The current purge of conservatives from all facets of society is pretty WTF? but there’s something more sinister afoot. In the history of The Week in WTF? there’s never not been at least one story with “penis” in the headline until now. After 110 straight weeks of castrations and things that look like dongs, this week is dry. The great penis purge of 2021 has begun.
Headline of the Week
Former big-money yearling for sale again due to ‘abnormally large testicles’
A horse has been sold on the Inglis digital sales platform after failing to attract any buyers in Hong Kong due to his “abnormally large testicles”.
Morethannumberone has a rather modest race record of one win from 15 starts for Gary and John Moore but that has been put down to his oversized gonads.
“Having been reluctant to geld Morethannumberone, it is believed that his new connections may reap the rewards from the removal of his abnormally large testicles, that have been deemed to cause restriction.
The Moore stable is hopeful Morethannumberone would return to them from the new owner, believing if he is gelded he could find the winners’ circle in better races.
“He is a lovely horse and if he gets gelded, we think there is a lot of improvement left in him. We just wanted people to know that and whether he’s with us or someone else I’m sure the next owner will have a lot of fun.”
Where’s the picture of the giant horse nuts?
Dugout of the Week
Little Girl Survives, Responds to Treatment after Removal of Vagina by Ritualists
The little girl in Bauchi whose sexual organ was removed by suspected ritualists has survived the assault and is responding to treatment at the Aminu Kano Teaching Hospital (AKTH) in Kano’
The Bauchi State Police Spokesperson, DSP Ahmed Mohammed Wakil told PRNigeria that she was rescued and admitted in Kano where she is now recuperating with a very good chance of survival.
Also speaking to PRNigeria on the matter, Hajiya Hauwa Inuwa Dutse, the Public Relations Officer, Aminu Kano Teaching Hospital, said that the facility is doing everything possible to administer adequate treatment on the victim in order to enable her go back to her normal life.
Two suspected ritualists arrested for allegedly removing the private part of a little girl in Bauchi State said they committed the dastardly act because of N500,000.
The suspects, Abdulkadir Wada and Adamu Abdulrauf, in an audio clip obtained by PRNigeria, said while been interrogated that, they were asked to bring the sexual organ of a female by a ‘native doctor’, who promised to give them the money.
So this is like African Door Dash for vaginas?
Fight of the Week
Woman with breasts exposed attacks man inside elevator
Miami police detectives are working to find out more information about the circumstances surrounding an attack inside an elevator that involved a shirtless man and a woman who had her breasts exposed.
The incident was captured on surveillance cameras around 2:30 p.m. last Thursday inside a building on Northwest 10th Avenue and Seventh Street.
The video shows the woman striking the man with an unknown object several times. He put his fists up at one point as she struck him once more.
She then put her foot in front of the elevator door to prevent it from closing as the two continued to argue about something.
The man did not report the incident to police, but officers said they want to speak with him to find out what led up to the altercation.
Authorities said it’s unclear at this time whether the attack was provoked.
Yo mama so dumb she got a breast lift by taking the elevator with her boobs hanging out.
Ear Whacks of the Week
Acid thrown on six-month-old’s ear, genitals over dispute with neighbour
The victim was identified as Afia Akter Meem, daughter of Imran Hossain of Barahar village of the upazila, our local correspondent reports quoting Alam Chad, officer-in-charge of Kapasia Police Station.
The victim’s father Imran Hossain filed a case with the police station accusing his neighbour Shamsunnahar in this connection today.
According to the case statement, the accused Shamsunnahar threw acid on the right ear and genitals of the baby when the child was alone in the front yard of the house on January 8 and fled the scene.
The child is now undergoing treatment at Kapasia Health Complex after being treated at Birdem hospital in Dhaka.
Who leaves a 6-month-old alone in the front yard?
Pineapples of the Week
Model’s botched plastic surgery left her with ‘Spongebob bum’ and ‘wonky boobs’
A glamour model opened up about body confidence struggles she’s battled in the past.
