There aren’t words for the WTF? that took place this week with the unchallenged election certification, the Capitol “riots,” social media bans, and impeachment talk. There’s no way all of the genital mutilation and feces flinging of The Week in WTF? can compete with what’s going on in Washington. Still, we gotta write something, so here’s some mutilated genitals and flying feces:
Headline of the Week
Giant vagina sculpture fuels culture wars in Brazil
A huge sculpture of a vagina on a hillside in northeastern Brazil has fueled a cultural war between leftists and conservatives — including close allies of far-right President Jair Bolsonaro.
Called “Diva,” the vivid 108-foot concrete and resin sculpture by artist Juliana Notari is on the site of a former sugar mill that has been turned into an open-air museum in Pernambuco state.
Unveiling the installation last week, Notari said it depicted both a vagina and a wound questioning the relationship between nature and culture in a “phallocentric and anthropocentric society.”
The artwork triggered a hot debate on social media, with more than 25,000 people commenting on Notari’s Facebook post — both supporters and critics.
“With all due respect, I did not like it. Imagine me walking with my young daughters in this park and them asking … Daddy, what is this? What will I answer?” one commenter wrote.
In response, a female poster wrote: “With all due respect, you can teach your daughters not to be ashamed of their own genitals.”
Bolsonaro’s political guru, Olavo de Carvalho, took to Twitter to lambaste Notari’s work — seemingly proposing a giant penis sculpture as a way to challenge it.
Leftists bring a beaver to a cock fight.
Great Dane of the Week
Danish cartoon about man with superlong penis enrages parents
Denmark’s John Dillermand is a claymation cartoon man who, like anyone else, enjoys grilling, taking walks around town and eating ice cream. But some of those activities can be difficult for a man with a comically long schlong.
The new children’s show, launching on Danish public television network DR, is aimed at entertaining 4- to 8-year-olds, who producers think will get a kick out of watching the perils of having a protracted penis.
The show’s creator, Jacob Ley, a father of two young girls and a boy, claimed the show is about removing “shame” and “embarrassment” when it comes to our bodies, without sexualization.
“What in the world are you up to, DR Ramasjang!” wrote one parent on Facebook, referring to DR’s kid-centric network Ramasjang. “As a parent, I am mildly shaken and shocked by the line you are currently choosing. I am deeply outraged and think it is SO perverse and inappropriate television for young children. This is the last time I let my children see Ramasjang!”
Family psychologist Erla Heinesen Højsted disagreed with the outcry: “John Dillermand talks to children and shares their way of thinking — and kids do find genitals funny,” she told the Guardian.
“The show depicts a man who is impulsive and not always in control, who makes mistakes — like kids do, but crucially, Dillermand always makes it right,” Højsted continued. “He takes responsibility for his actions. When a woman in the show tells him that he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens. Which is nice. He is accountable.”
DR responded to Dillermand’s detractors by arguing that a show “about a woman with no control over her vagina” could have been just as entertaining, which they said was their only goal for the show — to make kids laugh.
He’s right. Uncontrollable vaginas are very entertaining.
Great Discovery of the Week
Dead body found with penis and testicles chopped off in gruesome discovery
A dead man was found with his trousers pulled down and his penis and testicles hacked off.
Police in Spain are investigating the suspected murder of an unnamed man whose genitals had been amputated in Palau-solita i Plegamans, north of Barcelona.
A concerned neighbour alerted the authorities who made the gruesome discovery in the man’s home where dogs and their excrement were also found.
An initial theory that the animals may have bitten off the man’s sex organs has been ruled out by medical experts.
The autopsy is expected to reveal that the man died at another location before being dumped in his own rental accommodation where his body was found with organs missing.
It is was not clear on Monday if the man’s penis and testicles had been found, nor had police revealed his age or identity.
Police suspect an organ grinder is involved.
Great Pyramid of the Week
Egyptian pharaoh who fathered 100 children is missing penis from mummified corpse
Ancient Egyptian pharaoh Ramesses II is one of the most famous mummies thanks to his incredibly preserved corpse – which nonetheless is missing both his penis and testes.
The ancient ruler, also known as Ramesses the Great and Ozymandias, was 6ft tall, fathered at least 100 children, and lived to the age of 90 in a time where most people died in their forties.
His extraordinary life was explained in Channel 5’s new documentary Egypt’s Great Mummies: Unwrapped with Bettany Hughes.
Explaining the case of his missing genitals, an expert said it’s likely they just “fell off” with age.
Standing over his mummified remains of the amorous former pharaoh in Cairo’s Egyptian Museum, she said: “It’s very peculiar, he does not seem to have them, ironically.
“They probably just fell off and it does happen because dangly bits that are dry don’t always… extremities fall off.”
