Joe Biden finally held a press conference this week but it was as WTF? as his illegitimate presidency. He took pre-approved questions from the friendly liberal media and read the answers off of flash cards, still managing to WTF? it up. Here’s some more spontaneous WTF? that wasn’t orchestrated by Biden’s handlers:
Headline of the Week
Dr Sandra Lee is splattered with a jetstream of blood while removing a man’s ‘testicle-shaped’ keloid from his earlobe on Dr Pimple Popper.
Patient JD, 38, from Georgia, has been living with the large growth dangling down the side of his head for 21 years and told how it regularly hits him in the face when he moves suddenly.
The size of a pear, the keloid is a constant source of irritation and interferes with his job as a forklift operator, which requires him to wear earplugs with strings.
JD admitted it’s having a severe impact on his mental health, and he also has to make sure he gives the wrinkled lump a regular, thorough wash because it can ‘give off a bad smell’.
First noticing the growth starting to form when he was in his early teens, JD has watched as the dangling mass has grown exponentially over the years.
‘Sometimes if I’m moving my face really fast, the bubble just starts slapping me.’
He adds: ‘I’m tired of people just talking about, “Oh man, look at that ball on his ear”.
But he decided to keep the ear-shaped growth on his testicles.
Doodle of the Week
Cargo ship drew a penis and butt before getting stuck in Suez Canal
Hot dog, does this container ship have bad luck.
Before getting itself into a pickle by running aground in the Suez Canal, this unfortunate vessel drew one.
According to nautical tracking service VesselFinder, the massive Ever Given charted a route resembling a penis, testicles and an enormous butt in the Red Sea before it became stuck, causing an intercontinental traffic jam in the maritime artery.
As for the possibility that the vessel tracking site somehow conjured the data as a juvenile genital joke, “There is no room for some kind of conspiracies or false data,” a spokesperson for the site told Vice.
The gigantic ship — which measures in at more than four football fields long and over 440 million pounds — became lodged in the Suez Canal when high winds and a dust storm turned it sideways on Tuesday. Previous to that, it was en route to the Netherlands from China.
Everything from China f*cks the world in the ass.
Ban of the Week
Bradford hooker facing lengthy ban for alleged testicle grab
Bradford hooker George Flanagan is facing the threat of a lengthy ban after being accused of attacking the testicles of an opponent for the second time in 18 months.
Flanagan has been charged by the Rugby Football League’s match review panel with a Grade F offence and referred to a disciplinary tribunal.
The RFL say the incident occurred in the 32nd minute of the Bulls’ 41-16 defeat in the Betfred Challenge Cup by Featherstone last Sunday.
A Grade F offence is the most serious grading open to the review panel and carries a suspension of eight games or more.
Flanagan was given an eight-match ban for a similar offence in August 2019 which ended his season.
In America, hookers are rewarded for grabbing testicles.
Stroller of the Week
Police Arrest Man For Showing His Genitals To Woman And Child
Police with the St. Petersburg Police Department have arrested the nearly naked suspect who exposed himself to a woman who pushed a child in a stroller on Wednesday in a St. Pete neighborhood.
The suspect began exposing himself to the mother and her child that was in a stroller in the 1800 block of 12th Street North about 1:30 p.m. The mother tried to walk away but he continued to follow her. He was only wearing underwear and a red cap, investigators said on Facebook.
YOLO!
Stitch of the Week
Suspecting wife’s fidelity, man sews her genitals in Uttar Pradesh
In a shocking incident, a man sewed his wife’s genitals with an aluminium thread after he suspected her of having an extra-marital affair.
The incident took place in the Milak area in Rampur on Saturday. The husband has been arrested while the woman is undergoing treatment at the district hospital.
According to reports, the husband first asked his wife to give a ‘test’ and prove her loyalty.
When she agreed, he tied her hands and feet and allegedly sewed her genitals with an aluminium thread. After the incident, the husband fled the spot, leaving his wife bleeding profusely bleeding.
The woman somehow managed to inform her mother who lives nearby, and she rushed her to the hospital.
The husband was arrested late on Saturday evening.
Meanwhile, a panel of doctors at the district hospital has examined the woman and confirmed the assault.
Rampur SP Shogun Gautam told reporters: “The medical examination of the woman has confirmed that she has suffered serious injuries. We have arrested her husband, and he will be sent to jail. We are ensuring that she gets proper treatment at the district hospital.”
It’s “snitches get stitches” not “bitches get stitches.”
Smear of the Week
Woman remanded for smearing stepson genitals with pepper
A 45-year-old woman, Beatrice Amo, is currently in the grips of the Suhum Police in the Eastern Region for torturing her 13-year-old stepson for allegedly stealing her GHC300.
The suspect, Beatrice, a pregnant woman allegedly subjected her stepson to inhumane treatment over allegations of stealing which the boy now hospitalized at the Suhum Government Hospital denied.
