This week’s biggest WTF? is that federal prosecutors verified that Joe Biden took inappropriate showers with his daughter Ashley. Here’s some other WTF? that is about as gross but substantially less f*cked up:
Headline of the Week
‘We’re getting ready to probe Uranus’ say NASA scientists
NASA boffins have revealed they are very keen to explore Uranus – which is part-owned by your Daily Star.
Experts say a trip to the icy planet should be the main space project of the next decade, with a launch pencilled in for the early 2030s.
The only drawback is that it will take 12 to 15 years to travel the nearly 2 billion-mile journey.
Dr Lori Glaze, director of Nasa’s Planetary Science Division, said it was “fantastic” that the space agency’s recent survey on the highest priority next flagship had specifically identified ice giant Uranus to visit.
Dr Glaze added that studies to plan for the potential Uranus orbiter probe mission will begin as early as 2024.
It comes after your Daily Star laid claim there in 2020 – buying part of the seventh planet from the sun after Russia suggested it owned Venus.
The Real Estate Comm-ission and Trust of Uranus Management (RECTUM) flogged parts of the faraway planet for just under £8 per square mile.
That’s a lot of assholes.
Exposure of the Week
A Man Allegedly Pulled Out His Penis Then Beat Up A Woman With A Dead Seagull In Germany
A man in Öjendorfer in the German city of Hamburg reportedly exposed his penis and beat a woman with a dead seagull Tuesday morning.
The man reportedly began insulting the 31-year old woman. He then either stepped on or kicked her dog, according to the German news outlet Bild and later reported on by Swiss outlet Blick. The woman reached for her cell phone to call the police and report the man, which allegedly made him lose his temper.
He reportedly proceeded to pull down his pants, fully exposing himself. The bizarre altercation didn’t stop there. The man then picked up a dead seagull from the ground and started beating the woman with it, according to Blick.
Police arrived to the scene immediately after being alerted to the situation, and the man promptly attempted to flee, according to Blick. The police proceeded to chase the unidentified alleged suspect, who attempted to ditch them by running into the lake.
Two determined officers reportedly jumped into the water, eventually restraining the suspect and arresting him right there in the lake.
The man was allegedly in the possession of two knives at the time of the arrest. He was subsequently taken into police custody, Blick noted.
He had 2 knives but used his dick and a dead bird instead?
Nut of the Week
Transgender inmate who impregnated two women tried to remove testicle after being placed with men
The transgender inmate who got two fellow prisoners pregnant at a New Jersey women’s prison says she tried to remove one of her testicles with a razor after being sent to a men’s facility.
Demi Minor, 27, was moved from Edna Mahan Correctional Facility for Women in Union Township to the Garden State Youth Correctional Facility (GSYCF) with male inmates in June after guards learned of the pregnancies, according to the Daily Mail.
Minor told the story in a post on Aug. 18 on her Justice 4 Demi blog. She said she had to go to an emergency room after using a razor to cut one of her testicles.
“When I began to bleed, I did not even think about dying. I just thought about finally having relief from the pain that I felt,” Minor wrote.
“Being here in a male prison, amplifies the harm that I once felt… I hate it all.”
Minor is serving a 30-year sentence for stabbing her former foster father to death.
She first went to jail at the age of 16 and started to transition into a woman in 2020.
This dude is not trying very hard to convince people he’s a woman.
Move of the Week
A removalist is suing his employer after he lost a testicle when an 80kg mattress fell on him as he tried to move it by himself.
Ryan Collin, 35, from Brisbane, was unloading the ‘bloody heavy’ mattress from a truck when he slipped, causing the box to land painfully between his legs.
He says he endured eight months of ‘intense pain’ after the incident and had to undergo the drastic surgery last November.
Mr Collin blames his employer for the accident and accused Hunter Express of breaching its duty of care by making him move the mattress and other large items alone.
Mr Collin said he felt an ‘immense pain’ when the mattress fell on him which lasted for months until he had the damaged testicle surgically removed.
