This week’s biggest WTF? was liberals claiming that Border Patrol agent whipped Haitian illegal aliens despite photographic and video evidence to the contrary. The left is now telling us not to believe our own eyes. Here’s some WTF? that your eyes won’t want to believe but is all too real:
Headline of the Week
A drunken reveller ‘with mobility problems’ caused £20,000 worth of damage performing an obscene act on top of a statue.
Stewart Tomlinson, 45, was ordered to pay £4,500 in compensation for snapping the head off The Footie Imp, a statue sponsored for charity by Lincoln City Football Club.
The court was shown closed-circuit television footage from Lincoln centre of the jobless father-of-two twice wrapping his legs around the head of the Imp and simulating a sex act as his drunken companions watched.
The fibre-glass statue, dressed in Lincoln City’s strip, was beheaded on the second occasion. Tomlinson and his friends then kicked the broken pieces around before leaving to continue an all-day drinking binge.
Presiding magistrate David Phillips said: ‘So you have reduced mobility and a slipped disc? It’s very surprising that you managed to jump up there twice.’
And that’s why he’s a little f*cker.
Gamer of the Week
A middle-aged man got his penis stuck inside the neck of a plastic bottle for two months in what was believed to be a masturbation game gone wrong.
The 45-year-old unidentified man, from Nepal, used the neck of a bottle to strangle his penis, a technique sometimes used for sexual pleasure.
When he finally went to A&E two months later, doctors had to use cable wire cutters to free his penis from the strangulation device.
Penis strangulation, which medics say is often attempted as part of a sex ‘game’, can cut off blood supply and even cause penis tissue to rot if left too long.
Medics at the Koirala Institute of Health Sciences said his penis had become extremely swollen due to a lack of blood flow and the patient was on the verge of suffering long-lasting damage.
But the man would not reveal why he did it and never came back in for a follow-up, so doctors do not know how well he recovered.
I’m not sure how you keep score in that game but the man doesn’t appear to have won.
Giver of the Week
Gorillas shock onlookers with oral sex show at Bronx Zoo in hilarious video
A pair of frisky gorillas at the Bronx Zoo proved that when one was filmed performing oral sex on its partner in front of aghast zoo-goers. A clip of the NSFW scene is currently blowing up on social media — but animal experts report that it’s all completely normal.
“I was shocked and had no idea that was a ‘natural’ act,” the videographer, who has opted to remain anonymous, told The Post of the steamy spectacle, which he captured while visiting the iconic NYC zoo with his family.
“I was in the gorilla exhibit with my 4-year-old daughter and niece,” he said. “My wife had to stay out of the exhibit with my sleeping son, so I wanted to capture a lot of video. Then this magic happened.”
The resulting footage shows the giving simian servicing his partner while they’re splayed out on the ground as onlookers guffaw and turn their children away.
They don’t call him the head gorilla for nothing.
Rocker of the Week
Woman, Son Blind Husband Using Chili Powder, Smash His Genitals With Sharp-Edged Stone
A woman has been accused of sprinkling chili powder on her husband’s eyes and smashing a sharp-edged stone against his genitals with the help of her son in the Vankudoth Thanda area of Mahabubabad district in Telangana state, India on Tuesday, Sept. 21.
The victim, identified as Bukya Bicha, a Bukya Thanda resident who worked as a farmhand, was allegedly killed by his wife Pramila and son Suresh on Tuesday, Sept. 21. They reportedly used chili to temporarily blind the man before proceeding to thrashed him with sticks and smash his genitals with a sharp-edged rocked. Bicha sustained grievous injuries in the attack and later succumbed to his condition…
Pramila and Suresh reportedly attacked Bicha in revenge as they were frequently assaulted and harassed by the patriarch when he is in a drunken state. Fed up with Bicha’s abuse, the mother-son duo decided to bring an end to his torture and killed him at the house of his mother-in-law. The duo have been arrested for murder under Section 302 of the Indian Penal Code.
Correction, they were arrested under Section 69 of the Indian Penile Code.
