronavirus lockdowns. Here’s some other WTF? that both sucks and doesn’t make a damn bit of sense:
Headline of the Week
Beetle penis field investigations lead to new species discovery in Norway
It took seven years, countless beetle penis field investigations, and hours upon hours on hands and knees in coastal wetlands. This is the story of all the research that has to happen before a new species can finally get its official name.
It was the shape of the penis that first set insect scientist Frode Ødegaard on his multi-year odyssey.
It was when he saw the penis of a specimen of the leaf beetle Galerucella tenella in profile that he began to wonder.
Before you ask: Yes, studying insect penises is something bug researchers do.
Many insect species look practically identical on the outside, but have genitalia that are completely different. The purpose for that is to provide reproductive isolation—in short, to prevent related species from mating.
“Sometimes I use the technique of preparing insect genitals to accurately determine a species right away. The shape of the beetle genitalia functions almost like a key for identifying insects,” says Ødegaard.
If you say “Beetle Dick” 3 times in the mirror, Frode Ødegaard will appear and bore you to death with bug wang facts.
Bash of the Week
An unsolicited photo of a man’s penis has allegedly sparked a dramatic late-night ambush involving a gun and a garden stake.
Four people were arrested in relation to the bizarre incident which police say took place on May 3, in the Victorian city of Geelong.
Christopher Tolj, 27, Shaun Baensch, 25, and Danielle Misiti, 31, were all charged with arm robbery and now face jail time.
A 28-year-old woman, who was also taken into custody has since been released pending further inquiries…
According to Geelong Criminal Investigation Unit detective Senior Constable David Baskin, the group of four were at a home in the suburb of Grovedale when Ms Misiti received an explicit message on the location-based dating app Skout.
The court heard the alleged victim sent a picture of his penis along with an invitation to meet up.
Furious at the sexual proposition, the group allegedly arranged to meet the man at the Ocean Grove Hotel car park.
Sen-Constable Baskin said Mr Tolj and Mr Baensch arrived at 4.45am and ‘hid in the shadows’ until the Skout-user showed up.
Ms Misiti allegedly called the man to lure him to the ambush.
It was at this point, the court heard, that Mr Tolj and Mr Baensch leaped out brandishing a long-arm rifle and a garden stake.
Police allege Mr Tolj said: ‘Do you like creeping out girls online, do you? I’ll f*****g shoot you. Do you think I’m going to give a f**K?’
At gunpoint, the man was then marched to his home where an iPhone 8 and $10 cash was stolen.
Plus they stole his arm apparently.
Air Raid of the Week
‘Nobody wants to see that’: Polk County man arrested for flashing women while driving, sheriff says
An Avon Park man was arrested after deputies said he exposed himself to a woman while driving — and investigators say he’s done this before.
The victim said she had been driving on Highway 60 near the Lake Wales Airport on Monday around 8 a.m. when she noticed the driver in a gray Mazda next to her was waving and trying to get her attention.
When she looked over, the woman saw the man’s penis was completely exposed and he began to masturbate, the Polk County Sheriff’s Office said.
The victim called authorities and gave them photos of the man’s car and license plate, which led them to 32-year-old Justin Mosser.
On Wednesday morning, detectives began to surveil Mosser. A female undercover detective was driving on Highway 27 near Pine Crest Road when Mosser’s gray Mazda began driving alongside her unmarked vehicle.
When the detective looked over at Mosser as he was driving, his penis was exposed and he was trying to draw her attention to it. As the vehicles got side by side again, investigators said Mosser began masturbating.
When they pulled Mosser over to arrest him, he told detectives he often drives with his penis exposed because he gets hot and “airs it out.”
“First, nobody wants to see that. It’s disgusting, rude and perverted,” Sheriff Grady Judd said in a statement. “Second, it’s dangerous to be doing something like this while driving. This is wrong on so many levels.”
Those “don’t text and drive” PSAs are about to get weird.
Crush of the Week
Hotel guest pepper sprayed after ‘crushing’ policeman’s testicles during cannabis-induced psychosis
A hotel guest had to be hit in the face, pepper sprayed, and placed in a spit hood after attacking a policeman and squeezing his testicles.
Offices had been called to the Premier Inn by staff because of concerns about what was happening in rooms occupied by the defendant and his family.
