This week we learned that flying 70 plane-loads of illegal aliens to Florida is orderly and humane but shipping 50 of them to Martha’s Vineyard is kidnapping. Here’s some other WTF? that defies logic:
Headline of the Week
Prisoner found dead after being forced to listen to Baby Shark on endless repeat
A prisoner has died after accusing prison officers of “torture” by forcing him to listen to children’s song Baby Shark on repeat.
John Basco, 48, was found unresponsive in his cell in the Oklahoma County Detention Centre, US at around 3:50am on Sunday (September 11).
Prison officials said officers tried to resuscitate Basco until emergency responders arrived, but their efforts were in vain.
Basco was behind bars on a drug trafficking complaint. According to prison spokesman Mark Opgrande, there were no obvious signs of foul play and an investigation has been launched into the incident.
He told The Oklahoman: “One of the possibilities being investigated is that it was a drug overdose.”
Basco was among the four jail inmates suing Oklahoma County, accusing former detention officers Gregory Cornell Butler Jr and Christian Charles Miles of forcing them to listen to Baby Shark on repeat whilst handcuffed to a wall.
Lawyers representing the detainees described the incidents as “torture events”
But it sure saved the taxpayers a lot of money.
Waver of the Week
Scots teacher who waved fake penis at colleagues banned from classroom
A teacher has been banned from the classroom for waving a fake penis at colleagues while making suggestive and provocative movements. Derek Turkington was found unfit to teach on Wednesday, following the incident at Newbattle Community High School in Dalkeith, Midlothian which occurred between August 2017 and 2018.
During this time Mr Turkington was found to have behaved inappropriately towards staff by putting a prosthetic penis down his trousers and then through his zip. He then made suggestive and provocative movements towards his colleagues and also placed his finger through his trouser zip while attempting to mimic male genitalia.
Mr Turkington claimed he had been carrying a box of fake penises from a sex education class and unintentionally must have held one of the mocked-up members up as he waved goodbye to a colleague.
In reference to a pupil who was in earshot, Mr Turkington was also found to have said: “Colleague A, can you please tell him that his dad clearly doesn’t care about him and that he needs to move on and get a grip.”
Arthur Stewart, the convenor of the panel, said: “Our decision as to Mr Turkington is that he is unfit to teach and the panel must direct that his name be removed from the teaching register.”
If he ups the porn-factor, he could teach kindergartners in America.
Shocker of the Week
Oakville teacher shocks students by wearing huge prosthetic breasts to class
Video footage and photos of a Toronto-area high school teacher are blowing up online today, sparking a raucous debate about what educators should and shouldn’t wear to work.
It appears as though many social media users first became aware of the teacher in question (and, more specifically, the sizeable prosthetic bust she wears,) when an American radio host tweeted a series of images said to have been captured at Oakville Trafalgar High School.
In the clips, we see a woman with long blonde hair wearing what appear to be bicycle shorts with various incredibly tight tops — tight on account of the fact that the teacher’s breasts appear to be at least twice the size of her head. Each.
Way-too-concerned Twitter users began sleuthing out who this mysterious, chesty shop class teacher might be, and eventually determined that the instructor in question is a tech teacher.
The teacher is reported to be a transgender individual who previously went by a different name.
In some photos shared by students on Snapchat and later recirculated by adults on Twitter, the teacher’s name can be seen written on the blackboard as “Ms. Lemieux.”
The Halton District School Board (HDSB), which is responsible for Oakville Trafalgar High School, could not confirm the name of the now-viral individual when asked about the situation.
“As this is a personnel matter, we cannot provide further information,” said a representative for the board to blogTO.
“The Halton District School Board is committed to establishing and maintaining a safe, caring, inclusive, equitable and welcoming learning and working environment for all students and staff.”
There is nothing safe about having those things around that chop saw.
Wiener of the Week
Eastern Michigan University provost arrested for driving around NAKED while touching himself
After being seen driving about the neighborhood naked and pleasuring himself, a perverted leading professor and former diversity chief, Michael Tew, was detained by police.
