That headline is the complete opposite of “click bait.”
I remember seeing a commercial of the Pillsbury Doughboy rapping in the late 80’s/early 90’s and thinking that should effectively kill off the hip-hop trend. I was wrong, but surely this will deliver the death blow: Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer was captured on video rapping and dancing on Monday. Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.
Monday was the begging of a week-long free rap concert series in NYC in which attendees must show proof of COVID-19 vaccination. People with fake vaccine cards waited to see rappers like Slick Rick, KRS-One, Melle Mel and Scorpio but first they had to sit through the warm-up act:
Sorry to do this to you.
Chuck Schumer, ladies and gentlemen: pic.twitter.com/LAtOTSuBjc
— Benny (@bennyjohnson) August 17, 2021
Bronx Borough President Ruben Diaz Jr. was on stage rapping, which was bad enough, when Chuck Schumer came shuffling out, holding some kind of a plaque.
“You got some bars, Chuck?,” Diaz asked.
Unfortunately, Chuck did have some bars.
“I got the bars, I got the plaque, I got the music, we got it all! We are the Bronx!,” Schumer rapped.
When people ask, “who says white people can’t dance,” the correct answer is: Chuck Schumer does.
I know that I called what he did “rapping” but that’s just because I don’t know any other way to describe it. He’s using a black accent and trying to be funky, so at least to him it was rapping.
Now that Chuck has established himself as the lyrical satyrical master of the microphone, he needs a cool rap name and, as luck would have it, I have a few suggestions:
MC Stammer
Insane Clown Pussy
Old MC
Chuck Blows
LL Uncool J
Kosher Salt ‘N Peppa
Dark Money Super Pac Shakur
Hay Z
Reneger With Attitude
Chucky Minaj
Public Enema
Grandmaster (or wizard) Trash
Mos(tly) Deaf
Chuck “Puffy Eyes” Combs
Big Daddy Lame
Vanilla Ice
Oh wait, that last one is already taken. How about “Vanilla Antichrist”?
I’m surprised at how many rappers I know considering all I listen to is underground metal and punk, plus some weird Japanese stuff I’d rather not talk about.
Chuck Schumer has proven that there is nothing cooler than a 70-year-old Jewish guy rapping and dancing. That can’t be it. Maybe it’s him proving that democrats really suck at relating to young people. What’s next? Nancy Pelosi in the mosh-pit at a Slipknot concert? Actually I would pay money to see that.
During a pandemic that never ends, a full-blown border crisis, out-of-control inflation, and the fall of Afghanistan, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer was busy leading an embarrassment train through the Bronx. At least illegitimate Joe Biden had the decency to hide himself away during this tumultuous time he created.
