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Chuck Schumer Announces Trump Will Be Impeached For Inciting An ‘Erection’

Chuck Schumer Announces Trump Will Be Impeached For Inciting An ‘Erection’

On January 6th our democracy died when a bunch of boners stormed the Capitol at Donald Trump’s request. At least that’s what Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer says happen. In announcing that the Senate will proceed with an impeachment trial of the former president, Schumer said Trump’s crime was to incite an “erection.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the democrats hastily impeached Donald Trump for a second time with just days to go in his presidency. Pelosi had stated that this second impeachment was urgent to remove Trump from office because he represented a clear and present danger to the country. She then sat on the articles of impeachment long enough for Trump’s term to end. Now, she says she will be transmitting the articles to the Senate for a trial, to remove a president who has already left.

Newly-crowned Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer is totally stoked to waste the Senate’s time with a trial to get rid of a guy who is already gone. Actually, he is maybe a little too excited about this:

“Make no mistake, there will be a trial and when that trial ends, Senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John Trump incited the erection insurrection,” said Schumer.

Erection insurrection? That sounds like the name of Chucky’s favorite LGBT nightclub on Fire Island.

If, in fact, Senators have to decide if they believe Trump incited an erection, only the dumbest and creepiest members will vote to convict. That doesn’t necessarily mean the odds are in Trump’s favor for an acquittal as the Senate is packed with dumb and creepy people.

Keep in mind that Schumer was reading this statement off of notes, so this is likely what he intended to say. I could see confusing “erection” with “election” especially for an Asian new to the English language, but Schumer is not Asian or new to English and that’s not the mistake that he made.

Also, he said “erection insurrection” so he wasn’t confusing “erection” with “insurrection,” since he included them both. It is Schumer’s position that Trump incited boners to storm the Capitol.

Technically Trump did incite an erection seeing as how the democrats, including Nancy Pelosi, all have hard-ons to remove him from office after he left office but that isn’t the fictitious crime that was laid out in the articles of impeachment.

And while we’re on the subject, can someone explain to me how Chuck Schumer is the Senate Majority Leader? I get that there’s a 50/50 split and illegitimate vice president Kamala Harris is the tie-breaker so it effectively gives democrats control of the chamber. But the thing is, there isn’t a 50/50 split because Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders and Maine Senator Angus King are Independents not democrats.

Some quick math says that there are 50 Republican Senators, 48 democratic Senators, and 2 Independents. There is no party with a majority, but there are more Republicans than any other party. Yes, Sanders and King vote with the democrats, but they aren’t democrats. Maybe RINOs Mitt Romney and Susan Collins count as democrats and that’s how they’ve gained the majority.

In any case, I can’t wait for the Senate impeachment shitshow trial to begin. Perhaps porn star Ron Jeremy will be brought in to testify as an erection expert. Laugh all you want, but that wouldn’t even be as ridiculous as the last time democrats tried to remove Trump from office.