This week Joe Biden claimed his Afghanistan debacle was a roaring success, which is kind of like when Charlie Sheen said he was “winning” as his career tanked and he got HIV. Using that WTF? metric, here’s some other high achievers:
Headline of the Week
Small penis defense results in manslaughter conviction
The brutal slaying of Julie Meede at her Norton, Massachusetts home in January 2016 looked like a slam dunk. There were eyewitnesses, the killer was covered in Julie’s blood when cops found him, and he immediately confessed. Easy case, right?
Hailey Doran Meede was only 10 when she watched her father, Martin McDonald, slaughter her mother. McDonald is a very big guy, and Julie was tiny, so Hailey and her younger sister stepped in to help their mom, but McDonald kept stabbing and stabbing.
When Hailey tried to call 911, he punched her and took the phone away. After stabbing Julie more than 50 times, McDonald smashed her face before driving off. He fled in a pick-up truck and was captured when he smashed into a car on the highway, seriously injuring another woman. When police arrived, McDonald put his hands behind his head and said “I just killed my wife. I need to be cuffed.”
McDonald didn’t have much of a defense. He wasn’t intoxicated and there was no justification or excuse for what he did.
The first plan was to find an expert who could testify that McDonald had some sort of brain disorder, but that didn’t pan out so they moved on to something even the most desperate attorneys haven’t tried before: the small penis defense.
An expert witness for McDonald testified that he suffered from depression because he never grew much of a penis and that he compensated by taking steroids.
…a jury of seven men and seven women found McDonald guilty of only voluntary manslaughter.
That 12 jurors gave a brutal killer a double discount down from murder one to manslaughter because he felt bad about his penis size is an insult to Julie, all women and civilized society.
I believe Bill Clinton used the same defense to avoid being removed from office in his impeachment trial.
Cutter of the Week
Transgender girl tried to cut off penis aged 3 and now wears skirt to school
A mum has revealed how her three-year-old trans daughter tried to cut off her penis in a desperate attempt to be her “true self”.
Mum-of-two Jess Bratton said the shocking incident five years ago made her realise how her doll-loving son Logan wasn’t going through an experimental phase, but instead identified as a female.
Logan had always had an interest in girls’ clothes and make up, and had always been keen to see how her mum and younger sister dressed.
Jess had assumed it was merely a stage that every child went through.
But when she saw Logan trying to cut off her penis with some scissors she decided to look into the possibility that her child was trans.
Jess, 25, recalled: “I was in the kitchen making dinner, with my back to Logan’s bedroom door. She was chattering away to her dolls but suddenly went silent.
“I shouted her name and got no response, so seconds later I went into her room and caught her sitting on the bed with her trousers down, holding a pair of scissors to her bits.
“That day made me realise the severity of the situation. It wasn’t just a phase; my little boy really did want to be a girl.”
The LGBT version of “don’t run with scissors.”
Chopper of the Week
Jealous bloke who chopped off pal’s willy with an axe because it was bigger than his
Two day drinking benders rarely end well, but one hapless man bloke was left nursing more than just a hangover after a monster booze session – he had a gaping wound where his penis used to be.
According to reports the 47-year-old victim, from Bashkortostan, in the Urals region of Russia, had been boozing heavily with his 52-year-old buddy, a close friend since childhood.
Things apparently got heated when the pair drunkenly decided to have a penis-measuring contest.
Unhappy at losing, the older man took an axe to his so-called mate’s manhood, lopping it clean off. He was arrested and held by police.
A police spokesman said: “Over two days the men were binge drinking, which led to a violent argument.
“When words were exhausted, the attacker pulled out an axe and first struck the opponent on the head, then cut off his manhood.”
The Russian version of Free Willy isn’t nearly as heartwarming.
Biter of the Week
Remand prisoner bites off inmate’s testicles during fight
A man in custody shocked officers at the Tafo Pankrono Divisional Police Command in the Ashanti Region, when he chewed off the testicles of another inmate during a fight in a holding cell.
It still remains unclear what sparked the Thursday morning brawl at the station’s charge office.
