This week President Trump trolled democrats into reversing their positions on mail-in voting, opening schools, and peaceful protests, which is hilarious and pathetic at the same time. Here’s a bunch of other WTF? that is both sad and funny at the same time.
Headline of the Week
Penis Cake Leads to Investigation of Racism, Sexual Harassment at Michigan Morgue
Penis-related paraphernalia is something you might expect to see at a bachelorette party, but certainly not in the workplace—especially when you work at a county morgue. But according to the Detroit Free-Press, that’s exactly what the work environment has been like at the Macomb County (Mich.) Medical Examiner’s office and, as a result, three female morgue employees have been fired. A fourth morgue worker has been placed on paid leave during an investigation into further allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior.
A woman who has been identified only as a Macomb County death investigator and a person of color told the Freep that, after five years of racially insensitive comments, dick jokes, and harassment, a cake was what finally prompted her to file an official complaint with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).
According to the investigator’s complaint, on May 26, one day after George Floyd was murdered by police officers in Minneapolis, an off-duty morgue staffer brought a “medium-sized sheet cake that had been decorated with a black penis” and left it in the room where the employees eat their meals. Four days later, the cake was still in the office—as was a balloon that someone had decorated with a hand-drawn penis.
“I was livid, furious actually,” she told the Free-Press. “All these cities are on fire for the Black Lives Matter movement, and here’s my staff eating a black penis cake as a joke? That really pushed me over the edge.”
Refusing to eat the black dick cake would be more racist, wouldn’t it?
Jeweler of the Week
Doctors in China have removed 29 magnetic beads from a man’s bladder after they were stuck there for more than 10 days.
The unidentified man had inserted the toy balls into his urethra one by one before the metal spheres slipped down and bundled up, a medic told reporters.
The patient went to a hospital in north-western China’s Shaanxi Province after allegedly seeing blood in his pee and feeling pain while urinating.
According to the report, the man who lives in the provincial capital of Xi’an had experienced extreme discomfort before he rushed to the hospital.
He confessed that he had put some ‘small beads’ into his privates, but refused to tell doctors why he had done so.
An X-ray scan showed that the magnetic balls – a popular toy in China – had attracted each other in the man’s bladder and formed what looked like a bracelet.
Dr Qu Liming, a supervising urologist of the hospital, told reporters: ‘He said he had put them in one by one. Because they were magnetic, therefore they linked up.’
It is reported that the man had visited several hospitals, but declined to be treated there due to fears of surgery.
Dr Qu and his team eventually pulled out the beads from the man’s genitals through minimally invasive surgery.
The patient has recovered from the operation, according to Dr Qu.
The medic warned men not to put objects into their urethra.
So that’s how you play Chinese checkers? Pass.
Fork You of the Week
Forklift driver accidentally shot himself in the testicle and dies from infection
A Burton forklift driver who accidentally shot himself in the private parts with a BB gun died after his injury caused sepsis and multi-organ failure.
An inquest into the death of Mark Humphries, from Burton, was told he was “known to drink excess alcohol at times” and when he unintentionally shot himself in one of his testicles with a BB gun he was “reluctant to provide a full version of events” to doctors treating him.
Coroner Andrew Haigh said the 53-year-old first attended Queen’s Hospital, in Burton, on April 6 after “shooting himself by mistake” with a BB gun.
Mr Haigh said: “Mark was only 53 when he died. He was a gentleman and he was known to drink excess alcohol at times.
“He shoots himself by mistake in one of his testicles with a BB gun. He attends Queen’s Hospital in Burton on April 6 and he is reluctant to provide a full version of events.
“He is assessed and discharged.”
…Mr Humphries had a urinary tract infection and he was prescribed antibiotics “however he did not commence them as prescribed” and started them three days later.
Mr Humphries returned to the hospital on April 15 but by then he was deemed unfit to undergo surgical repair and he died later that day.
His medical cause of death was that he had suffered sepsis and multi-organ failure due to an abscess caused by his injury.
Mr Haigh said: “On April 15 he attends hospital again and this time he is acutely unwell and dies later that day.”
Mr Haigh described the case as a “genuine tragic accident”.
No, tragic accidents are unavoidable.
Finger Bang of the Week
Trolls doll pulled off shelves over button on genitals that ‘giggles’
A Trolls doll that ‘gasps and giggles’ when a button between her legs is pushed is being pulled off store shelves amid complaints it promotes child abuse.
Toymaker Hasbro said that it’s in the process of removing the “Trolls World Tour Giggle and Sing Poppy” from the market and will be offering customers a replacement doll of the popular female character.
The doll had been designed to giggle when placed in a sitting position, but some parents complain the sound activation button is inappropriately placed under the doll’s skirt and between her legs.
