Because democrats only feel alive when they are insane, they ramped up their effort to ban meat this week with a proposed “cow fart tax.” Here’s a bunch of meat-related WTF? that we would lose out on if the fascist democrats have their way.
Headline of the Week
Huge blow for farmers in bull semen explosion
Farmers in Australia are having a hard time of it after vats of bull semen were destroyed in a fire.
Around 100 cryogenic cylinders exploded, splattering their contents throughout the building in Gippsland, Victoria.
Fire commander Chris Loeschenkohl described the fire as a unique challenge.
He said: ‘The liquid inside the cylinders was rapidly expanding and essentially the lids of the cryogenic cylinders were just popping off the top and projectiles were being thrown from the building.’
That led firefighters to go into defensive mode, beating off any substances heading their way or towards neighbouring buildings.
Firefighters moistened the flames for more than two hours before they got a grip of the situation and brought the fire under control.
Vice chairman Aaron Thomas [said] he didn’t see it coming adding that a lot of farmers who had semen in the building and it would be a ‘huge blow’ for them.
Hard? Beating off? Get a grip? Didn’t see it coming? Huge blow? This can’t be serious.
Bangers And Mash of the Week
Coroner warns of dangers after pensioner trampled to death by cows
An 87-year-old was killed by a herd of ‘beserk’ cows when she walked her dog in the countryside.
Hilary Adair was knocked to the ground by Belted Galloway cattle and repeatedly attacked as she tried to get up.
A coroner has now said there needs to be more awareness of the dangers that cows can pose.
An inquest heard how Mrs Adair was walking over Linchmere Common in Sussex with her dog at the start of this year.
She was unaware that the same herd of cattle had chased and attacked a couple the previous day, leaving the husband ‘covered in blood.’
Bryony Dillamore witnessed the attack on Mrs Adair on January 7 and called the ambulance.
She told the inquest in Crawley: ‘I didn’t see any signs to indicate that it was not safe to enter the common.
‘I then noticed that the cattle surrounding what I then understood was an elderly person… with blood all over her head and chest.’
Ms Dillamore said that every time Mrs Adair moved, the cattle would become more aggressive towards her.
She added: ‘I believe the cattle were completely out of control.’
What? She never herd of cows before?
Green Horn of the Week
Consider this your public service announcement for the day, something you might want to pass along to the guys in your life: Don’t inject petroleum jelly into your penis in an effort to make it larger.
One 45-year-old man living in the South Pacific learned that the hard way after he came down with gangrene on his penis. Yes, gangrene—a condition that causes body tissue to rot away.
As the case report details, the man went to the ER with a “severe deformity of the shaft of the penis, which had been progressively worsening over the course of five days”…The man said that his shaft was itchy and bled when he scratched it. After the area began to swell and he started feeling weak and feverish, he went to the ER.
The man explained that two years earlier, he injected petroleum jelly into the shaft of his penis because he thought that would make his penis bigger.
The docs opened up his penis to drain pus and fluid. They reported finding a lot of petroleum jelly around the shaft, which they removed. They diagnosed him with a type of gangrene called Fournier’s gangrene, which basically means gangrene of the genitals.
So he made a penis-butter and jelly sandwich?
Hotdog on a Stick of the Week
Man shoves thermometer in penis, but it enters bladder; is stuck for 11 days
A man ended up with a glass thermometer stuck in his bladder after he shoved the temperature measuring device into his penis, a bizarre case report has revealed.
Doctors did not reveal why the unnamed 25-year-old decided to insert the object into his urethra, nor did they say how long it was.
The man, a resident of Shanghai, China, sought help when he noticed blood in his urine, a complaint medically known as haemtuersis.
He confessed to doctors at Tongren Hospital about his “self-insertion of a thermometer” into his urethra 11 days before seeking treatment.
Medics wrote in a journal of the report that he said it wasn’t uncomfortable and that he initially tried to dislodge the thermometer himself.
The doctors inserted a thin tube with a camera attached – a cystoscope – into the man’s urethra to look at where the thermometer was lodged.