Tew, the provost of Eastern Michigan University, was spotted by a local truck driver who happened to pass him on the road near the college. As spotted in the footage, Tew was driving around without any clothes in his jeep while pleasuring himself. The incident was then recorded in which much to the disgust of the scene, the angry truck driver shouted “Hey motherf***er, why are you naked?”
Following the shocking incident, the university was quick to suspend the faculty member on the grounds of misconduct as they await the result of the trial and legal proceedings.
It’s safe to assume that a university diversity chief is not a Republican.
Beaver of the Week
Pranksters smear naked woman’s portrait across ‘Spread Eagle Road’ in city centre
A set of pranksters have smeared a famous portrait of a naked woman across a road named “Spread Eagle Road”.
The painting, which shows a woman lying naked in the street, has appeared in the busy city centre of Gloucester, with the image thought to be a copy of a famed Gustave Courbet painting.
Courbet’s painting, L’Origine du monde, appears to have been replicated and printed onto the Spread Eagle Road by pranksters, who have yet to be identified.
The street name mockery shows the L’Origine du monde positioned well above the street and right below a sign reading “Spread Eagle Street”.
Locals will be able to spot the tongue-in-cheek tribute on many of the bus routes that travel through the city, with the art placement hanging there for several days.
You should see what they hung at Prolapsed Anus Blvd.
Greaser of the Week
Supplier hid eye-watering amounts of drugs in his anus
It was only when officers spotted that Ikram Khan had Vaseline on his fingers did they suspect that he had secreted the illegal substances.
Prosecuting, Christine Egerton told Leeds Crown Court that Khan had been a passenger in a Nissan that was travelling through Wakefield in May last year when police pulled it over.
They found £255 in cash in the centre console and four mobile phones, which aroused suspicion.
It was only when they got to the police station did they notice the substance on his fingers, so carried out a full search.
They found 28 packs of heroin, and 55 packs of crack cocaine “plugged” in his orifice.
The 23-year-old from Bradford had a previous conviction in 2016 for dealing heroin and crack cocaine.
Mitigating, Rebecca Young said he became involved in drugs at the age of 17 and was in sixth-form college when he crashed a hired Mercedes supercar, could not pay for the damage and was offered a way of clearing his debt by dealing.
Having been caught the first time, he was then persuaded into deal again, fearing for his safety and that of his family.
Ms Young said: “The travesty of this case is that when you speak to Mr Khan it’s clear that his maturity led to this offending.
When shoving drugs up your ass becomes a sign of maturity.
Baller of the Week
A man ended up needing a plastic ball yanked out of his rectum, after supposedly shoving it in there to treat his ‘haemorrhoids’.
The 51-year-old rushed to hospital in the early hours of the morning, confessing to medics that he had the tennis ball-sized object inside his anus.
In the company of his wife, he stated it was ‘pushed in’ two days before to treat his piles.
But surgeons tasked with retrieving the 7cm x 7cm ball — originally part of the man’s vacuum — found no evidence of haemorrhoids.
Writing in a medical journal, doctors in Jordan revealed that he had tried to ‘extract the foreign body using a screwdriver and spoon’.
Asked to lay flat on his back with his legs in the air, surgeons armed with ‘sufficient lubrication’ tried to pull the ball out manually.
However, they failed because the ball was ‘wider than the pelvic outlet’.
Left with no other option, the man’s stomach had to be cut into to allow the team to get closer to the object. But even that failed.
Surgeons then decided to ‘carefully cut’ the ball into three smaller pieces using an electric drill inserted through his dilated anus.
This made it ‘easy to grasp’, allowing the team to extract the three individual pieces with ‘minimal damage’.
This asshole is pretty damn mature as well.
Sprayer of the Week
Man shoved 8-inch deodorant can up his butt, left it there for 3 weeks
A 27-year-old man in India had to be hospitalized after allegedly shoving a deodorant canister up his butt, where it remained for three weeks before doctors removed it.
Doctors shared a graphic video of the emergency backdoor evacuation, noting the team was shocked to witness the patient’s case.
“This was a big deal for us,” Tapas Ghosh, the superintendent of Burdwan Medical College’s hospital, where the patient was treated, told India’s News18. “We treated him with uttermost care.”
The unnamed patient had reported to the medical facility, located in West Bengal, on Wednesday after experiencing severe abdominal pain, Jam Press reported.
