The biggest WTF? this week is the massive glut of WTF? It’s slim pickins out there: no genital mutilations, no impossibly huge boobs, and Florida Man was on his best behavior. In any case, I did my best to find a few WTF? moments to tide you over until next week:
Headline of the Week
Sticky orange coating on a 6,000-year-old Yukon dart came from a beaver’s anal sac
A 6,000-year-old feathered dart recently discovered in the Canadian Yukon was smeared with castoreum, a sticky, orange secretion produced in the anal sacs of beavers.
This is the first time that castoreum has been chemically identified in the archaeological record, and the dart is the earliest evidence of the substance’s use on an ancient weapon, scientists recently reported. The researchers aren’t sure why the anal secretion was applied to the dart, though it could have been as a way to preserve it, decorate it or even reinforce it, they said.
“Decorative Beaver Anal Secretion” would be a good band name
Typo of the Week
I thought guns were banned in the UK
Rocker of the Week
Meth-man Shaft Bang Adams stored ‘crystal rocks’ in his manhood
A repeat drug offender in Orlando, Fla., was busted again, this time for storing crystal meth in his “penis skin,” the Smoking Gun reports.
The fittingly named Shaft Bang Adams, 30, was busted last month, at which time jailers conducting a strip search reportedly found “four crystal rocks white in color” in his foreskin, according to a police report posted online.
Adams had reportedly been apprehended for driving without a valid license. That led to his being charged with drug possession and introducing contraband into a penal institution. He posted $2,000 bond.
According to the Smoking Gun, Adams has been busted more than 20 times, with other charges including domestic assault, battery, possession of a controlled substance possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and false imprisonment.
Sounds like he had maybe a five or sixskin.
Nutter of the Week
Tampa doctor performed surgery on wrong testicle, Florida board says
A Florida urologist has been fined for performing surgery on the wrong testicle two years ago, according to health officials.
Raul Fernandez-Crespo was fined $2,500 by the Florida Board of Medicine, the Miami Herald reported. The board has issued a letter of concern in the board’s final order, which was filed on June 17, the newspaper reported.
According to the board, Fernandez-Crespo had marked the patient’s right testicle to remove enlarged veins during the Sept. 10, 2019, procedure, the Herald reported. However, the surgery was supposed to be done on the patient’s left testicle, the newspaper reported.
The patient had come to Fernandez-Crespo for a varicocelectomy, a surgery to remove enlarged veins.
“Varicoceles, enlarged scrotal veins, can be a source of male infertility, pain, and may even impair testosterone production,” according to the Men’s Clinic at UCLA.
In addition to the fine and the letter of concern, Fernandez-Crespo must pay $2,045.56 to reimburse Department of Health expenses in dealing with the case, the newspaper reported. He also must take either a five-hour continuing medical education in risk management, or attend eight hours of Board of Medicine disciplinary hearings.
The urologist must also give a one-hour lecture on wrong-site surgeries at a medical facility approved by the state board, the Herald reported.
Mixed nuts don’t crack. Or maybe they do.
Butter of the Week
Man wanted for licking woman’s backside at a beauty supply store
WANTED for A Sex Abuse inside of 452 Sutter Avenue. #Brooklyn @NYPD73pct on 6/23/21 @ 1:52 PM Perpetrator approached the victim from behind and licked her buttocks as she bent over and fled. Reward up to $3500Seen them? Know who they are? Call 1-800-577-TIPS or DM us! pic.twitter.com/FDqvjdRJQA
— NYPD Crime Stoppers (@NYPDTips) June 25, 2021
No dummy, it’s liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Nailer of the Week
Security officers start manhunt for policeman who assaulted, pricked his wife’s genitals with nails
Security officers in Homa Bay County are searching for a police officer who allegedly assaulted and pricked his wife’s genitals with nails.
The officer is accused of assaulting his 32-year-old wife at Kabuor Village, East Kamagak Location in Rachuonyo South Sub-county on Thursday night.
It is reported that the officer came home at night and began scrutinizing his wife’s phone call log.
He is alleged to have been infuriated after finding suspicious calls from the deputy headteacher of a primary school in Rachuonyo South Sub-county.
Apparently, his analysis made him suspect that the said teacher was involved in an illicit love affair with his wife.
According to police reports, the officer demanded to know why there were many calls from the said teacher, to which his wife defended herself by saying they were discussing education matters concerning their children.
But the officer was not convinced by her explanation and he began assaulting her.
According to the woman’s father, Alfeus Ong’ou, the man pricked her genitals with nails during the assault.
