One of Def-Con’s favorite sons , ‘Oderint Dum Metuant C.B.A.,’ which translates to “Let them hate, so long as they fear. Combat Beard Actual” took some offense to the recently posted Turkey Shoot article here on this site.
Actually, I don’t think he was as “offended” as much as he was tired of hearing puffed-chested homicidal boasts from some commenters who know nothing about actual combat. About killing people. About how it’s not as easy and glamourous as some of our readers would make it out to be. I’m not pointing any fingers, I know there are quite a few combat veterans who frequent this site and we are honored to have them.
He posted, “Truthfully. I’m just tired of all the keyboard commandos that think they are hard core and can pull a trigger. I read about how they are going to do this in that, when in fact they are not going to to do God dam [sic] thing when its time to let the blood flow. They are going to hide behind me and a few of those here when the lead Flys. [sic]”
After reading his post I contacted him. He was fed up. Fed up of all these seemingly idle threats coming from people who know nothing about what warfare entails.
So I asked if he wanted to get any of this out in print. He told me I could ask any question I wanted to, including the usually offensive one, “How many people did you kill?
This is a very rare opportunity for those of you who have not experienced actual combat to hear REAL commentary from someone who’s been there and done that. He holds nothing back and this commentary should be considered priceless.
Munny: What was your first time in combat and how did you feel, before, during and after? And how hard was it to actually pull the trigger on someone?
Bear:
First time was in Kosovo, it was a cool morning, we were tasked with keeping watch over women and children, we were all anxious, we knew these people were all seasoned combatants and we were all green, anyway, I don’t remember what caused the first shot, I think they saw us, but I remember the sound that an AK makes after if fires and the whining sound the bullet makes when it passes close to you. I pissed myself, along with everyone else in my group. After that initial reaction the training kicked in, the world became clearer, colors more vivid, time slows down in that initial few moments. Pulling the trigger was instinct more than a thought , or conscious action. At that moment you don’t think about anything other than defending yourself and your brothers around you. Its when all goes quiet and that adrenaline buzz wears off do you actually start processing.
Munny:
That’s some fucking great honesty. Pissing yourself. But just about every great warrior in the history of warfare has done just that. I consider myself lucky that I didn’t because when I got shot it was an ambush when I was in my car at a stop light. I had no time to react other than get small in my car and put my arm in front of my head. But during that it was as exactly as you described. Time slowed down, I felt rounds piercing my wrist and two hitting the back of my head like a baseball bat, I can remember the car glass raining down on me in slow motion. I had no weapon to respond with, but of course I lived through it. And as for that adrenaline buzz, none of it hurt. So I wrapped my jacket around my head, partly to stop the bleeding, and partly because I didn’t want to find out some of my skull was gone and go into shock. Drove to a friend’s house and he dropped me off at the hospital. It was then that the adrenaline wore off and those wounds started burning.
Munny:
How did you feel after the first time you killed a man?
Bear: I puked my guts out. I felt dirty…. No I felt tainted as if I had a dark spot put on my soul. And every time after I felt that spot grow bigger.
Munny: Yes. I remember sitting around with the gang I was formerly affiliated with and someone asked one of the younger ones, “How did you feel after you killed so-and-so?” He said the exact same thing. He puked too.
Munny:
How many total did you kill and has it affected you?
Bear: Sniping 29 confirmed, close quarters, over 100. Has it effected me? Yes, I wake up in the night a lot, pretty much have a sweat outline on the sheets every night. Alcohol helped a lot for many years, painkillers, you name it just to pass out and not dream.
Munny: That’s exactly what I aim for every night. Pass out and no dreams. Did you find combat as exciting and glamourous as many keyboard commandos imagine it to be?
Bear: Exciting yes, its that adrenaline rush, no drug can come close to that high. Glamourous, war isn’t glamorous, killing isn’t glamourous, the thought that I may have to pick up my rifle again and defend my country scares the hell out of me. But its better I do it than the ones here that are still innocent.
Munny: How do you feel certain keyboard commandos would fare in actual combat?
Bear: They are going to shit themselves and curl up and cry. First time a person next to them gets hit they are going to lose their shit. They haven’t been trained to be able to separate themselves in the heat of the moment. That’s what basic does.
Munny:Â Should the situation of another Civil War occur, how do you think it will be fought?
Bear: Its probably going to be very guerilla warfare, lots of small groups causing as much havoc as they can. Its not going to be pretty and its not going to be fast. Look at all the civil wars you see all over the world now. There will be no battle lines, there will be no actual command structure. It will be utter chaos.
And here’s some questions from another Def-Con brother, The Jaydolph 9000.
Jay: Is it best not to ask vets about what they’ve seen and experienced and just engage them with every day normal life situations in order to help them reintegrate into society?
Bear: Just be a friend. Don’t be the conversation starter, if they want to talk about it listen. Don’t try to relate because you can’t. If you see them slipping to a bad place pull them out, take them to do something basically you have to distract their mind.
Munny: I’ll answer to this as well. One of my best friends was a Vietnam combat vet, 173rd Airborne. My wife and I were visiting my mom in So Cal where he still lives in a shack in back of his sister’s yard. We had a garage sale for my mom, and as usual he was there to help out my mom. Later we went to a local bar and got drunk of course. There was a shitty band there that started playing “Bang a Gong.” My friend, we’ll call him Charlie, told me about how when this song came out, he and his 173rd brothers would sing, “Bang a Cong” in their bunkers. So we started singing loudly, “BANG A CONG” over the band.
Then some pasty faced douche wearing a Green Beret with the 5th Special Forces Group flash turned and smiled at us. Bad move.
Charlie got up off his stool and was screaming, “YOU TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKING THING OFF! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WEAR THAT!”
At that point he lunged at the stolen valor retard, but I intercepted him and said that it was not worth going to jail for.
So we went back to the bar and he started telling me about mortar strikes, and such . . . and broke down in tears, elbow hiding his face on the bar. He said, “You should have been there, brother. Why weren’t you there?”
I said, “Well, I was about 4 years old at the time, bro. Otherwise I would have been.”
He hugged me. And that’s about the best compliment I’ve ever received in my life.
I never asked him directly about his service. It was just through being a good friend and him trusting me that he ever opened up about any of it. And he told me just about everything he experienced.
Jay: What is the best way to help them?
Bear: That’s like asking how long a string is. Everyone is different. Just be you and let them be them. If you see they are a danger to themselves or others call 911 immediately and tell them what is going on, sometimes that’s the best thing you can do.
Jay: What are the “do’s and don’ts when engaging a combat vet in conversation?
Bear: Do be yourself, treat them as you would expect to be treated don’t ask how many people they killed or ask what combat was like. We spend the rest of our lives trying to forget. And again if they bring it up just listen. If they give you an opportunity to ask questions then ask, but approach it gently. And for God’s sake don’t be all up in their shit like some little school girl gushing..
So there you have it straight from a combat veteran. Someone who KNOWS what it’s all about.
You will rarely see Bear posting “I’ll do this and that to whoever,” because he doesn’t need to. He has seen and done all those things. I see this like someone pulling up next to you at a stop light in a Ferrari. Chances are he’s not going challenge you to a race. Why? Because he knows he would probably win.
But look. We get it. Sometimes we read something that pisses us off, which leads to threatening posts. That’s anger. And that’s OK. Let it out. Just know that combat is not like what you see in the movies, and just be sure that you know your limitations.
