Thanks to democratic “leadership” Christmas is cancelled in much of the country and it don’t more WTF? than that. Here’s some some other WTFers who made Santa’s naughty list with blue-state governors:
Headline of the Week
Portland man accused of chasing McDonald’s employees with chainsaw
The Westbrook Police Department says a man has been arrested for allegedly chasing McDonald’s employees with a chainsaw.
Police say they were called to the area on Riverside Street in Portland around 3:30 p.m. Tuesday. The suspect was arrested without incident near the Fireside Inn.
Officers say 26-year-old Alice Sweet of Portland entered McDonald’s with a chainsaw, went behind the counter and stole a drink and some food while revving the chainsaw.
Police say when the manager confronted Sweet in the parking lot, Sweet chased the manager with the chainsaw and damaged two vehicles.
Sweet is charged with Robbery, Criminal Mischief, Refusing to Submit to Arrest and Violation of Conditions of Release.
The Antifa Chainsaw Massacre.
Nuts of the Week
Boy draws testicles on Christmas tree in response to homework question
You’ve got to love the innocence of kids when they answer questions in the literal sense.
That’s exactly what one kid did when he drew what he thought was the correct answer to his homework question.
And it’s so bloody brilliant that his hilarious artwork gone viral on Reddit’s Funny section.
The question asked the primary school students to decorate illustrations of Christmas trees with some baubles.
However, the instructions weren’t quite so precise and simply said: “Draw balls on the tree.”
So naturally the kid drew testicles in the nether region area of the festive tree.
I wonder what he’ll do with the “draw a big veiny penis on the Easter Bunny” assignment.
Balls of the Week
Blue balls-suffering man refuses to pay GHC 130 to prostitute because he didn’t ‘cum’
Chairman no “cum” he no won pay
😂😂😂
ACCRAAAAAAAAAAA pic.twitter.com/EWXtPFJC5d— הלOרM (@El_In_Charge) December 17, 2020
In the video circulating on social media, the unhappy man is seen genuflecting apparently because he could not stand straight due to the pain from the suspected blue balls while holding his phone in one hand.
Despite his obvious condition, the yellow pant-wearing sex worker was bent on taking the full charge agreed on before the romp, but the young man insisted that he would only pay GHC 100 because he did not ejaculate. It is unclear why he did not ‘cum’ though.
Both the prostitute and the man could be seen in the hilarious video baying at each other as the lady threatens to show him an unforgettable lesson if he failed to pay her in full. He also threatened to throw the prostitute away if she did not loosen her grips on him.
At a point in time, she tried to grab the man’s phone to probably defray the debt but he held it too firmly for her to snatch.
I think the lack of firmness in her snatch is the problem here.
Stomp of the Week
Thugs stamped on unconscious man’s head and testicles in ‘savage’ street attack
A pair of thugs carried out a brutal attack on a man before leaving him for dead in the street, a court has heard.
Jamie Crake and Leigh Glave repeatedly kicked and stamped on their victim after taking him to the floor, and threatened him with a knife.
They then took him mobile phones and cash, and casually walked off.
Swansea Crown Court heard that a resident living nearby who saw the incident thought the pair had killed their victim.
Hannah George, prosecuting, said in the early hours of May 4 this year Crake and Glave approached a man walking down Pendarvis Terrace in Port Talbot.
Crake threatened the man with a knife before the pair took him to the ground and began repeatedly kicking him to the head, and stamping on him.
The court heard the victim quickly lost consciousness, and as he lay defenceless on the floor the pair continued their attack, with 50-year-old Glave delivering powerful stamps to his head, stomach and testicles.
The pair then briefly walked away before returning to go through the stricken man’s pockets, and steal his two mobile phones along with £200 in cash.
Miss George said a resident living nearby who was awoken by the disturbance later described the defendants as acting like “wild animals”. The witness called 999, and with the victim laying motionless on the street for some considerable time “she did not believe he was living”.
The court heard the victim did eventually regain consciousness, and made several attempts to stand before staggering away along the street.
Sorry, that should have been “Stamp of the Week” not “Stomp.” WTF?
Chomp of the Week
Dog rips off man’s penis as he chats with neighbour – leaving him screaming in agony
A man had his penis torn off by a crazed dog as he chatted to one of his neighbours.
The handyman, who has been identified only as Neily, was rushed to hospital after the horrifying attack in the Stony Hill neighbourhood of St Andrew Parish in Jamaica.