Dragger of the Week
Reptile-obsessed banker wants penis removed in bid to become ‘genderless dragon’
A reptile-obsessed former banker wants to become the world’s first “genderless dragon” by having their penis removed.
Tiamat Legion Medusa, 60, from Texas, US, has spent more than £61,000 on modification surgeries including ear removal, tongue splitting, castration and countless tattoos.
Legion, who was born Richard Hernandez, says their love for extreme body modifications started after a dream in the 1980s about a snake bite, which they believe turned them into a “reptoid”.
Legion, a former vice president of a bank, said: “[In the dream] I found myself surrounded by snakes, of all colours and the snakes were all biting me and I was very much afraid, but as the dream went on and they kept on biting me, I could see that I was not being hurt by them or their bites.
“It was when I realised this that my fear began to subside and I felt safe and at peace and I was not afraid of the snakes, then I woke up.
“Today I believe that when those snakes were biting me in my dream that they were in effect injecting me with their venom as a way to give me that venom making me like them, which is why today I am a venom-spitting dragon, as opposed to being a fire-breathing dragon like many people incorrectly assume.”
Their identity crisis began as a child, when Legion says they faced abuse that led to a “disconnect” from the human race.
They were diagnosed with AIDS in 1997 and decided to change their life completely by “shedding” parts of their humanity.
Legion added: “I am removing parts of myself that offend me including some of my physical attributes and also how I live my life today as creature that is part-human and part-reptilian.
Nobody is afraid of a dickless dragon.
Rubber of the Week
North Wales care worker accused of urinating on child’s toothbrush and rubbing cutlery on genitals
A care worker allegedly urinated on a child’s toothbrush, rubbed cutlery on her genitals and added laxatives to food at a residential home for children, a panel has heard.
Rebecca Spencer faces a total of eight charges relating to her conduct whilst employed as a support worker in North Wales between January and March 2020.
Social Care Wales’ Fitness to Practice Panel heard evidence from Ms Spencer relating to the charges yesterday (Wednesday).
Ms Spencer admits breaching confidentiality by taking and sending pictures of young people in her care without permission.
However, she denies other charges relating to messages that were sent from her phone, including those where she allegedly discussed urinating on a child’s toothbrush and underwear.
The offences are alleged to have taken place at an unnamed care home for 11 to 18 year olds in Denbighshire which provides care for children and young people who have displayed sexually harmful behaviours and young people with learning difficulties.
Pussy forking sounds like a sexually harmful behavior as well.
Injector of the Week
Mother, daughter accused of ‘outlaw’ buttocks augmentations
A mother and daughter have been arrested in Southern California on suspicion of performing “outlaw” buttocks augmentation procedures on women, including one who died, police said Wednesday.
Libby Adame, 51, and Alicia Galaz, 23, are accused of performing the “inherently unsafe, FDA unapproved” cosmetic procedures at non-medical facilities, the Los Angeles Police Department said in a statement.
“Neither are a licensed medical provider in California and their clients were recruited through Instagram,” the statement said.
The women were taken into custody last month in the city of Riverside. It wasn’t immediately known what charges they might face or whether they have attorneys who could speak on their behalf.
An arrest warrant was issued after a woman who underwent “an outlaw buttocks augmentation” died at a hospital emergency room in October 2019, police said. The defendants fled the scene without informing authorities or paramedics that the victim had undergone a medical procedure, according to investigators.
“This cosmetic procedure involved injecting an uncontained, liquid silicone substance directly into the buttocks to make the buttocks look fuller,” the police statement said. “The consequence of injecting uncontained silicone into the body is that it can enter the bloodstream and create embolisms which can result in serious illness or death.”
It looks like they may have illegally injected their butt faces as well.
Sleeper of the Week
Man found asleep in pile of chicken fingers, meth in Pleasant Grove days after getting out of jail
Hours after getting out of jail, a man reportedly stole a car in Hueytown. Days later, he broke into a concession stand at the Pleasant Grove Athletic Complex and was found asleep in a pile of snacks and meth, police said.