According to the victim, his stepmother locked him up in a room for almost a day without food and water and smeared his genitals and other parts of his body with grounded pepper.
The victim also claimed that she subjected him to physical torture, leaving him with multiple bruises around parts of his body and a swollen face.
But the suspect, when arrested by the Police upon a tip off denied the allegations levelled against her by the victim.
Black pepper matters.
Bottle Cap of the Week
Drunk Husband Inserts Broken Bottle Into Wife’s Genitals For Refusing Prostituion, Arrested
A man hit his wife with an iron rod before piercing a broken liquor bottle into her genitals because she refused to indulge in prostitution.
The shocking incident was reported Tuesday in Bhubaneshwar, the capital city of Odissa, India.
The victim, who has not been identified, filed a complaint against her husband, identified as Chandran Acharya after he allegedly attacked her and inserted a broken liquor bottle into her private parts.
According to the complaint, Acharya has been forcing his wife to indulge in sexual activities with strangers during the nighttime in exchange for money. The victim alleged that the accused had been forcing her to solicit “clients” for the past seven years. Her husband used to brutally beat her up whenever she refused, the victim said in the complaint.
The couple got married 10 years ago. Two years after the marriage, Acharya began forcing his wife to be a part of a sex racket. The racket was operating within their home.
All hell broke loose when the victim finally decided that she won’t be a part of the racket anymore and began retaliating. Acharya who was in an inebriated state hit the victim with an iron rod. The man then broke a liquor bottle and inserted it into his wife’s genitals.
The victim was then locked up inside a room in the house. Five days after the incident, when the victim’s mother happened to visit the house Tuesday, she saw her daughter locked in the room. The victim narrated her ordeal to her mother who immediately informed the police.
Officers immediately responded to the home and rescued the woman and the couples’ five-year-old daughter. The woman was then rushed to a hospital. Her current condition is unknown.
Acharya was arrested Tuesday. It is not clear as to what charges he will be facing.
Vagicide?
Mug of the Week
Second Patient Accuses Delco Chiropractor Of Groping Breasts
A Delaware County chiropractor is facing more allegations of groping a patient after he was charged with indecent assault last week when a patient accused him of groping her breasts.
The Delaware County District Attorney’s office said Ardel Cirio, 61, of Springfield, has been charged with indecent assault after a longtime patient claimed he groped, licked, and kissed her breasts.
A patient of Cirio, a chiropractor with a practice at 17 Bishop Hollow Road, Suite A, in Newtown Township, told Newtown Township Police she had been seeing him for treatment for 22 years and in July 2020 began to feel uncomfortable during her visits, according to the criminal complaint filed against him.
She told police Cirio would brush his hands across her breasts and then in September 2020 he began using oils and lotions to massage her naked breasts, which was not a practice he did during her 22-year history with him, police said.
She later attempted to find chiropractic practices justifying the alleged actions via Google search from July 2020 to October 2020, police said.
Then, police said between October 2020 and November 2020 he started putting the woman in a new position during her visits. He would lift her shirt and bra up, move her head so she could not see what he was doing then she reported feeling his hands on breasts and also the feeling of someone licking or kissing her breasts.
It took her 22 years to figure out this guy is creepy?
Genius of the Week
‘Intelligent’ PhD student dealer clenched ‘tennis ball’ drugs stash between buttocks
An “intelligent” student was caught with nearly £7,000 worth of Class A drugs clenched between his buttocks.
Operation Galaxy officers attended a home in Hardy Street to execute a drugs warrant on November 12 last year where inside they found Elbara Absi in just his boxer shorts in a bedroom on the first floor.
One of the officers explained to Mr Absi that he would be strip searched and asked if he had secreted any drugs on his person,” said prosecuting barrister Charlotte Baines told Hull Crown Court.
Absi replied no but as soon as he was asked to take off his boxer shorts he suddenly started to shake.
Ms Baines said: “When his boxers fell to the floor one of the officers could see a pack of blue plastic hanging between his legs clenched between his buttocks.
“It was a blue plastic bag the size of a tennis ball.”
Inside the blue bag officers pulled out three clear snap bags containing crack cocaine and heroin. The total value of the drugs seized from the property was just short of £7,000.
Absi made full admission to the police in regards to drug dealing and it was heard he was pressured to become involved in such activity.
The court heard that the “intelligent” Absi had achieved 12 GCSE’s from A* to C and came to Hull from London to study towards a PhD in chemical engineering at the University of Hull with ambitions of becoming a petroleum engineer.
He’s so smart he put a tennis ball worth of crack up his ass.
Slither of the Week
59-Feet-long Tapeworm Removed from Thai Man’s Rectum
In a horrifying medical mystery, the cause of a man’s chronic flatulence and stomach aches was found to be a parasite infesting his lower intestines. The tapeworm that was residing inside the man was 59-foot long Taenia saginata.