A police incident report said the inmates, Jafaru Boakye, a remand prisoner, and one Awudu Abdulai, were engaged in a scuffle.
In the ensuing melee, Abdulai reportedly bit the testicles of Boakye, leaving him with life-threatening injuries.
He was rushed to the Tafo Government Hospital where he was instantly operated on, the police report said.
At some point you have to admit you’re going to lose the fight and just say “Uncle!”
Nut of the Week
WHEN an alligator crunches down on flesh and bone with its deadly jaws, it does not give up its lunch without a fight.
Here we look at some of the worst gator attacks, which have left their victims with horrible injures.
Fredric Iman, 68, was attacked by a nine-foot alligator when he was taking his usual, morning bath in a pond in Port Charlotte, Florida, in 2007.
It then reportedly bit off his testicle, finger and toes.
Speaking of his horrific ordeal from his hospital bed, he told ABC affiliate WZVN: “I tried to get it away, and it tried to pull me in.
“I turned around, and…punched it in the eye.”
He added: “You’re having a nice day one minute, and the next minute, you’re a bloody mess.”
After being bitten several times on his left foot and leg, left hand, and groin, Iman managed to escape the gator’s jaws and trek up to a nearby surgery centre, where a worker called police.
What weird yoga position was he in that the gator got his finger, toes, and testicle in one bite?
Warning of the Week
Vagina can kill you, fear it — Prince David Osei warns men
Maybe, Ghanaian award-winning actor, Prince David Osei is one of the many young men in the country who believe in the Akan statement ‘suro mmaa’.
It is not clear what may have triggered the prolific actor to make a post he just did on his social media page.
He warned Ghanaian men to fear the female genital parts of women (vagina’ of women because according to him they are very dangerous.
Prince David stated that the vagina can never be defeated so men should save themselves from dying ‘foolish’ deaths chasing it.
“The same vagina that can give birth to a man can kill a man!!! Don’t die a foolish death, my guy… the vagina can never be defeated,” he posted.
What’s the difference between a Ghanaian pussy and a bowling ball? You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
Regenerator of the Week
Woman claims her breast reduction failed after her boobs regrow
Bethanie Lyon, a 24-year-old singer and dancer from Los Angeles, paid $10,000 for a breast reduction to turn her E-cups into C-cups. However, trouble arose when she realized her breasts were starting to regrow back to their original size.
Lyon went under the knife in July 2019 to help reduce her back pain. Three months after her surgery, she noticed her clothes splitting at the seams in the bosom area. Nine months later, her breasts were back to their normal size.
While the performer was initially happy with her procedure and excited to have smaller melons, she admitted the recovery process was painful. “It felt like my skin was ripping apart,” she said.
Lyon added she knew the risks of the surgery and was aware that her breast might grow back. She believed that the regrowth might be due to her hypothyroidism and hormonal changes.
Two years after her surgery, Lyon revealed she’s learned to embrace her large chest, however, she might undergo breast reduction part two in the future.
Lyon explained that her big breasts had an impact on her work as a dancer. “They were just always so heavy and in the way, and I honestly felt like I looked stupid with them when I danced,” she added.
There’s a type of dancing, popular in the LA area, in which monster melons are a plus.
Diva of the Week
Opera singer is desperate for surgery to reduce 34KK breasts that are threatening her dream job
Maddie Boreham’s size 34KK breasts aren’t just causing back pain and denting her self-esteem, they’re also putting her dream career at risk.
Due to graduate from London’s Royal College of Music in June 2022, Maddie, of Kettering, hopes to use her perfect pitch to become a professional opera singer.
But the weight of her breasts makes it difficult to stand up straight as she sings.
‘The pain I’m experiencing because of my breasts is getting worse and I’m struggling to stand up straight to sing for long periods of time,’ Maddie said.
‘The pain is all down my spine and radiates down into my legs and knees. I constantly have to click my back and adjust.
‘As an opera singer, you have to hold yourself in a certain way when you sing.
‘We were rehearsing for a concert one day recently, doing a chorus piece. It was a day of standing up and sitting down and by the end of it, I could barely stand anymore because of the pressure my boobs were putting on my back.
