Joe Biden’s latest failure with the supply chain crisis has left shelves empty and prices through the roof. It’s also apparently affected the supply of WTF? There’s not a mutilated wang or weird anal insertion to be found. There are couple of funny stories but they’re behind a paywall so inflation is hitting the world of WTF? as well. Maybe people are hoarding WTF? or perhaps they are sitting in cargo ships off the coast of Los Angeles. Whatever the case, this is all that’s currently available:
Shocker of the Week
Terrifying ‘electric penis cage’ lets remote lovers ‘ZAP their partner’s privates’
A PENIS chastity device that made headlines for potential security flaws is getting an upgrade.
The makers of the sex toy have confirmed that a sequel is coming and it could be used to ‘zap’ someone’s genitals.
According to Sex Tech Guide, Chinese sex toy company Qiui confirmed that it is making the new product called the CellMate 2.
Rumours earlier this year suggested the CellMate 2 could provide electrostimulation to the user’s genitals, meaning the trapped penis could be shocked by a controller.
The original sex toy was billed as the “world’s first app controlled chastity device” and is reportedly used by tens of thousands of people across the globe.
The wearer’s penis is placed inside a metal tube which can then be locked or freed from a ring that sits at the base of the genitals.
By connecting the toy to a phone via Bluetooth, a partner can control it with the push of a button on a connected app.
However, a major security hole unearthed by Pen Test Partners meant hackers could have taken control of someone’s device instead.
“Remote attackers could prevent the Bluetooth lock from being opened, permanently locking the user in the device” researcher Alex Lomas said.
“There is no physical unlock. An angle grinder or other suitable heavy tool would be required to cut the wearer free.”
I thought the Shocker was: two in the pink, one in the stink.
Beefer of the Week
Rare flesh-eating STI that rots your genitals on the rise in England, experts warn
A RARE sexually transmitted infection (STI) that can cause your skin to rot is on the rise in England, one expert has warned.
Donovanosis is thought to be more common in places like India and South Africa, but cases are starting to creep up in England.
The bacterial infection can be transmitted by contact and if you catch it – it can cause your skin to decay unless it’s swiftly treated.
Before the coronavirus pandemic swept the UK, cases of the virus had been on the rise, data from Public Health England (PHE) shows.
Total reported instances across the country swelled from 19 in 2016 to 30 in 2019.
Even during the pandemic and related lockdowns, there were still 18 cases in England.
The STI is also known as klebsiella granulomatis and creates lesions around the groin and genital regions which can turn into foul-smelling ulcers if infected.
“The early signs are lumps around the genitals or anus that increase in size and take on a beefy-red appearance.
“These can develop into ulcers that, without treatment, can become infected, which can result in pain and an unpleasant smell. It’s more likely to affect men.”
They finally found something that likes eating British food.
Shopper of the Week
Woman Exposed Her Genitalia At Whole Foods Before Fleeing With Cupcakes And Wine
On 10/20/21 around 12:30 p.m., officers responded to 41st and Peoria for a call about an indecent exposure incident and larceny. Witnesses say they saw Karie Ashbaugh exposing her genitalia while walking around inside the Whole Foods. The manager of the store said Ashbaugh stole wine and cupcakes and left the store.
Another witness said they saw Ashbaugh urinating in the middle of the parking lot. When officers arrived, they found Ashbaugh sitting in front of the liquor store, sitting down, and eating the stolen cupcakes. Ashbaugh was arrested for Indecent Exposure AFCF (after former conviction of a felony) and larceny.
Now every aisle smells like the seafood section at Whole Foods.
Joker of the Week
Creepy doctor told patient her vagina looked ‘nice’ and ‘just like an Australian one’
A gynaecologist who told a patient her “nice” vagina looked “just like an Australian one” has kept his registration.
Rudolph Gerad Lopes has been suspended for three-and-a-half after making sexualised comments to a patient during an internal examination in 2017.
But it was determined at a tribunal in Melbourne, Australia on Monday that he will be able to work again under supervision.
Dr Lopes sleazily remarked to a patient: “Ha, I didn’t even have to buy you dinner first”.
Dr Lopes admitted his comments to the patient were “completely inappropriate, unbefitting for a doctor-patient consultation and entirely unnecessary”.
His lawyer added: “They were silly and it was his attempt at humour to try to keep the patient at ease.”