‘Every day felt like I’d been kicked in the n***. It was bloody s***house,’ Mr Collin told the Courier Mail.
Single truck crews should not be delivering items over 40kg. It clearly states on all the boxes that it’s a team lift, but I’ve never seen a truck with two people.
‘They need to change.’
His lawyers, Shine Lawyers’ North Lakes senior associate Cecelia Simpson, said it should ‘never be a one-person job’.
‘The injury to our client is too high a price to pay to learn this lesson,’ Ms Simpson said.
Lift with your legs, not you’re nuts.
Dic Pic of the Week
Google bans dad for ‘child porn’ after he sent pics of toddler’s swollen genitals to doctor
A San Francisco man who snapped a photo of his baby boy’s swollen genitals for a telemedicine consultation had his Google accounts shut down — and the tech giant reported the dad to police — over suspicions he was engaged in child pornography.
The man, a software engineer in his 40s who goes by the alias “Mark,” and his wife grew alarmed in February 2021 after their toddler’s penis showed swelling and the condition worsened.
Since there was a pandemic and hospitals were only admitting COVID-related cases, Mark’s wife consulted via telephone with a nurse at their health care provider, who promptly scheduled an emergency video conference for the next morning.
The nurse told the couple to send photos of the baby boy’s condition to the doctor so that he could review them before the consultation, according to The New York Times.
Mark’s wife used her husband’s phone, whose operating system is run by Google-owned Android, and took photos of the baby’s affected areas.
She then texted the photos to her iPhone so that she could directly upload them to the health insurance company’s portal.
The next day, the doctor studied the photos and prescribed the necessary antibiotics, which resolved the toddler’s condition, the Times reported.
Two days after the photos were taken, Google informed Mark that his account was disabled due to “harmful content” that constituted a “severe violation of Google’s policies and might be illegal.”
Google even sent Mark a “learn more” link to a page that listed several possible reasons for the account going dark, including “child sexual abuse and exploitation.”
The company also alerted San Francisco police, who investigated the family before clearing the dad of any wrongdoing.
Mark said he appealed the decision to Google, but the company informed him days later that it would not reinstate the account and that the ban stood.
COVID lockdowns and big tech are stupid.
BFFs of the Week
Drunk ‘Friends’ Inserted Tumbler in Man’s Rectum – Doctors Cut it Out!
Doctors in India have removed a steel cup from a man’s rectum ten days after his friends inserted the item as a drunken prank.
The incident occurred on August 19 in Gujarat when the 45-year-old man was drinking with a group of friends. According to the Daily Mail, the group were drinking at Surat, an Indian state where drinking alcohol is prohibited.
Local reports said the man’s friends inserted the 6-in long, 3 in wide cup in his rectum while he was in an “inebriated state” as a prank.
His family took him to a nearby hospital after he was reportedly embarassed by the entire situation and doctors said he had swelling in his stomach since he didn’t defecate since the alleged prank.
On August 19, a team comprising Prof Sanjit Kumar Nayak, Dr Subrat Baral, Dr Satyaswarup and Dr Pratibha performed the surgery and removed the steel tumbler from Rout’s intestine.r Satyaswarup said initially attempt was made to pull the tumbler out of the rectum through an endoscopic procedure, reports New Indian Express.
“But it did not work out. So we had to cut open Rout’s abdomen and extract the tumbler after making an incision in his intestinal wall,” he said, adding Rout is stable and recovery will take some time. The patient’s colon has been sutured and a fistular opening created to enable him to defecate.
With friends like these, who needs enemas?
Hang Time of the Week
Jacksonville State punter Jack Dawson’s assault charges include alleged pool-cue sodomy
Jack Dawson, a punter for Jacksonville State University, has been arrested for several alleged assaults on former teammates, including one sexual assault.
Dawson previously punted for Troy University in Alabama, and the charges stem from when he was a member of the Trojans in the Fall of 2020.
A Troy Municipal Court official confirmed to the Montgomery Advertiser that Dawson was arrested. He faces charges from three alleged incidents. One allegation, from October 2020, is that Dawson “forcibly sodomized his teammate with a pool cue as he was lying on the floor at the Davis Field House, causing bleeding and bruising,” according to the Advertiser.
