This week’s biggest WTF? saw Joe Biden giving Russia the “Merchant of Death” in exchange for a female basketball player. Here’s some other WTF? that doesn’t sit right:
Headline of the Week
Woman gives neighbour box of husband’s boiled head after claiming sex toys were inside
A woman gave her neighbour a box containing her husband’s head after claiming it was packed with sex toys.
Carmen Merino, 64, has been jailed for 15 years after murdering her husband, Jesus Maria Baranda, who had been missing for six months by the time she was taken away in handcuffs.
It was only when the box started to smell, that Merino’s neighbour, Mari, opened it and discovered to her horror, that rather than dildos and vibrators, it was the retired bank worker’s rotting head.
Merino from Santander, Spain, initially asked Mari to safely store her sex toys to save her the embarrassment of police finding it, as they investigated Jesus Maria’s whereabouts.
That’s not how to give head.
Weapon of the Week
Man Holding His Penis as He Fights Leopards Is Oldest Ever Narrative Scene
The earliest ever narrative scene depicts a man holding his genitals in his hand as he is being attacked by leopards.
The stone carvings were found in 2021 at an 11,000-year-old site in Sayburç, southeastern Turkey, with the findings published in the journal Antiquity on December 8, 2022.
The carvings appear on a bench found in the ancient ruins of a communal building. Two panels show people interacting with dangerous animals, with the direction and stance of the figures implying that two separate but related scenes are present.
One panel shows the man holding his penis in his right hand while being attacked by a leopard from the left and right. The leopards are carved with their mouths open, and teeth bared, with only one of the leopards also having a penis.
Man has since learned that a penis is the wrong weapon to fight leopards with.
Route of the Week
NC city becomes butt of jokes over its penis-shaped Christmas parade route
A city in the North Carolina mountains is taking the social media wisecracks in stride after posting a map of its Christmas parade street closures and detours that resembles a penis.
“Gonna be a great ride,” a woman said on Facebook about the City of Hendersonville map.
“Kinda surprised no one is claiming they have a bigger parade,” a man posted on the site.
“I’m sure the route would be a lot shorter if it was cold outside,” chimed another man on Facebook.
Wednesday night’s post by the city government has drawn 6,300 mostly smart-aleck comments with laughing-face emojis, 6,900 likes and 11,000 shares.
And that’s how a dick can be a butt.
Roman of the Week
ROME MAN WITH HIV EXPOSES PENIS AND EJACULATES ON CUSTOMER AT WALMART
Donterious Demontray Mayfeild, 24 of Rome, was jailed this week after he allegedly pulled out his penis and ejaculated on a customer in the East Rome Walmart.
Police stated that Mayfield knowingly has HIV and exposed the victim to the virus.
Reports said that the incident occurred on Saturday December 3rd around 8 pm.
Mayfield is charged with public indecency, battery, reckless conduct. criminal trespass.
ROME MAN ARRESTED FOR MASTURBATING AT DOLLAR TREE
Donterious Demontray Mayfield, 22 of Rome, was arrested this week after reports said he was found masturbating while watching a woman shop at the Dollar Tree on Redmond Circle.
Reports stated that an employee came around the corner and saw Mayfield playing with his exposed penis.
Mayfield is charged with public indecency.
ROME MAN JAILED FOR MASTURBATING IN FRONT OF WOMAN AT WALMART
Donterious Demontray Mayfied, 22 of Rome, was arrested this week after reports said he exposed his penis to a woman at the West Rome Walmart before beginning to masturbate.
The victim told police that Mayfield was sitting in a parked car when he verbally made contact with the victim while motioning her to come over to see him.
The victim added that when she got to his car she could see his exposed penis and him masturbating.
Mayfield is charged with public indecency.
One more and he gets a free sandwich.
Wiggle Worm of the Week
Man with scrotal pain has parasitic worms having a ‘dance party’ inside testicles
Doctors caught a parasitic worm having a ‘dance party’ in a man’s testicle after month’s of pain.
According to a short report appearing in the New England Journal of Medicine this week, doctors at a hospital in New Delhi, India watched parasitic worms that had made it into a scrotum ‘dancing’.
Amit Sahu and Bharat Aggarwal of the Max Super Specialty Hospital saw the wriggling ravers streaming through the 26-year-old man’s lymphatic system.
