The biggest WTF? revelation this week was that a president can be impeached for making a phone call but not for coordinating with our enemies to kill U.S. service members. Here’s some other WTF? that is much less surprising:
Headline of the Week
Pansexual Body Buider Falls In Love With Ashtray, Plans To Give It Vagina
A Kazakhstani bodybuilder who married his sex dolls has now fallen in love with an ashtray and plans to give it an artificial vagina.
Yuri Tolochko, who identifies himself as a pansexual, claims that he can make love to anything from “a character” to “an image”, “a soul”, or “just a person”.
Tolochko married his first sex doll Margo in November 2020, after dating her for eight months. He later divorced Margo to marry his two new playmates, Lola and Luna.
He has now fallen in love with an ashtray that he saw in a club. He says it could make a new addition to his family.
“At first I just arranged a photoshoot with it. But then it began to attract me.”
“I wanted to touch it again, smell it. I love its brutal scent, the touch of metal on my skin. It’s really brutal.”
“I also like that it has a story, that it’s not new, that it has served many people and continues to serve them.”
“I can also insert an artificial vagina in the tube into the hole.”
“My friends accept my decision. Sometimes they laugh and say I am crazy but they like and love what I do and it’s important for them that I am happy,” the muscleman said earlier.
More like a “pot sexual” in that he has got to be f*cking high.
Hole of the Week
Woman gets infected earlobe after boyfriend puts penis through stretcher hole
A panicked woman took to Facebook for advice after her ear became infected after a bizarre sexual encounter with her partner.
The woman posted in “B*tch Diaries” on the social media site asking for advice from other women as she claims her boyfriend put his penis through the hole where she has been stretching her earlobes.
She wrote: “Me and my boyf were getting at it and he tried putting his penis through my stretched ear and this is the outcome?
“What can I tell the hospital has happened? Or is there anything I can do to treat this at home?”
Her concerned post was backed up by before and after pictures of the stretched hole that looks a bit yellow and infected.
Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. I have an ear infucktion.
Savior of the Week
Cookeville Man Seriously Injured After Severing his Penis Before Leading Officers on Pursuit
Law enforcement officers encountered a bizarre incident Wednesday morning as a Cookeville man led them on a two county pursuit from Dowelltown to Lebanon on Highway 70. What they learned was that the man, 39 year old Tyson Gilbert had severed his own penis and tossed it out the car window somewhere along the route either before or during the chase. Gilbert said he heard voices on his car radio telling him to commit the act in order to save the world.
Trooper Bobby Johnson of the Tennessee Highway Patrol was the first to come across Gilbert after spotting his Honda Accord parked partially in the roadway on Highway 70 at Dowelltown.
“When I pulled up behind him and turned my lights on he took off and refused to stop. He was all over the road the whole time. He turned off on Old Liberty Road and came to a stop. He opened his door. He was naked and covered in blood. He then shut his door and kept driving,” said Trooper Johnson.
“The Alexandria Police Department spiked him (put down spike strips) on Highway 70 as he was going through Alexandria. He kept traveling westbound into Wilson County. The THP spiked him in Watertown but he continued westbound. We finally were able to box him in and got him stopped on Highway 70 right before the Interstate at I-40 and took him in custody. He was then transported to Vanderbilt Hospital, “said Trooper Johnson.
Gilbert has active warrants against him for other offenses in Cookeville.
This dude should definitely find a new radio station to listen to.
Nut of the Week
Jealous wife screws nut onto ‘cheating’ husband’s penis in agonising revenge
A jealous wife allegedly screwed an engineering nut onto her husband’s penis when she found out he’d been cheating on her, it has emerged.
The woman carried out the act while her husband slept as a way to “avenge the betrayal”, reports local media in Zaporozhye, a town in Ukraine, where the horrific incident took place.
As a result, the man’s manhood swelled up to the point where he was no longer able to remove the metal object, leaving him needing hospital treatment to get it off.
