The week we learned that Gen. Milley committed treason and initiated a coup on Nancy Pelosi’s orders. Here’s some WTF? that is treason of reason:
Headline of the Week
Hungry Horse Woman Admits to Trafficking Meth
A Hungry Horse woman accused of distributing pounds of methamphetamine in the Flathead Valley admitted to trafficking on Sept. 17, U.S. Attorney Leif M. Johnson said.
Kalynn Marie Moskaloff, 25, pleaded guilty to possession with intent to distribute meth and faces a minimum of 10 years to life in prison, a $10 million fine and at least five years of supervised release.
Several witnesses told law enforcement that they worked with Moskaloff to distribute about two pounds of meth per month for approximately one year between May 2019 and May 2020, according to court documents.
Moskaloff bought two to three pounds of meth at a time from one of the witnesses, who estimated their meth distribution totaled about 24 pounds, equating to 86,976 does, of the drug, according to court documents.
Law enforcement found meth and firearms in Moskoloff’s vehicles during two separate traffic stops in January and February 2020.
Oh, I thought this was about a drug-dealing horse woman who hadn’t eaten in a while. My mistake. Let’s try this one:
Big Meat hits back at Biden administration for blaming inflation on industry
A trade group that represents the nation’s meat processors, including JBS USA, Cargill and Tyson Foods, blasted the Biden administration Tuesday for accusing the industry of “pandemic profiteering” — saying the government “refuses to acknowledge” the real problem.
In a letter to US Department of Agriculture Secretary Thomas Vilsack, the North American Meat Institute said surging prices were a result of a nationwide labor shortage — not consolidation of the meat industry.
“The Administration cannot ignore the fundamental principles of supply and demand,” Anna Potts of NAMI said.
“Americans are experiencing firsthand what the Secretary refuses to acknowledge, the effects of COVID and lack of labor are hurting consumers, and nothing proposed by the Secretary of Agriculture on the structure of the meat and poultry industry will help families struggling to pay for groceries.”
Ok, I thought this one was about Biden getting pummeled by a huge penis. Let’s just move on.
Stucker of the Week
Teen gets USB cable stuck in penis in backfired attempt to measure length
A UK teen had to undergo emergency surgery after a bananas attempt to measure his manhood resulted in him getting a USB cable lodged in his urethra.
The phallic fiasco reportedly began after an unnamed 15-year-old boy was “triggered by sexual curiosity” and inserted a USB wire into his urethra, per a wince-worthy study published in the medical journal Urology Case Reports.
The sexperiment backfired when the cable became lodged in the curious teen’s scrotum like an electronic catheter. Despite attempts to extract it himself, the USB cord became tangled so terribly that both ends were left hanging out of his wired willy.
The plugged-up boy’s family transported him to the hospital after he began urinating blood. After initial attempts to remove the wire failed, the teen was transferred to University College Hospital London to see if they could extricate the intra-penile measuring tape.
Per the report, the embarrassed boy asked to speak to doctors without his mother present, whereupon he “confessed” to his frightening escapade.
Subsequent X-rays revealed that there was a veritable Gordian Knot of USB wire inside the teenager, which required surgeons to make an incision in the region between his genitals and anus to yank it out. They pulled the spooled end through the hole first, cutting it free from the rest of the wire before removing the remaining bits — literally pulling the plug.
That ain’t how you measure a dick, it’s how you measure stupidity.
Humper of the Week
‘Abnormally horny’ dog needs £1.6k castration as it humps so much its genitals bleed
An “abnormally horny” hound who humps so much its penis bleeds is in need of an emergency castration.
Love rat Milo, a pure white Chihuahua, could do irreversible damage to his penis if he isn’t neutered urgently, vets said.
Owner Courteney Smith, 20, said her one-year-old is always sexually grinding against objects alive and inanimate.
Milo is so randy, she added, that his penis is often bleeding because of how often he’s rubbing himself against hard items around her house.
The carpet is also a source of friction burns for sex-mad Milo.
Courteney told the Essex Gazette: “Milo gets abnormally horny to the point where his penis bleeds from humping.
“Our vet has informed us he needs to have his balls castrated as soon as possible because at this rate he will cause irreversible damage to his penis and lead to him being put down.
“I don’t want my dog to go through any more pain or anxiety every time his penis bleeds.