The comments made to the patient were heard by a female nurse chaperone whose report led to him being fired.
Dr Lopes also conceded his behaviour towards his colleague was “inappropriate, unprofessional, crass, vulgar and have no place in any workplace”.
Maybe don’t work on your stand-up routine when you’re elbows deep in a vagina.
Ass Kisser of the Week
Parolee Sentenced to 180 Days in Jail for Kissing Buttocks of Unsuspecting Sunbathers
A parolee who would sneak up on sunbathers in San Diego and kiss their buttocks was convicted of sexual battery and banned from local beaches, the office of San Diego City Attorney Mara Elliott announced Thursday.
A jury convicted 48-year-old Keith Lamar Rogers, also known as “Peacock Birdman” of sexual battery for assaulting unsuspected sunbathers. In his latest attack on Sept. 7, Rogers “targeted a lone female sunbather at Pacific Beach, stealthily approached her, and kissed her buttocks,” according to a statement from Elliott’s office.
“Everyone should feel free to enjoy San Diego’s beautiful beaches and outdoor spaces without fear of sexual assault,” Elliott said in a statement. “Our office takes these cases seriously, and we will continue to protect our communities from sexual predators.”
Rogers has been ordered to register as a sex offender, issued a criminal protective order from his most recent victim and sentenced to the maximum 180 days in jail. He is also prohibited from entering all beaches in San Diego County in a three-year stay away order.
Rogers was on parole for a similar conviction at the time of his last assault and had an electronic tracker bracelet on his ankle. Prior convictions include sexual battery for a similar crime he committed in July 2019 at La Jolla Shores.
A turd burglar of a different sort.
Donor of the Week
Biotech lab in Tustin takes unusual donations at $75 a poop
Most people would not call a 45-minute commute just to use someone else’s restroom their “dream job.”
But most people are not Alana Castro.
“My family jokes about how I have always been fascinated with poop,” said Castro, 33, a nursing student who lives in San Gabriel. “I will talk about poop with anyone. Everyone poops. There’s nothing special about it.”
So when Castro saw a promotion on Instagram for a Tustin medical lab collecting — and paying for — stool samples, she signed up. Now she does her daily duty there several times a week for $75 per visit.
“It’s my poop dreams come true,” she said.
While the topic of defecation may strike many as both humorous and icky, it is no laughing matter for people who suffer recurrent C. difficile infection, an ailment also known as C. diff.
Seres Therapeutics is seeking a cure for the debilitating intestinal disease. After conducting almost a decade of research and clinical trials, Seres is poised to introduce the first FDA-approved microbiome therapeutic that could stop C. diff from recurring.
But before it can get there, the Massachusetts-based biotech firm needs stool donations from hundreds of healthy people.
I literally just flushed $75 down the toilet. Actually, it was more like $150 because I had Taco Bell and tequila for dinner last night.
Shower of the Week
Man Left Drenched In Feces After Plane Drops Human Waste While Flying Over His Property
A man near Windsor Castle in England experienced a nasty surprise in July when an airplane flying overhead dropped human waste mid-flight, causing the fecal matter to spread across his property.
The man, who remains unnamed, was reportedly out in his garden when the liquified waste suddenly splattered across “his whole garden, and garden umbrellas, and him,” causing an untold amount of damage to the property…
Councilor Karen Davies, who spoke about the incident in the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead’s aviation forum, said that she was horrified to hear about the incident and the damage caused to the man and his property…
“I know a number of incidents happen every year with frozen sewage from planes, but this wasn’t frozen and his whole garden was splattered in a very unpleasant way,” she said. “He was out in the garden at the time, so a really horrible, horrible experience.”
Many of the residents and representatives of the area have commented on the incident, saying that it happens now and again because of the area’s proximity to Heathrow Airport and its flight paths…
The man decided not to pursue an insurance claim regarding the incident, with Davies saying that the added headache of the process was not worth it.
That moment when a golden shower becomes a shitstorm.
Dresser of the Week
Crossdresser Masturbating At PA Gas Station Asked Worker For Sexual Pleasures, Police Say
A 27-year-old man wearing a black dress and fishnet tights was arrested after police caught him masturbating in a Central Pennsylvania gas station, authorities said.