Fathering 100 children didn’t help either.
Squealer of the Week
A 56-year-old man took matters into his own hands – quite literally – after he was allegedly assaulted at Hawks Nest.
The man was walking on Curlew Avenue about 11am on Saturday when he was approached by two males.
One of the males is alleged to have grabbed the victim by the shoulder and demanded he hand over his wallet. The victim refused and was then allegedly punched in the face, knocked to the ground, and assaulted further.
The assailant tried to wrestle the wallet away, but police said the victim reached up and took a firm hold of the assailant’s testicles.
Police said upon doing this, the assailant squealed loudly which caused the second man to flee and attracted a passerby’s attention, who came to the victim’s aid.
At that time the victim released his grip and the assailant ran off.
After he being punched?
Concealer of the Week
Woman’s attempt to hide drugs failed when syringe broke off inside her body
A 31-year-old woman required medical treatment and is facing a felony charge after police say an attempt to hide drugs after she was arrested went awry.
Katlin Wolff was charged Thursday, Jan. 7, with a class C felony count of tampering with physical evidence.
Wolff was arrested Tuesday, Jan. 5 on an outstanding warrant after a car she was riding in was pulled over by a Williston police officer, according to an affidavit of probable cause filed in Northwest District Court. When Wolff was taken to the Williams County jail, she was searched and when staff found the plunger for a syringe in her bra, she told them she didn’t have any other drugs or drug paraphernalia with her.
Moments later, jail workers noticed a syringe fall part way out of Wolff’s vagina, charging documents stated.
“Jail staff observed that a syringe began to fall from Katlin Wolff’s vagina, at which point Ms. Wolff pushed the syringe back into her vagina to conceal the item from discovery by jail staff,” investigators wrote in charging documents. “Ms. Wolff subsequently informed jail staff that upon reinserting the syringe into her vagina, the needle broke off inside of Ms. Wolff’s body. Ms. Wolff confirmed that the syringe was loaded with methamphetamine.”
Williams County Sheriff’s deputies took Wolff to CHI St. Alexius Williston Medical Center for treatment.
She went to jail with a big vagina and came out with a little prick.
Crusher of the Week
Bushey student warned 34J sized breasts could ‘crush her spine’ without reduction surgery
A law student who crowdfunded a private operation to reduce her massive 34J breasts to a 32D – after being turned down by the NHS – claims she was warned she might need a wheelchair without surgery.
A petite 5ft 3in, New Look sales assistant Amber Roach, 21, had 1.6kg of breast tissue removed in a two-and-a-half hour procedure on November 16 – and is celebrating her first New Year since puberty without “needing an industrial strength bra”.
Amber, of Bushey, Hertfordshire, whose boyfriend is an electrician, said: “I look at myself side-on in the mirror now and my boobs actually fit in the reflection, not 10 metres across the room. It is so different.”
She continued: “I got a sports bra from my sister, Robyn, for Christmas and went for a short run. Not getting a black eye was amazing.
“One of the things I really want to do in 2021, if the pandemic is over, is to go backpacking – I 100 per cent wouldn’t have been able to do that before. It was already like carrying a backpack on my front!”
Amber decided to crowdfund with a £5,000 target to pay for a breast reduction operation, instead of asking for presents for her 21st birthday on September 22.
For years, Amber’s disproportionately large breasts – which made her a size 12 on top, despite having a narrow back, compared to her size 10 bottom half – had hampered her life.
They became too heavy and cumbersome for her to continue playing sport, go on one mile runs or work out in the gym.
Even simple household chores, like loading the dishwasher, became back-breaking labour.
Constantly aware of them attracting unwelcome attention and making her clumsy, they started affecting her confidence and self-worth.
Now a size eight on the top half, she said: “I used to be really angry and blame my boobs for not being able to do certain things. They were like the central force behind all my other issues.
“I wallowed in finding myself unattractive and now my boobs have gone, it is such a weight off my shoulders – physically and mentally.”
Less busty but still very Bushey.
Flusher of the Week
Jail for man who took photos of former sister-in-law’s breasts, filmed others in kitchen toilet
A man who filmed his former sister-in-law’s breasts through her singlet was jailed six weeks on Wednesday (6 January).
He had also hidden a camera in a clock in the family’s kitchen toilet, in order to record his wife’s three sisters, and inadvertently filmed his wife and mother-in-law as well.
The 32-year-old man pleaded guilty to one out of two counts of insulting the modesty of a woman, with the remaining charge taken into consideration for sentencing.
The court heard that the man was aroused by his sisters-in-law, who went around braless in their home. He then hid a camera in a clock in the flat’s kitchen toilet in 2015 in order to record them showering and using the toilet.
