This week’s biggest WTF? saw the Biden Administration subtly preparing for nuclear Armageddon. Here’s some other WTF? that is slightly less terrifying:
Headline of the Week
Man dies after falling from Myrtle Beach balcony while doing handstand during Hurricane Ian
A man died after falling from a balcony in Myrtle Beach while trying to do a handstand during Hurricane Ian, according to the Horry County Coroner’s Office.
Markell Hope, 34, of Ohio, fell from the 15th-floor balcony at the Patricia Grand Hotel, according to Chief Deputy Coroner Tamara Willard.
It happened about 3:30 p.m. Friday when Hurricane Ian was hitting that part of the coast.
Willard said Hope was trying to do a handstand on the balcony when he fell.
The Myrtle Beach Police Department is investigating.
They warn against pissing in the wind but never something like this.
Stuffer of the Week
Colin Pates is said to be “gifted” downstairs but it had its pros and cons, as he fell victim to a practical joke by team-mates after a night out drinking.
The 61-year-old had apparently fallen asleep on a sofa in the lobby of the Meon Valley Country Club, near Southampton, after a heavy session in the early 1990s.
And fellow Arsenal player at the time, Jimmy Carter, seized the opportunity to play a prank on Pates.
Carter stuffed 30 pebbles inside Pates’ foreskin, leaving him with “this big heavy weight”.
David Hillier, who was also part of the squad, recalled to the Undr The Cosh podcast: “In the reception at this time, Colin Pates has fallen asleep on a chaise longue.
“This is our last night at the Meon Valley Country Club, and obviously they loved having us there.
“I don’t know how it’s happened, but in the morning Colin Pates wakes up on this chair – and Colin Pates had quite a…he was quite gifted in the old…department, right.
“But he had a lot of skin on the top of it, so Jimmy Carter decided he’d fill it.
“You know those little balls you get that they put around artificial plants? Like little f***ing marbles.
“He put about 30 of them in Patesy’s foreskin. So Patesy wakes up with this big heavy weight.
“And he’s laying in reception, everybody coming in the hotel has seen him.
“His old man’s out, it’s full of these things in the end of it that Jimmy’s stuffed in it.”
If your practical joke is to spend time playing with another man’s penis, the joke’s on you.
Chomper of the Week
Baying mob watch as man ‘tears off thief’s penis with teeth’ in ‘jungle justice’
An alleged petty thief appeared to have his penis bitten off by another man in front of a baying mob screaming encouragement in a chilling example of “jungle justice”.
A video of the incident has started doing the rounds online and was shared on Twitter by the Marxist Party of Nigeria, which says the incident took place in the Bakassi Peninsula, Nigeria.
Reports online suggest the man was a petty thief who stole something worth “less than a dollar”.
In the stomach-churning clip, one of the crowd suddenly kneels next to the already-naked man and literally bites off his penis.
Others in the sickening blood-thirsty mob then stone him as he writhes helpless on the floor.
ust after the callous attacker is seen spitting out the victim’s manhood, others move in with large rocks and pummel the helpless man on the ground.
If your practical joke is to remove another man’s penis with your mouth, the joke’s on you.
Groper of the Week
Berea man charged for groping 16-year-old step-daughter on camera during virtual school
A Berea man was charged last week after being caught on camera groping his 16-year-old step-daughter during a virtual school class.
The incident occurred Sept. 28 and was seen by the girl’s teacher and 39 classmates, police said.
The teen’s stepfather, David Lowe, a registered sex offender, was charged with sexual imposition on Sept. 29, according to court dockets. He pleaded not guilty to those charges and posted a $50,000 bond.
“The Ohio Virtual Academy reported to our department that a female high school student was attending class online at her home in Berea when a male identified as her stepfather came up behind her wearing only his underwear and rubbed his crotch against the back of her head,” Lt. Tom Walker with the Berea Police Department said.
Walker said the fast-acting by the teen’s teacher helped police arrest Lowe and, more importantly, get the teen help.