The man had been feeling ill for a while with a one-month history of scrotal pain and swelling, as well as low-grade fevers before he decided to seek medical help.
An ultrasound examination quickly caught the ballsy revellers responsible. Blood testing confirmed the diagnosis, and examination of the young worms identified them.
The parasitic worms in this case were Wuchereria bancrofti.
They are spread by mosquitoes in some tropic and subtropical areas of Asia, Africa, the Western Pacific, the Caribbean, and South America.
I thought they were called one-eyed wonder worms.
Ball Sack of the Week
Royal Navy officer sacked for repeatedly flashing female colleagues onboard a warship
A royal Navy officer has been sacked after repeatedly flashing female colleagues on board a warship.
In the Armed Forces’ latest case of sexual misconduct, Daniel Ball exposed himself more than ten times to two women over three months, a court martial heard.
His victims were more junior personnel under his command on HMS Montrose. In a shocking echo of recent Navy and RAF abuse cases, they said their complaints were ‘brushed under the carpet’ by commanders.
Petty Officer Ball also tried to prevent one of the women being promoted after she reported him, Bulford military court heard.
Prosecuting counsel Captain Daniel Lawlor told the court: ‘He [Ball] would target female rates, exposing his testicles in the operations room in excess of ten times.
Ball pleaded guilty to two charges of disgraceful conduct and one of improper use of electronic communications. Judge Alistair McGrigor told him: ‘Such behaviour has no place in the Royal Navy today. It can’t be swept aside as misplaced banter. You and the Navy must part ways.’
Officer Ball was sacked for showing his ball sack.
Grab Bag of the Week
An ‘extremely’ drunk woman who grabbed a transgender man’s genitals and asked him ‘Are you male of female?’ has been ordered to pay him £300 compensation after she was convicted of sexual assault.
Karen Waldron, 53, of Matson Avenue, Gloucester, asked the man if he was ‘sure’ before grabbing his genitals and ‘squeezing’ them on a Yates bar dancefloor ‘to establish that he was a male’, a court heard.
But she insisted she just was ‘looking out’ for a vulnerable friend who had ‘taken a shine’ to the transgender man, 24, who was out with a friend when before the assault in the early hours of Sunday, February 6 this year in Cheltenham.
The transgender man told the court that he had begun transitioning since 2016 and had been wearing a genital packer inside his boxer shorts.
The magistrates fined Waldron £150. They also ordered her to pay court costs of £149, compensation to the victim of £300 and a surcharge of £1.
If it was prosthetic genitals, it wasn’t genitals. Also, wearing a strap-on does not a man make.
Crap of the Week
Putin fell down the stairs at home, led to ‘Involuntary Defecation’: Report
Russian President Vladimir Putin reportedly fell this week at his official Moscow house, causing him to “involuntarily defecate,” the New York Post quoted a Telegram channel with apparent links with his security team.
According to the report, the 70-year-old reportedly fell five steps before landing on his tailbone. The impact caused Putin to “involuntarily defecate” due to “cancer affecting his stomach and bowels,” the Telegram channel said.
The incidents represent a new development in the mounting rumours about the Russian President’s failing health. According to former British spy, the President is “seriously ill” and it is an “element of what is happening in Ukraine.”
Big deal, Joe Biden involuntarily defecates himself on a daily basis.
Dog Walker of the Week
Florida man busted for public sex with dog, wrecking church nativity scene
A Florida man went on a deranged rampage in which he had sex with dog in front of horrified families — and then destroyed a church nativity while trying to escape from the angry onlookers, police said.
Chad Mason, 36, allegedly began his sick crime spree while walking a friend’s labradoodle Friday in a quiet neighborhood in Clearwater, police said.
At one point, he began fornicating with the animal in full view of several spectators — including a child, according to Fox 13.
An adult confronted him during the act and he ran toward nearby Northwood Presbyterian Church, where he toppled a Christmas nativity scene and smashed several potted plants that had been put out for display.
“When he was confronted by someone at the apartment complex there, he ran from the scene and began to wreak havoc in the surrounding area,” authorities said.
Mason then destroyed a mailbox and even tried to steal a car to make his getaway, according to a police report.
Mason is now facing a slew of criminal counts, including lewd exhibition and criminal mischief at a place of worship.
I bet he’s not friends with the dog’s owner anymore.