Tom Scapens, prosecuting, said police went to the Premier Inn in Haverfordweston the evening of March 21 this year following calls from staff.
He said there were “ongoing issues” about noise and the consumption of cannabis in the rooms occupied by the 23-year-old defendant, his partner, and their children at the Pembrokeshire premises.
The court heard officers went to the rooms in question and could smell cannabis so approached Cadwell who was in the reception area.
The prosecutor said officers formed the impression the defendant was “under the influence of some sort of substance” due to his agitated state and the way he was talking and pacing around the foyer.
The court heard he made a number of comments which concerned the two PCs, including him saying that he “worked for the Queen”.
The officers took hold of Cadwell to search him but he began to resist them and was trying to reach for his pocket. The three men ended up on the floor and the defendant then grabbed the testicles of one of the officers “and attempted to crush them”, causing the constable “a sharp pain”.
The officer “struck the defendant a significant blow to the face” causing him to momentarily let go of his testicles – and to bleed from his nose – but then Cadwell made another grab for the PC’s privates.
The prosecutor said that “to use the colloquial swear word” the officer shouted “F***ing let go of my c**k” to Cadwell.
The defendant continued to struggle and spit blood and after ignoring a number of warnings one of the policeman used his pava spray.
The defendant was subsequently cuffed, placed into a seated position, and a spit hood was put over this head. He was interviewed the following morning but denied assaulting the officer.
He must have been smoking dick weed.
Bomb of the Week
Angry customer hurls feces bomb at Taco Bell drive-thru workers
Augusta, Ga., police are searching for an irate customer accused of filling a squeeze bottle with excrement and urine, then throwing it at a Taco Bell drive-thru employee around 11:30 p.m. on May 7.
…the wanted woman was involved in a late-night dispute with fast-food workers she first tried spraying with the contents of her bottle before throwing the container itself.
The eatery reportedly closed for two hours to clean the mess the alleged bomber threw from the passenger side of a silver sedan, possibly with South Carolina plates, being driven my a male associate. She is described as between 18 and 25 years old and was wearing “glasses and a white tank top.”
The nature of the dispute is not clear, nor is it known how or when the alleged suspect assembled her putrid projectile.
Usually the feces bomb comes after eating Taco Bell.
Seoul Food of the Week
Seoul-based church under fire for allegedly forcing believers to eat feces
A pastor and several leaders of a Seoul-based church that is a member of the General Assembly of Presbyterian Church in Korea have come under fire for allegedly abusing believers and forcing them to take part in activities that included eating their own feces, according to the alleged victims.
In a press conference Tuesday, a civic group said several of the church’s members were groomed by Pastor Kim Myung-jin and leaders of the Light & Truth Church to perform inhumane and demeaning actions including eating feces and whipping each other as part of a leadership initiation program.
In a press release the members said, “We decided to reveal the pastor’s insane and illegal abusive actions against the believers under the name of religious activity…The church forced the believers to take what they called leadership training such as eating one’s own feces, getting into a garbage bin full of food waste, whipping other believers, staying inside a sauna longer than was safe and sleep deprivation over a period of days.”
They added, “The church has been claiming that the believers voluntarily carried out the training, but considering the hierarchy and the circumstances, we were groomed step by step.”
A believer, who insisted not to be named, reportedly said during the conference that “When a group leader of the training ordered me to eat my own excrement, I wasn’t able to do it right away. But I ended up posting footage of me eating my own feces after being approved by the leader… I was out of my mind at that time wanting to become a leader and I thought I was doing the right thing. But I realized later I was brainwashed.”
Hopefully there was some mouthwash after the brainwash.
Foster Home of the Week
Toddlers forced to eat own feces if they pooped their diapers, Texas sheriff says
A Texas sheriff says children removed from their grandmother’s custody were forced to eat their own feces and starved for a week at a time, media outlets report.
Samantha Foster, 41, was charged with three felony counts of injury to a child on Thursday in Wilson County after her grandchildren were taken to a hospital in critical condition, the San Antonio Express-News reported.
Sheriff Joe Tackitt said a 12-year-old family member texted police about the conditions at the home, the news outlet reported. When sheriff’s investigators arrived, the home was overrun with garbage, leftover food and excrement, and the three children — a 1-year-old girl and 2-year-old and 4-year-old boys — were malnourished and underdeveloped, according to the San Antonio Express-News.