“I am a worried father this afternoon because my daughter has been assaulted seriously. He has gone as far as pricking her genitals with nails. I am worried he may kill her,” said Ong’ou.
Rachuonyo South Deputy County Commissioner David Kiprop said he is aware of the matter and that police are looking for the officer for legal action.
He condemned the act saying the police officer will not be spared.
“Why would you prick someone’s genitals with nails even if she has gone against your marital rules?” Kiprop asked.
When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.
Mailer of the Week
Tennessee nurse admits to mailing feces, blood to husband’s ex-wife
A Tennessee registered nurse faces federal charges for mailing packages to her husband’s ex-wife that contained biohazardous material, including a used sanitary napkin and feces, according to WATE-TV in Knoxville.
A criminal complaint filed by the U.S. Postal Inspection Service says 37-year-old Della Marie Gibson Lathum of Oak Ridge in Loudon County accuses her of violating U.S. Postal Service (USPS) rules for mailing two packages back in April.
According to WATE’s report, an arrest report says Gibson agreed to speak with agents at Parkwest Medical Center, and in that interview she admitted to mailing a package containing feces and a letter containing a blood-stained feminine pad. The report says Gibson also admitted the blood came from a patient of the hospital.
The report says Gibson told investigators she mailed the products because she wanted “the kids” to know the truth about the ex-wife; that the ex-wife was lazy, didn’t work and lived off the system. Gibson told investigators she worked hard for everything she had, according to WATE’s report.
Her employer fired her after her arrest.
All that hard work down the shitter.
Feather of the Week
‘Birds Aren’t Real’ rolling rally makes first stop in Missouri
A crowd of people gathered in Downtown Springfield, Missouri to attend the “Birds Aren’t Real” rally.
According to Peter Mcindoe, with the Birds Aren’t Real movement, all birds in the United States were killed by the government and replaced by federal drones.
“What makes me think that? I think the evidence is all around us, birds sit on power lines, we believe they’re charging on power lines, we believe that bird poop on cars is liquid tracking apparatus.”
The movement – which has been fueled by online chatter as well as mysterious fliers posted in cities across the U.S. – is currently on tour, and Springfield was its first stop.
McIndoe is the creative muscle behind the avian-inspired conspiracy, according to to the National Audubon Society. He first went live with Birds Aren’t Real in January 2017 at the Memphis Women’s March.
Oh yeah? Explain this…
Pecker of the Week
Boy, 3, ‘covered in blood’ after peacock charges at him and claws face in attack
A three-year old boy needed hospital treatment after being charged at and attacked by a peacock while on a day trip to a zoo.
Ezra Gittoes was left ‘covered in blood’ after an aggressive peacock launched at him while the youngster was visiting Paignton Zoo in Devon with his parents.
The family were sat down in a park with picnic benches when the bird suddenly charged at Ezra and clawed at his face, just missing his eyes, his mum Becky, said.
”We were sat in a designated park with picnic benches and a climbing frame for kids to play on, it was full of kids. The peacock was roaming around, Ezra was nowhere near it,” she told DevonLive.
”Suddenly, it just charged at Ezra out of nowhere and clawed his forehead. It was horrible. If it had been a couple of inches lower Ezra could have been blinded.
”We were told to take Ezra straight to hospital, he is now on antibiotics and is going to be left with a scar.”
They had to be told to take their mangled toddler to the hospital?
Lumber of the Week
Police break up exorcism at Pa. Home Depot
Police in Lackawanna County broke up an exorcism in the lumber aisle of a home-improvement store Monday.
Details are scarce on just what was going on inside the Home Depot on Commerce Drive in Dickson City Monday afternoon, but police were called around 3:26 p.m. to escort several people out of the store for “bad behavior,” WBRE/WYOU is reporting.
According to reports, the exorcism was held for the trees that had been turned into lumber.
The police blotter item posted on the Dickson City police Facebook page gave few clues as to what happened, simply saying:
“3:26pm Commerce Blvd. @ Home Depot for disorderly people having an exorcism in the lumber aisle for the dead trees. They were escorted out of the building.”
According to reports, no charges have been filed at this time.
Are the Branch Davidians back?
Shiner of the Week
Groom punched at wedding reception; guests join in to stop suspected beer thieves
A bride and groom will have quite the story to tell about their wedding day.
The couple tied the knot on June 19, but their reception at the Richland County Fairgrounds was the main event.
Wedding guests were celebrating at the John Hartz building when two uninvited men arrived and tried to take a case of beer, according to a report from the Richland County Sheriff’s Office.