It’d be cheaper to get him a doggy prostitute.
Snipper of the Week
Model gets vagina surgery as birthday gift from pal – but instantly regrets it
However, she says she instantly regretted it after having it done.
Instagram influencer Deia Cavalheiro said she gotnymphoplasty, also known as the labia plastic surgery, after a long time friend who’s a plastic surgeon told her to “choose a procedure” for her birthday.
However, she wished she’d never had after she actually got it done.
“He just told me to choose a procedure,” said the model.
“We have been friends for the longest time and it was my birthday.
“As a birthday gift, he said I could choose any surgery that he would do it himself.”
She added: “At the time, I didn’t really had anything I needed or wanted to change about my body.
“The labia surgery was actually an idea of another friend of mine who got it done. The moment she showed me her results I was immediately sold.”
She said her surgeon friend begged her not to get it done as her vagina was “already good looking”.
However, she ignored him – although she wished she hadn’t.
“My surgeon friend begged me not to get this surgery because it wouldn’t make much difference as mine’s was already good looking, “she explained.
“I just too hyped. I convinced him to do it.
“I actually regret it because the post-operation is awful and it really didn’t make a big difference as mine was already pretty much the same thing. I should have listened.”
See, rich people have problems too.
Biter of the Week
Elderly man in Fukuoka Pref. city bitten in buttocks by monkey, 18th case since Aug.
A man in his 70s was bitten by a monkey in the buttocks in this city’s Wakamatsu Ward on Sept. 10, the municipal government announced on Sept. 12.
According to the city’s wild animal damage division, the monkey jumped on the man and bit him at around noon on Sept. 10, when he found the animal eating chestnuts in a farm field.
Eighteen people in the area have been injured by monkeys since Aug. 7.
The monkeys are really putting the Fuk U in Fukuoka.
Ejaculator of the Week
Man pees and ejaculates from anus because of a simple procedure
‘A curious case of rectal ejaculation’
According to the report, a 33-year-old unnamed man had gone to the hospital with complaints of testicular pain. He also mentioned that for the past two years, a substantial amount of sperm and urine was passing through his rectum. Given his alarming claims, examinations were carried out full speed.
The tests revealed a number of concerns, including swelling in the left testicle, a defect in the rectal wall, a possible urinary infection, and an abnormal opening (fistula) between the prostate and rectum. Because of these compounding issues, the two organs were interacting with each other in unusual ways and as a result the American had semen and urine in the rectum, and gas and faeces in the urine.
It is also important to mention that the patient had an extensive history of drug abuse. Two years earlier, the patient had been admitted to the hospital for more than three weeks because he was intoxicated with cocaine and another hallucinogenic drug. He had slipped into a coma during which a urinary catheter was inserted and as a result blood was released into the urine. It was after that incident that the fistula first appeared.
Fortunately, the doctors were able to close up the fistula and the patient made a full recovery—well apart from the fact that he had decreased levels of sperm production for several months.
Shitting out of his dick and ejaculating out of his ass? Cocaine really is a hell of a drug.
Crapper of the Week
Man defecates in grocery freezer, shopper ends up with it on her hands
Police in Oklahoma are searching for the culprit who defecated in a grocery store freezer after a woman made the revolting discovery when she was reaching for a bag of pizza rolls.
The male was captured on surveillance cameras defecating inside the freezer at the store in Moore on Sunday night.
Shirley Wright-Johnson, who was shopping with her two children, told KFOR she ended up with feces all over her hand after she reached inside the freezer for the bag of frozen food.
“I felt something smushy on the bag, so I turned it over and there it was,” she said.
“I was so disgusted I was almost in tears.”
Wright-Johnson said the bag she reached for had been placed on top of the feces to cover it up.
She immediately alerted store employees and then scrubbed her hands clean.
“I bleached my hand, I disinfected my hand,” she said, adding it did little to deter the smell.
“All the way home (her children) still were like, ‘Mom, I can smell it, I can smell it.’ I’m like, ‘I smell it too, baby.’ ”
After reviewing the surveillance videos, police said the man was also allegedly taking photos of women inside the store.
The shit is probably better for her kids than the pizza rolls.
Pisser of the Week
Deadly shooting in northeast El Paso apartment complex stems from urination
A man was booked into the El Paso County Jail and charged with murder after a 26-year-old man was shot and killed in the northeast on Wednesday.