In a horrifying medical mystery, the cause of a man’s chronic flatulence and stomach aches was found to be a parasite infesting his lower intestines. The tapeworm that was residing inside the man was 59-foot long Taenia saginata.
The 67-year-old unnamed man visited a hospital with complaints of continuous stomach pains and flatulence. The incidence is from Nong Khai province, Thailand. As he had no medical history that could suggest a possible diagnosis, a number of tests were conducted, including an analysis of his stool sample. The sample was sent to experts at the Parasitic Disease Research Centre.
The lab made a startling discovery of 28 parasitic eggs in the sample. Back at the hospital, the man was immediately administered deworming medicine at night. Once the effect of the medicine took place, the parasite slithered out of the rectum on the following day.
“It was very big and took us a while to lay it all out on the ground,” said a spokesperson from the centre…
The medics believe this is the biggest tapeworm found in Thailand for more than 50 years. The man, who possibly ate raw beef and hence got infected, has been advised to change his eating habits.
Ain’t that some shit?
Wriggle of the Week
Hoboken ‘Worm Tornadoes’ Cause A Stir
After a Hoboken councilwoman posted a neighbor’s photos of hundreds of worms circling on sidewalks near the Hoboken waterfront Thursday morning, social media users rushed to either explain the “worm tornadoes” or express just how grossed out they were — and they were pretty grossed out.
While the swirls of worms were on sidewalks and steps, they did not appear close to the waterfront, so it’s unlikely that they were simply deposited there by aggressive tides.
Fisher and others sought explanations from biologists and relevant academics about what kind of worms they were, and why they were in such a formation. While it had rained the night before the worms appeared on Thursday, they did not reappear after another rain Thursday night into Friday (we checked).
Sharknados are way worse.
Head of the Week
Man Taken To Hospital With Ladder Stuck To Head After DIY Accident
Doctors and nurses are used to dealing with all manner of injuries and ailments. And medics in Turkey were recently presented with a man who had a ladder sticking out of his head.
Erkan Kacar, from Ilkadim, Samsun, was planning to do some renovations on his house when he suffered a little mishap.
The 43-year-old was reportedly stretching for some tools on a high shelf, and when he grappled for his gear, the ladder fell on his head.
It caused a sharp spike from the three-step ladder to become lodged in the top of his head.
Unable to remove it, Mr Kacar called for an ambulance to come and get him loose.
However, they too were unable to remove the sharp protrusion, so Mr Kacar had to be taken to hospital with the ladder still attached to his head.
Fortunately, though, the bumpy journey to the hospital caused the ladder to come loose, and Mr Kacar was finally able to free himself.
Mr Kacar told local media: “It is amazing. We could not take it out of my head, but it came loose itself during the ride. I am OK now.”
Despite having been freed from the ladder, however, Mr Kacar was still taken to hospital to be checked over.
He was discharged later and is said to be in good health.
Talk about getting your bell rung. Get it? ‘Cause ladders have rungs? OK, I’ll stop.
Professor of the Week
Black Lives Matter activist accused of smearing feces on Abraham Lincoln statue
A Black Lives Matter activist in Idaho has reportedly been arrested for allegedly smearing feces and throwing paint on an Abraham Lincoln statue.
Terry Wilson, 37, was arrested earlier this week by Boise police, who obtained a warrant after physical and electronic evidence was used to identify suspects, the Idaho Statesman reported.
In February, officers responding to reports of vandalism discovered the bronze statue — known as “Seated Lincoln” — of the 16th president in Julia Davis Park vandalized with feces, paint and signs, according to the paper.
The suspect fled as officers tried to arrest him Tuesday, police said.
“Officers chased after Wilson and were able to stop him and take him into custody, at which time Wilson was found to be in possession of a firearm, marijuana and drug paraphernalia,” police said in a statement.
The suspect has identified himself online as an associate professor at Boise State University and has been described in local reports as the Boise Black Lives Matter chapter spokesman…
Colin Kaepernick with a skullet.
Squatters of the Week
Female rioters defecate, urinate at feet of UK cops during ‘Kill the Bill’ riot
Shocking video footage shows two female rioters squatting down to defecate at the feet of a line of British cops — pausing to take selfies as a mob cheers them on.
The clip from the “Kill the Bill” riot that raged in Bristol into the early hours of Monday shows the pair walking up to the line of shield-holding riot cops and pulling down their pants and underwear.
As they squatted down at the feet of the officers, other rioters let out huge cheers — many shouting “f–k you!” at the officers who remained in place despite the disgusting act.
The women then lifted phones to take selfies, seemingly only pausing to flip off the officers they were rioting against getting new powers.
The riot was supposedly against the government’s Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill — currently going through Parliament — that would give police new powers to impose time and noise limits on protests.