Allegra Cole, who boasts more than 1.3 million followers on Instagram, posted an inspirational quote.
She admitted she’s had to “deal with imperfections” over the years.
The influencer shared an inspirational quote, which reads: “You don’t need to be perfect to inspire others.
“Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfection.”
Allegra, from Orange County, USA, confessed she has insecurities about her curves even though they’ve helped to make her famous.
Previously, the star appeared on an episode of Botched in the hope of fixing her wonky chest.
Dr Terry Dubrow and Dr Paul Nassif were enlisted to help make her breasts more symmetrical.
Allegra was self conscious after getting her first boob job at 33-years-old.
She got “boob greed” and wanted her bust even bigger.
After going under the knife more times and self-inflating her boobs, her implants started to look lopsided.
Allegra has also fretted about the results of her booty surgery before.
Speaking candidly about her 54-inch chest and voluptuous bum, she said: “I know I’ve had the Spongebob Squarepants booty and the lopsided boobs.
Who has uneven pineapples down by the sea? Sponge Boob Square Ass!
Ass of the Week
Teenage burglary suspect shot in buttocks by homeowner
A 17-year-old was shot Saturday (Jan. 9) morning in the Gentilly Terrace area, the New Orleans Police Department reported.
A man arrived home in the 2600 block of Clover Street after a neighbor called to tell him about a possible break-in, police said. He found the front door open and unfamiliar objects inside.
The homeowner fired a warning shot before entering. A teenage boy appeared, and the homeowner fired again, striking him in the buttocks.
The teen fled the home and called 911. Police investigating the incident determined that the shooting victim was a residential burglary suspect.
Asshole now has 2 assholes.
Popper of the Week
Teen locked up for stabbing homeless man twice in buttocks after downing vodka and 60 valium tablets
Adam Purcell, 18, chased Kevin Aitken for around 20 minutes before he managed to plunge a knife into his buttocks twice, for no reason.
Newcastle Crown Court heard it was only “good fortune” Mr Aitken did not die as the blade missed major blood vessels.
Purcell, of Epinay Walk, Jarrow, who has previous convictions for violence, admitted wounding with intent and having a bladed article.
The court heard it was shortly before 1am one night last September that Purcell and a youth encountered Mr Aitken outside Haymarket Metro station Newcastle.
Alec Burns, prosecuting, said the victim was tailed around the city centre and was shouted at from time to time.
Mr Aitken ran across the road and tried to hide behind two people then tried to seek refuge in a shop, but it was closed.
As he tried to hide behind a man, Purcell managed to swing a knife and stab him once in each buttock.
Police were called and Purcell was found to be in possession of a knife and ammonia.
Mr Burns said: “He was interviewed and said he was homeless. He said he had taken 60 valium and drunk a bottle of vodka and couldn’t remember anything. He denied stabbing him.”
Prince Valium to the rescue!
Frienemy of the Week
Man dies after friend pumps air into his rectum for fun
A man died in Madhya Pradesh after his friend allegedly inserted a compressor into his rectum and inflated it for fun. This is the second such incident reported from the state within one month.
According to the police, the victim, identified as Sukhram Yadav, used to work at a Dal mill within the limits of Madhav Nagar police station in Katni district. His friend and co-worker, identified as Vinod Thakur, pumped air into his rectum with a compressed used for drying pulses as a prank when they were changing their clothes inside the restroom at their workplace. Within seconds, Yadav’s condition deteriorated and he was rushed to a nearby hospital, where he succumbed during treatment.
Speaking to The Times of India, Katni SP Sandeep Dhakad said, “He (victim) was placed in the ICU, where he died after some time… The spot of the incident is a Dal mill so we want to have transparent investigations into all the aspects. We are waiting for an autopsy report.”
He wrecked him in the rectum. That is fun.
Stasher of the Week
Naples man stashes cigs, drugs in anus during traffic stop
A Naples man is facing multiple charges after deputies found cigarettes, fentanyl and tin foil hidden in his anus.
