This week Joe Biden took his WTF? to a whole new level by shaking hands with the Invisible Man. Here’s some other disturbing WTF? behavior that’s not quite as scary as the illegitimate President of the United States having lost his marbles:
Headline of the Week
‘Invisible goblin’ kidnapped little boy and threw him into lagoon to drown, locals claim
An invisible goblin has been blamed for kidnapping an toddler and throwing him into a lagoon before he was saved from drowning by his dog, which pulled him from the water by his Captain America cape.
The incident took place in the north-eastern Argentine province of Corrientes, at a lagoon three kilometres from the toddler’s home, on Wednesday, 6th April.
Locals claim that the toddler was kidnapped by a mythical goblin-like creature that is popular in local folklore and is called the ‘Pombero’.
It is said to be a short, hairy and strong, and it is rarely seen, as it can make itself invisible.
The boy’s mother, who has been named as Mariela Escalante, was quoted in local media as saying that she and neighbours helping with the search for the missing child are quite sure that the toddler was “kidnapped by ‘El Pomberito’ [the little Pombero]”.
She added that “it is not the first time that a boy gets lost and is found far from where he lives”.
he toddler, who has been named as Sebastian, was rescued from the lagoon after his dog Morocho, began barking wildly to attract the attention of nearby adults and was then seen pulling on the three-year-old’s Captain America cape.
A woman, who has not been named, noticed the dog’s barking and was able to locate and rescue the young boy by running over to help the dog.
Maybe that’s who Joe Biden was shaking hands with.
Shover of the Week
A man needed an earphone wire pulled out of his bladder after his masturbation act dramatically backfired.
The 34-year-old, from Indonesia, shoved an 80cm-long wire down his urethra which then got pushed too far and became stuck.
He told surgeons who treated him that he shoved the wire into his penis for ‘sexual pleasure and gratification’. And he confessed to using the masturbation technique up to five times a week.
The man, who wasn’t identified, went to his local hospital’s emergency department complaining of stomach pains when urinating.
He then told doctors at Surbaya’s Dr Soetmo General-Academic Hospital about his decision to insert the wire.
Writing in the journal Radiology Case Reports, medics described it as being ‘lodged in the bladder’.
They gave him an X-ray to check how far into his body and how much damage it had caused. It was ‘visible and quickly identified’.
The wire, which was round 3mm wide, was coiled but — fortunately for him — had not attached to his bladder wall.
Doctors pulled it out using forceps, although it’s unclear whether any of the wire was left hanging out to grip onto.
Doctors described it as a classic case of polyembolokoilamania, the act of inserting foreign bodies into orifices such as the rectum and vagina.
They said the patient ‘showed no apparent psychotic behaviours and was mentally well’.
Beats Meat by Dre.
Shocker of the Week
Electric shock to penis may cure premature ejaculation
Researchers believe they have found a literally shocking cure for premature ejaculation — in the form of a simple zap.
Doctors in Lebanon were able to help one man last roughly seven times longer in bed after undergoing electric-current therapy.
A recent study published in the Asian Journal of Urology reported how Beirut-based medics ran an electrical current through a man’s penis to stimulate his dorsal penile nerve, one of the nerves that gathers movement and sensation information from the penis.
The case study followed a 28-year-old man who reportedly climaxed after just 40 seconds of sex “on almost all occasions.” After being in a relationship for over a year and attempting to pleasure his girlfriend at least two times a week, the man began to seek special medical help when drugs failed him.
The unidentified man was treated with the zapping therapy by sticking electrodes to his penis for 30 minutes of continuous current three times a week.
Scientists believe that the shock therapy of the dorsal penile nerve works to slow the contraction of the muscles to sustain sexual activity before ejaculation.
Six months after undergoing the treatments, the man from the study was able to have sex for an average of 3.9 minutes before reaching completion.
The shocking therapy showed apparently immediate results and continued to help the man’s sexual stamina even after the six months of treatment.
Fifteen months after the treatments began, the man recorded an average of 4.9 minutes for his bedroom rodeo performance.
The average man can last 5 to 7 minutes rolling around in the sheets before finishing, according to the Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care.
Why does it take a woman longer to orgasm than a man? Nobody cares.