“The teacher seeing this obscene behavior reached out to our department and knowing that the student was attending online here at her home in Berea and made us aware of what she had seen,” Walker said.
The stepfather has subsequently been offered a job at CNN.
Lover of the Week
Suspect accused of sexually assaulting woman outside of Dollar General in Green Township
A man is accused of following a victim to her car and sexually assaulting her in a Dollar General parking lot in Green Township Thursday, according to Hamilton County court records.
Court documents say that Mark Newberry 34, followed the victim to her car, stated that the victim was attractive, and talked to her about marriage.
He then kissed her on the neck and grabbed her breast and buttocks while standing behind her, court documents read.
Police state that the victim was able to into the car and drive away.
Court documents say that when interviewed by police, Newberry denied touching the victim.
Jail records show that Newberry is facing one count of sexual imposition.
A judge set his bond amount to $200.
How to spend $200 at the Dollar General.
Ripper of the Week
Woman’s anus tore apart after ‘slipping off back of jet ski’ when her driver accelerated
A woman’s anus tore apart after she fell off the back of a jet ski, a grisly case report has revealed.
The unidentified 22-year-old, who lives in Australia, ‘slipped off the back’ when the driver accelerated.
She agonisingly landed on her backside with the chassis caught between her legs, striking her perineum — the area between the anus and genitals.
The woman started bleeding and went to Melbourne’s Frankston Hospital, where doctors found a 2in (5cm) cut stretching from her tail bone to anus.
Scans showed she had torn her sphincter as well as the lining of her rectum.
Doctors took her to the operating theatre to be examined under general anaesthetic, where they found the cuts extended up the wall of her rectum.
They stitched up the wounds and gave her a colostomy bag to allow her injuries to heal.
After 12 weeks, she had completely recovered and she is now on a waiting list for surgery to reverse her colostomy procedures.
Her medics said ‘severe anorectal’ injuries like the one she suffered are ‘uncommon but typically arise from high-speed jet ski accidents’.
Someone should invent an asshole helmet.
Bummer of the Week
Horrified mum’s rare condition sees her poo and fart through mysterious bum cheek tunnel
A mum who starting pooing and farting through a mysterious tunnel in her left bum cheek says it’s “not an ideal lifestyle” but she has learnt to live with it.
Tierney Dumont, from Ohio, USA, developed a fistula in her colon in 2018 that led to her not defecating and passing gas from the correct place but an inch away from her anus instead.
The brave 29-year-old had over 20 procedures and surgeries since her diagnosis including an ileostomy bag in 2020 that vastly improved her quality of life.
Despite being embarrassed of her condition at the start, she wants to speak out for people who are ashamed of their health issues.
Heroic Tierney said: “I have a rectal fistula, it’s essentially a hole in my bowel.
“I was putting out stool and passing gas, not from the adequate place, I had created this whole tunnel all the way through the inner side of my left butt cheek.”
Holy crap!
Logger of the Week
Victoria’s Secret worker touches ‘biggest poop’ left by customer in changing rooms
A Victoria’s Secret employee quit her job after accidentally grabbing a human turd as she picked up sports bras from the floor of a dressing room.
The poop had been left by customer with TikToker Rachel reliving the moment as part of the social media video platform’s viral “One Thing About Me” trend, which is seeing users share unique stories about themselves.
Rachel’s video has been viewed more than 3.3million times and she starts it by describing how she had been working for the lingerie retailer for three years before she endured her “crappiest” day with the company.
She then pointed out that it happened on a Saturday when the store was busy.
Having shown the customer to the fitting room, she returned after she saw her leaving, knowing that she had left the items of clothing in there and they would need clearing up.
“The sports bras are all over the floor,” she said. “I bend down to grab one, but I end up touching something else. It ended up being the biggest piece of poop I had ever seen and I had just touched it with my hands.”
She went on to clean up the stool after informing her manager and then returned to the sales floor, while the offending pooper left the shop without any reprimand.