In a video posted to Twitter, one mother shows the location of the button and demonstrates the noises made by the doll.
“It makes a gasping sound when you touch her privates, and to me it’s just like sexual sounds and it’s so disturbing,” she says.
An online petition suggests the doll is “conditioning our children to think pedophilia is OK.”
“This is not okay for a child’s toy! This toy needs to be removed from our stores,” the petition by Jessica McManis reads in part. “What will this toy make our innocent, impressionable children think? That it’s fun when someone touches your private area?”
You’d think they would have learned their lesson with “Sodomize Me Elmo.”
Pillow Biter of the Week
A man repeatedly put a cushion over his partner’s face and smothered her after she bit his nose and grabbed his testicles during an argument.
Gareth Penny, 59, had travelled 125 miles journey from his home in the north-east to visit his partner in Market Rasen in May this year.
But they had both been drinking heavily and began arguing.
Mark Achurch, prosecuting at Lincoln Crown Court, said: “Both had been abstaining from alcohol for a significant period of time.
“On this occasion they had been drinking heavily. In the living room they had an argument.
“He put a cushion over her face three or four times for six to seven seconds each time.”
Penny was arrested and told police that he reacted after his partner tried to bite his nose and grab his testicles.
Mr Achurch said: “He said he felt some regret with things. She had been saying to him that he had lost the plot.
“He accepts that he may at one point have put his hands on her neck. He admitted he may have caught her neck.”
She tried to bite off his nose to spite his testicles. And things got weird:
American Chopper of the Week
A 22 year-old woman and her 52 year-old boyfriend raped, tortured and killed a homeless woman – then chopped her nose and breasts off, police say.
Rebecca Dishman and Sean Finnegan were arrested in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, on Wednesday over the alleged torture murder and desecration of the 36 year-old’s corpse.
Dishman and Finnegan are said to have lured the woman to their home with the promise of a place to stay in December 2019. Once she had moved in, the woman – whose identity is being withheld until her family is notified of her murder – is said to have been held against her will and beaten with a baseball bat.
According to court papers, Dishman and Finnegan restrained the woman with a dog collar, chained her to a bed and bound her arms with zip ties. They are then said to have raped the woman repeatedly and starved her.
The abuse culminated in the woman being strangled to death with a ligature. After she was killed, Finnegan allegedly used a sharp object to remove her nose and breasts. He is also said to have broken several of her bones and ligaments in order to fit her remains into a stand-up freezer.
Oak Ridge Police Department said Finnegan ‘physically mistreated a corpse in such a way as to be shocking and offensive,’
That Airbnb gets zero stars.
Ass of the Week
Medical student sexually assaulted hospital patient for ‘practice’, court told
A medical student from the University of NSW told a hospital patient he was her doctor before practising invasive physical examinations on her, without wearing gloves and without her consent, a Sydney court has heard.
Zhanyi Png, 28, is charged with aggravated sexual intercourse without consent, aggravated sexual touching without consent and common assault, following an incident in a ward of St Vincent’s Hospital on May 1, 2019.
It’s alleged Mr Png, who also goes by the first name “Jonathan”, presented himself as a doctor to a cognitively impaired female patient while doing a placement at the hospital and did not obtain her consent before penetrating her, vaginally and anally, with his bare hands.
Mr Png denies penetrating the woman with his fingers but admits he examined her anal and genital area from the outside – without gloves, and without a medical reason to do so.
He told the Downing Centre District Court jury he asked the woman if he could carry out the examination and said she approved “in a polite manner”.
He said “it didn’t cross my mind” to ask her if she wanted a support person and it was an “oversight” that he was not aware of a UNSW code of conduct that calls for written consent.
In closing statements this week, Crown prosecutor Giles Tabuteau said Mr Png told police in a recorded interview he “had an urgency” to practise vaginal and anal examinations because he lacked experience and had “never even seen a butt”.
This may be the best excuse for a guy shoving his bare fingers up a retarded woman’s asshole ever.
Bullseye of the Week
Matador gored in the buttocks after stabbing bull
A leading Spanish matador has been gored in a bullfight after the animal he stabbed rammed its horns into his buttocks, sending him flying.
When Enrique Ponce, 48, went in for the kill at the El Puerto de Santa Maria stadium, the bull flipped him over, causing him to lie on his front shielding his head.
Despite the scare, the Valencian bullfighter was not seriously injured, with Spanish media reporting only torn knee ligaments and bruising.
The bull was eventually killed, and Mr Ponce went on to slay a second.
It is not the first time Mr Ponce, who is one of the country’s top matadors, has had to deal with a bull fighting back. Last year, a more severe goring left him requiring knee surgery and a 10cm (4 inch) injury to his buttock.