He was talking to a woman at her gate before the hound set upon him on Saturday, December 12.
Speaking in his local dialect, Neily told The Weekend Star: “The dog bite me pan…him push him mouth through the grille, because mi deh close and bite me pan.”
The victim was left moaning in agony after the attack and was treated at the Stony Hill clinic.
He added: “The nurse dem look after it and kill the pain and everything. Dem kill out the disease. Mi nah go near dem dog deh again yah man.”
The dogs are reportedly known to attack callers at the home, but have never chomped on genitals before.
Using the same dialect, a neighbour told the paper: “A some aggressive dogs dem, enuh. Dem will attack people from you go close to the premises. But a di first time we a hear dem bite off piece of penis. Glad di dog never tek off everything still.”
Neily told The Star that he would not be seeking to prosecute the dogs’ owners as they took him to get medical attention and ensured that he was taken care of.
It’s funny when Jar Jar Binks gets his dick bit off. Meesa havin’ berry busy day. Dis is nutsen.
Clam Bake of the Week
Mum’s baking tip backfires when daughter’s bread for dad ‘looks like a vagina’
A woman who says she misunderstood her mum’s baking tip was left mortified when her bread came out of the oven.
Nikki Carroll, 40, was told to cover the loaf’s edges in tinfoil to stop them burning, but the centre then rose to a rude outline.
Her mum Ruthy Silas, 60, meant she should cut a hole in the foil and place it on the top of the banana bread for the last few minutes.
But Nikki used the foil for the full 60 minutes and when she finally removed it, the bread looked slightly ruder than usual.
A tear-jerking snap shows its browned centre forming an oval shape with a fold running down the middle of the raised bit.
There’s even a small hole at the middle of the fold where the mum stuck a fork inside to check if her loaf was cooked through.
Nikki’s mum found it hilarious but agreed they couldn’t show the result of their mishap to her “stern” dad Ray, 62.
The daughter, from California, US, said: “You’d think someone younger than me would make this mistake.
“But I completely misunderstood what my mum said. It’s pretty wild. I couldn’t do that again if I wanted to.”
She added: “It was a complete accident, but it looks just like a vagina.
“At least it tasted amazing. My vagina banana bread was moist and sweet, so I enjoyed it in more ways than one.”
I guess dad doesn’t like eating pussy. The daughter does, however.
Bust of the Week
Probation for boy who stared at woman’s breasts, told another that he was ‘horny’
A 16-year-old boy who followed three women and later molested or insulted their modesty was given two years of probation on Wednesday (16 December).
The Secondary 4 student, who cannot be named due to his age, had stared at one of the women’s breasts. He told her he had sexual desires for girls who wore shorts and had big breasts, and then said that he had taken his sister’s underwear and smelled it.
Addressing the court on Wednesday, the boy, who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder and autism spectrum disorder, apologised to the court ahead of his sentencing.
“I really regret it, my (grandfather) told me not to do it again. Nowadays, when I am with my mother, I don’t even look at girls. Every night when I sleep, I keep telling myself not to do this again…it’s wrong and I should not do those evil and wretched things. I know it’s all wrong, I hate myself for it,” he said.
If loving big boobs is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. The underwear sniffing thing is weird, though.
Handjob of the Week
Kayla Romero, from Houston, Texas, claims that since the age of 12 her breasts have continually ballooned, growing every month.
Romero said she was flat-chested at 12-years-old when her mom bought her a training bra.
She said: “Within a week it didn’t fit me anymore as my boobs quickly started to grow. Within a matter of three months, I had reached a size DD, and since then my boobs keep growing and growing.
“One of my most vivid memories from around this time was during gym class at school, one of the school bullies started laughing at my boobs, saying that I had had a boob job and telling me not to run too fast or I’ll give myself a black eye.
“The other kids would sing ‘do your boobs hang low? do they wobble to the floor?’ at me all the time.
She added: “My boobs hold me back from doing so much. My house is a wreck at the moment because I am in too much pain to be able to get around and clean properly.
“My boobs go right down to my belly button without a bra, so it is even hard to clean myself and take care of personal hygiene. Showering, drying off, and shaving are such difficult tasks for me. I’m sweating by the time I’ve dried myself off from the bath or shower.
She said her nipples are bigger than the palm of her hand
That’s utterly ridiculous.