‘Rehearsals are just agony for me now.’
Maddie hopes to reduce her cup size to a more manageable C or D, and discussed getting a breast reduction with GPs in 2016 and 2018.
But the arrival of Covid meant that should she try to have the cosmetic operation through the NHS, she will face a lengthy waiting list.
It ain’t over until the fat lady with the huge rack sings.
Activist of the Week
Topless Extinction Rebellion activist vows to go on ‘boob world tour’ for climate change
A topless Extinction Rebellion protestor says she wants to change the world’s view on activists and will strip off across the globe to help fight climate change.
Laura Amherst, 31, insists her boyfriend is right behind her braless stance – even if he refuses to join her by removing his shirt.
The Open University politics student caused a stir at the on-going ‘Impossible Rebellion’ demonstrations but says police are more than happy for her to carry on.
Now she wants to change to change the way activists are perceived and has vowed to spread her message all over to get the gravity of the perilous situation into people’s minds.
“Different people care – I am trying to appeal to a different demographic
“I’m body positive and I’m sex positive – you don’t need to look a certain way to make a difference.”
There could be a roadshow next and she added: “London is very open, but I want to go around the world, to different cities, to put this across. Whatever it takes to draw attention to climate change.
“We’re a crunch time and we need new ideas and quickly – it is such a serious situation.
What’s the carbon footprint of those fake titties?
Nickname of the Week
Banner plane that some perceived as hate message was actually marriage proposal
A banner plane seen over the weekend in South Florida caused a firestorm on social media.
The message on the banner caught the attention of many who have grown accustomed to hate speech.
Liora Rez, the executive director of stopantisemitism.org, received the photos from her South Florida followers.
She called Pembroke Pines police and even pulled North Perry Airport’s flight manifest.
“I was shocked, as many people were,” she said. “Everyone’s sensitivities and alarm levels are set at such a high level when seeing a banner that blatantly says, “Jew. I have a question.’”
The banner and flight originated at Aerial Banner, Inc. at North Perry Airport, where they told Local 10 News’ Glenna Milberg it was actually a marriage proposal, like so many they do, and a woman nicknamed Jew raised no eyebrows until a call from the Anti-Defamation League.
A woman nicknamed Jew?
Mug of the Week
Nicholas Ruthenberg, 25, was taken into custody after allegedly driving the wrong way down a street and crashing into a car in Vero Beach, Florida, on Monday afternoon – just hours after he tied the knot.
Ruthenberg fled from the scene on foot, but he was soon detained by cops and taken to the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office.
The other driver was rushed to hospital with “neck, back, and leg pain”.
Cops soon learned Ruthenberg had tied the knot just a few blocks from the scene of the the crash, and thought he appeared to be drunk.
Ruthenburg, a registered Democrat, yelled “all hail Donald Trump” as he arrived at the Sheriff’s Office and refused to pose for a mugshot…
Bizarre photos taken show handlers struggling to get the topless suspect to hold still for the camera.
The pictures show several people, with different coloured gloves, desperately trying to get Ruthenburg to keep his head straight and pose for the mugshot.
He then returned a blood alcohol level reading of 0.0, so police asked him for a urine sample to “determine the presence of chemical or controlled substances”.
According to the arrest report, he “started to take his pants off and spread his buttocks”.
He then “placed two fingers in his own anus” before cops quickly put him back in handcuffs.
A detective said Ruthenberg’s erratic behavior “was consistent with someone under the influence of some kind of stimulant”.
A registered democrat who fingers his own asshole? Was he also one of the “right wing” January 6 Capitol insurrectionists?
Muncher of the Week
Paso Robles bank robbery suspect ate his own feces during 2015 trial
The Paso Robles man arrested after he allegedly (and unsuccessfully) tried to rob a bank had previously made headlines in San Luis Obispo County for eating his own feces during a bank robbery trial in 2015.
Andrew Gilbertson, 46, was arrested Tuesday after he allegedly entered the Chase Bank on Niblick Road, brandished what seemed to be a handgun, and demanded money from an employee. He left without any cash, and employees notified police of his attempt.