However, it wasn’t just the usual soapy water that doctors used to remove the object – the method they had to use in the end was a little more eye-watering than that.
Doctors at the 5th City Hospital tried to remove the nut from the man’s penis, but failed, according to a local news source.
They were then left with no option other than to perform surgery to remove the metal object.
While the patient was being prepared for surgery, doctors decided to call in Cobra rescuers.
Deputy Chief of Cobra, Eduard Nekhoroshev, told the news source that medics called in the use of special tools, like an angle grinder, to perform the gruesome removal.
Eventually, rescuers were able to cut off the nut by carefully slicing the large nut on opposite sides so it fell off.
Then things got awkward when authorities learned the man is not married.
Sticker of the Week
Man dies after having sex using epoxy adhesive instead of a condom
Police are probing the bizarre case of a 25-year-old Indian man who suddenly died after using a high-powered epoxy resin — instead of a condom — before having sex.
“They used the adhesive to avoid pregnancy,” a local investigator told the Times of India of the prophylactic fiasco, which occurred June 22 at a hotel in Ahmedabad, Gujarat.
According to a senior Ahmedabad city police officer, Salman Mirza, of Fatehwadi, and his unnamed ex-fiancée were captured on closed-circuit television security footage entering the fatal flophouse in the Juhapura neighborhood of Ahmedabad.
“Several witnesses said that Mirza, along with his former fiancée, both of whom were addicted to drugs, had gone to a hotel in Juhapura,” the senior police official told the local outlet. “There, they applied an epoxy adhesive on his private parts as they were not carrying any protection.”
The following day, Mirza’s acquaintance Firoz Shaik discovered the man lying unconscious in shrubs near an apartment complex, whereupon he took him home, according to the Times of India report. His condition deteriorated rapidly, prompting Firoz to rush his friend to Sola Civil Hospital.
Police report that Mirza “died due to multiple organ failure” caused by the MacGyver-style contraceptive.
Now that’s what I call a glue gun.
Sucker of the Week
Gospel singer teaches men how to suck boobs; warns men who chew it like sugarcane
According to the Gospel singer, she has received complaints from women that their men have been uncomfortably chewing their breasts like sugarcane. Empress Gifty has therefore taken upon herself to teach men how to suck the breast.
“Sex is about the mind. You have to imagine it, the more you want to imagine, the more you want to explore. For the men who drink their wife’s breast like they are chewing sugarcane, they should I should tell you their breast is paining them,” she said.
Teaching the men how to do a good job, she said “have patience for the woman because even the bible says women are the weaker vessels”
“So when you hold, we are so fragile, hold it well with care as if you holding a fresh egg, the way you carefully handle it with tender, it is the same way you have to handle the breast,” she said.
I’m now turned off of breasts, sugar, and eggs.
Boob of the Week
Transgender inmate sues Va. prison for chest surgery to treat gender dysphoria
A transgender man incarcerated at a Virginia prison filed a federal lawsuit against state corrections officials Wednesday, claiming he faces cruel and unusual punishment because the prison will not allow him to have surgery to remove his breasts.
Jason Yoakam is a transgender man living at the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women, according to a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court for the Western District of Virginia. The prison is in Troy, about 110 miles southwest of the District.
On Wednesday, Yoakam, 42, sued Virginia Department of Corrections officials, saying prison medical staff diagnosed him with gender dysphoria four years ago but denied him mental health treatment and “gender confirmation chest surgery” similar to a double mastectomy.
In a statement, Yoakam, who has been incarcerated at Fluvanna since 2004 after he was convicted of murder, said it “has been traumatizing, isolating, and stigmatizing to be denied health care services to treat the gender dysphoria that [Virginia’s] own providers have diagnosed.”
Yoakam, who lived as a man before he was imprisoned, has felt his body “was a mistake” from an early age, according to the suit, and finds his breasts a source of “shame and disgust.” When he showers, he becomes physically ill, the suit said.