There, doctors conducted several X-rays, which revealed that the poor soul had a 7½-inch deodorant can inexplicably lodged in his colon near the anus.
Doctors believe that the patient had wedged the antiperspirant up his anus, although his reasons for doing so remain unclear — but likely did not include remedying a smelly bum.
To make matters worse, the can was reportedly up his can for 20 days, during which the unfortunate fellow was unable to relieve himself. Medics believe that the young man’s life could’ve been in jeopardy had he not reported to the hospital, News18 reported.
Thankfully, doctors were able to remove the deodorant during a two-hour surgery, as seen in literal stomach-churning footage given to Jam Press. The graphic 45-second video shows the team of surgeons slicing open the man’s stomach lining to unveil a silver spray can, which they then remove and hold up to the camera like a bowling trophy.
What a terrible week for assholes.
Grinder of the Week
‘That’s not chocolate’: Michigan woman claims Subway sandwich had feces on it
A Michigan State University senior claims a sandwich she ordered from an East Lansing Subway had an extra topping she didn’t ask for – feces.
Kelsey Coyne posted a TikTok after discovering what she thinks was poop on her lunch.
“There is feces. We are not sure if it’s human or dog,” she said in the video. “That’s not chocolate, I know that for sure.”
Coyne said she posted what happened to social media because she didn’t think the company would take her claims seriously after biting into the sub and smelling something off.
“The smell from it was so bad, I was gagging from remembering it,” she said. “It was on the paper around it, but it was mushy.”
East Lansing police are investigating, and they are looking for a lab to possibly test the sample. Though police are looking into the incident, it could end up being a health department issue.
The owner of the restaurant said he reviewed security footage from the store and found nothing to indicate the sandwich got feces on it. Instead, he says it was sauce that was burnt after being toasted.
Did she order a shit sandwich? Because if so, that would explain everything.
Pisser of the Week
Muslim man used to urinate on vegetables and sell it in Hindu Basti, arrested
A Muslim vegetable vendor named Sharif Khan in Prem Nagar police station area of the district used to urinate on vegetables and sell them in Hindu areas. After getting the news, the local people caught him and handed him over to the police.
According to the report, on Friday (16 September 2022), Sharif Khan was standing on the side of the road with a vegetable cart. At the same time, some vegetables were kept below, on which Sharif Khan was urinating. Seeing him doing this, someone took down the video of the incident and made it viral.
When he asked Sharif the reason for urinating on vegetables, he started misbehaving with him. Seeing the commotion, many people gathered there and they beat up Sharif Khan. After this, the police of Prem Nagar police station was informed. After which the police reached the spot and brought Sharif to the police station and interrogated him.
During interrogation, Sharif confessed to the police that he was passing urine under the guise of a handcart.
He’s waging Pee-had against the infidels.
Mugger of the Week
Polk County man demands money, urinates on victim, deputies say
Deputies said 18-year-old Enrique Alvarez-Salinas, of Auburndale, who appeared to be intoxicated, “accosted” a family as they arrived at their home in the area of Georgia Street and US 17 in Bartow Sunday evening.
Deputies said Alvarez-Salinas demanded money from the family as he swung a beer bottle at a victim. Despite the family’s attempt to calm Enrique down, deputies said he urinated on the victim and in front of the victim’s house.
When friends of the victim arrived at the home, Enrique hopped into his truck and sped off.
Officers with the Bartow Police Department quickly spotted Enrique’s vehicle which blew through several stop signs, crashed into a car, continued fleeing, and ultimately crashed a second time at Nye Jordan Park.
Deputies said Enrique tried to flee on foot but was tracked down by a PCSO K-9 unit.
Authorities added that Enrique continued to resist as he punched K-9 Ketchum and attempted to punch Ketchum’s deputy partner.
Bartow police arrested and charged Enrique with robbery with a weapon, leaving the scene of a crash with injury, exposure of sexual organs, battery, and resisting. The Polk County Sheriff’s Office charged him with resisting with violence, assault on a law enforcement officer, and striking a police dog.
Too bad he didn’t expose himself to the police dog.