Sticker of the Week
Yatta woman arrested for inserting sticks in toddlers genitals
Police have arrested a woman who reportedly inserted sticks together with her daughter into the genitalia of 20 months old baby girl in Machakos.
Shune Wawira 23, from Nurse village in Matuu, allegedly persuaded her daughter to insert the sticks into her half-sister on allegations that she wets the bed.
The suspect is the co-wife of the victim’s mother who had been left with the girl at their homestead.
The area assistant chief Peter Muinde said the suspect allegedly used her mentally disturbed girl to commit the act.
The area village head Jackline Mwilu said the toddler had been left under the woman’s care with her daughter when the incident took place on Wednesday.
“I got a report that a woman has committed this heinous act to a baby who was left with and she was trying to run away”, she said.
Yatta OCPD Njoki Gachie noted that the girl inserted the sticks to the baby’s private parts to a length of 3 inches which left her with serious wounds.
“The girl was heavily bleeding when we found her and we rushed her to Matuu level four hospital for first aid but they referred her to Kenyatta National hospital”, Njoki said.
Child abuse. Yatta, yatta, yatta…
ID Photo of the Week
Man arrested after reportedly exposing himself at Rexburg DMV
A Rexburg man allegedly exposed himself at the Madison County Department of Motor Vehicles office Thursday afternoon.
When Madison County Sheriff deputies arrived, 36-year-old Jake Cooper Sperl had already left the building, according to a probable cause affidavit. Police spoke with witnesses who told them Sperl had his genitals exposed in the building’s lobby on North 2nd East.
Specifically, a woman at the DMV told investigators she saw Cooper sitting across from her in the lobby. After her son went to the driver’s license desk, Sperl moved next to her said, “Hello.” The woman told investigators that she noticed Sperl had his fully exposed genitals. Sperl then allegedly sat across from her and spread his legs apart.
“She stated that she was extremely disturbed by this and informed DMV staff then left to sit in her car,” according to the probable cause.
A county employee was sent over to confront Sperl, who said that he saw the man on his phone. The worker said that when he went to inform Sperl to zip up his pants, he noticed the man’s genitals erect and protruding out of his pants.
Before leaving in his vehicle, Sperl is said to have noticed the woman sitting in her car, and he again grabbed his genitals in front of her.
Sperl was interviewed by police at his mother’s home. A deputy wrote that “Mr. Sperl stated of the incident that he was embarrassed to find himself exposed when the male employee told him he was exposed.”
Who’s shocked that he lives with his mom?
Porto Potty of the Week
Woman falls into crater that opens up instantly, dies
A 30-year-old woman on Friday fell into a crater suddenly formed below her feet while she was defecating in the open in Jharkhand’s Jharia early on Friday.
Locals said that the incident took place after the ground under the woman’s feet, all of a sudden, caved in without giving her an opportunity to get out of it.
The woman’s daughter Komal (7) said she had gone to defecate along with her mother in the morning. She further said that she was a step behind her when the incident took place.
“I cried for help but by the time people could arrive, she already had disappeared into the ground,” said Komal. Some people definitely came for help but it was too late, she added.
That’s a hell of a shit, lady.
3-Way of the Week
NOPD searching for man accused of sex acts with two horses
The New Orleans Police Department is searching for a man accused of sexual abuse to animals in the 1000 block of Filmore Avenue.
The incident happened Tuesday morning around 2:15 a.m.
Police say an unknown man wearing a striped shirt with a distinctive tattoo on his right arm entered a cluster of stables in the 1000 block of Filmore Avenue and committed unnatural sex acts with two horses.
Menage a trot.
Purple Nurple of the Week
Man indicted after killing girlfriend, transporting body to Purple People Bridge
A grand jury indicted Desean Brown Friday on five charges in the killing of Nyteisha Lattimore, the mother of a missing 3-year-old, according to Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters.
Brown, 20, is charged with two counts of murder, felonious assault, gross abuse of a corpse and tampering with evidence. Deters said Brown faces the possibility of life in prison if he’s convicted on all charges.
Lattimore’s 3-year-old son, Nylo, has been missing since Dec. 4, the day before her death. On Tuesday police said they believe Nylo’s disappearance may involve foul play.
Lattimore was found dead early Saturday morning on Pete Rose Way, downtown. She was found near the Purple People Bridge. Police said she was stabbed multiple times in her Walnut Hills apartment a week before, on or about Dec. 5.