Forceps were also attached to the tube, which allowed the doctors to twist the object around so the glass end was closest and not the bulb.
The urologists then ‘tugged’ at the thermometer. They ‘fished’ it out in 15 minutes and the patient was allowed home the following day.
“Gentle action was taken out to prevent the thermometer from fracturing and to prevent bladder wall layer injury,” the doctors wrote.
Scrotal warming is clearly the next liberal existential threat.
Pad Thai of the Week
Boy, 12, needs surgery to save testicles after ‘bangcock’ punch craze in school
A 12-year-old boy had emergency surgery to salvage his testicles after he became the victim of the “bangcock” punch craze said to be sweeping Britain’s schools.
Bailey Summers was left in agony after he was thumped at school on Thursday morning.
The unprovoked attack was said to be part of a warped craze in which children ask boys “what’s the capital of Thailand?” and then hit them in the manhood. The capital city is Bangkok.
Bailey was sent home with paracetamol but his concerned mum Emmajayne, 32, rushed him to A&E the next day…
“The surgeon explained we were on limited time as testicle pain should be treated within four hours for no serious damage, or removal will be needed.
“I had a form to sign to say I approved both testicles to be removed if needed in theatre. I had to sign my son’s manhood away.”
Doctors have managed to save the boy’s testicles but Emmajayne concedes he was “very lucky”.
Get it on, bang a dong, get it on!
Meatball of the Week
MAN LOSES TESTICLE AFTER LANDLORD ‘GOES NUTS’ AND SAVAGELY ATTACKS TENANT IN FRONT OF SON
A MARBELLA man has been arrested after beating his roommate so savagely he had to have a testicle removed.
The 34-year-old had rented a room to the victim, who was married and had a child.
But according to police, he tried to kick them out ‘for no reason’ on September 12, before ‘losing it’.
An argument erupted between the two before the landlord kicked his tenant with full force in his crotch in front of his wife and son.
He then proceeded to continue hitting him as he was on the ground writhing in pain.
The wife of the victim tried to intervene but received a punch to the face.
The victim, a middle-aged man, had to be hospitalised.
He underwent surgery to remove a testicle.
He lost a nut when his landlord went nuts? He should be grateful the landlord was being a dick.
Beef Jerky of the Week
A New York Police Department officer was arrested on Thursday, September 19, after he allegedly masturbated in front of his girlfriend’s 10-year-old daughter, whom he was babysitting. It also came to light that he asked her if he could lick her underwear.
Shaun Frazier, an officer with the department’s building maintenance unit, was charged only with endangering the welfare of a child following an Internal Affairs Bureau investigation into his conduct, as he was not accused of touching the victim.
The accused was babysitting the 10-year-old as well as her five-year-old brother on September 5, while their mother was working an overnight security shift at a hospital when he allegedly engaged in the criminal behavior.
The female victim, who had gone to sleep, went into the kitchen after waking up in the middle of the night and found Frazier allegedly licking a pair of the child’s underwear.
“He asked if he could lick her underwear,” said assistant district attorney Gwen Barnes, adding that the victim ran to her room in response. “He later asked her to come into the room where he was on the mom’s bed, where he was masturbating.”
Frazier also asked the victim if she would like to see him ejaculate. The girl ran to her room for a second time. This time, the officer followed her to her room and took away her cell phone and disconnected the landline so that she could not call her mother for help.
A cop/child molester should do well in prison.
Rump Roast of the Week
Using your phone on the loo is giving you haemorrhoids, docs warn
IN our tech obsessed world, it’s not surprising that people are using their phone everywhere – even on the loo.
In fact, a recent study revealed 57 per cent of Brits admit to using their phone on the toilet, with eight per cent saying they “always” do it.
However, while it may seem a great way to multi-task, doctors are warning that using your phone on the loo may be doing a lot more harm than good.
In particular, they say it can give you haemorrhoids – or piles – which are lumps inside and around your bottom.
This is because if you’re on your phone on the loo, you tend to be sat there for longer – meaning pressure increases on the veins of the anus in the lower rectum.
