In the continuing Def-Con News series “Brian Has Too Much Time On His Hands” we expose the shocking truth that many top democrats are not who they say they are. Much like how crisis actors are used to fool the public like at the “deadly Capitol insurrection” the democratic party is filled with imposters.
This should come as no surprise: White House press secretary Jen Psaki is actually psychotic killer doll Chucky. The only difference is in this new role, Psaki/Chucky murders the truth instead of people:
Equally as non-shocking, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is actually Mad Magazine mascot Alfred E. Newman. It turns out he should be worried about a lot of stuff including his lack of qualifications for a cabinet position and probably HIV:
Somewhat shocking, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen is wuss rocker Ed Sheeran. This is probably more of a sick burn on Ed because he literally has the exact same face as Janet:
With the same teeth and level of incompetence, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is obviously really Donkey from the Shrek films. She ain’t fooling anyone:
Adam Schiff is a scheming self-serving liar so it should come as no surprise that he is actually Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. And yes, he is precious:
Grandpa Munster is actually pretty cool but I think he got in some legal trouble and was forced to play Chuck Schumer as part of his community service requirement:
Nancy Pelosi is so evil that she has been portrayed by several actors over the years. Serial killer Chales Manson:
Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler:
And the King of Pop Michael Jackson:
The biggest stunner of our investigation is that Kamala Harris is actually Hillary Clinton’s culturally appropriated alter-ego. It might not be that big of a surprise as they are both bullshitting cackling phony opportunists:
Finally, like you didn’t already know, Joe Biden is Jeff Dunham’s angry old man puppet Walter:
Biden’s head is full of stuffing and obviously someone has their hand up his butt to make him talk so this was pretty easy to expose.
If you are wondering WTF? is up with this, here’s the deal: I was working on another article and needed a picture. When I got on Bing Images, it recommended a shot of Ed Sheehan to me and I thought, “Holy shit, he looks exactly like Janet Yellen.” After that, it was all I could think of and so this is what I did with my afternoon. Now it’s on to beer. Have a great weekend.