“The babies just weren’t taken care of at all,” Tackitt told the news outlet.
Investigators learned that a man no longer living at the home forced the children to eat their own feces if they pooped in their diapers, according to an affidavit for removal…
Foster took custody of the children about a year ago, WOAI reported. Dueis Jahns, who is Foster’s great uncle, told the news outlet that he had no idea the children were in danger and doesn’t condone what happened.
Jahns said Foster “really, really wanted her grandbabies” when she took custody, the news outlet reported.
“Samantha is not a devil,” Jahns told WOAI…
How True. Even the devil doesn’t make babies eat their own shit.
Chinese Virus of the Week
IKEA has pleaded with customers to be ‘civilised’ and refrain from masturbating in stores after a video of a porn star pleasuring herself in a branch immerged.
The homeware furnishings brand issued a statement after the 16-minute long video shot in a store in China last week went viral.
“We resolutely oppose and condemn this kind of behaviour and immediately reported it to the police in the city of the suspected store,” a spokesperson for Ikea said.
The statement then reiterated that customers should “browse stores in an orderly and civilised way” once Ikea branches reopen from May 18.
Ikea stores in China are stepping up security after the DIY enthusiast featured in a graphic 16-minute long video went viral.
Chinese officials were rubbed up the wrong way by the incident, which took place on a busy shop floor while pensioners and young children walked by, according to reports in China.
Some social media users identified the woman as a Chinese porn star known as ‘Fullfive’, although this has not been confirmed.
Her illicit activity is rumoured to have been filmed in IKEA’s branch in the Tianhe District in Guangzhou, capital city of Guangdong Province in South China.
A porn star named “Fullfive” masturbates in a “Gangdong” Ikea and Chinese officials are “rubbed up the wrong way” is the punniest thing to ever happen.
Coincidence of the Week
Butts County man charged with possession of child porn, bestiality
The GBI says a 58-year-old Butts County man has been arrested and charged in connection with the online sexual exploitation of children.
Michael David Miller was arrested at his home in Jackson on Friday when agents and digital forensic investigators, along with the assistance of the Butts County Sheriff’s Office, executed a search warrant.
The warrant pertained to the online sexual exploitation of children. As a result, Miller was charged with five counts of possession of child pornography and one count of bestiality.
Miller remains in the Butts County Jail.
What’d they expect from a Butts county man?
Mug Shot of the Week
Mattoon woman arrested for meth possession
A Mattoon woman was arrested for meth possession Friday.
Kelli Lewis, 26, was arrested around 5 a.m. in the 900 block of Oklahoma Ave. in Mattoon.
Police said they were making contact with Lewis as part of a drug investigation when they found her to be in possession of meth.
Lewis was taken to the Coles County Jail.
Was “she” also found to be in possession of a “Y” chromosome?
Mugier Shot of the Week
Man tased, arrested after chase ends in grocery stockroom
Police in Portland have arrested a man who they said led them on a chase that ended in a Winco Food Stores stockroom.
Transit Police responded to a report of a man breaking into the Snack Shack at the Gateway Transit Station around 7:30 a.m. Tuesday. Upon the officers’ arrival, the suspect ran off and fled into the nearby store.
Officers confronted the man in the Winco stockroom. The suspect turned towards the officers with his hands under his jacket and told them he was going to shoot them, according to a police report.
In response to the threat, officers tased the man and subsequently arrested him. Matthew Joseph Medlin, 36, was booked into the Multnomah County Detention Center on several charges including Burglary II, Criminal Mischief I, Menacing, Disorderly Conduct II, and Resisting Arrest.
In 2016, Medlin was arrested for damaging cars and “licking a man’s face.”
He gives a licking and keeps on ticking. Must be the meth.
Chug of the Week
Thirsty thieves who broke into a mortuary during a nationwide booze ban are feared to have stolen gallons of ghostly exhumation fluid to get drunk on.
South Africa is into its seventh week of coronavirus lockdown and one of the most hated restrictions is the total prohibition of buying or selling any type of alcohol.
The nation has gone home brew mad stripping supermarkets of pineapples in their tens of thousands a day to just to make a potent tropical beer they can get a hit from.
