The biggest WTF? this week was Joe Biden giving free crack pipes to black people in an effort to fight racism. Here’s some WTF? that doesn’t do anything to fight racism but probably came as a result of smoking crack:
Headline of the Week
Drunk Guests Take Clothes Off and Brawl at Disney Springs, Slip on Vomit into Bushes During Fight
In an ongoing series of recent fights at Walt Disney World, police arrested two drunk guests on multiple charges.
The arrest report reads like the plot of a “Jersey Shore” episode: Two sisters from New Jersey get into a drunken, naked fight. Only it didn’t happen in the Garden State. It took place at Disney Springs.
The two women, ages 29 and 31, were vacationing with their family in Orlando. That night, the sisters ate at a steakhouse and seemed to be having an enjoyable evening at first (even if they were 30 minutes late to their reservation). They got drinks at an Irish restaurant.
Then the problems began, small at first when they tried to go back to their hotel off Disney property. Their phone died. Disney Security helped them call an Uber. The Uber driver refused to take them, as he worried they were too drunk. The women argued while waiting for a taxi, and their night unraveled. The older sister called the younger sister a bad mom and slapped her. The younger sister threatened to punch her in return.
It was late, around 12:40 a.m., when the Orlando County Sheriff’s Office got a dispatch about a fight happening at Disney Springs.
The younger sister was screaming and crying when they arrived near Cirque du Soleil. She wore only her underwear and sandals.
“Deputies assisted [her] with putting on a blue jean jacket since she was not wearing any clothing,” the sheriff’s report said.
Deputies soon learned the story of what had happened. A Disney security manager witnessed nearly everything during the October 26 brawl. The sheriff’s office did not release the report until this week, months later.
“Both females were screaming at each other. [The security manager] said one female was sitting on a bench while the second female was standing over her. After attempting to calm the situation, [the security manager] said one female slapped the other in the face. At that point, both females began punching, slapping, and pulling each other’s hair,” the sheriff’s report said.
The security manager pulled the two drunk guests apart.
“Once separated, both sisters ran at each other, slipped in [the younger sister’s] vomit, then fell into the bushes while still fighting. [The security manager] stated [the younger sister] ran a few feet away and took off her dress, exposing her breasts. Shortly after, they began to punch each other again. [The security manager] and [another cast member who witnessed the fight] were able to separate the two again until the off-duty deputies arrived on scene.”
The slappiest place on Earth.
Gamer of the Week
37-year-old virgin gets 6-foot string stuck in penis during botched sex game
A 37-year-old virgin made the world wince after getting 6 feet of string lodged in his penis during a botched attempt at sexual gratification. A case study detailing the backfired sex stunt recently surfaced in the medical journal Radiology Case Reports.
“The patient was diagnosed with a urinary bladder foreign body,” per the report of the incident, which concerned an unmarried Indonesian man who had never had sexual intercourse and lived with his mother.
According to the study, the phallic fiasco began after the unnamed kinkster inserted a long nylon string, used for beads, into his urethra, while “fully erect and watching a pornographic video.” This was reportedly the patient’s first time performing such a feat, although he had reportedly masturbated and watched porn every day, the study noted.
The man subsequently reported to a hospital in Surabaya after experiencing troubling symptoms including difficulty urinating, passing blood in his urine and severe abdominal pain lasting for two hours, doctors said.
After learning of his situation, medics attempted to dislodge the string via bladder irrigation — using a catheter to flush the urine pouch with sterile fluid — but were unsuccessful.
Doctors then decided to get a closer look at the obstruction by inserting a camera into the bladder. The scan showed a “black bundle of nylon string,” which they were able to extract using forceps after administering local anesthesia.
Following surgery, the man was kept under observation for two days at the hospital, whereupon he made a full recovery.
This dude played a sex game by himself and lost badly. TBH, I don’t see how a win was ever possible here.
Bender of the Week
Randy drug dealer’s ‘bent’ penis gives him away halfway through his trial
A randy cannabis dealer has been jailed after his “bent” penis gave him away after his court trial had begun.
The ‘bent’ member backed a teenager’s claims that he had asked him to perform a sex act as a part of the payment for drugs.
Florin Stan, 31, asked the cash-strapped boy, who was 16, whether he wanted to provide an intimate sexual service after the boy told him he wanted to buy £20 worth of weed but only had £10 on him.
The married Romanian, who lives in Hull, Yorkshire, initially denied paying the teen for sexual services but later confessed after photographs surfaced of his distinctive penis, which the boy had described.
Recorder Alex Menary said that the photographs taken of his private parts resulted in the perverted dealer making a “very late guilty plea” on the fourth day of his trial,
I bet that’s not the only time his wonky wang let him down.
Smoker of the Week
Orange City man accused of stalking teen girls gives deputies bizarre explanation
An Orange City man has been arrested in a strange and frightening incident.