Does it also impose shit limits on protests because, if not, it should.
Boxy Lady of the Week
Florida mom shows up to daughter’s school wearing boxing glove, fights child, gets arrested
A Jacksonville mother is charged with child abuse after a fight with another student on the campus of Dupont Middle School last week, a Jacksonville police arrest report states.
Edith Riddle, 34, was arrested by Duval School Board Police on Thursday, the report states.
A school safety officer heard a teacher’s “frantic” announcement over the school radio that there was a fight occurring outside the cafeteria at 12:14 p.m., according to the report. When the officer arrived at the fight location, he found Riddle had been involved in a physical fight with the victim, the report states.
Riddle had just exited the school with her own daughter after a meeting with the vice principal on campus, according to the report. Rather than exiting the campus directly, the daughter walked out of her way through the cafeteria to engage the victim in a fight, the report says.
Riddle’s daughter pushed the victim to the ground and threw some punches before the suspect also joined in punching the victim, who was lying on the ground, according to witnesses. A witness also said Riddle appeared to have a boxing glove attached to her left hand, according to the arrest report.
The report says Riddle had the boxing glove on her hand when she arrived at the school and had told the school it was super glued to her wrist and she couldn’t remove it.
Riddle and the victim are not related, according to the arrest report. She was arrested and charged with one count of child abuse with personal/special weapon.
I realize this is Florida and all but why did she have a boxing glove super glued on her hand?
Blade of the Week
Man had no idea knife was lodged in his chest for a year after stabbing
Kent Ryan Tomao, 36, was targeted while heading home from work in Kidapawan City, the Philippines, in January last year.
Hospital medics allegedly sewed up his wound and gave him painkillers – but left the broken blade lodged next to his rib cage.
Fourteen months later, Kent underwent an X-ray for a pre-employment medical test, which showed the knife was just inches from piercing his lungs.
He is furious it was missed and is now unable to start his new mining job until it is removed.
Kent said: ‘I always wondered why I felt pain in my chest when the weather was cold. But I had no idea there is a knife in my chest.
‘The pain was never bad enough to even go to see a doctor. I just waited for the pain to pass. Now I’m relieved that I know the real problem.’
The hopeful miner has no plans to take any action against the hospital that treated him – but will return next month to demand doctors rectify the problem as he can’t afford the operation by himself.
When they take it out, he’s going to literally lose his edge.
Cat Burglar of the Week
Upper Peninsula man awakes to intruder holding gun to head, demanding his cats
According to the Laurium Police Department in Houghton County, a man awoke just after 4:14 a.m. on Wednesday to find another man pointing a gun at his head and demanding he give him two cats that lived there.
The man, who broke into the home without permission, took one of the cats before leaving, according to police. Police believe the suspect knew the homeowner prior to the home invasion.
He was located by police a short time later, according to a news release. The gun was seized during the arrest and he was booked at the Houghton County Jail on charges of home invasion and felonious assault.
Police told WLUC-TV6 that it is unknown if the cat has been located following the suspect’s arrest.
That’s one way to get some pussy, I suppose.
WTF? of the Week
The new accusation from Hayley Gripp comes as the disgraced Hollywood mogul, 69, is serving a 23-year prison sentence for rape charges.
The new Weinstein allegations are said to have happened in November 2012 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel.
Court documents seen by The New York Post’s Page Six – filed Friday in California Superior Court in Los Angeles – allege Gripp was told by a woman in the hotel to go to a hotel room to meet a “big producer” friend.
Gripp – then 19 years old – had told the woman she was waiting for a casting as she was working as a hair model, and opened up to the woman about her Tourette’s syndrome.
Gripp said she reluctantly accepted, and was given a glass of wine once she got in the room.
Although she told the woman she was not yet 21, the woman allegedly said “It’s rude” not to accept the offer.
After drinking half a glass of wine, Gripp allegedly suffered “a brief blackout,” court documents claim.
As she woke, the court documents claimed Weinstein’s “fingers were inside her vagina.”
The documents allege Weinstein “held Ms. Gripp down with one hand, took Ms. Gripp’s genital fluids, and rubbed it on his exposed genitalia, proceeding to masturbate with his other hand.”
As Gripp tried to escape, she “began flailing her arms” and “broke acrylic nail against the coffee table,” the documents state, according to Page Six.
“Ms. Gripp then stabbed Weinstein on the bottom part of his scrotum with her sharp broken nail,” the court papers allege.
Weinstein allegedly then “let out a quiet scream” and “inadvertently” caused her nail to dig “deeper into his scrotum” as he grabbed Gripp’s hand, documents claim.
As Gripp got away while Weinstein went for a towel, the woman – who was apparently standing outside the hotel suite – allegedly told Gripp what happened in the room “is your fault because of your Tourette syndrome” and called her “crazy.”
Nailed it.