A second video posted by Rachel goes on to show a picture of the faeces.
She goes on to explain that her stinking experience was not the main reason that she handed in her notice at Victoria’s Secret, but that it was “the straw that broke the camel’s back”.
Apparently Victoria’s secret is she has no bowel control.
Hanger of the Week
Wichita man arrested for public intoxication after hanging on back of semi for over 100 miles
“It’s so bizarre,” said Trooper Eric Foster with the Oklahoma Highway Patrol.
That’s something you don’t often hear from a first responder, but what happened Monday morning even had those who’ve pretty much seen it all scratching their heads.
“The person that called said there appears to be a man on the back of this truck,” said Foster.
It all started in Wichita when investigators say 30-year-old Dustin Slocum hopped on the back rail of a semi-truck as it was leaving a shipping yard. He held on for 130 miles, nearly two hours, and ended up in Guthrie, Oklahoma, around 2:30 in the morning.
“When I heard that somebody took a crazy ride, I’m thinking, yeah, that’s him. That’s the kind of stuff he would do,” said Shane King.
King has known Slocum for nearly a decade and is his former landlord. He says he was nothing but trouble as a tenant.
Kansas Department of Corrections records also shows Slocum served time for aggravated battery.
In this case, police arrested Slocum for public intoxication and joyriding – both misdemeanor charges to which he pleaded not guilty.
When Trooper’s asked him why he was on the truck, he said he was “hoping to find his wife.”
King says no matter what the reason is, it’s sad to see people like this.
“He’s got no support. Nobody. I wish they would make mental health more available,” said King.
He should give Tinder a try.
Tackler of the Week
A Florida man was arrested for cruelty towards a child after he allegedly put on a helmet and charged into a nine-year-old little league football player to exact revenge for tackling his son during a game. David Taylor, 41, then grabbed the young boy by his arms and shoved him, according to a police report.
Police said Taylor was seen arguing with the coaches during a football game at the Longleaf Elementary School on September 29, ABC News 4 reported.
The argument began after the father saw his son being overpowered by another player during a one-on-one tackling scrimmage. “Taylor then took his son’s helmet, placed it on his head, got into a ‘football kneeling stance’ in front of the player, and charged head-first into the 9-year-old’s chest,” the coaching staff explained.
He then grabbed the kid by his arms and pushed him several feet, according to an arrest report.
This prompted the coaches to intervene and confront the vengeful father.
Taylor was charged with disorderly conduct and cruelty towards a child.
How’d he fit a 9-year-old’s helmet on that giant melon of his?
Dipper of the Week
Baffled mum sees ‘face of Elvis Presley’ in McDonald’s ketchup pot staring back at her
A shocked mum did a double-take when she went to dip a chicken nugget in her pot of McDonald’s ketchup and saw the face of Elvis Presley staring back at her.
Lisa Ringsell was stunned when she glanced down at the near-empty pot of tomato sauce and spotted the uncanny likeness to “The King” peering back at her.
But after taking a quick snap the 27-year-old admitted to destroying Elvis’ face with her chicken chunk before tossing it in the bin, as it was the only dip she had left.
Striking images of the saucy singer show a clearly-defined head complete with trademark quiff, eyes, mouth and sideburns.
Lisa, from Dundee, Scotland, said: “I was just dipping my chicken nuggets into the sauce pot and at the end I saw a tiny face staring at me who appeared to be Elvis.
“I looked in the pot debating if there was enough sauce to dip again and that’s when I saw him. As soon as I saw him, I immediately said ‘what?’ and showed my partner.
“I said to him ‘this looks like Elvis’, I took the photo straight away and showed some friends.
“It’s something I won’t forget for a long time. My mum is an Elvis fan so she loved it.
Who dips Chicken McNuggets in ketchup?
Yeller of the Week
Yorkshire man’s torment as mystery stranger keeps yelling ‘porridge’ through his letterbox
A Yorkshire man has been tormented by a stranger screaming ‘porridge’ through his letterbox.