I think we all share in your disgust, Yoakie.
Biden of the Week
Male teen admits to molesting woman on buttocks in bid to smell her
A male teenager who felt aroused by a woman running on the treadmill at his condominium’s gym decided to get closer to her in order to smell her.
As he leaned down, the 19-year-old’s face came into contact with her buttocks.
The 39-year-old victim, who stayed in the same condominium as the teen, went to the gym on 17 March last year for her daily exercise at night. There were three other persons in the gym but they left about 10 minutes later.
The teen ended work at about 7pm and was on the way home when he decided to use the toilet near the gym. When he reached the gym area, he saw the woman running on the treadmill and felt aroused. He decided to take a closer look, said the prosecution.
He entered the gym and pretended to look at its equipment while occasionally glancing at the victim. While the victim noticed him entering the gym, she did not think much about his presence there. She continued looking ahead and listening to music.
Still feeling aroused, the teen decided to get closer to the woman to smell her. He bent down and leaned forward to place his face close to her buttocks, according to the prosecution. His face came into contact with her buttocks.
Shocked, the woman turned around to see the teen behind her. He apologised and left the gym for home. The woman finished exercising before heading home. She told her husband about the incident before lodging a police report.
This is the exact same way Joe met Jill.
More Biden of the Week
Taliban has sex with dead bodies, reveals Afghan woman who came over to India
A woman who has come over to India from Afghanistan has revealed that Taliban has sex with dead bodies. The woman, called Muskan by News18, worked in the police force in Afghanistan and has come to India due to fear of the Taliban and lives in New Delhi.
The practice of having sex with corpses is called necrophilia. She revealed that Taliban either picked up women or shot them. Muskan revealed that a woman was picked up by the Taliban only yesterday. According to her, they want women from every family.
Her life was threatened by the Jihadist group as a consequence of which she had to leave her job and flee the country. “When we were there, we received numerous warnings. If you go to work, you are under threat, your family is under threat. After one warning, they would stop giving any warning.”
She continued, “They rape dead bodies too. They don’t care whether the person is dead or alive… Can you imagine this?” Muskan said that if any woman worked for the government, they would suffer a terrible fate.
Joe should have been more specific about what he meant by “Build Back Better.”
Escape of the Week
Woman attacked on greenway smears dog feces on attacker’s face to escape
Officers with the Knoxville Police Department responded to the Forks of the River Wildlife Management Area, at 3140 McClure Lane, in response to a call that a man had assaulted a woman while she was walking her dog on the trail.
The 30-year-old woman told police that she was approached by a man, later identified to be Michael James Ward, and that he grabbed her, tried to drag her into the woods, and punched her multiple times on Sunday afternoon.
According to the incident report, Ward also pulled out a small knife and threatened the victim with it.
The woman started to fight back by smearing a plastic bag of dog feces that she was carrying in the suspect’s face in an effort to escape.
Ward later ran into the woods after two people came to help her, according to officials. During the attack, Ward took off with the woman’s phone, police said.
Ward is being charged with aggravated robbery and aggravated kidnapping.
You fight fire with fire and you fight a sack of shit with a sack of shit.
Mug of the Week
NYC man charged with helping transport Nicole Flanagan’s body in barrel to NJ
A Queens man has been arrested for his alleged role in helping transport the body of a hooker from New York City to New Jersey, where she was found stuffed in a barrel, officials announced Tuesday.
Aquellio Parker, 29, is accused of helping to move the remains of Nicole Flanagan, 44, to the residential neighborhood of Ridgefield Park, where her body was found on Aug. 13 inside a 55-gallon drum, according to the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office.
Before Flanagan’s remains were discovered, she had last been seen alive on Aug. 6 inside a Financial District apartment building, riding an elevator with a 25-year-old gang member to the 22nd floor, police sources have said.
On Aug. 11, the ex-con brought a large plastic barrel into the building at 95 Wall St. and one day after that, he was spotted wheeling it to a U-Haul van with an unidentified man who parked the vehicle at the rear service entrance, the sources said.