Chin Music of the Week
Bearded woman tired of shaving embraces facial hair and plaits it for her TikTok fans
A bearded woman has embraced her facial hair by plaiting it for her adoring fans who can’t get enough of how confident she is.
The American social media star, who goes by the name PeekabooPumpkin, now has 51,000 TikTok followers – and her inspirational videos have acquired 474,000 likes on the viral video platform.
Since going viral, the OnlyFans model has defied trolls who have told her she should be removing it by styling it out in multiple ways – from straightening to plaiting.
In one of her videos, which has gained more than 2,200 likes, she was seen braiding the long dark hair on her chin at the request of one of her devoted followers.
Now, she runs an OnlyFans page where she describes herself as a “real bearded freak” and a “hairy bearded BBW”.
She charges $12 per month (around £8.70) for explicit content on the subscription service.
Not by the hair of her chinny chin chin.
Rib Witch of the Week
Woman breaks four ribs in coughing fit after being unable to handle eating spicy food
A Chinese woman broke four ribs after eating spicy food and having a coughing fit.
The woman, from Shanghai in China, whose surname is Huang, heard a loud cracking sound from her chest as she couldn’t stop coughing following a spicy meal.
She just couldn’t handle the heat as soon after she had difficulty talking, walking and breathing and was forced to seek medical attention, despite initially thinking nothing of it.
At the hospital she had a CT scan, which showed that she had four slightly broken ribs.
Huang was told that she had a weak upper body, which resulted in her being more prone to fractures.
They told her that her thin upper torso, weak muscular structure and low body weight caused her broken ribs – She is only 171 cm tall and weighs approximately 57 kg.
In a video talking about the freak accident, Huang admitted that she has really never exercised after giving birth to her baby.
Ribbed for her displeasure.
Moonie of the Week
Man who allegedly yelled anti-Semitic slurs at Jewish daycare moons judge
A Michigan man exposed his buttocks to a judge during a virtual court appearance on Monday.
Hassan Chokr, 35, was in court for a virtual emergency bond motion hearing regarding a charge of resisting arrest in Wayne County when he mooned Judge Regina Thomas, and the court has now revoked his bond, according to FOX 2.
Chokr was out on bond when he also allegedly yelled anti-Semitic comments outside a West Bloomfield temple daycare on Friday.
The prosecutor said during the hearing that Chokr had “posted videos and statements on Instagram where he talks about buying guns and in one of his Instagram posts the defendant says ‘Your Jew tactics will only backfire on you, you have no place on this earth, Jew [expletive], Jew mother [expletives]. A storm is coming to wipe you all out of our lives.’”
Then Chokr, who had said he pleaded the Fifth, became frustrated. He began yelling and pointing at the camera during the hearing. Thomas said the court had muted Chokr’s microphone amid his outburst.
“I want the record to reflect that while the court has muted the defendant’s microphone, he appears to be yelling and pointing at the camera at the Oakland County Jail,” Thomas said. “And now he has removed his pants to show the court his backside.”
AOC and the Jihad Squard are reportedly trying to recruit him.
WTF? of the Week
Care home worker who put ‘penis in resident’s mouth’ said he was ‘comforting her’
A care home worker sexually assaulted a vulnerable resident to ‘comfort’ her, a court has heard.
Samuel Shaheen repeatedly kissed the woman and touched her breasts and bum, and put his penis in her mouth while telling her it was their “little secret”.
Ian Wright, prosecuting, said Shaheen was a qualified nurse in his home country but was working as a care assistant at a residential home in Neath Port Talbot when he carried out the sexual acts, reported Wales Online.
He said on multiple occasions the defendant kissed the woman, touched her breasts and bottom, placed her hand on his erect penis, and put his penis in her mouth.
The prosecutor said the victim of the acts was a woman with a range of physical and psychiatric health issues.
The court heard the 46-year-old carer told the woman not to tell anyone about what was going on, and that it would be their “little secret”.
He also showed her photos of his wife and children in Pakistan, and said while his wife was “number one” she was his “number two”.
The victim did not report what was going on for some time but eventually went to the care home manager, and the police were then notified.
Shaheen was arrested at his sister-in-law’s house in Newport, and in his interviews admitted the alleged acts but maintained they had been consensual, and then said he had been acting out of kindness in providing “comfort” to the woman with his kissing and touching.
That doesn’t sound very comforting at all.