This teammate, John Haynes, filed a lawsuit against Dawson and three Troy coaches saying that Dawson bullied him and the coaches did nothing to stop it, according to AL.com.
Haynes’ suit alleges he was subject to “verbal harassment, which included sexual statements and homophobic slurs,” plus “molestation and violence.”
“Dawson had snuck up behind him with a pool cue and shoved the point of it up into his anus,” the suit alleges. “Later, John opened the snapchat message and saw it was a video of Dawson shoving the pool cue into his anus as others watched and laughed.”
In the suit, Haynes said he still feels pain — and suffered rectal bleeding for five months.
With a teammate like that, who needs enemas?
Wager of the Week
Aussie Rules player filmed performing sex act on teammate in pub after losing bet
A young man was forced to commit a sex act on his Aussie Rules teammate after he lost a bet.
Footage emerged of the shocking event where players from Glen Waverley Football Club were enjoying their end of season celebrations at a public bar.
After one teammate lost a bet, the forfeit of said bet meant he had to perform a sex act on his teammate in the pub while his other teammates were cheering him on.
It was a raucous night for all in the pub as regular goers were trying to have a good time when the incident occurred as one witness said the bathrooms were covered in vomit with some players demonstrating abusive behaviour to customers.
There were further claims of the disturbing behaviour perpetuated by the players who were apparently smashing glasses inside and outside the pub and stealing drinks from behind the bar.
They were also accused of dancing on tables and damaging venue property.
Those Aussies sure have some f*cked up rules.
Jihad of the Week
Muslims show porn to Hindus, then teach them to masturbate
In a bizarre video that surfaced on social media, a coach who claims to be preparing students for JEE, NEET and other entrance exams said Muslim youth show porn and adult movies to Hindu youth and then also teach them how to masturbate.
He also said the Muslim youth are doing this to what he called “diminish the sexual power of Hindu youth”.
In over two-minute video which is now viral on social media, the coach, who identifies himself as Lalit Sardana, claimed this to be “New Jihad” by Muslims.
“Do remember my words. The ensuing days will prove me right that this is a new Jihad”, he can be seen telling in the video.
“These movies are shown to Hindu youth. After watching these movies, you will get excited and search for partners to have sexual relationship. In case you don’t get one, you masturbate”, he said.
“This is the game plan and new Jihad to destroy Hindu youth and diminish their potency and fertility power”, he said.
Suicide bombings would be more effective.
Commute of the Week
Providence woman finds naked man in back seat
Amanda Kean has made the drive from her Providence home to her job at Honey Dew Donuts in Easton hundreds of times.
But this past weekend marked a first that she’s still trying to comprehend.
“I don’t know how to put it into words,” Kean said. “It really took my mind a minute for me to understand what I was seeing.”
Working as an overnight delivery driver, Kean arrived at the Easton location where she works late Sunday-early Monday. She had been listening to her true crime podcast during the commute and was finishing a cigarette when all of sudden, she heard something that wasn’t the podcast.
“I hear moaning, like a moaning noise. I pause my podcast and I roll down my window because [I wanted to] check outside,” she explained. “I rolled down the window and I heard it again, and I realized it was not coming from outside of my truck, it was coming from inside of my truck.”
That’s when, tucked on the floor of her back seat, she noticed it: a naked man.
Kean said the nude man was laid out on the floor. The back passenger seats had been folded down, blocking any clear view she might’ve had from the driver’s seat.
Police identified the naked man as 21-year-old Jose Osorio of Providence.
According to a release, police said Osorio was found “extremely intoxicated” and learned later that he had consumed alcohol and marijuana earlier in the evening.
Police said Osorio was found with a pair of shorts around one leg and a shirt around one arm.
This is a metaphor for Joe Biden’s immigration policies: the entire country has a drunk unwanted naked Hispanic in the back seat.
