This week’s biggest WTF? was when Joe Biden went full-Borat and declared “great success” over his first disastrous year in the White House. Here’s some other WTF? that defies reality:
Headline of the Week
A sex and relationship coach who moonlights as a ‘vaginal weightlifter’ has been charged with bashing an elderly census collector.
Canadian-born Kimberley Hawrelak, 50, allegedly attacked the 60-year-old at her multi-million dollar home in Point Lookout, northern NSW, in August last year.
The woman knocked on her door on Cumming Parade while working for the Australian Bureau of Statistics before the altercation allegedly began.
Hawrelak, who has almost 200,000 combined followers on Facebook and Instagram, describes herself as a ‘vaginal weightlifter (and) surfer’ and hosts a podcast called ‘Orgasmic Enlightenment’.
‘My vagina can lift coconuts. Can yours,’ she claims on her website.
Police will allege the 50-year-old was upset when the ABS worker knocked on her door, leading to her attacking the woman.
‘It will be alleged that around 2.15pm on August 21, a 60-year-old Point Lookout woman was assaulted at an address on Cumming Parade,’ police said in a statement.
The ‘vaginal weightlifter’ appeared in Cleveland Magistrates Court in December and is due to reappear in February.
That’s one angry beaver. Or maybe a buff muff.
Surprise of the Week
Doctors operating on a father-of-three’s ‘hernia’ were shocked to discover the bulge actually contained a testicle and female genitalia.
The 67-year-old, who was born with only one descended testicle, went to hospital in Kosovo complaining of swelling in his groin that had lasted a decade.
Surgeons inspected the 15cm by 10cm mass, only to detect uterus, cervix, fallopian tube and ovary, as well as his missing testicle.
Doctors diagnosed the married man, who otherwise had normal male genitalia, with Persistent Mullerian duct syndrome (PMDS) – an extremely rare condition that occurs when men also have female reproductive organs alongside their penis and scrotum.
The patient had been suffering from a lump for 10 years that would get bigger when he stood up or coughed, but flattened when lying flat. However, it is not clear if he had had the lump since birth.
…during the operation to repair it — which usually involves doctors making a cut through which they push the lump back into the abdomen — doctors found a ‘pear like structure’ that they discovered was a uterus.
They also found a ‘scrotal sac’ that contained a fallopian tube and a testicle, which had an ovary attached to it.
So he unleashed his inner-bitch?
Nut of the Week
Scott Lovece, 31, picked up a Mighty Bucket for One from the Braintree KFC when his partner Jade, 27, spotted a ‘hard, ball-like’ piece in her breaded box that oozed a funky-smelling liquid.
Scott, who was working as a courier when he picked up the order from the Essex branch, said Jade called him horrified when she discovered the “testicle”.
Jade said: “I reacted like I do when I see all testicles – gagged immediately.”
Scott rushed straight home to see if the grim discovery was as bad as it sounded.
Scott said: “I ordered [the meal] for my partner only to get a call saying she found this ‘testicle’ or ‘tumour’ in her food.
Scott rushed straight home to see if the grim discovery was as bad as it sounded.
Scott said: “I ordered [the meal] for my partner only to get a call saying she found this ‘testicle’ or ‘tumour’ in her food.
“I was straight on the phone to her, rushed home to see if it looked as bad as it did in the video, it was!
“It was hard and smelt pretty funky.”
Scott added: “Well my partner said instantly she thought it was a testicle because of the shape and how sort of ‘ball like’ and hard it felt and then when she pressed it all the stuff come out of it.
“Upon research, we found out that chickens don’t have testicles, cockerels do so then we thought it maybe a tumour or something like that.
I don’t know what’s funnier: that she gags at the site of testicles or that they didn’t know chickens don’t have balls.
Possession of the Week
Satanic porn star suffers facial paralysis from too much botox and lip filler
A Satanic porn star who has had over 50 operations and claims to have regular chats with the Devil has revealed that she has suffered paralysis on the right side of her face due to using too much botox and lip filler.
Argentine adult star and Playboy model Sabrina Sabrok, 45, who has reportedly undergone at least 53 cosmetic ops, told local media: “I achieved what I wanted, to look artificial, like a doll.
However, after years of cosmetic procedures, Sabrok has revealed that she has suffered paralysis on one side of her face due to overusing botox and fillers.
The 45-year-old adult actress said: “I have put a lot of botox in my face and lots of filler in my lips that have spread all over my face and made me not be able to smile well. I feel like an idiot.