On Sept. 17, Matthew Williamson was released from the Jefferson County Jail after being arrested and charged with breaking into a car and stealing property earlier that day. The Pleasant Grove Department of Public Safety reports that less than two hours after his release, Williamson went to Hueytown and stole a car.
On Wednesday, Pleasant Grove police received a report of someone breaking into the concession stand at the Pleasant Grove Athletic Complex, where many snacks were taken. The next morning, Williamson was found asleep in the complex’s press box, surrounded by piles of chicken fingers, chips, candy and methamphetamine.
Williamson, 37, reportedly admitted to stealing the car and burglarizing the concession. On Friday, he was taken back to the Jefferson County Jail.
The weird thing is, meth heads don’t sleep or eat. Okay, the weird thing is that mugshot.
Stoner of the Week
Doctors baffled as girl cries stone tears, shedding 15 rocks per day
Doctors are stumped by a teenage girl who appears to cry small rocks from one eye.
The 15-year-old girl from Kannauj, Uttar Pradesh, northern India, is the centre of a bizarre medical mystery, with doctors claiming that her affliction is not medically possible.
For almost two months, her family members claim between 10-15 stones have come out of her left eye.
In a clip, which was filmed in the village of Gadiya Balidaspur, a lump can be seen in the upper left-hand side of her eyelid.
A person off-camera appears to massage it down until what appears to be a stone drops out of her eye and falls onto the girl’s top.
Later, another rock-like item drops from her eyelid – this time coming from the upper right-hand side.
It drops down from near her tear duct before falling again, with a woman catching it in her clothes.
The girl then holds the rock up in her hand, before showing a collection of rocks – all of which allegedly came from her eyeball.
The family have consulted doctors – all of whom insist it is not medically possible.
What, do you got rocks in yer head? Yeah, actually, I do.
Boner of the Week
Man in bondage gear arrested for indecent exposure at Rochester Hills car dealership
A Royal Oak man has been charged with indecent exposure following an incident at a car dealership Thursday evening in Rochester Hills.
The Oakland County Sheriff’s Office said 40-year-old Rahul Mitra was arrested outside FOX Volkswagen, in the 700th block of Rochester Road, after a call came in about a suspicious person.
Deputies arrived to find Mitra in a car in the parking lot behind the dealership, wearing a silk mask, bondage gear and women’s lingerie, without any pants.
The sheriff’s office said Mitra was lying on the front seat of the car with the driver’s side door open, and his genitals exposed.
Deputies ordered the Mitra out of the car, the scene was photographed, evidence was collected, and he was taken to the Oakland County Jail.
At least he was respecting the state’s mask mandate.
Batter of the Week
Terrified woman hears ‘squeak’ then finds bat hanging upside-down on her crotch
A woman was shocked when she walked into her house and realised a bat was hanging upside-down on the crotch area of her jeans.
Tiffany Granillo, from Colorado in US, posted her discovery on TikTok and asked: “How did this happen to me?”
In the video, she pans her camera down to her jeans and awkwardly opens her legs where the nocturnal animal is seen clinging right from her crotch.
“Stay out of nature,” an overlay text in the video shows.
In the comments section, she joked she had to leave a video as “evidence” if she, unfortunately, died from rabies and explained: “All I know is I took a step and heard a squeak, looked down and…
“I called my husband first. I was terrified to move until he came to get it.
“My husband grabbed him, he died from cat-related injuries.”
She continued: “I saw a cat in the area that I think was the culprit. We sent the bat off for testing and he came back negative for rabies within a few hours.”
And you thought crabs were bad.
Butter of the Week
Mum with £17k worth of tattoos plans to cover herself in ink– but dreads doing butt
An extreme tattoo fan with ink all over her body and face is working to cover her whole body in black ink before going back over it in white.
Aleksandra Jasmin, 31, a tattoo artist and mum-of-three, from Finland, got her first tattoo at 18 and has since spent up to £17,100 on ink.
