Ted Cruz is a great Senator and a solid conservative but he doesn’t get nearly enough credit for how funny he is. The Texas Republican rolls with the goofy liberal conspiracy that he’s the Zodiak Killer and he’s alway got a hilarious one-liner for all leftist stupidity. Massachusetts Senator Ed Markey, AOC’s Green New Deal cosponsor, has some more socialist ideas to deal with the coronavirus pandemic, but Cruz ripped him a new one in the funniest tweet of the month.
Democrats have blocked the latest coronavirus relief package so President Trump stepped in with some Executive Orders to help people out. If anyone was thinking that the Republicans and democrats were close on the numbers and a deal is imminent, Ed Markey demonstrated how truly far apart the parties are:
Give every person in our country $2000/month for the duration of the pandemic, $2000/month for 3 months after that, and $2000/month retroactive to March.
— Ed Markey (@EdMarkey) August 10, 2020
So, mail everyone in the United Sattes a $10,000 check and then pay them $2,000 a month for the next 6 months? But most Americans aren’t even out of work. How does this make any sense and where does the money come from?
I’m going to stop right here because Ted Cruz has way better questions:
Why be so cheap? Give everyone $1 million a day, every day, forever. And three soy lattes a day. And a foot massage.
We have a magic money tree — we should use it! https://t.co/0ODgPBhc4O
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) August 10, 2020
Boom! Ted wins the Internet.
He earns some added bonus to that well-deserved victory because he also got Markey to loose his shit:
It’s not a goddamn joke Ted. Millions of families are facing hunger, the threat of eviction, and the loss of their health care during a pandemic that is worsening every day. Get real. https://t.co/z6ygY8lSxc
— Ed Markey (@EdMarkey) August 10, 2020
Uh oh, Markey said a swear.
If Markey were at all concerned about people going hungry and facing eviction, why is he supporting his party blocking the latest coronavirus relief package? No really, if this were as godamn serious as he claims, he’d be working on a deal instead of stonewalling and throwing out stupid ideas like this.
As for Cruz, I like his plan to a certain extent. I don’t mind the million bucks every month forever, but I don’t drink lattes and I hate when strange people touch me, so the foot message is out. I’d like to negotiate with him and trade the lattes and foot rubs for beer and lawn mowings.
One thing though: he shouldn’t have let slip about the “Magic Money Tree.” That is one of the U.S. Government’s most closely-guarded secrets. I’m sure Chuck Schumer will introduce a resolution to have Cruz censured or prosecuted for some Logan/Hatch/Bullshit Act mystery crime.
The reason why Cruz’s tweet is so damn funny is because it’s not that much more silly than the “serious” tweet Markey sent. The sad thing is, democrats are probably working on a plan just as ridiculous as a million dollars a month and you know damn well they won’t be giving Ted Cruz any credit.