Police located Gilbertson in a nearby neighborhood later that evening and took him into custody on a charge of felony robbery.
Gilbertson isn’t unknown to local law enforcement.
In 2015, he was found guilty of robbing a San Luis Obispo Bank of America in July 2013.
During his trial, Gilbertson, also a convicted sex offender, reached into his pants, removed fecal matter and ate it — a move that according to Tribune coverage of the trial, prompted a court recess.
A forensic psychiatrist called as a prosecution witness during the trial said Gilberston had eaten his own feces before, and claimed that voices and the Virgin Mary made him rob the bank.
So, who made him eat his own shit?
Soft Serve of the Week
Man urinates on Dairy Queen counter over mask policy
An unmasked Canadian man was so peed-off about a Dairy Queen‘s face covering mandate that he relieved himself on the counter of the fast food restaurant, footage posted on Facebook showed.
The Saturday night incident happened in Vancouver Island’s Port Alberni, according to CTV News.
The peevish customer argued with staff about British Columbia’s mask policy before unzipping his pants and defiling the DQ service counter as the staff shrieked in horror, footage showed.
“It’s not a BC policy. BC policy says you have to observe exemptions,” the dribbling dissenter said in the video before apparently taking matters into his own hands.
“F—ing psychopaths,” he exclaimed before walking out of the store.
“This is the first incident of this nature,” RCMP Sgt. Chris Manseau told the outlet. “I think people should just wear their masks and be safe and be polite.”
Police continued to search for the unidentified urinator.
Maybe he’s a food critic. Dairy Queen is pretty awful.
Granny of the Week
Woman claims to have ‘maybe an ounce’ of weed, authorities find 20 lbs.
A woman in Tennessee told officers there was “maybe an ounce” of marijuana on her farm, but it turns out she may have downplayed the amount just a bit.
According to the 15th Drug Task Force of Tennessee, investigators recovered over 20 pounds of marijuana and 40 plants from the property.
Authorities said they searched a residence nearby and recovered more growing and processed marijuana.
The woman, who is referred to as Ms. Brewington on social media, was arrested as the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office closed out a monthlong investigation.
The 15th Drug Task Force of Tennessee posted her mugshot on Facebook and added smiley faces over the gesture she made.
The internet has mixed reactions to the mugshot, some saying she has no respect for authorities while others are calling her a hero.
There’s something I like about her, I just can’t put my finger on it.
IED of the Week
Man undressed in Lowe’s, fearing bomb in his pants
When a naked man was spotted Sunday running through Lowe’s Home Improvement, witnesses called Greenwood police, according to a report.
Kelvin Lamont Cooper III, 38, of 2238 Marrian Ave., Greenwood was arrested Sunday and charged with indecent exposure.
When officers arrived, they reported finding the man standing outside at a flower display wearing only a towel to cover himself. He told officers he thought he was being followed by people who were threatening to kill him.
The man told police he was hiding behind a post when he heard his pants begin to “beep,” and thought someone had planted a bomb in his clothes, so he removed all of his clothing, the report said. When employees saw the naked man, they gave him a towel to cover himself.
Police asked the man to dress, but he said he would not because he was afraid his clothes would explode, the report said.
Is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just happy to be insane?
WTF? of the Week
‘I divorced lesbian wife over cheating – now he’s transitioned and is my hubby’
A woman from Derbyshire who divorced her lesbian partner for cheating is now back with them as husband and wife.
Jewls Peart-Watson, 42, from Alfreton, Derbyshire discovered her then-wife was having an affair with a colleague at work.
However, the couple have now remarried as husband and wife after Brandon transitioned to be a man.
The affair happened while then-wife Brandon was transitioning.
Jewls uncovered the affair after months of lies and shady behaviour, such as changes on their joint phone bill and suspicious texts.
After confronting her partner, Brandon Peart-Watson, 52, a handyman, she broke off their marriage.
Brandon finally told Jewls the truth in November 2017.
Although the couple separated, they remained close and in a twist of fate, have now re-married in a beautifully intimate ceremony in Llandrindod Wells, Wales.
Is that the woman nicknamed “Jew” from the wedding proposal story?