I’m starting to think this guy likes getting gored in the ass.
Joe Biden of the Week
Kunkletown man charged with stalking female shoppers has history of ‘upskirting’
A West End man who allegedly snapped “upskirt” shots of women and followed them so closely that it appeared he was attempting to get sexually aroused while they were shopping at stores in the West End was arrested Thursday by state police.
Rocky Charles Sokolowski, 18, of Kunkletown, was charged with two counts each of stalking and invasion of privacy and sent to Monroe County Correctional Facility under $50,000 bail by Magisterial District Court Judge Colleen Mancuso.
State police said the arrest followed reports the troopers received of a man dressed in black wearing a white bandanna who was shadowing a mother and her minor daughter at the Dollar Tree on Route 209 in Chestnuthill Township on July 20 shortly before 5 p.m. The mother told police the man appeared to be trying to sniff her daughter’s buttocks.
The woman, who was wearing tight fitting leggings, told police she thought Sokolowski could have taken a photo of her groin because of the angle he was at behind her.
A day earlier, police said, they received a report of a similar report of a man in dressed in black following a woman up and down the aisles at the Weis Market on Route 209 in Chestnuthill Township. The woman reported the man appeared to be trying to sniff her buttocks or groin, court papers state.
Too Bad Biden committed to picking a woman of color because this dude would be his perfect running mate.
Meet Your Maker of the Week
Guacamole maker explodes, killing former mayor, injuring two others
A high-pressure food processor being tested to make guacamole exploded in upstate New York on Wednesday morning — killing a former mayor and injuring two other people, according to a report.
Former Rensselaer Mayor Joseph Kapp, 67, died of injuries from the blast that occurred shortly after 7 a.m. at Innovative Test Solutions in Schenectady…
Two other people suffered less serious injuries and were admitted for treatment at the hospital, the outlet reported.
The fatal explosion occurred as the food processor was undergoing tests to assess its viability for manufacturing guacamole.
It’s unclear what caused the blast, but fire crews do not believe the incident was suspicious…
Conclusion: not viable for making guacamole.
Mug of the Week
16-year-old Florida boy accused of homicide for shooting man in the head
A teenage Florida boy accused of shooting a man in head while on the phone with a 911 dispatcher had charges against him upgraded to murder Friday after the victim died.
Connor Michael Lewis, 16, of Sanford, was originally arrested on suspicion of attempted homicide in connection with the Wednesday shooting of 18-year-old Artavious Quarterman. Quarterman died Friday at the hospital from his injuries, police said in a news release.
Lewis called 911 around 8 p.m. Wednesday to report several women banging on his door and window after a dispute between him and his girlfriend. He could be heard over the phone saying: “Oh, you’re so scary. You’re so scary.”
As the group was calling Lewis’ name, a gunshot was heard, police said.
“In the course of this interaction, one round from a gun was fired from the inside of the home, through the window on the front door, striking Artavious Quarterman in the head,” a police news release said.
Quarterman had accompanied the mother of Lewis’ girlfriend to the home to pick up her belongings, police said.
He was taken to a hospital where he remained in critical condition until he died Friday. Lewis was originally arrested on suspicion of attempted second-degree homicide and shooting into or throwing deadly missiles within a dwelling before the charges were upgraded.
That kid had a girlfriend?
TDS Meets WTF? of the Week
Trump Drove Me To Drink, Says Defendant
An 82-year-old Florida retiree busted for drunk driving after wrecking his golf cart claimed Donald Trump drove him to drink, according to police.
Investigators say Cary De Van, a former IBM manager, wrecked his ride early Thursday evening in a one-cart accident less than a mile from his home in The Villages, the country’s largest retirement community.
As detailed in an arrest report, De Van apparently drove his red cart over a concrete curb, breaking its axle and dislodging the windshield. The golf cart is the preferred mode of transportation for elderly Villages people, who like to think of the sprawling development as “Florida’s friendliest hometown.”
Upon contacting De Van, who was not injured in the wreck, police suspected that the octogenarian–who was slurring his words and smelled of booze–had been drinking. Pictured above, De Van was unsteady on his feet and unable to perform field sobriety tests. A pair of breath tests registered his blood alcohol content at nearly twice the .08 legal limit.
While speaking with a cop, De Van reportedly explained that he “was watching President Trump on TV then got really mad at what he said.” De Van added that began consuming vodka after enduring the current president’s performance.
De Van, who crashed his golf cart about 90 minutes after Trump stopped speaking, did not specify which of the multimillionaire’s remarks allegedly caused him to hit the bottle. De Van is a registered voter, but he has never declared a party affiliation, according to state records.
Cary De Van? He can’t even drive de golf cart.