“Week after week I used it and when I went back, the doctor sent me to undergo tests on my face. There was a complication and they told me I had paralysis on the right side of my face due to botox and filler.”
She said she will visit a meditation centre to help her relax her muscles and heal from the ordeal.
Maybe she should visit a priest and see if she can get an exorcism.
Argument of the Week
Meijer employee fired after reportedly throwing feces at coworker
A Meijer employee in Isabella County was fired after reportedly throwing a jar of human waste at a coworker.
According to authorities, the incident happened Thursday. Police officers responded to reports of an assault on an employee at the Meijer on Pickard Street.
An employee claimed a coworker yelled at him, grabbed him by the shirt and splashed a jar a human feces and potentially urine onto him.
The employee was immediately fired.
When police arrived, the employee had already left the store.
Why did the employee have a jar of shit? Does Meijer sell jars of shit? I know Walmart does.
Mug of the Week
Man arrested for allegedly urinating in Elkhart Police Department breezeway
A man was arrested after allegedly urinating on a rug in the breezeway of the Elkhart Police Department Sunday afternoon.
Marcus Ishmael entered the police department lobby around 4 p.m. and spoke with an officer who was on duty at the front desk.
He told the officer he had been kicked out of the Faith Mission for fighting and had no place to stay. He said he was going to walk around the city and try to get arrested, reports said.
The officer advised him not to do that.
After walking away from the officer, he went to the breezeway, turned to face the officer, lowered his pants and urinated on the rug in the breezeway, reports said.
While urinating, he exposed his genitals, reports said.
Ishmael was taken into custody on preliminary charges of public indecency and criminal mischief.
Good thing he didn’t try that in NY or California. Those states don’t even jail cop killers.
Bernie of the Week(end)
Hunt for men who brought dead body into post office in bizarre bid to collect pension
Police are hunting the two men who brought a dead man into a post office to collect his pension.
The brazen duo reportedly propped the corpse up on their shoulders and took him to a post office in south-east Ireland.
However, a staff member at the Carlow branch immediately realised the elderly man was ashen-faced and called the police as he thought he may be dead.
When the worker raised her concerns, the men dropped the body on the floor and fled the scene.
The Irish Mirror are reporting the elderly man was known as Peadar Doyle, who was in his 70s and lived in a house nearby.
One of the suspects had earlier walked into the post office and attempted to claim the pension of the elderly man.
However, he was told the only person who could receive the payment was Mr Doyle and it could not be collected by anyone else on his behalf.
It’s understood the pair then returned with the corpse and attempted to obtain his pension money.
It’s believed one of the scammers told a staff member: “Ah, he’s grand, we’re going to bring him down to the hospital when we get the money.”
Big deal. Democrats are doing the exact same thing with Joe Biden’s corpse.
Hannibal of the Week
French cannibal Jeremy Rimbaud escapes psych ward, attacks woman
A French cannibal who murdered a farmer and cooked his heart and tongue with white beans escaped from a psych ward this week — and brutally attacked a random woman walking her dog, according to reports.
Jeremy Rimbaud, 34, beat the woman with a stick in Toulouse in southern France on Wednesday after breaking free from the psychiatric hospital where he has been held since 2011, the UK Mirror reported.
Rimbaud, a former soldier who served in Afghanistan, allegedly grabbed the woman and punched her in the back of the head around 10 p.m.
He started striking her with a stick before passers-by intervened and chased him off, a law enforcement source told the outlet.
“She was absolutely terrified,” the source said.
“It was only later that she was told that she had been attacked by a known cannibal.”
Rimbaud was apprehended a short time later and returned to the hospital.
He has been held there ever since he was given a life sentence for murdering 90-year-old farmer Leopold Pedebidau in nearby Nouilhan in November 2011.
Authorities said Rimbaud had cut out the victim’s tongue and heart after killing him — and then ate the body parts with the beans.
Rimbaud, who was busted when he tried to kill a second farmer, was diagnosed with schizophrenia and PTSD linked to his fighting in Afghanistan, according to reports.
Investigators have launched a probe to determine how Rimbaud was able to escape from the secure psych ward.
He seems like one of the patients they might want to get an extra set of eyes on.
Mistake of the Week
Bloke gets so drunk he accidentally kills man instead of goat during religious sacrifice
A bloke who got too drunk ended up killing another man instead of a goat during an animal sacrifice.
The incident took part amid celebrations for the religious festival of Sankranti in the Indian state of Andhra Pradesh on Sunday, where a man only known as Chalapathi accidentally killed a man only named as Suresh.