The mystery neighbour has been shouting strange things about porridge through his letterbox at odd hours during the middle of the night in Boothtown, Halifax, for the past three weeks. The man, who we have anonymised, is at his “wit’s end” and is pleading with the ‘porridge whisperer’ to stop immediately.
He took to social media with an appeal, telling the stranger to stop and “grow up”. He wrote the appeal below on public Facebook group 50 Shades of Halifax.
He took to social media with an appeal, telling the stranger to stop and “grow up”. He wrote the appeal below on public Facebook group 50 Shades of Halifax.
The man wrote: “Apologies if this post is not allowed but I am wanting to get to the bottom of this as I’m at my wit’s end. I live at range court flats in Boothtown and for the past three weeks someone is STILL been opening my letter box flap in the middle of the night and shouting “PORRIDGE.”
“Sometime it’s “PORRIDGE TIME PAPPA BEAR” or once it was “EAT IT BEFORE IT GOES COLD PAPPA. – (this bit said in a whisper) “It’s my special porridge. Before you ask no, porridge had not been left at any times, this is clearly a unwelcome visitor and I would it to stop ASAP. If this is you, grow up.”
It might be a cereal killer. He should invest in some deadbolt Goldilocks.
Slapper of the Week
Man slapped with £70 bill claims his dog bought on-demand porn videos on his Smart TV
A bloke has claimed the £70 bill he was slapped with for buying on-demand porn videos were actually because of his dog.
Thomas Barnes, 58, was left red-faced after explaining the pay-per-view porn was accidentally purchased when his dog, Marino, was attempting to get hold of the TV remote.
Accidentally ordering a piece of semi-hardcore pornographic premium content from the Hustler channel when the dog jumped on the bed, Barnes claims the dog pushed all the wrong buttons when making itself comfortable.
The disastrous accident saw the bloke contact his provider “within minutes” to explain the X-Rated Smart TV gaffe and subsequent £70 charge.
Despite being assured the problem would be sorted, Barnes found his bill was £70 higher than it normally would have been, with Hustler listed on his payment.
Not wanting to be charged for his dog’s porn order, he subtracted the cost of Hustler from the bill and paid the rest, which led to his entire service being cut off.
“That $70, you’re taking food out of my mouth. It’s like you’re stealing it. They refused to see how that was pertinent.”
The 58-year-old had subsequently contacted the Federal Communications Commission to complain about the charge.
He does know that porn is free on the Internet, right?
WTF? of the Week
Mississippi daycare workers fired after screaming at children in Halloween mask
A Mississippi daycare worker wiped away tears as she apologized for scaring little children with a Halloween mask after her worrying behavior left her unemployed this week.
Staff members at Lil’ Blessings Child Care & Learning Center, located in Hamilton, Miss., were allegedly trying to put a scare into some children who they thought had been “bad,” said a whistleblower in a Facebook post.
Four employees at the facility were fired following the incident, according to local outlet WTVA.
Speaking out after the troubling videos went viral on social media, one daycare worker — who referred to herself as CeeCee — insisted the act was not “ill-intentioned.”
“It wasn’t meant to harm anybody and it wasn’t ill-intentioned,” she said in a video shared on Facebook, according to the Daily Mail.
“The teachers asked me if I would do it or if they could use (the mask) to get their class to listen or clean up. I’m not a child abuser.”
The worker claims she made her plan of scaring the children known to other members of staff but failed to disclose it to the daycare owner, Sheila Sanders.
The daycare is under investigation after workers were caught on video appearing to terrify the children while wearing a mask from the movie “Scream,” according to disturbing footage of the incident.
In one of the videos, as seen on Reddit, a woman in the “Scream” mask approaches a group of children while they are sitting at tables and eating lunch.
At the sight of the horror-show mask, the toddler begins to scream and cry. The children get visibly more distressed as the videos go on, with some of the children running to hide behind desks and bookshelves.
It’s still not as bad as when Joe Biden visited the children.