Patrick Wilson, 25, was riding in the passenger seat near Golden Gate Pkwy and Santa Barbra Blvd in Naples around 11:30 p.m. Wednesday when the driver was pulled over for a broken headlight, according to the Collier County Sheriff’s Office.
The driver gave deputies permission to search the vehicle after they said they recognized Wilson from previous law enforcement encounters.
When Wilson got out of the car a deputy noticed a bag of heroine by his feet and placed him under arrest, according to CCSO.
During a strip search at the Naples Jail Center deputies found a pack of 305 cigarettes inside of the 25-year-old’s anus with a clear baggie of fentanyl and burnt tin foil inside, deputies said.
Wilson is facing charges of drug possession and smuggling a controlled substance.
He put the cigarettes up his ass but left the heroin on the floor?
Proposal of the Week
Shocking! Man Kills Girlfriend After She Refuses To Marry Him; Cuts And Hides Corpse Inside His Flat
In a bizarre and shocking incident a 30-year-old man in Maharashtra’s Palghar district murdered his girlfriend, dismembered her body and hid parts of the corpse inside the walls of his flat, police said on Saturday.
According to police officers the victim was 32-years-old and was killed in October, 2020 and her skeleton was recently recovered from the accused’s flat.
The accused killed her because the victim refused to marry him, police said adding that he has been arrested.
“The accused and the victim had been in relationship for the last five years. She was last seen with the accused on October 21,” an official police statement said.
When family members of the victim enquired about her whereabouts, the accused used to tell them that she had gone to Vapi in Gujarat. They finally approached the police as the victim never returned, the release stated.
She still ain’t going to marry you, bro.
Permission Slip of the Week
West Monroe man says he had permission to urinate on house
West Monroe police arrested a West Monroe man on suspicion of urinating on public property and disturbing the peace on Sunday after authorities received a suspicious activity complaint.
According to the complainant, a group of men were outside a house on Oak Street yelling and one person urinated on the side of a house.
Police made contact with the apparent driver of a vehicle, who refused to identify himself, though officers later learned his name was Kolbieray Garrett Hamilton, 20, of 300 Warren Drive, West Monroe.
Hamilton told officers he had done nothing illegal.
His breath smelled of alcohol and his speech was slurred, officers said.
Hamilton refused to remove his hands from his pocket and also refused to be handcuffed, according to the Jan. 10 arrest report.
Can I see your license, registration, and piss authorization card, please?
Canadian Florida Man of the Week
Axe, missing windshield lead to drunk driving arrest
A bizarre set of circumstances has netted a Nova Scotia man a conviction for drunk driving.
RCMP were called to a section of Highway 103 outside of Bridgewater on Dec. 3, 2019 for a motor vehicle complaint. Responding officers found a parked car straddling the white line.
The car was missing its front windshield. There was a hole in the back window, glass on the highway and an axe on the backseat.
At first, police said it appeared the car was empty, but then a man leaned forward in the driver’s seat. He was later identified as Trent William Lewis.
According to a court decision issued earlier this week, Lewis asked police why he had been pulled over. It was then, Judge Paul Scovil writes, that the officer noticed Lewis had his pants pulled down to his knees.
“I believe I can take judicial notice that this is an unusual way to wear one’s pants when operating a motor vehicle,” Judge Scovil wrote.
The officer ordered Lewis out of the car and told him to pull up his pants. It was then Lewis took off running.
“He did not get far before being tackled by the police officer,” Scovil wrote.
At Lewis’s trial, a woman testified that she drove Lewis and another man from Liverpool toward Bridgewater when, she told the court, Lewis started “freaking out.”
She said Lewis kicked out the windshield, at which point she and the other man fled. She told court that when they left, there was no axe and no hole in the rear window.
“Where the axe came from remains a mystery as deep as the money pit on Oak Island,” Scovil wrote.
Lewis himself remembers little of the events leading up to his arrest, other than that they involved a quart of rum, cocaine and a four-day house party.
Pants on the floor seems like a bigger mystery to me.