Monster of the Week
Ecology Professor Theorizes Loch Ness Monster May Just Be Whale Penis
An ecology professor has just come up with a theory about the Loch Ness Monster that is sure to stimulate controversy.
Michael Sweet, who is a professor in molecular ecology at the University of Derby, recently suggested on Twitter that “Nessie” isn’t a monster at all, but just a whale penis.
Sweet said that many sea monster stories reported by explorers were inspired by what he called “tentacled and alienesque appendages emerging from the water.”
But while many of the observers may have believed the appendages breaking the ocean surface might be part of something “more sinister lurking beneath,” Sweet said that in many cases, “it was just whale dicks.”
My theory is the whale dicks are actually Loch Ness Monsters.
Chomper of the Week
Woman with world’s biggest mouth reacts to man whose ‘penis size broke records’
A woman with the “world’s biggest mouth” left fans in stitches when she posted a video reacting to a man who claims to have the “largest penis” on Earth.
Sam Ramsdell, who holds a Guinness World Record for a having the largest female mouth at 6.52cm, recently re-watched an episode of ITV’s This Morning.
During the segment, host Josie Gibson gives viewers some facts on average penis size.
She states that British blokes tend to measure between five and seven inches when erect — but Jonah Falcon is packing a lot more in his pants.
He is widely regarded as having the biggest todger in the world, although this hasn’t been confirmed officially.
Josie said: “Jonah’s appendage measures a whopping 13.5 inches!” she says.
Sam, set-up a second screen to show off her reactions.
And upon hearing how well-endowed Jonah is, she immediately raised her eyebrows and dropped her jaw.
When co-host Phillip Schofield brings a cylinder model out to demonstrate the size of the guest’s penis, he added: “This is the correct length when erect and the correct girth.
“That’s about eight inches round and 13.5 inches there.”
At this point, Sam couldn’t stop laughing and she wrote: “I am losing my mind. No comment…”
But the interview took an unexpected turn when Jonah pulled up one of his pictures showing his penis to the two hosts.
“This is just for you so you don’t have to use all that imagining,” Jonah told Phillip and Josie.
Sam looked completely stunned and burst out giggling when she saw the hosts’ reactions, with Josie screaming: “Oh my God!”
I feel like they were made for each other.
Grocer of the Week
‘Saucy’ tomato accused of looking like genitalia censored and taken off the shelves
A ‘saucy’ tomato has caused a bit of an uproar among staff at one Marks and Spencers branch, with the little fruit accused of something akin to indecent exposure.
Maxine Baker was gobsmacked when she clapped eyes on the tomato while doing a quality check in the salad section.
The store security and safety advisor burst out laughing when she saw it, and it was decided it looked too similar to a vulva to remain on the shelves.
The 52-year-old said: ‘Oh my God, it’s hilarious, it’s tomato-saucy.
‘I was doing quality checks on the tomatoes and picked that one up, and I just absolutely cracked up.
‘I just fell about laughing when I saw it.
It was mum-of-two Maxine who decided the tomato was too rude to remain on the shelves.
‘I took it off the display and brought it home and put it in the freezer to preserve it because I have to keep it, I just love it.’
Maxine has sworn to never eat the tomato because it’s ‘too sweet and cute.’
I don’t want a tomato or a vagina that looks like that.
Nutter of the Week
Nutley PD: Substitute teacher arrested after allegedly exposing genitals
A 58-year-old township man who served as a substitute teacher in the Nutley School District has been arrested and charged with five counts of endangering the welfare of a minor and one count of lewdness after he allegedly exposed his genitals last week and potentially last month during class, the Nutley Police Department said.
Nutley Police Director Alphonse Petracco and Chief Thomas Strumolo announced the arrest Richard Dunn, a substitute teacher at Nutley High School.
Chief Strumolo said Dunn had been under investigation over the past week for allegations of inappropriate behavior while teaching class on March 10. After several students reported the incident, additional information came to light about another incident that took place Feb. 1.
In that incident, a video surfaced of the teacher reportedly touching his genitals. But, according to the Nutley PD, that video was not released to them until after word spread about March 10 reports.
Nutley police and the Essex County Prosecutor’s Office say they ultimately found enough probable cause to charge Dunn for both incidents.
The guy was touching his nuts in Nutley? What the hell else do you expect him to do?