Chalapathi was supposed to carry out the animal sacrifice and cut the goat’s head, The Free Press Journal reports.
According to a police report however, he was too drunk and mistakenly cut Suresh’s throat instead – who was the one holding the animal in preparation for its slaughter.
Suresh started bleeding heavily and was rushed to hospital, but medics were not able to save his life and he was pronounced dead shortly after.
Cops arrested the alleged perpetrator and have since confirmed that they are conducting a further investigation to determine how something like this happened.
He made the same mistake in the bedroom, accidentally having sex with his wife.
Puller of the Week
Woman who thought she’d pulled muscle finds bullet in her spine 3 months later
A young woman realised she had been shot near her spine three months after attending a wedding in the West Bank after originally believing she had pulled a muscle.
Adi Bloy says she felt a sharp blow during her friend’s ceremony in Pasgot Winery, located near the Palestinian village of Mukhmas, The Times of Israel reported.
Her friends brushed off the incident, as did doctors who told Adi it was “nothing”.
Speaking to Army radio, she said: “In the middle of the wedding ceremony, I felt a crazy blow in my back. From my shoulders to my feet, there was a crazy pain. I thought at first I had pulled a muscle, I didn’t see a hole in my dress.”
She added: “After a few minutes, I saw a bit of blood on my hand after I held the spot. There was the tiniest scratch there.
“They made light of the situation – my friends said ‘Don’t worry’.”
But with the pain persisting, Adi requested a CT scan which soon showed an object in her back.
The scan identified a piece of metal near her spine, and it was only after surgery that doctors realised it was a 5.56mm bullet.
Bloy said: “I was saved by a miracle. The surgeon doctor told me if it had hit a few centimetres more [in any direction], I would have been harmed in so many ways.”
Reports from police suspect the bullet was fired by a Palestinian from the adjacent village, Mukhmas, but were unsure if this was on purpose or accidental.
There goes the liberal narrative that 5.56mm is the most lethal round possible. It’s no match for a pink taffeta wedding dress.
Freak of the Week
Man Dies in Freak Accident After Getting Buried Under Landslide of Carrots
A man has died after becoming trapped under a shipment of carrots.
The 34-year-old man, who has not been named, died after a large, unspecified, quantity of the root vegetable fell on top of him while he was working in an agricultural warehouse in Vallelado, a municipality located in the province of Segovia, Castilla and León, Spain.
The incident occurred in the early hours of Thursday, January 20.
According to the Emergency Service 112 of Castilla and León, they received a call at 3:05 a.m. informing them that a man had been trapped and was unconscious after a large number of carrots fell on him in kilometer 101 of the CL_602 in Vallelado.
An ambulance was dispatched to the scene along with officers from the Civil Guard (COS) of Segovia, the Segovia Fire Brigade and, by proximity, the Fire Brigade of the Valladolid Provincial Council, who mobilized a crew.
Despite their best efforts, the emergency services could do little to help the man, who died at the scene. Reports indicate he has not yet been formally identified.
The vegetables have become self-aware and are killing their vegan oppressors.
WTF? of the Week
Impotent man may never use penis again after partner put expanding foam in urethra
A man may never be able to use his penis again after his partner accidentally used expanding foam inside his urethra in their efforts to keep him erect during sex.
The US patient, 45, was struggling with impotence and had been putting different items into the opening of his penis in a bid to stay firm.
But his latest attempt ended in horror when his partner tried to use the straw of a can of insulation spray to keep him erect.
The unidentified partner said she accidentally hit the button on top of the can, sending the foam into his penis where it hardened and became “anchored” to his genitals.
Doctors had to cut a new opening between the man’s scrotum and his anus to urinate and said he must pass a psychiatric test in order to qualify for reconstructive surgery.
The man was left with several masses measuring up to four inches within his penis and bladder after the foam, meant for home insulation, hardened.
Urologists said the man waited three weeks before seeking a doctor and only went for treatment after finding it increasingly sore and difficult to urinate.
Medics managed to remove the foam from inside his bladder but the procedure on his penis proved more complicated…
Doctors initially approached the task by trying to grab the foam and pull it through the penis opening using specialised tools.
Proving impossible, the team were forced to carry out a perineal urethrostomy, creating a new hole between the scrotum and the anus to extract the remaining foam.
Some of that looks like Cheetos. Also, replace the word “accident” with “on purpose” and “girlfriend” with “prostitute” to get a more accurate picture of what happened.