Groper of the Week
Sex abuse suspect accused of groping woman in Oregon City store’s checkout line
A sexual abuse suspect is behind bars after he allegedly ‘maliciously groped’ a woman in the Oregon City Dollar Tree store, police officials said.
Lucas Knight, 26, is booked in the Clackamas County Jail on third-degree sexual abuse, first-degree criminal trespass, and disorderly conduct.
Officers were called out just before noon Thursday (Jan. 14) on reports of a woman being sexually assaulted by a stranger while standing in the checkout line of the Dollar Tree.
She told police she immediately confronted him when he “intentionally and maliciously groped her” and he ran from the store.
Police spotted the suspect in the nearby neighborhood, and he started running. Officers chased him for several blocks, along some railroad tracks, and across Interstate 205 before taking him into custody, police said.
That picture was taken right after Lucas was maliciously groped in jail.
Popsicle of the Week
Teen with ‘no enemies’ found dead in freezer wearing just his underwear
Mystery surrounds the discovery of a teenager’s body found in a disused freezer in his grandmother’s back garden.
15-year-old Jose Eduardo Alves Goncalves Rosa was found dead in the freezer at the property in Vila Adelina, a neighbourhood of the west-central Brazilian city of Campo Grande on the afternoon of January 11.
Jose’s body was found by his cousin, 20-year-old Carlos Magno Goncalves Rodrigues, who had been asked by Jose’s brother, Leonardo, to check up on the teen after he failed to show up for work.
The boy’s body, clad in just a pair of underpants, showed no obvious signs of violence.
Carlos decided to search the property in case Jose was there. He jumped the wall and found the unplugged freezer in the back garden, along with a trickle of blood dripping into a hole.
He told local media: “It was already smelling bad. I opened the freezer and found him there sitting in just his underpants.”
He called the emergency services who arrived at the scene and confirmed that Jose was dead.
In the garden there were reportedly a number of chairs placed in a circle, suggesting the teen had not been alone, and a hose was also found at the scene, which may have been used to clean up.
A number of plants had also been knocked over, suggesting the people Jose was with had jumped the wall to escape.
Jose was described as a well-adjusted lad who did not have a criminal record.
Leonardo said Jose was “a person who didn’t have problems, he didn’t have beef with anyone, everyone liked him”.
Recheck your math. He obviously had at least one enemy.
F-U of the Week
Fukuoka town erects 7-meter gorilla scarecrow as symbol of strength against COVID-19
Called “Giant Straw Scarecrow Gorilla: Proud Gorilla 2020,” this massive yet detailed primate was erected by Chikuzen Town, Fukuoka Prefecture. It took two months to construct, and was completed in early December of 2020.
The ape’s lifelike hair was made from rice straw layered on top of a steel frame. The likeness of a gorilla was chosen as a symbol of power and strength in the face of the prolonged coronavirus pandemic.
F*ck you, oka?
WTF? of the Week
Russia Looks Into ‘Nazi’ Monkey, Goats Performing In Circus
Russian prosecutors say they have opened an investigation into a circus performance that featured a monkey wearing a Nazi uniform and goats with swastikas.
The prosecutor’s office for the Udmurtia region said on January 13 it had launched a probe into “the display of Nazi symbols” after they became aware of the performance from social media.
The January 8 performance was part of a show at a state-run circus in the regional capital, Izhevsk, that was commissioned by the local branch of the Russian Orthodox Church a day after celebrating Christmas.
According to video published by the circus, the performance showed a monkey being led around the ring by a woman in a Soviet military uniform and two goats with red blankets on their backs displaying swastikas.
The Orthodox diocese in Izhevsk defended the show by saying it was intended to be “a symbol of not just the victory over fascism, but also of the spurning and the global condemnation of the ideals of Nazi Germany.”
The diocese also pointed to an amendment passed last year lifting a blanket ban on the display of Nazi symbols as long as they are intended to “create a negative attitude to Nazi ideology.”
How did democrats miss blaming this on Trump?