Revenger of the Week
Port Neches woman charged for revenge porn
After finding a photo of another woman’s genitals in her husband’s phone and sending the image to the complainant’s parents and adult children, a Port Neches woman was charged with a state jail felony for her alleged revenge porn spree.
According to the charging document, a Jefferson County grand jury indicted Amy Delis LeBouef, 55, for the state jail felony of disclosure/promotion of intimate material.
Friday, Dec. 10, 2021, Port Neches Police Department (PNPD) officers were called to a residence on Saba Lane in reference to a harassment complaint. The probable cause affidavit says the caller “stated she had sent a picture of her (genitals) to a man who she was speaking with.
“It was later determined this man was married,” the document continues. “The woman he was married to, Amy LeBouef, had taken a photograph of the image on the phone and printed off the photo.”
Around Dec. 1, 2021, LeBouef “went to the victim’s parent’s house and left the image in the mailbox for them to find.”
The caller’s adult children also received the image in the mail to their respective business addresses, as well as their homes. Attached to the note were letters saying, “Please tell your mom to stop sending me these photos I am a married man and I need her to stop sending them to my family.”
PNPD Detective Scott Thompson spoke to LeBouef Feb. 8, and the woman admitted to placing the image in the mailbox of the caller’s parents in an “attempt to speak with them about the situation.” However, LeBouef denied sending the images to the adult children, according to the affidavit.
The husband figured out a pretty good way to get rid of his wife.
Freaker of the Week
My 38L breasts made me feel like a freak but now I’m a social media star
A MUM says her huge 38L boobs left her so self-conscious she didn’t go out for over TWO years as she felt like “a freak”.
Now Lucy Luxor, 35, has used her assets to become a social media star – by sharing her story on TikTok.
She says she was persistently bombarded with rude comments and met with uncomfortable stares every time she left the house.
Her breasts ballooned five cup sizes to a 38L from a 38G after giving birth to her beloved daughter Molly in 2016.
Despite having a large bust for most of her life, Lucy said her breasts started “spilling” out of her tops – leaving her so anxious she could not even face a trip to the supermarket.
And after joining TikTok in 2019 and sharing hilarious clips, social media users have rallied around the mum to boost her confidence.
Lucy, who runs a waste management company, gushed: “It’s crazy, my first video has had 2.9 million views.
“What’s nice though is the reaction has mainly been from other women who are struggling with the same issue, or can relate to it.”
If she couldn’t go to the supermarket, how’d she get so fat?
Boober of the Week
Manchester man who hated his body pays £5k to have ‘man boobs’ removed
A young man from Manchester has shared his experience of what it was like getting his “man boobs” removed, which only developed after taking steroids.
Danny Smith, 27, began bodybuilding as a teenager and trained regularly to maintain his muscle mass. But he also took anabolic-androgenic steroids to increase the level of his weightlifting performance.
Things began to take a turn for the worse for Danny during lockdown, however, when gyms across the country closed. Because of this, he was unable to train and soon developed “man boobs”, which he believes came about as a result of taking the steroids.
As the breasts grew, Danny stated he felt “out of shape” and his mental health began to decline. In 2021, he underwent gynecomastia surgery to remove excess breast tissue, fat and sagging skin – which resulted in a whopping £5,000 bill.
“Before, I hated my body and I would put tape over my nipples to feel confident and would be scared to take off my t-shirt on holidays,” Danny told Jam Press.
Shrunken testicles and bitch tits? Roids are awesome!
Dumbass of the Week
Dummy shoves 4-pound dumbbell in anus, needs emergency surgery 2 days later
A Brazilian man had to undergo emergency surgery after reportedly shoving a dumbbell up his rear during an ill-advised attempt at self-gratification. A case study detailing the exercise in stupidity was published last week in the “International Journal of Surgery Case Reports.”
The unidentified 54-year-old patient had reported to a hospital in the city of Manaus after failing to extract a 4.4-pound metal weight from his rectum for two days after inserting it there, the report said.
He experienced a variety of symptoms following his sex-ercise, including “cramping, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting in small volume,” and even constipation, per the study.
After an initial anal examination failed to reveal anything, doctors decided to scan the region with an X-ray. They discovered an 8-inch-long dumbbell lodged at the intersection of the colon and the rectum like a cumbersome sex toy.