According to witnesses, the groom confronted the men, identified as William Beeson, 22, and Justin Crowl, 29.
At that time, Beeson punched the groom, according to the deputy’s report, and Crowl jumped in to help.
Deputies say that’s when other guests got involved.
Crowl was cut on broken beer bottles, and Beeson got a black eye and other injuries.
The two told deputies they were at the fairgrounds for a horse show and were invited by a wedding guest.
Beeson and Crowl face charges of theft, trespassing, and disorderly conduct.
You never want to go to jail with an eye that looks like a vagina.
Header of the Week
Homeless man ‘decapitated acquaintance and played soccer with his head’
A homeless man allegedly decapitated an acquaintance at a park and then played soccer with his head. Joel Arciniega-Saenz, 25, was arrested without incident and confessed to killing James Garcia, 51, at Apodaca Park in Las Cruces, New Mexico.
Police responded to the park on Sunday on reports of a body in the road and found Arciniega-Saenz with a knife and dried blood on his hands, according to KFOX. Garcia was decapitated and had multiple stab wounds. His severed finger was surrounded by blood and near a bloody footprint.
Arciniega-Saenz apparently told police that he, Garcia and Garcia’s wife had spent time together four days before the attack. The suspect claimed that he fell asleep and that he and Garcia’s wife woke up to discover that Garcia had disappeared with items belonging to them.
At the park, Arciniega-Saenz confronted Garcia and took a switchblade from him, which he used to stab him a few times. Arciniega-Saenz proceeded to drag Garcia’s body to the street and ‘then played soccer with his head’, according to court documents obtained by KTSM. Arciniega-Saenz said that he kicked the head toward 14 different vehicles.
Soccer still sucks.
Thinker of the Week
Lehigh Valley man lighting fireworks in truck is critically hurt in blast
A 35-year-old Emmaus man, who was lighting fireworks on Sunday night in a pickup truck and trying to toss them out a window, apparently didn’t get rid of one in time and critically injured himself, borough police report.
Officers, emergency medical personnel and neighbors responded to numerous 9-1-1 calls just before 9:30 p.m. to the 200 block of Green Street and found the injured man who had been sitting in a parked Ram 1500 at the time of the blast, Chief Troy Schantz said in a news release. Responders rendered first aid, including a tourniquet, and the man was rushed to Lehigh Valley Hospital in Salisbury Township, where was was in critical condition on Monday, Schantz said.
The explosion did significant damage to the inside of the truck but there wasn’t a fire, Schantz said.
The ensuing police investigation determined the man bought the fireworks about a year ago, Schantz said. The chief didn’t specify what sort of fireworks caused the injuries.
The worst part is, this dude had to miss his MENSA meeting because he blowed himself up.
Drinker of the Week
‘Drunk driver’ named Booze busted for allegedly crashing into Taco Bell sign
A Florida woman with the last name Booze was busted for driving drunk after she allegedly slammed her car into a Taco Bell sign and sped off, according to cops.
Kanisha Booze, 34, of St. Petersburg was arrested when an officer spotted her allegedly speeding through two red lights near the fast food joint at 10:20 p.m. Friday…
When a cop confronted the aptly named driver, she was allegedly wobbly with “bloodshot, watery eyes” and “an odor of an alcoholic beverage on her breath,” according to a police report cited by the outlet, which notes she refused to perform a breath test.
Booze, who works at the Taco Bell where she crashed, was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of an accident and driving with a suspended or revoked license. She was released from jail Saturday morning after posting a $1750 bond.
You’ll never guess what her cousin, Lemongello Crackpipe, was arrested for.
Floater of the Week
Rescuers summoned to fish ‘drowned woman’ out of sea discover discarded sex doll
Rescue services were scrambled to Hachinohe in northeastern Honshu, Japan, after reports of a “drowned woman” floating in the waters.
But Japanese YouTuber Tanaka Natsuki, who happened to be on the scene to record a clip for her channel, witnessed the “rescue” of what turned out to be a “Dutch Wife”, Japanese slang for a rubber sex doll.
“While I was filming for my fishing video, I thought that a corpse had come floating by, but it turned out to be a Dutch wife,” she posted on Twitter
“It seems someone misunderstood what it was and called the authorities, so a ton of police, fire trucks, and ambulances showed up. Thankfully the ‘wife’ was safely rescued. Nice.”
The Human Love Doll Company, a Japanese company whose slogan is “love dolls are born to be loved”, offers a full funeral service for dolls that are no longer needed.
In Japanese culture, it’s not uncommon to believe dolls and stuffed toys have souls just like humans, so it’s considered bad luck to just throw out unwanted sex robots.
