Liz Cheney had to know she was going to lose the Wyoming Republican primary but she probably didn’t anticipate the utter ass-whooping she got on Tuesday. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Joe Biden reportedly called her after the humiliating loss. A hundred bucks says he congratulated her because, let’s face it, he has no idea what’s going on.
Fox News is reporting that illegitimate president Joe Biden called Liz Cheney after her primary election defeat but conceded the “details of Biden’s chat with Cheney are unknown.” As luck would have it, I’ve obtained an exclusive transcript of the call or maybe I just made all of this up:
*Another One Bites The Dust ringtone*
Cheney: Hello?
Biden: Dick Cheney? This is vice president Senator Joe Obama.
Cheney: Uh, actually, I’m Liz. My dad is a Dick.
Biden: I remember when we were in Congress together. We may have had our differences but we’d always have lunch together with the segregationist white supremcists of the democratic party.
Cheney: Again, sir, I’m Liz Cheney.
Biden: Of course you are. Who did you think I was?
Cheney: Uh…
Biden: Anyways, Dick, I just wanted to congratulate you on your big win. You are an asset to the democratic party, not a joke.
Cheney: Actually, I lost.
Biden: Say, Dick, do you think I could sniff your daughter’s hair? She has a big round head full of baldy dyed hair. I bet she smells enchanting?
Cheney: Mr. President, I find this highly inappropriate.
Biden: Once I found a mismatched pair of flip-flops at the beach, not hyperbole.
Cheney: Uh…
Biden: Look, fat, I don’t want to keep you from your victory party. I just wanted to say, lying dog-faced pony soldier, badakathcare, my butt’s been wiped.
Cheney: Uh, thank you, I guess.
Biden: (shouting) Hey Jill, the Big Guy needs his diaper changed!
Cheney: Mr. President, you forgot to hang up the phone.
Biden: (shouting) Jill, hurry up. Hunter’s coming over with some hookers and crack. You need to reduce the defecate like I did with the deficit.
After some rustling sounds, Biden realizes he’s on the phone.
Biden: Hello?
Cheney: Hello?
Biden: Who is this?
Cheney: It’s Liz Cheney.
Biden: Oh, hi Liz. Congrats on your big win in the Virginia primary election.
Cheney: Wyoming.
Biden: Why do we do anything? Say, did I ever tell you about the time I was driving an 18-wheeler with Golda Mier during the Six Day War? To make a long story short, my house burned down, I invented the COVID vaccine, and I finally stood up to Corn Pop.
Cheney: Uh…
Biden: Anyways, I gotta go. The ice cream truck is here.
*Click*
Now it’s up to the White House to prove that this isn’t a 100% correct transcript of the call. Actually, I’m certain the real call was way more embarrassing for Joe Biden.