While the patient was reportedly “uncooperative” during the procedure, doctors said the infiltration was of a “sexual nature.” Either way, they had to act fast to prevent the bum-bell from causing anal “perforation” or another “severe injury.”
Unfortunately, surgeons had a “difficult” time removing the makeshift dildo from his derriere.
They initially attempted to use tweezers to lift the weight out of the pleasure seeker, who was sedated, but couldn’t get a grasp on it.
Left with no other recourse, the team opted for “manual extraction,” which involved the surgeon reaching in with their “forearm” and yanking out the foreign body like a backed-up steer.
That ain’t a Brazilian butt lift, bro.
Crapper of the Week
Utah woman blames fatal hit-and-run on uncontrollable defecation
A Utah woman arrested in a hit-and-run accident that killed two bicyclists allegedly told police the crash happened when she began defecating uncontrollably due to a medical condition.
Julie Ann Budge, 47, struck the two California men in their bike lane with her Hyundai Genesis in Washington City, Utah, at about 2 p.m. Saturday during the “Spring Tour of St. George” race, Fox 13 reported.
Budge told police that she had “various medical issues,” including irritable bowel syndrome, according to KUTV.
The condition made her “defecate on herself without warning,” which caused her to swerve into the men, she told police.
Budge also told police she knew she hit the cyclists, but that she couldn’t get her vehicle to stop, according to a probable cause statement cited by KUTV.
“A witness at the scene of the accident stated that it appeared that Julie did not have the intention of stopping after hitting the two cyclists,” the arresting officer reportedly wrote.
“The witness stated he followed Julie’s vehicle until she pulled over and stopped several hundred yards away from the accident,” the officer added.
The two men, whose names have not been released, died at St. George Regional Hospital after witnesses attempted life-saving measures at the scene.
Budge also told authorities that she had been admitted to a hospital the previous day and had been taking fentanyl, a powerful opioid pain medication, through an IV drip, according to the outlet.
Budge reportedly failed field sobriety tests after the accident.
The suspect was charged with two counts of automobile homicide due to criminal negligence, two felony counts of failure to remain at an accident involving death and two counts of DUI with serious bodily injury by negligent operation. The charges are all felonies.
“Shit happens” is not a good legal defense.
Lover of the Week
They fought always, says neighbor of ‘Lagos Man’ that killed girlfriend, slept with corpse
One of the neighbours of Njokwu, accused of killing his girlfriend and sleeping with her corpse for six days, has said since he moved into the apartment in December 2021, the couple always fought.
Other neighbours at the Seaside Estate said days before his arrest, Njokwu had been acting funny; leaving home as early as 6a.m. and returning late at night to sleep with the dead girlfriend.
Recall that Njokwu was reported to have killed his girlfriend, left the corpse in the house, slept with it for six days, and was making preparations to bury the body when the bloated corpse’s stench gave him away.
Meanwhile, the questions his neighbours are asking are why keep the corpse for several days in the house if there were no sinister plans?
Why not raise the alarm when she died? Why return every night to sleep in the same house with a corpse and tell neighbours she had traveled when indeed she was dead?
Well, they didn’t fight much during those last 6 days.
WTF? of the Week
In a bizarre incident, four people were arrested on Wednesday for allegedly raping a Bengal monitor lizard in Maharashtra’s Sahydari Tiger Reserve near Gothane village.
According to reports, the accused entered the core zone of the Sahydari Tiger Reserve and committed the horrific crime.
Police officials said that the accused have been identified as Sandeep Tukram, Pawar Mangesh, Janardhan Kamtekar and Akshay Sunil. The alleged incident came to light when the Maharashtra Forest Department team checked the mobile phone of the accused and learnt about the incident.
Officials of the forest department found a recording of the gruesome act in the mobile phone. In the video, the accused can be seen gang-raping the monitor lizard. Forest accused posted at Sangli forest reserve managed to trace the accused wnh the help of CCTV footage in which the four culprits are seen roaming in the forest.
As per law, the Bengal monitor lizard is a reserved species under the Wildlife Protection Act 1972. If convicted in the case, all four accused could be charged with seven years of imprisonment.
You know you’ve made poor life choices when you get sloppy seconds on a lizard.