According to an affidavit, the suspect Eduardo David Blanco, 28, told investigators that an argument started after his dog urinated on a neighboring property where the victim, Atravius Burkes, was at.
The argument, at 8944 Robert Drive, later escalated when Burkes began to urinate on Blanco’s property, the affidavit stated.
The El Paso Police Department and Blanco said that Burkes was in possession of a handgun and made it known that he had the firearm.
Blanco said that Burkes pointed his gun at him and heard him fire the gun, the affidavit stated.
When the confrontation continued, Blanco fired a rifle multiple times at Burkes and killed him, police said.
According to the affidavit, Blanco called 9-1-1 and told an operator that he did shoot Burkes after Burkes reportedly shot him.
Blanco later identified the gun he shot Burkes with as an AK-47, the affidavit stated.
Investigators concluded that Burkes did have a handgun on him but that he never pointed it at Blanco or shot at him.
According to the affidavit, Burkes fell to the ground after being shot and Blanco reportedly shot him on the ground several more times.
You rarely get definitive results from a pissing contest like this.
F*cker of the Week
19-Year-Old Boy Murders Elderly Widow, Rapes Dead Body in Rajasthan’s Hanumangarh
A 19 -year-old boy allegedly murdered a 60-year-old woman and then raped the dead body in Rajasthan’s Hanumangarh district on Thursday.
According to Rajasthan Police, a 19-year-old boy attempted to rape a 60-year-old widow late on Thursday night in Dulmana village under Pilibanga police station jurisdiction. When the widow resisted the boy first killed her and then had sex with the dead body.
The 19-year-old accused has been identified as Surendar alias Mandia. A complaint against the accused has been filed for murder and the act of necrophilia, the practice of having sex with dead bodies.
“We have registered an FIR against Mandia under various sections of Indian Penal Code (IPC). We have arrested the accused,” said a senior police officer of Pilibanga police station.
The police officer added, “The accused after murdering the elderly widow and carrying out an act of necrophilia went to the woman’s brother-in-law and narrated to him how and why he murdered the woman.”
The National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) data released early this week states that Rajasthan has recorded the highest number of rape cases in the country in 2020 followed by Uttar Pradesh and Madhya Pradesh.
According to the crime data for 2020 released by the NCRB, a total of 5310 rape cases have been registered in various police stations of the state.
The state top cop also said that during the investigation they have found that 43 percent of rape cases were false and registered due to personal vendetta.
India is a pretty f*cked up place.
Mother F*cker of the Week
Mother of Incest: Man arrested for being dad of mom’s 3 kids, another son at large
A Beninese, Adamu Sabi Sime, has been arrested by the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC), Kwara State Command, for having carnal knowledge of his biological mother.
The command’s spokesman, Mr. Babawale Afolabi said Sime had been having an affair with his mother for a long time and it had resulted in three children.
Afolabi said that further investigation revealed that the younger brother of the accused, who was also confirmed to be sleeping with the mother, was now at large.
“On Sept. 9, the District Head of Mosne Had Community, Kaima, Malam Bandede, reported the forbidden act committed by Sime and his mother Fati Sime of the same community.
“Men from the Intelligence Unit, NSCDC in Kaima, swung into action and the outcome of the investigations established the fact that the mother (Fati) had birthed three children for her biological son,” he stated.
Africa is a pretty f*cked up place.
Drinker of the Week
Inebriated Woman Crashes Into Husband’s Car While Picking Him Up From His Own Drunk Accident
Indiana State Police said a husband and wife were arrested on Monday after both were involved in a car crash influenced by alcohol.
Authorities told the local news outlet WEHT that Donald Ricketts, 56, of Poseyville was heading north on SR 165 at 8:24 p.m. on Monday, when he swerved and hit the driver’s side of a tractor-trailer heading south. Neither party was injured, and the collision was close to Ricketts’ home, so he allegedly called his wife, Cheral Ricketts, to come pick him up from the crash site. Before police arrived, Cheral allegedly drove to the crash site and crashed her own car into her husband’s, totaling both vehicles.