He managed to record videos of his sisters-in-law, his wife, and mother-in-law showering. His wife, whom he is now divorced from, discovered the acts after finding the hidden camera. She confronted him and the camera was later thrown away.
Two years later, however, the man returned to his old ways. He took 18 photographs of his sister-in-law’s breast through the armhole of her singlet while she was playing with her phone at the flat on 12 August 2017.
He saved the illicit photos in a secret folder within a thumb drive so that he could review them. However, his wife later found them and confronted him again.
Said Deputy Public Prosecutor Phoebe Tan, “The accused told his wife to delete the photographs but she refused to do so.”
DPP Tan pointed out that the victim went about braless in her own home as she felt safe enough to do so, and the man had abused the trust placed in him.
For insulting the modesty of a woman, the man could have been jailed up to a year, fined or both.
The phrase “don’t shit where you eat” applies to this in more ways that the fact that he had a toilet in the kitchen.
Walker of the Week
A man has been charged after allegedly exposing his genitals to a woman after she stopped to pat his dog.
The dog walker, 21, allegedly flashed the 39-year-old woman after entering a garage on Ferndown Drive in Cranbourne in Melbourne’s far south-east on November 2.
Police allege the man had a short conversation with the woman before then exposing himself to her when she patted the dog.
The man is then accused of fleeing after the woman screamed.
He then allegedly returned to the same address with his pet on November 4 before leaving.
The dog walker – who is from the same suburb – was on Wednesday arrested after walking into a police station.
He was charged with stalking, sexual activity directed at another person and sexual exposure.
She said it wasn’t a wiener dog but it was kind of husky.
Whacker of the Week
Man chops off neighbour’s genitals, hacks him to death for having affair with his second wife
A man allegedly chopped off the genitals of his neighbour and hacked him to death on Sunday. The incident took place in Gopalganj district of Bihar. Allegedly, the deceased had an affair with the accused’s second wife.
Late night on Saturday, the victim went to his neighbour’s house to meet the latter’s second wife. During this time, the accused’s family caught hold of the victim and hacked him to death. The accused also chopped off the victim’s genitals.
The incident came to light when the man did not return home. Following this, the victim’s wife approached the cops and lodged a complaint against 5 persons, the Hindustan Times reported. The woman alleged that the 5 accused, including the neighbour, had abducted her husband due to a land dispute.
Early morning on Monday, the cops went to the accused’s house and recovered the victim’s body from there.
Sloppy seconds.
Shooter of the Week
Homosassa woman accused of shooting man in leg
A shooting Thursday now leaves a Homosassa woman facing aggravated battery with a deadly weapon charge and her victim with a hole in his leg and grazed genitals.
The arrest of Linda Francis Seymour, 58, began when Citrus County Sheriff’s deputies were called to investigate a shooting in Homosassa. The victim was transported to a nearby hospital.
The victim told arresting deputies that he and Seymour were arguing, and they were both under the influence of alcohol, and that Seymour shot him with a 9mm handgun, according to the arrest report.
The arresting deputy said he saw the victim’s wound and showed that the bullet entered the victim’s right leg from the outside, traveled through his leg, and exited at the inside of his right leg and then grazed his genitalia, according to the arrest report.
The arresting deputy said the forensic evidence showed that the victim was facing away from Seymore when she shot him. The bullet eventually lodged in the home’s freezer.
Grazed nuts on ice is a trailer park delicacy.
Pooter of the Week
A Man Ate a Toothpick and It Was Stuck in His Butt for Months
Doctors in Japan say a man’s accidental ingestion of a toothpick left him dealing with months of pain in his back and leg—all caused by said toothpick getting stuck in his rectum. Once the toothpick was removed, the man’s troubles fortunately went away.
The strange medical tale was detailed this week in BMJ Case Reports. According to the report, the 67-year-old man first reached out for help when he had been experiencing two months of pain along his right buttock and thigh. MRI scans suggested that the source of this pain was stenosis around the lower back, a condition where the spaces within our spine begin to narrow—this narrowing can then pinch the surrounding nerves, leading to painful or numbing sensations. Though stenosis can be managed conservatively with drugs and physical therapy, the doctors opted for surgery to treat it.
When they performed a CT scan on the man just before the operation, though, they found a surprise in his rectum: a 7-centimeter-long rod eventually determined to be a toothpick that the man had accidentally swallowed. Six days after the find, the man’s pain in his right leg quickly got worse, prompting doctors to remove the toothpick from its hiding place as soon as possible. Thankfully, after they did, his pain went away and hasn’t come back since, all but confirming the toothpick as the real cause of his symptoms.
This is why you shouldn’t pick your ass.