“So tempting while it may be to scroll through your apps while you’re waiting to perform, doctors don’t recommend it.
“Instead, beef up your diet with lots of fibre, make sure you drink enough fluids, exercise regularly and leave your mobile phone behind (or at least locked) when you visit the smallest room.”
The most common cause of the condition is excessive straining while doing a number two – which causes the supporting tissues of the anal cushions to disintegrate.
So stop playing “Angry Turds” while you’re on the crapper.
Soup Bone (Head) of the Week
Altoona man injured after lighting stick of dynamite while on meth
Earlier today the Altoona Police Department and additional emergency services were dispatched to the 1000 blk. of N. 2nd St. in the Juniata section of Altoona for report of an explosion inside of a residence.
Officers found a man with severe injuries inside of the home.
It was discovered that the man was under the influence of methamphetamine and lit a quarter stick of dynamite while holding it in his hand.
The man was transported to UPMC Altoona with serious injuries. The criminal investigation is ongoing at this time.
The headline should have read: Trailblazer Invents New Way To Blow Himself Up With Meth
Beef Slider of the Week
Man, 38, caught having drunken sex with cleaning CONE in Wigan train station lift
A MAN has admitted having drunken sex with a plastic CONE in a train station lift.
Oddball Trevor Smith, 38, was spotted by stunned rail staff sitting in a lift with his trousers and pants around his ankles and a cleaning cone on his lap.
Smith has pled guilty to outraging public decency after the bizarre incident at Wigan North Western train station on April 14.
A court heard how a Virgin Trains team leader saw a sozzled Smith sitting on the floor with the cone turned upside down on his lap.
The stunned witness saw Smith “appearing to have sex and thrusting his hips” at the cone.
The station worker contacted cops before a British Transport Police officer arrived and found Smith still romping in the lift.
Drunken Smith realised he had been caught in the act when he pulled his trousers up before being helped to his feet by the officer.
He said all he could remember was heading home on the train and going into the lift thinking he was in a locked room.
The officer saw white powder around his lower face and what appeared to be further drugs on the lift’s floor.
His excuse for having sex with a cone is that he thought no one could see him?
Texas Briquet of the Week
Pet owner ‘arranged for dog to have sex with woman for its “birthday present”‘
Police in Houston, Texas say Jerrid Cook…planned to watch Jerrid’s dog ‘Ryder’ have sex with a woman on Christmas Day in 2017, which was reportedly the dog’s first birthday.
Authorities say Jerrid arranged the encounter with a woman named Rebekah Little on Instagram. Her page lists her as a real estate professional, but investigators said she also used the page to organize bestiality opportunities at an apartment complex in Southwest Houston…
Prosecutors said Cook wanted Ryder to come in contact with human sex organs as a present for the dog’s first birthday.
However, when they got together, the alleged plan fell through because Ryder ‘was not cooperating, he was too hyper/jumping everywhere,’ charging documents stated.
‘Rebekah Little [stated] that her and Jerrid Cook had sex instead and she did not go through with having sex with (Ryder),’ the document continued.
In Texas, even planning sex with an animal constitutes felony charges even if the act does not take place.
Things could have gone worse. Take for example:
WTF? of the Week
Bestiality accusation allegedly behind deadly sibling dispute
An accusation of bestiality allegedly led to one brother beheading another in the community of Crochas Mountain in St James, Jamaica on Thursday.
A mother is now left in mourning and will have to bury her son, 25-year-old Dale Hylton, while another one of her sons, 33-year-old Kevin McLeod, is being sought by the police.
The macabre incident allegedly erupted out of a dispute between the siblings after McLeod accused his brother of bestiality with a goat. The younger brother reportedly grew incensed with the accusation and the two siblings got into a fight despite the efforts of their mother to quell the dispute.
McLeod reportedly armed himself with a machete and inflicted a chop to his younger brother’s neck, severing his sibling’s head in the process before fleeing to the hills.
Why do “goat sex” arguments always end in decapitations?