When police arrived they suspected that the Ricketts were both intoxicated, and gave Cheral a preliminary breathalyzer test that revealed she had a BAC of .22 percent. Her husband was revealed to have had a BAC of .28%. The former was arrested and taken to the Posey County Jail, while the latter was admitted to Deaconess Gibson Hospital for a non-life-threatening medical issue.
Some people were made for each other.
Slasher of the Week
Galveston fines lawyer for strolling beach as Michael Myers with bloody knife
On Monday, Sept.13, police cited a Galveston man for strolling the beach while dressing up as a horror movie character.
According to the Galveston Daily News, the man wore a Michael Myers suit from the Halloween franchise and walked around with a fake bloody knife. Police stopped by the beach after someone called 9-1-1 and complained about the scary character.
Responding officers stopped the man and put him in handcuffs. According to a Facebook post, the man was island attorney Mark Metzger, who uploaded pictures of himself as Myers on the beach. He said the costume was a prank.
Social media posts went viral as they showed Metzger walking on the beach and of him being handcuffed by the police. Authorities cited him for disorderly conduct and then released him, Galveston Daily News reported.
In a second post made around 7:20 p.m., Metzger wrote his appearance on the beach was about “bringing positive vibes to the gloom and doom out there, generating some laughter, helping people crack a smile, and restoring our faith in humanity through humor.”
“So if taking a silly walk down the beach during a storm in a costume, and subsequently being arrested for disorderly conduct accomplished any of that …. then I’d do it again all day every day,” Metzger wrote.
Metzger mentioned the misdemeanor charge, but said he was “still fuzzy” about what was illegal about his actions.
You’d think a lawyer would know that Galveston is only zoned for freaking people out dressed as Jason Voorhees.
Shooter of the Week
Man who fired gunshots out of hotel room window says he was ‘aiming at aliens’
A man who fired a gun out his hotel room window said he was aiming for aliens.
Samuel Riddell, 55, opened fire at the car park and a neighbouring room at a Kentucky hotel on Saturday afternoon…
The previously convicted criminal was charged with four counts of wanton endangerment of a police officer, multiple counts of criminal mischief and possession of a handgun and firearm by a convicted felon.
In a press release local police stated: “Mr. Riddell told police that he observed aliens in the parking lot and was shooting at them.
“Detectives discovered Mr. Riddell was a convicted felon and was in possession of two handguns and a semi-automatic rifle.
“There were no injuries reported after the incident. Police later discovered several bullets had struck vehicles in the parking lot, and one had entered an adjacent occupied room.”
But did they find the aliens? Or the meth that brought them to the motel?
WTF? of the Week
Young woman had sex with dolphin who ‘killed himself’ when they were torn apart
A young woman had a sexual relationship with a “naughty” dolphin who later seemed to commit suicide when their affair came to an end.
In the early 1960s, young Margaret Howe Lovatt talked her way into becoming part of a NASA-funded project to communicate with dolphins.
There were three dolphins, Margaret said, named Peter, Pamela and Sissy.
Peter and Margaret developed a unique bond. He became jealous if she spent too much time with the other dolphins and the feeling was, at least to an extent, mutual.
“That relationship of having to be together sort of turned into really enjoying being together, and wanting to be together, and missing him when he wasn’t there,” Margaret told the BBC.
Peter and Margaret became more and more close, and the closeness became physical: “He was very, very interested in my anatomy. If I was sitting here and my legs were in the water, he would come up and look at the back of my knee for a long time. He wanted to know how that thing worked and I was so charmed by it.”
…Lovatt took to giving Peter sexual relief whenever he became too sexually aroused to participate in her experiments.
“It was just easier to incorporate that and let it happen,” she said. “It was very precious, it was very gentle.
“Peter knew I was right there, Peter was right there … again it was sexual on his part, it was not sexual on mine — sensuous perhaps.
“It would just become part of what was going on, like an itch, just get rid of that, scratch it and we’ll be done and move on.”
But eventually NASA sent a young astronomer, Carl Sagan, to report on the progress John Lilly was making and soon after that the agency pulled the plug on the experiments.
And that spelled the end for Margaret and Peter’s strange relationship.
Soon after being separated from Lovatt, Peter drowned in what appeared to be a suicide.
Dolphins need to surface regularly to breathe, and he appeared to deliberately stay submerged until he suffocated.
Or maybe he killed himself when he realized what a double-bagger he’d been banging.