Crusher of the Week
Florida man accused of crushing truck with excavator, assaults woman for not having drug money
Richard Hamilton, 36, was arrested on multiple charges, including criminal mischief and domestic battery by strangulation, according to deputies.
Charlotte County deputies responded to a domestic dispute on September 11 where a woman was physically assaulted. The sheriff’s office said Hamilton drove her around to several gas stations in North Port, Port Charlotte and Englewood on September 10, demanding her to find money for drugs.
Hamilton and the victim drove to Kelly Stone Sand and Boulders, where he works, on the afternoon of September 11, Charlotte County deputies said. Hamilton got out of the truck and took the truck’s keys, so the victim couldn’t leave.
The victim tried calling several people to borrow money, but when she told Hamilton her phone died, he went back to the truck and assaulted the victim, deputies said.
CCSO officials said Hamilton drove off in the victim’s truck to a nearby Circle K, taking her phone and purse from her. Investigators said he snatched both items as she tried getting out of the truck.
Once the victim went back to Kelly’s Stone and Sand Boulders, Charlotte County deputies said Hamilton was seen laughing hysterically and smashing the truck with the bucket on an excavator.
Once the victim went back to Kelly’s Stone and Sand Boulders, Charlotte County deputies said Hamilton was seen laughing hysterically and smashing the truck with the bucket on an excavator.
That’s not how you show a girl you have a crush on her.
Cutter of the Week
Woman ‘cut off mother’s head, put it in cooking pot before stripping flesh from legs’
A woman allegedly chopped off her mother’s head and shoved it into a cooking pot in a revenge murder that brewed over a lease change.
Tugce Sayin, 35, is accused of butchering her mum Sevilay Palabiyik and stripping the flesh from her legs inside the family home in Istanbul.
The emergency medical technician is said to have killed the 67-year-old after she refused to sign the apartment over to her.
Sayin is said to have dragged the body into the bathroom before cutting up the corpse and removing the flesh off the bone.
Worried neighbours had raised the alarm when they were unable to contact Palabiyik and alerted the police.
The officers who rang the doorbell found themselves face-to-face with the daughter, who refused to allow the men inside until they insisted.
She told them: “She [ mum ] still hasn’t come home. I don’t know where she is.”
But after some time, Sayin reportedly confessed to the crime and said: “I killed my mother. She is in the bathroom.”
Cops then discovered the hacked body – with the meat entirely removed from the left leg.
In a statement to Kucukcekmece Chief Public Prosecutor’s Office, Sayin reportedly said: “I am schizophrenic. My mother attacked me and cast a spell.”
This is one of the dangers of casting a decapitation spell.
WTF? of the Week
‘Non-binary alien’ couple spat on by strangers due to out-of-this-world look
A couple who refer to themselves as “non-binary aliens” are shocking the internet with their out-of-this-world appearance.
Designers Hannah Rose Dalton and Steven Raj Bhaskaran are the people behind the Instagram account @matieresfecales, which translates to fecal matter in English.
The pair have been dating for eight years now and continuously push the envelope with their content.
In their photos, the heels of their feet are often warped into skin-covered scythes and their waists are intensely whittled down. With the help of prosthetics, they make themselves look as alien-like as possible.
“Just a reminder that people may point, stare and laugh at you all while making cruel jokes at your expense, but it’s your right to live on this planet just like them, even if they don’t understand you,” they recently posted on their account.
Steven previously wrote an artist’s statement for Show Studio where they shared some of the questions they’re trying to answer with their art.
“I’m a victim of society. A victim of abuse. I’ve questioned the human existence ever since I could remember. Questioning why was I born a person of colour and why am I treated differently because of it,” they wrote.
“Trying to understand gender and where I belong within that spectrum. Why did I never fit in with the other kids and why did they hate me for it?
“Why was I born into an abusive environment? Why did violence play such a big part in my family household? Who or what decided that I was supposed to grow up on welfare? Why do people want pale skin more than darker skin?
“Why didn’t I deserve to get a private education? Why can’t I fit in with the adults and why do they hate me for it? Why is it dangerous to wear women’s clothing if you are a male-bodied person?”
Why do people treat us like hideous freaks after we chose to be hideous freaks?