Parker turned himself in to the NYPD on Sunday, and is awaiting extradition to New Jersey, officials said.
Parker was charged with being an accomplice to disturbing, moving and/or concealing human remains, being an accomplice to desecrating, damaging and/or destroying human remains and conspiring with a co-defendant to disturb, move, conceal and/or desecrate a deceased body.
For a guy who turned himself in, he sure seems surprised he was arrested.
Dog Do of the Week
Cape man charged with bestiality after sexually violating the family dog
An Ocean View man who has been charged with bestiality made his first appearance on Monday, and is expected to make his next appearance next week.
Thomas Mitchell, 66 years old, was arrested on Friday last week after the daughter of his girlfriend allegedly walked in on him sexually violating the family dog.
An SPCA inspector and SAPS were dispatched to the scene to investigate the allegation of bestiality.
SAPS spokesperson Joseph Swartbooi said: “According to reports the complainant arrived home and looked for her dog.
“She found the dog in another room, with a man known to her, lying on top of the dog.
“The dog jumped out and the man dressed himself.
“The dog has since been removed and placed in an animal shelter for safekeeping,” Swartbooi said.
Cape of Good Hope SPCA said that after Inspector Mark Syce arrived on the scene, he found the family dog violated and in need of veterinary care.
The dog was taken to a veterinarian for an examination and to secure DNA samples for further testing.
Hopefully this sick f*ck is similarly violated in prison.
Nope of the Week
Trolls have labelled a mother and daughter incestuous after they created a joint OnlyFans account – but the duo insist that they only pose together.
Glamour model Jessie Jo, 54, and her daughter Phoenix Rae Blue, 22, from Warwickshire, began posting nude pictures on the site OnlyFans two years ago.
They had a long and intense discussion, and the duo agreed to create a joint account, where the pair pose for glamour shots.
Fans often request the duo to cross boundaries and ask them to kiss or touch each other – but they always refuse.
Requests like these come more often than the duo would like – and sometimes they ask the pair to penetrate each other with sex toys, but Jessie shuts those requests down quickly, reminding fans that they are real mother and daughter.
‘Our content consists of glamour pictures and nudes, but we only take photographs together, and we don’t touch each other,’ Jessie explained. ‘Some people ask us to touch each other or play with toys together, but I say no chance – we’re still a real mother and daughter.
‘Our fanbase is huge – it’s not only in the UK, but it’s international too. We make approximately £1,000 per week, but a few weeks ago, we made £30,000 in five days.
OnlyFans, a place where below average women get rich because people don’t realize good porn is free everywhere else on the Internet.
WTF? of the Week
Woman weighing 38st wants world record breaking 95in hips – even if it kills her
A woman who weighs a massive 38stone has promised to continue gaining weight as she hopes to break a world record.
Bobbi-Jo Westley has hips which measure 95 inches and hopes to grow them until she measures 99 inches.
Bobbie hopes to balloon until she smashes the world record of LA-based Mikel Ruffinelli despite knowing the process could kill her.
The 46-year-old already has a huge number of fans who follow her online because of her bloated figure.
Bobbie even has fans buying and trading her snaps online.
And, some of the plus sized internet star’s followers have even paid for “crushing” sessions.
This is where Bobbi sits on the blokes and squashes them with her weight.
Bobbi, who lives in Pennsylvania with her husband said: “My hips are what makes me unique. It’s what makes me ‘me’.
Bobbi cannot complete many daily tasks and struggles to climb up and down stairs.
She said: “The last time I went to a doctor I weighed 542lbs.
“And having big hips is kind of difficult. When I go up or down stairs, or through doors, I have to turn sideways.”
She said: “I understand that I’m putting myself at risk by trying to get the world’s biggest hips.
“I am worried about my health sometimes because of my size – I know that it is not healthy.
Records were made to be broken, just like every chair she sits on.