Bone Collector of the Week
Florida men robbed graves of veterans because they have ‘stronger spirits,’ sheriff says
Two men are behind bars after what deputies say was a grave robbery for ritualistic purposes, targeting veterans’ burial sites “because the spirit is much stronger in a hero.”
The men, 43-year-old Brian Montalvo Tolentino and 39-year-old Juan Burgos Lopez, were arrested in Polk County after deputies said they broke into four separate graves and took body parts from each person inside.
During a news conference on Friday, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said that detectives served a search warrant at Lopez’s home where they found a shed with a religious shrine and seven skulls.
“We serve lots of search warrants. But for the first time that I’m aware of. What we found was a Palo Mayombe shrine,” Judd said, of the ritualistic altar.
Before the men vandalized the grave sites, Judd said they drank Bacardi rum and spit it out on the ground. Then they would smoke a cigar and then exhale the smoke.
“The purpose of that was to protect them from the spirits,” Judd added.
“When asked about why a hero’s grave, He (Lopez) said because the spirit is much stronger in a hero than it is a normal person,” Judd said. “And also when you have the skull of a hero, the spirit is not only stronger but it can protect you from evil.”
“He considers the cemeteries shopping centers. We didn’t say that. He did,” Judd said while pointing to Lopez’s mugshot. “He complained that in the United States, it’s difficult in getting human remains to practice his religion.”
Love it or leave, asshole.
Bone Rejecter of the Week
Sodomy-accused UP man arrested 4 months after his arm was ‘chopped off for being a Muslim’
A 28-year-old man, accused of sodomy, has been arrested from Uttar Pradesh’s Saharanpur district, four months after he was “beaten up and his right arm chopped off” allegedly by some men in Haryana’s Panipat after they found out he is a Muslim.
Ikhlaq Salmani was arrested by Panipat Police on 5 January. He was booked on 7 September under Sections 6 and 18 of the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act.
Ikhlaq’s lawyers, however, said police aren’t carrying out a fair investigation as they haven’t yet taken action against those who attacked him in Panipat.
Ikhlaq and his family had alleged in September that he was attacked because he’s Muslim, but Panipat Police had told ThePrint at the time that he was booked in a sodomy case, and that he hurt himself “when he jumped near a railway track”.
Islam is the religion of piece.
Chucker of the Week
Suffolk inmate charged with felony after allegedly throwing feces at jail supervisor
An inmate at Western Tidewater Regional Jail is facing a felony charge for allegedly throwing feces at a supervisor in December.
A spokeswoman with Suffolk police said John Blount Jr., 56, is charged with assault and battery on a law enforcement officer in connection with the incident.
She says Blount allegedly threw his feces which hit one of the jail’s supervisors.
The good news is, his throwing ability caught the attention of the prison softball coach.
F*cker of the Week
Flasher man accused of sexually assaulting minor for eight years
A warrant has been issued for a 49-year-old man accused of sexually assaulting a minor, multiple times in eight years.
According to Morton County deputies, a victim called stating Lawrence Taylor Jr. had sexually assaulted him from 2010 to 2018.
The victim told deputies Taylor Jr. would fondle and perform sex acts on him at his residence and in the cab of a semi-truck.
Deputies say the victim was 13-years-old when the incidents began happening.
When interviewed by deputies in September 2020, Taylor Jr. admitted to touching the victim, but said it was to teach him how to masturbate. He also admitted to police he provided the minor with pornography to teach him about sex.
This behavior is not out of character for Flasher Man.
WTF? of the Week
A MAN has been released on bail after simulating sex with a woman’s corpse at her own funeral.
Big ‘Bigman’ Sipiliano, 49, is accused of mounting the body of 20-year-old Melisa Mazhindu in front of horrified mourners at the funeral in Muguta, Epworth in Zimbabwe.
According to Nahanda Radio, who obtained a copy of the police report, Sipiliano entered a room containing Ms Mazhindu’s body, which was being looked over by her mother and two female mourners.
The 49-year-old was reportedly drinking beer and smoking cigarettes inside the room for an unspecified amount of time along with another man, who was not named.
He then told mourners: “Greetings elders, you know I loved this lady but she has gone before I had slept with her.
“However, it is not too late, I can still have intercourse with her before she’s buried, I am ready.”
The grieving mum tried to intervene, but couldn’t stop him from removing a white cloth covering the young woman’s corpse, witnesses told police.
He then allegedly mounted the woman’s corpse and simulated sex with her.
The other man he had entered the room with held back the three female mourners as they tried to intervene, according to the police report.
Other guests at the funeral heard the women screaming and came to intervene, and then notified police.
Both men were arrested and charged with violating corpses.
Sipiliano was released on bail and fined Zimbabwean $5,000 – around £10.
The necrophiliac is back!