But in the latest incredible twist it would seem desperate drinkers forced their way into the Rest in Peace Funeral Parlour in Clocolan in Free State Province to get pickled.
They stole four gallons of the of 97 per cent proof exhumation liquid contained in two 2kg bottles which is usually used to preserve body parts if dead bodies have to be dug up.
A Forensic Officer with the Government Mortuary Department said: ‘If the thieves drink that liquid without watering it right down then they will drop dead themselves!
‘The liquid would make a very good sanitiser as it is nearly 100 per cent proof but as for drinking it then they would end up alongside those already in the funeral parlour,’ she said.
A South African Police source said: ‘There does not seem to be any other logical reason for the thieves stealing this liquid unless they thought they could get drunk on it.
Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of day drinking lately myself.
Ankle Biter of the Week
Illinois woman likely mauled to death by her rescue French bulldog
An Illinois woman was likely viciously mauled to death inside her home by her own rescue French bulldog, according to authorities.
Lisa Urso, 52, was found dead at her home in Ingleside, located in the northern part of the state about 60 miles from both Chicago and Milwaukee in opposite directions.
Officers who responded to the scene after 4:43 p.m. Saturday found her mutilated body on the back porch, Fox Lake Police Chief Jimmy Lee said.
An autopsy confirmed she died from injuries sustained when her dog attacked her. The coroner’s office said the attack began inside the home but Urso managed to make it out to the porch, where she died…
“You don’t really think about it happening with a smaller dog breed but we forget animals can be powerful,” Lake County Coroner Dr. Howard Cooper told WGN.
Cooper said most of the bite marks were not on the woman’s neck, but, instead, on her legs and arms.
No one ever suspects the Frenchie.
Family Feud of the Week
Man who sought trial by combat now wants ex-wife evaluated
A Kansas man who sought legal permission in Iowa to engage in a sword fight with his ex-wife is not insane but merely angry over their child custody arrangement, according to a psychological evaluation.
David Ostrom, of Paola, Kansas, asked in a Jan. 3 court filing to be allowed to fight his former wife, Bridgette Ostrom, of Harlan, Iowa, and her attorney, Matthew Hudson, so that he can “rend their souls” from their bodies. The Ostroms have been embroiled in disputes over custody and visitation issues, and property tax payments.
An Iowa judge responded by temporarily suspending David Ostrom’s child visitation and ordering the evaluation. It found he is not troubled, but has “adjustment disorder with mixed emotional features,” Ostrom told the Des Moines Register.
“It essentially says I’m not crazy, I just don’t like being denied access to my children,” he said.
Survey says…you’re nuts.
WTF of the Week:
A ‘friendly and polite’ cannibal who put out an advert for ‘a man to slaughter’ in a gay magazine before murdering and eating him has been going for ‘walks around town’.
Murderer Armin Meiwes, 58, was given ‘sunglasses and a cap’ to hide his identity and then driven to another state in Germany for walks.
‘Two officers accompany him. We always drive him to another state for security reasons. There he can walk around town,’…
In March 2001 Meiwes stabbed Bernd Brandes, 43, in the heart after amputating his penis and frying it in a pan with ‘salt, pepper garlic and nutmeg’, the murderer revealed in a televised interview in 2007.
The pair met online after Meiwes put out an advertisement for someone who was willing to be killed and eaten.
Two earlier respondents were turned down because there was no sexual chemistry with the first, and the second wanted to be nailed down and beaten to death – which Meiwes thought was ‘weird’.
Mr Brandes met Meiwes, a former computer technician, at his Rotenburg farmhouse in the western state of Hesse.
The timber-beamed mock Tudor house had belonged to his mother. During the murder, in a pre-prepared killing room, both men tried to eat part of Mr Brandes, who had taken 20 sleeping pills to numb the pain.
When Mr Brandes was dead he was chopped to pieces on a butcher’s block and kept in a freezer as Meiwes gradually ate meal-sized portions over a period of months.
At the time of his original conviction a psychological analysis revealed Meiwes was sane, but had a ‘severely disturbed soul’.
At trial Meiwes said he had always dreamt of having a younger brother ‘to be part of me’ and thought of cannibalism as a way to fulfill that obsession.
At his retrial a psychologist stated that Meiwes could re-offend and still ‘had fantasies about devouring the flesh of young people’.
Hopefully cops pack a snack for this guy.