Mug of the Week
Washington DC woman runs over and kills boyfriend with car
A Maryland woman was arrested and charged with killing her boyfriend by mowing him down with her car.
Prince George’s County police charged 38-year-old Udele Burno with vehicular manslaughter in the death of 40-year-old Shamatto Clarke.
On August 20, at approximately 8:45 p.m., officers responded to a call for a person trapped underneath a car outside a home.
When they arrived they found Clarke pinned underneath the vehicle. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Officers say the victim’s girlfriend, Burno, struck Clarke with the vehicle which caused the fatal injuries.
I guess we can put that whole “it’s always the pretty ones who are crazy” thing to rest.
Buyer of the Week
Florida man arrested for trying to buy 8-year-old girl for $100,000
A Florida sex offender was arrested after he allegedly tried to “purchase” an 8-year-old girl for $100,000 at a grocery store, police said.
Hellmuth Kolb, 85, approached the child’s mom at a Winn Dixie in Port Orange Thursday and made the indecent proposal, according to the Port Orange Police Department.
Kolb was on probation and was banned from having contact with children after trying to buy a different child in Walmart in 2018, according to WESH-TV.
Lauren Benning told the station she thought Kolb was just a lonely old man when he approached her and her daughter.
“He just came up and he started making comments about how pretty she was and how good her dancing was and how he could never have children and he wanted children,” Benning reportedly said.
But the interaction soon took a dark turn, Benning told the station.
“Approached me in the parking lot. Actually chased me down in the parking lot and said ‘hey, I want to make a deal with you.’ I’d like to buy her for $100,000. I was in complete shock.”
Better get the money up front. That guy looks a little iffy.
WTF? of the Week
Jonathan Welch used hot spatula on ex, set her genitals on fire – detective says
Jonathan Welch is facing the possibility of life in prison for a triple murder of his ex-girlfriend, step-dad, and mom in Harper Woods, returned to court on Monday for charges in a related case where he allegedly doused his ex with gasoline and lit her fire.
Welch appeared in court for a preliminary hearing on the original charges – that he tortured and assaulted Zlayiah Frazer in a violent and graphic attack on June 12, 2022.
On June 12, Welch was accused of a violent and graphic attack on his ex-girlfriend. According to the prosecutor’s office, he strangled Frazier, poured gasoline on her, threatened to assault her with a drill, burned her arms and legs with a metal spatula, before attempting to sexually assault her using a pole.
The first witness to testify was a detective who took Frazier’s statement after that night. According to the statement, which was written but not recorded, Welch was upset about Frazier possibly talking to someone else on her phone and he wanted to see her conversations. When she refused, he got angry and got an extension cord, metal spatula, and power drills.
The detective said all of this happened with their child in the next room. During the course of the attack, she kept tending to the child as it was crying.
Frazier told the detective that Welch wrapped the cord around her neck and would strangle her, then release, and then reapply pressure. She said he also heated up the spatula on the stove and then put it on her arm.
According to Frazier, Welch told her “if you don’t tell me, this is going to continue all night.”
Frazier told police that Welch poured gasoline between her legs and then set it on fire.
The attack, which lasted for about 4 hours, mercifully ended when Frazier ran to her neighbor’s house and was able to get her help.
The neighbors took the woman into their home, gave her a blanket to cover herself and called 911. Welch returned at that time and kicked in the neighbor’s door, but left before police arrived.
He was arrested later the same day. But he wasn’t in jail for long.
Prosecutors then say 36th District Court Magistrate Dawn White set Welch’s bond at $100,000 / 10 percent cash surety.
Less than a month later, Welch was able to post that 10% – $10,000 – and was out of jail on Friday, July 8. By the following Sunday Frazier was dead.
Prosecutors say Welch barricaded himself in his mom’s Harper Woods home — shot at police and set the house on fire. He is also accused of killing his ex-girlfriend Frazier, his step-dad Robert Bray Jr. and his mom Flossie Nicole Bray.
The J6 protesters were held without bond but the asshole who set his girlfriend’s vagina on fire got out for 10Gs?