In a Friday release, Deters said investigators believe Brown transported the body to Pete Rose Way.
Hopefully he’s not also a purple people eater.
View of the Week
Florida man dies after window shuts on him during burglary attempt
Investigators in a Florida county announced a man died when a window he used to gain entry during a burglary attempt unexpectedly shut on him.
The Lee County Sheriff’s Office said Jonathan Hernandez, 32, was found dead Saturday at a home on 46th Street in Lehigh Acres.
Deputies determined Hernandez attempted to break into the home by climbing through the window. When the window closed, he was pinned.
When authorities arrived at the scene, they found Hernandez suspended in the air.
Clearly he missed his window of opportunity.
Freak-Out of the Week
Man Accused of Decapitating Woman’s Corpse Said He Panicked
A judge on Thursday denied bail to a career burglar who Cook County prosecutors said admitted beheading the body of a woman inside her South Shore apartment over the summer but denied killing her.
Authorities charged Eric Bryant only with dismembering a human body and not murder in the death of Kimiko Armstrong, 61. Armstrong had to be identified through fingerprints, authorities said.
Bryant, 49, who has 12 felony convictions — most of them burglaries — would later tell police that he panicked because the woman’s body was beginning to decompose and that he decapitated it in an effort to dispose of the body, prosecutors said.
He told police “The worst thing he did was wrap the head and cut it off with a handsaw,” Assistant State’s Attorney Kevin Deboni told the court.
What was the best thing that he did?
Bear of the Week
Naked man filmed rollerblading on Ohio highway wearing only panda head
A man was caught on camera rollerblading naked down an eight-lane Ohio highway — wearing only a giant plush panda head.
The roller-streaker was seen zipping at a remarkably high speed while clutching a golf club on I-670 in Columbus Tuesday — irking drivers who honked and gawked.
“This dude’s on the freeway naked!” one stunned motorist can be heard saying as he shoots wild footage of the incident.
When the driver honks, the birthday-suited blader moves to the shoulder of the highway to let his car pass, the now-viral video shows.
The oddball’s identity wasn’t known as of Thursday, according to authorities, who told WTRF-TV that the naked guy’s choice of transit was their biggest concern.
“Pedestrians are not permitted on interstate highways,” a spokesman at the Ohio Department of Transportation said.
“There are signs posted at all the entrance ramps. This is a safety issue.”
But the naked panda bear thing was okay?
Indian Casino of the Week
Gambling addict in India throws acid on wife for refusing to be raped by pals
A gambling addict in India doused his wife with acid because she refused to let his friends gang-rape her after he lost a bet, according to reports.
The 36-year-old man had sent his 30-year-old wife of 10 years to be raped by his gambling pals several times since October, the UK’s Independent reported.
“If she ever resisted the sexual exploitation, her husband would beat her and hold her hostage,” police official Rajesh Kumar Jha told the news outlet.
On Saturday, the man threw acid at his wife, who managed to escape to her parents’ and alerted social activist Deepak Singh, who took her to a police station, the Times of India reported.
The husband was arrested the following evening.
“The victim, while narrating her ordeal to police officials, alleged that her husband used to physically torture her as she could not become a mother due to her husband’s alcoholism,” police told the news outlet.
The husband has been booked on multiple charges, including acid attack, gang rape, domestic violence and wrongful confinement, the Independent reported.
What was the bet?
WTF? of the Week
Police arrest woman after 26 cats, 6 dogs, 2 squirrels, blind owl found in home
A Connecticut woman has been arrested after authorities found three dead animals in her home and seized more than two dozen cats along with dogs, squirrels and an owl, police said Wednesday.
Hamden police said Donna Scirocco turned herself in Tuesday because of an arrest warrant charging her with six counts of animal cruelty. She posted a $5,000 bond and was ordered to appear in court Feb. 5.
Animal control officials executed a search warrant at Scirocco’s home on Oct. 26 after neighbors complained about a stench and rats running around the neighborhood, police Capt. Ronald Smith said.
Police said they found 26 cats, six dogs, two caged squirrels and a blind owl. There were also two large rats in the home, officials said. Authorities also found two dead cats and a dead woodchuck. Health officials condemned the property, Smith said.
Hamden officials allege the animals were neglected and cruelly treated. All the animals were taken to veterinary hospitals for evaluation. A few of them had to be euthanized and the remainder are being kept at several animal shelters, Smith said.
I see what you did there.