Just when you thought the Japanese couldn’t get any weirder.
Chucker of the Week
Video shows the sofa fly just inches away from her head before it lands on the ground as she leaves a block of flats in Turkey.
Flat owner named Mesut Duran, who lives in the district of Uskudar in the province of Istanbul, bought a new sofa and wanted to get rid of the old one,
According to the local media, Mesut was too lazy to carry the sofa down the stairs, so he decided to throw it out of the window on 9th June.
Speaking to the news website DHA about the incident, Mesut said, “I bought a new sofa. I looked, and there was no one in front of the building.
“I decided it was okay to throw the old sofa out of the window.”
“My neighbour came out of the building just as I threw the sofa down. The sofa almost fell on her. She was scared. I was also shocked when she suddenly came out of the building.
“She’s had a lucky escape. She would have died. I was almost a murderer.”
Almost a murderer but entirely an idiot.
F*cker of the Week
Randy mountaineers go viral as they’re snapped having sex at 6500ft by webcam
A couple were captured having sex at at an altitude of 6,500 feet by panoramic webcam that takes shots every 20 minutes.
Cameras at the Nock Mountains, which are the westernmost and highest mountain range of the Gurktal Alps in Austria, caught two mountaineers fooling around earlier this month in images that have now gone viral.
The publishing software failed to realise that their privacy was being breached as the images were posted it online.
Taking pictures outside and sharing them is contrary to Austrian law.
Undisturbed by the cool mountain air at the national park in the state of Carinthia, the unknown pair decided to take a spontaneous nap, which soon turned into a rather erotic moment between them.
The two initially sat next to each other and enjoyed the romantic view beyond the tree line before the camera caught them lying naked and tightly entwined on the grass at around 12.20pm.
The unknown love birds disappeared from the webcam’s sight only 20 minutes later at 12.40pm, but went viral on the internet several days later.
You should see what kind of f*cking goes on in the Appalachian Mountains.
Plugger of the Week
Porn star Lena the Plug jokes she’s a virgin again after toning down sex life
Lena the Plug has opened up about “feeling like a virgin” again on her Twitter account.
The new mum, who boasts 1.1 million followers on Twitter, doesn’t usually shy away from her feelings on social media.
Recently, the webcam star started posting about her life as a parent where she revealed her post-pregnancy body.
Last month, the adult star shared a glimpse of her post-pregnancy body in a post to her 489,000 followers on Instagram.
And now she’s taken an X-rated turn for her confessions after revealing she’s toned down her sex life in recent months.
Posting to her Twitter fans, Lena wrote: “Haven’t had anal sex in a year and a half.”
She then asked: “Am I a virgin again?” as she accompanied it with an angel emoji.
For a porn actress she sure doesn’t seem to understand how sex works.
WTF? of the Week
Brother Of Murdered Teen Tells Court About Photo Showing Dad Eating Feces
The older brother of a 13-year-old boy who disappeared in Colorado in 2012 confronted his father about photos of him eating feces from a diaper months before his younger sibling went missing, the boy’s brother testified Thursday.
The father, Mark Redwine, is being tried in the killing of his son, Dylan Redwine. The boy disappeared in the Vallecito area near Durango during a court-ordered visit during his Thanksgiving break, authorities said. Mark Redwine told investigators he left his son alone at home to run errands and returned to find him missing…
Prosecutors argued this week that Mark Redwine killed his son over photographs that triggered a fatal outrage. The photos, accidentally discovered by the two boys on their father’s computer during a road trip in 2011, depict Mark Redwine wearing women’s underwear and a diaper, and eating feces from a diaper.
While their father slept, the siblings looked at the photos in a locked bathroom and Cory took his own photos to save on his phone.
During cross-examination, Cory Redwine said he sent copies of the compromising photos to his father in August 2012, while Dylan and Mark Redwine were alone on a trip together. Dylan knew about the photos and was not harmed on that trip, despite the texting confrontation between Cory and Mark Redwine.
Cory called his father an “(expletive)-eating coward” and said “you are what you eat,” according to text messages revealed Thursday in court.
On Wednesday, Cory had testified that the accidental discovery of photos ruined Dylan’s relationship and image of his father. “Dylan lost any reason for him to look up to Mark that day,” Cory Redwine said.
On Monday, Fred Johnson, special deputy district attorney, suggested that on the night he was killed, Dylan Redwine may have mentioned or shown his father the photographs, triggering his father to become violent.
With a murder charge hanging over his head, that shit-eating grin has suddenly disappeared.
