Liberals love to ruin the holidays and nobody tries harder to tank Thanksgiving than the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). Shouldn’t it be PFTETOA? The bunny-hugging weirdos of PETA sent out a dire warning that if we don’t stop eating turkeys, they are going to rise up and consume us all. I wouldn’t worry too much about this Turkypocalypse because, let’s face it, it’s silly beyond belief.
Here’s something that a grown-ass adult thought was a clever way to stop people from eating meat:
POV: The dinner tables turned & a family is gathering around your dead body to share why they’re thankful. pic.twitter.com/CWKqLzZv1g
— PETA (@peta) November 23, 2022
The message is clear: stop eating turkeys or they will eat us.
There are however quite a few issues with this scenario, the first being that whatever the hell is being depicted in that amateur drawing doesn’t exits. Turkeys don’t walk upright or have arms.
Also, if that thing on the platter is supposed to be a human, that means that these mutant turkeys are at least 12-feet tall. Where in the hell did the turkeys get all of those clothes, jewelry, and giant cutlery?
Most of all, turkeys lay eggs, but in this picture, the mama gobbler is clearly pregnant like a mammal would be. Along those same lines, the mama turkey has a bellybutton, something that wouldn’t be found a hatched creature.
Maybe this is like a Planet of the Apes kind of thing only with turkeys. Perhaps thousands of years in the future, after Earth has been decimated by nuclear war, turkeys will become the dominant species and man will be subservient. Although, in Planet of the Apes, the monkeys didn’t eat people, they just enslaved them. Also, in the unlikely event this happens, it is eons away and none of us need to worry about.
PETA does claim to love animals, even though they kill more “rescued” pets than any organization, so it could be they’re taking this love too far. It’s possible that these monster turkeys are the result of some sick bestiality experiment that PETA hopes to unleash on humanity. Still, I know of no science that says humans can breed with turkeys so that seems far-fetched. Not that PETA bangs birds, that’s plausible, just that they could make a turkey man.
As a general rule, all birds are dicks. I was pecked by an emu as young child have developed a healthy distrust of these feathered fiends. I can take this PETA warning seriously but the message I’m getting differs greatly from their intent.
PETA thinks this cartoon will make people stop eating turkeys but what I’m getting is that we need to wipe those mothercluckers out before it’s too late. I’m sure I’m not alone on this. If the turkeys are going to rise up against us, we need to quash that rebellion before it starts.
Nice job PETA, you’ve actually sown the seeds of a turkey genocide.
The good news however is that the spoils of war includes leftover turkey sandwiches.