Deputies were called to a Circle K gas station in DeLand around 7 p.m. Thursday.
A worker told deputies two girls ran into the store and were so afraid, they couldn’t speak. They handed over a phone with their mom on the line, who explained the girls were running from a man in a gray car who had been following them.
The girls told deputies they were walking south on Grand Avenue after buying drinks at the Circle K when they noticed an oncoming car pulling over on their side of the road, facing them.
They told deputies they crossed the road, but the gray car followed and the driver continued trying to talk to them. The girls said they dropped their drinks and money so they could run faster.
The girls were able to describe the suspect and his car.
Around 9:30 p.m., deputies located the vehicle at another convenience store. Upon contact, the driver asked: “Is this about the two girls from earlier?”
Deputies said 55-year-old Kevin Rich told them he had only pulled over on Grand Avenue to “smoke some crack and masturbate.” Rich said the girls must have been startled by what he was doing.
That’s known as the Hunter Biden defense.
Cupper of the Week
A woman has claimed her husband tricked her into cupping his testicles for three years as part of a bizarre prank.
In a segment on New Zealand radio station The Rock, a listener named Lara called in to share the awkward story with hosts Duncan Heyde and Jay Reeve.
‘So when my husband and I first started going out, he was a really bad snorer,’ she explained.
‘And what he told me was that when he lay on his back, his balls would cover his anus and create an airlock and that’s why he snores,’ she continued.
This ludicrous suggestion caused the two hosts to burst into hysterical laughter.
Jay chimed in: ‘Did you at any stage while he was snoring just test it by picking them up to see if they weren’t blocking his toot hole?’
Lara then offered a very surprising response.
‘I cradled his balls for three years before I figured it out,’ she said.
Despite the entertainment value of the story, it’s unclear how much of the tall tale is actually true.
Cupping her husband’s balls would not actually prevent snoring, so why would Lara continue to do it for three years?
Lara would also most likely have trouble sleeping herself if she had to cup her husband’s balls all night, so it’s hard to believe she would continue doing so for three straight years.
Another glaring inconsistency is that no normal person would ever believe testicles could create an ‘airlock’ that would result in snoring, no matter how gullible.
Also, most testicles, no matter how saggy, could not physically hang that low to cover somebody’s anus.
Maybe she’s really stupid.
Bro of the Week
Texas man sleeping with his own sister kills her after she has sex with another man, prosecutors say
A Texas man who had been sleeping with his own sister beat her to death with a baseball bat after he found out she had sex with another man, prosecutors said.
Jose Manuel Guzman, 32, allegedly killed his sister in the Canutillo home they shared when he attacked her with a “massage instrument” and a bat, the El Paso County district attorney told the El Paso Times.
Guzman allegedly snapped after he learned of his sister being with a male friend who visited a night earlier. He then tried to mop up the blood in the home and fled as he heard law enforcement approaching, according to the Times.
Prosecutors say Guzman is from Guatemala and a legal US resident, although he is not a US citizen. He has lived in El Paso since he was 3 years old and only recently learned that he had a sister in Guatemala. They met and allegedly began a sexual relationship, according to authorities.
Incest is best, put your sister to the test, then beat her to death.
Bromo of the Week
‘I want to have sex with myself’ says muscleman who climaxes by sniffing his own body
Yuri Tolochko, a bodybuilder from Kazakhstan, revealed he wants to find a way of having sex with himself this year, plus shared that he is able to ejaculate from sniffing his own scent.
Chatting to hosts Pete Wicks and Cici Coleman on The Dating Show, the 37-year-old revealed that he wants to broaden his sexual encounters in 2022: “I want to try new sex experiences… I want to have sex with myself.”
Yuri, who last year claimed to be madly in love with an ashtray he found at a night club, has taken the term ‘self love’ to a whole new level, and admitted he is currently seeking advice as to how he can have sex with himself.
“I love myself. Often I like to see my porn videos because then I cum,” he commented.
Despite being in a throuple – married to his sex doll, Luna, while in a relationship with a second sex doll, Lola, Yuri disclosed that his sexual desires can be quite easily satisfied on his own.
The muscleman went on to explain how much a sense of smell plays a part in the bedroom: “I like smell, smell is really important for me. I really like my own smell.”
Yuri didn’t stop there, revealing that sometimes his smell is so powerful it’s enough to satisfy him fully: “I really often sniff myself and cum. I have a lot of videos for this action.”
Go f*ck yourself, bro.
Blower of the Week
21 Videos Show East Windsor Man, A Prior Convicted Sex Offender, In Bestiality Acts With A Horse
On January 27, 2022, officers executed a search warrant at the residence on Ithaca Place in East Windsor, NJ. While executing the search warrant, Mitchell B Richtman, 31, was located in the residence. Officers located and seized several electronic devices belonging to Richtman, according to the affidavit.