Currently, Aleksandra’s body is covered in intricate tattoos from the big cat on her stomach tp the skull above her crotch and even the words “sinner” on her arm.
The mum has hundreds more designs on her skin from the mandala and words on her forehead, cheeks and chin to a fully blacked out arm.
“I have lots of styles, but mostly I’m into blackwork (on myself).”
Blackwork is a style of tattoo which covers the skin in block, black ink.
But, Aleksandra won’t be deterred from adding more designs to her body when she’s entirely covered in black.
She plans to go over the dark ink with more designs – and there’s still one part of her body she’s hesitating to take a gun to.
The mum-of-three explained: “I have this black project going on right now.
“I still have my butt crack to be done, not looking forward to it.
They do say “crack don’t black” or maybe it’s the other way around.
Hooker of the Week
Police find accused leg thief with leg strapped to head
Kevion Hooks was arrested for an armed robbery in which he took a prosthetic leg from the victim, police say.
According to the Tulsa Police Department, the victim stated that Hooks came up to him with a large metal spike, took the victim’s backpack and also took the victim’s prosthetic leg. Hooks even asked the victim the worth of each item he was stealing.
When Hooks was apprehended, they found him with the victim’s leg strapped to his head.
Police say they took the leg off Hooks’ head and gave it back to the victim.
Round 2 in the “One legged man in an ass kicking contest” goes to the ass.
Swallower of the Week
Snake-swallower dies after viper bites tongue in horror scene
A snake-swallowing daredevil has died after a viper bit his tongue and throat and caused a horrific allergic reaction.
Video shows the farm worker, 55, performing a “trick” in which he traps the snake in his mouth in front of workmates in a watermelon field in Astrakhan, Russia.
Reports say the man had twice before put the viper further down his throat.
But on the third attempt, seen in the footage, the snake bit his tongue.
While the snake is poisonous, its bite should not be lethal to humans.
A few hours later the unnamed melon farmer was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with Quincke’s edema after his tongue and throat swelled after an “allergic reaction”.
He was reported to have suffered anaphylactic shock.
His tongue “could barely fit in his mouth” and he was left gasping for breath, said one report.
Frantic efforts by doctors at Kharabalinskiy district hospital failed to save him, according to Antrakhan 24.
Snake-swallowing is said to be a popular trick among locals.
It’s also a popular trick in San Francisco.
WTF? of the Week
Knoxville woman in custody for abandoning burning car while naked, police say
A Knoxville woman is in custody after abandoning a burning vehicle, damaging a guardrail, stripping to only a mask, tail and underwear and assaulting officers, a report from the Knoxville Police Department said.
According to the report, officers were dispatched to a reported wreck at Edington Road near Maryville Pike. While on the scene, officers found an abandoned Pontiac Grand Prix at the intersection of Sims Road and Lester Road that was still in motion. The car moved off the road and hit a guardrail, and a witness had to put out a fire located on the car’s door, the report said.
Officers ran the registration of the vehicle and found that it belonged to Marisa Ferrante, 23. Later on Monday, officers were dispatched to Sims Road due to a reported naked woman wearing a mask ringing doorbells.
Officers reportedly then located a woman walking down Edington Road near Maryville Pike wearing only a mask, underwear and tail stopping traffic at the intersection. Officers tried to approach the woman, identified as Ferrante, but she ran on foot away from the officers, jumping a fence at a nearby house.
Officers followed Ferrante, who then pretended to be defecating near a dog enclosure while talking to the dog in the enclosure, the report said. Ferrante then began eating grass from the lawn, according to the report.
Officers managed to arrest Ferrante while she attempted to kick, punch and bite them, the report said. While in custody, Ferrante reportedly told officers that she was “called to abandon her car and go into the woods naked.”
Ferrante was charged with indecent exposure, evading arrest, criminal trespass, resisting arrest, assault on a first responder, disorderly conduct, obstructing a highway, reckless endangerment, duty upon striking fixtures upon a highway and not providing an immediate notice of an accident.
Wait, she had a tail? It seems like that should have been in the headline.
