Democrat Eric Swalwell has a fang to pick with President Trump. Wait, is that the word I’m looking for? I guess with Duke Nukem it is. The California Rep. is claiming emotional distress and suing Trump for starting the “deadly armed insurrection,” that was anything but, on January 6. Considering that Trump has already been acquitted of inciting this mild protest, Swalwell’s lawsuit has about as much chance as him resisting the advances of Fang-Fang.
Swalwell survived farting on national TV and falling for a Chinese spy, but one thing he can’t get over is the trauma of having to walk calmly back to his office on January 6, when a bunch of leftists knuckleheads entered the Capitol. As such, he’s suing:
Today, I filed a civil claim against Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Rudolph Giuliani, and Rep. Mo Brooks for inciting an attack against the Capitol that terrorized lawmakers and prevented us from certifying the votes of the American people.
My statement: pic.twitter.com/3BkbvX8WHe
— Eric Swalwell (@ericswalwell) March 5, 2021
According to Swalwell’s statement, this attack on the Capitol prevented Congress from certifying the 2020 presidential election. Huge if true. That means Joe Biden isn’t the president after all. Either that or Swalwell’s full of shit.
In the 65-page lawsuit, Swalwell claims he was seriously traumatized by the events of January 6:
The mob disrupted the certification of the vote in the Electoral College. Rioters threatened to hang Vice President Mike Pence and kill the Speaker of the House,Nancy Pelosi, and they terrorized and injured scores of others, including the Plaintiff.
If the mob wanted to kill Mike Pence and all of the Congresscritters, why didn’t they bring any weapons with them? This seems like poor planning for an armed deadly insurrection.
Swalwell also indicates he wore a disguise that day:
Many members of Congress, including the Plaintiff, were trapped in the House chamber as plainclothes officers barricaded doors and held off the mob at gunpoint. Fearing for their lives, the Plaintiff and others masked their identities as members of Congress, texted loved one sin case the worst happened, and took shelter throughout the Capitol complex.
I was going to guess he dressed up like Fang-Fang, but I’m almost certain he wore a “Spongehead Shitpants” costume to slip away undetected.
This lawsuit is full of so many Swalwell tears that it’s in danger of dissolving into pulp. What isn’t in it however is anything that comes close to proving that Trump incited a bunch of goofballs to enter the Capitol on January 6. It also isn’t seeking any specific damages, which is a clear indication of the bullshit nature of the suit. Even Swalwell can’t put a dollar figure on his butthurt feelings that Trump keeps getting acquitted in sham impeachment trails.
Senior Trump advisor, Jason Miller, issued a statement to Fox News on this lawsuit and it’s easily the greatest thing anyone has ever said:
“Eric Swalwell is a low-life with no credibility who got caught ‘dating’ the Chinese spy Fang-Fang and makes disgusting bodily noises on national television. Now, after failing miserably with two impeachment hoaxes, ‘Mr. Fang-Fang’ is doing the bidding of his Chinese masters and attacking our greatest President with yet another witch hunt. It’s a disgrace that a compromised Member of Congress like Swalwell still sits on the House Intelligence Committee,” said Miller.
Consider that an official plaintiff response to Swalwell’s lawsuit.
Since there’s nothing I can write to top what Miller had to say, I’m going to leave things right here.