Police stated in the affidavit that while previewing the seized electronic devices detectives located a combination of between approximately 1,000 and 100,000 images and video files containing child sexual abuse material.
Additionally, while previewing the seized electronic devices, detectives located approximately twenty-one (21) videos depicting Mitchell Richtman performing fellatio on a horse, as reported in the Affidavit of Probable Cause.
Was it the same horse 21 times or 21 different horses?
Brown Sugar of the Week
Florida man claims he’s Mick Jagger, picks fights at restaurants
A man is facing charges, after getting into fights at two Collier County restaurants.
According to Naples Police, 59-year-old Eugene Bingham was picking fights with diners at Ocean Prime on Monday night.
At one point, a person at the restaurant got the attention of a police officer and said Bingham had claimed he was Mick Jagger.
Officers say Bingham left the restaurant and they tried to detain him at a nearby park.
According to the arrest report, Bingham charged at an officer and said, “don’t f**k with me, leave me the f**k alone.”
Shortly after the interaction, officers placed him inside of a police car, where he vomited in the back seat.
As one of the officers was walking back to the patrol car, the manager of Yabba’s, a nearby restaurant, informed police that Bingham was kicked out of his establishment three times for being disruptive and drunk.
More like Mick Jag-Off or possibly Mick Jägermeister.
Chef’s Kiss of the Week
Man who chopped up wife and barbecued her body parts managed to marry new woman
A man in Brazil has been arrested on suspicion of killing his wife, dismembering her corpse, and cooking some her body parts on a barbecue.
Mauro Sampietri, who had been on the run for five years, was arrested outside a hospital in the city of Corumba in the west-central Brazilian state of Mato Grosso do Sul on the morning of Thursday, February 10.
Sampietri has been posing as an Italian immigrant, and had remarried after the gruesome death of his first wife, Claudete Sampietri.
Claudete is believed to have died on January 20, 2017, in in Pinhais, in the Metropolitan Region of Curitiba.
Her disappearance was registered at the Division of Homicide and Protection of Persons (DHPP) and the charred remains of a leg were found next to a sports court, in Pinhais, in the Metropolitan Region of Curitiba a few days later.
Forensic tests later confirmed that the limb was Claudete’s. Sampietri was arrested on the same day and when the case went to trial he was sentenced to 21 years behind bars.
He managed to make his escape, setting up home 900 miles in Corumba, but eventually a tip led police to his location just as he was driving to collect his new wife from work.
Under interrogation Sampietri confessed that he was the man that had killed his wife in 2017, in Paraná.
What kind of wine do you serve with dead wife?
Bear Ass of the Week
Man spooked by bear accidentally kills brother, then takes his own life
An Oregon man trying to fend off a bear mistakenly gunned down his brother – and then took his own life, authorities said.
A man in rural Sunny Valley called 911 early Tuesday to report he had “accidentally shot his brother” while loading a gun after spotting a bear on their property, according to the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office.
Responding deputies then found a man dead from an apparent gunshot wound, Undersheriff Travis Snyder said.
“While checking the rest of the residence, a second deceased male was located with what appeared to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound,” Snyder said in a statement.
Deputies believe the 911 caller took his own life after reporting the accidental shooting. The incident remains under investigation, sheriff officials said Wednesday.
Neither man was publicly identified. A message seeking comment from the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office was not immediately returned early Thursday.
The bear did it.
WTF? of the Week
‘I had love affair with a pigeon and drilled hole in my own head after LSD trip’
A woman spent 15 years in a relationship with a pigeon who she believes judged her for not being able to fly.
Psychedelic researcher Amanda Feilding – who also drilled a hole in her own head – named the pigeon Birdie and said she couldn’t resist giving him passionate cuddles.
“I know telepathy exists because I had this passionate relationship with a pigeon who I brought up from a baby and he fixated and fell madly in love with me and I with him,” she claimed.
Amanda, who is approaching 80, spoke about her bizarre LSD-fuelled love affair with VICE TV.
Opening up about the unusual courtship, she added: “That was the beginning of one of the most meaningful relationships in my life.
“He had two main emotions which were passionate love and hateful jealousy.”
She also said their cuddles last up to half an hour and that Birdie gave her “little tiny kisses” to her pupils.
And Amanda added: “He’d always be swooping off somewhere and he could never make out why I didn’t go with him, a pathetic human cripple who couldn’t fly.”
At the time of the romance, Amanda was on a psychedelic journey after she started experimenting with LSD in the 1960s.
And Amanda’s psychedelic journey even led her to drilling a hole in her own head.
The crazy ancient practice is called trepanning and the aim is to expand consciousness and to reduce stress.
And Amanda, inspired by her former scientist lover Bart Hughes, drilled a hole into her skull with a dental drill in 1970.
Somehow, banging the pigeon is the least weird thing about her.