The trouble began around 2:30 p.m. when Lower Allen Township Police officers responded to The Comfort Inn & Suites on Sept. 18, police said.
They were responding to reports of a “male dressed as a woman” refusing to leave, they said.
Officers found Delonte Sease sitting in the driver’s seat of a Ford Fusion outside and holding a “clear cellophane bag containing a crystallized substance,” police said.
Drug paraphernalia was found after Sease gave written consent for a vehicle search, authorities said. Sease was then told to leave the property.
About three hours later, police were called to Rumberger’s Golf for a man wearing a black dress and fishnets who had asked an employee for “sexual pleasures,” police said.
When the employee declined, the man walked into the rear garage area and, inside the station, began masturbating.
Upon arrival, officers found Sease with his buttocks fully exposed. Police say Sease, who was arrested at 5:15 p.m., acknowledged that he was trespassing.
Transgender bender ender.
Neighbor of the Week
Florida man shoots, kills neighbor in fight over cat, deputies say
A man is locked up in Marion County after he shot and killed his neighbor during a fight over the victim’s cat, according to deputies.
Cliffton Bliss Jr., 58, was arrested Wednesday after deputies responded to a reported shooting at 15980 SE 258th Avenue Road, just north of Southeast Highway 42.
According to the arrest report, Bliss went to the home of James Taylor Jr., 41, with a .22 caliber rifle demanding to know whether the victim owned a cat. Bliss said he was going to shoot the cat, a witness told deputies.
The two men argued and Taylor told Bliss to leave his property, deputies said. A witness told investigators that is when Bliss fired twice at Taylor, according to the report.
At least three witnesses told deputies that Bliss had a history of confronting neighbors with a gun.
Following the shooting, one witness said Bliss left the scene and returned wearing a different pair of pants and shoes. Deputies spoke with the victim’s wife who said when Bliss returned to the home, Bliss claimed Taylor had attacked him and that he shot the man in self-defense.
Bliss faces a charge of second-degree homicide.
Once again a fight over some pussy turns deadly.
Mug of the Week
Bloke covered in face tattoos dubbed ‘world’s scariest villain’ after terrifying mugshot
A heavily tattooed man in the US has been dubbed the ‘world’s scariest villain’ after his recent mugshot photos.
Michael Campbell, from Missouri, is a repeat offender and known to police due to his very distinctive facial tattoos, and has recently been arrested for allegedly trying to rape a woman as she laid in bed with her sleeping boyfriend.
When the description came in from an alleged rape victim, cops were pretty sure they had Campbell was their man due to his infamous ink.
The Smoking Gun reports he has previously been described as the world’s scariest villain due to his facial artwork.
His tattoos include a pentagram on his forehead and a bow tie on his neck…
Campbell now faces charges of trying to rape a woman while she was in bed with her boyfriend, who was asleep at the time.
Campbell allegedly tried to remove the woman’s pants and underwear.
According to documents filed in Greene County, Missouri, Campbell then proceeded to grind his body against hers.
The boyfriend woke up during the incident and chased a man away as he jumped on a blue bicycle to make an escape, it’s reported.
He turned down dozens of offers from Fortune 500 companies to pursue his true love: attempting rape and cycling.
Double-Bagger of the Week
Raging Miss France rejects sue pageant for ‘discriminating based on looks’
The Miss France beauty queen competition is being sued by three angry rejects who say that they should have made the cut.
The Osez le feminisme (‘Dare to be a Feminist’) group, along with the three failed contestants, are bringing a case against the Miss France company and Endemol Productions, who produce the annual competition for broadcast on television.
They say that the entry requirements for the competition fall foul of French employment laws, because they require the women to be more than 1.70 metres tall (5 ft 5 in), unmarried, and “representative of beauty”.
Under French employment law, it is illegal to discriminate based on morals, age, family status, or physical appearance.
Alyssa Ahrabare, head of the feminist group, told Le Monde newspaper. “Despite protesting every year against a competition that drives sexist values, nothing ever changes,”
“Trying to raise awareness is no longer enough, we’ve decided to use legal means to advance the cause of women.”
Suing to prove how ugly they are is not the sick burn these feminists think it is.
Def-Con News apologizes for any inconvenience this WTF? shortage has caused. We are working hard with our distributors to ensure a steady supply of WTF? for the busy WTF? Season.
