Holy crap, there is nothing going on today. There’s a border crisis, a pandemic, cancel culture, and Joe Biden is in the White House but somehow there is no news. Since today is Taco Tuesday, here’s some funny food-related stories to keep you going until Biden opens his mouth and gives me something to work with:
Family sues after California man dies in taco-eating contest
The family of a California man who died in a taco-eating contest is taking legal action against the event’s organizers — claiming their negligence led him to choke to death.
Marshall Hutchings, 18, alleges in a suit filed Monday that his father, Dana Hutchings, 41, was not made aware of the risks and danger associated with the competition at a Fresno Grizzlies game…
The elder Hutchings had not participated in any similar events before he entered the amateur competition on Aug. 13, 2019, at Chukchansi Park, the suit argues.
But he began choking and collapsed only minutes into the eating competition, the suit said. He was taken to a hospital, where he was later pronounced dead.
The coroner’s officer determined that his cause of death was choking.
From a legal standpoint any adult should understand the inherent risk of shoving 10 pounds of tacos down one’s throat in a couple of minutes. The lawsuit would have more merit if they pointed out the event staff just stood there and watched the dude choking to death on the floor. Haven’t they heard of the Heimlich maneuver? Also, Chuckchansi Park?
Woman shoots at Burger King employees over wait time at drive-thru, police say
A drive-thru order turned violent Tuesday when a woman opened fire into a Memphis Burger King, according to Memphis Police.
The Memphis Police Department said it all started when a woman got angry about how long she was waiting for her food at a Burger King on Winchester Road.
According to MPD, the woman was in the drive-thru line when she got out of her car, walked up to the window and started arguing with a Burger King employee.
Burger King surveillance video showed the woman pull out a black handgun from her car, lean into the drive-thru window and open fire.
Luckily, none of the employees were hit and the workers took off running through a backdoor, police said.
In a statement obtained by FOX13, Burker King said that they do not condone violence of any kind and are fully cooperating with police in this investigation.
I’m no expert on fast-food but I think it’s highly unlikely that shooting at employees is going to speed up the ordering process. Also, did Burger King think if they didn’t condemn this act of violence that people would assume they supported crazy bitches shooting at their employees?
Man accused of drinking Four Lokos while giving Botox injections without license at Florida spa
Authorities in Florida say a man who did not have a valid medical license drank Four Lokos while giving Botox injections at a Jacksonville spa.
According to ActionNewsJax and WOKV, the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office arrested Nelson Amilcar Turin, 47, on March 12 after an undercover detective saw him drinking alcoholic beverages at a legitimate spa on San Jose Boulevard. He now faces multiple charges, including three counts of possessing legend drugs and one count of practicing medicine without a license, the news outlets reported.
“Our detectives conducted an investigation and found several online videos showing Turin injecting clients with Botox and doing other treatments,” JSO Director Mike Bruno said, according to WOKV. “He would do lip, chin, cheek fillers, nose lifts, as well as any other Botox-type of injection.”
Turin, who charged $350 for services that generally cost three times as much, fooled spa employees into believing that he was a licensed professional, Bruno added.
Bruno said Turin “had several of these videos on different social media outlets or on the internet showing the services that he provided,” including an ad for a “Botox and Bubbles” event at the spa, WOKV reported. “Bubbles” referred to Champagne and Four Lokos, which Turin drank while consulting with patients, Bruno said.
Wait, you need a license to drink Four Lokos in Florida? I thought that was what came out of the faucets and the cuase for all of those “Florida Man” headlines. Maybe I misread that first part. Let me also add that anyone who gets a medical procedure from a guy who is chugging alcohol during the consultation deserves whatever happens.
Doctor Explains Why You Shouldn’t Pump Stock Cubes Into Your Anus To Enlarge Your Buttocks
We’ve had the cucumber cleanse (do yourself a favor and don’t click), the garlic vagina trend (same advice), vaginal steaming (just why), and the less said about banana peels and penises the better. Now there’s a new trend to add to the horrifying list of dangerous and baffling things you should not do to your “down there” regions: firing boullion into your anus.
Ok, this one caught us off guard too. In a Twitter thread that’s been widely shared over the last few days, Dr Silas Agbesi Joy has explained in detail why you shouldn’t pump stock cubes into your anus in order to make your buttocks look bigger.
First off, this is actually a thing that people appear to be doing – especially in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where bigger buttocks are often seen as more desirable.
Explaining the risk of the practice, Dr Silas Agbesi Joy wrote that it could lead to hypertension or worse.
“If you crush the seasoning cubes which contains largely salt and inject it into your anus, the lining of the anus would absorb a huge portion of that salt into your bloodstream,” he continued. “Excess salt in the bloodstream is a major contributor to hypertension, especially in Africans. A person, in theory, can develop hypertension from this practice.”
But there’s a catch-22: Anyone who has to have it explained to them that they should put bouillon cubes up their ass is unlikely to listen when you tell them to stop putting bullion cubes up their ass.
South Bend celebrates Polish tradition of Dyngus Day pandemic style
A local celebration is back to life in South Bend. It’s Dyngus Day!
One year ago, the coronavirus pandemic brought the end-of-Lent celebration to a screeching halt. Organizers are doing what they can to make sure the tradition continues.
The pandemic has caused Dyngus Day to have a little different look than usual in South Bend this year, but that hasn’t stopped quite a few people from still having a good time with the sausage and sauerkraut.
I thought Dyngus Day was to honor former South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg. Actually, there’s nothing in the article that says it isn’t so I’ll keep on believing this.
Bullet found in bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Montana father claims
A father from Montana says that his son found an unusual object in the bottom of a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Fortunately, the child apparently discovered the metal object before accidentally eating it.
Bow Horn Weasel bought the bag of cheese-flavored snacks on Saturday, TMZ reports. He reportedly gave it to his 6-year-old son the following day, Easter, as a treat.
The boy apparently ate the entire bag before finding the bullet, which appeared to be covered in the same hot-cheese powder as the rest of the Cheetos in the bag.
Weasel says he reached out to Frito-Lay and that they’ve been in contact with him to remedy the situation.
In a statement obtained by Fox News, a spokesperson for Frito-Lay said, “Frito-Lay is committed to ensuring the quality and safety of our products. This situation is highly unusual and troubling, and we have already taken steps to investigate and attempt to identify the root cause. We appreciate Mr. Weasel bringing this to our attention and will continue to work with him to resolve this matter.”
Bow Horn Weasel? That’s either the best or the worst name I’ve ever heard: I can’t decide. I do think it’s a bit odd that Mr. Weasel gave a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to his 6-year-old son. Those things will tear up the ass of seasoned Taco Bell veteran. Just imagine what they’d do to a little kid.
I’m not going to speculate on whether I think this is real or not because, who cares? I will say that it’s not that big of a deal. At my Grandfather’s Thanksgiving table everything we ate was hunted by him and my uncles and we were constantly pulling out pellets from the food on our plates. I’m assuming Cheetos are made out of cheetahs, so it makes sense that you would occasionally find a slug in the bag.
Since there’s no news today I’m going to get an early start on my drinking and we’ll see you back here tomorrow when hopefully Joe Biden goes off script and gives me something to write about.
