This week, Congress WTFed it up by giving billions more of our money to Ukraine. Here’s some WTF? that is free:
Headline of the Week
I thought I had Lyme disease — it turned out I left a tampon in for 2 years
A woman has revealed the shocking moment doctors discovered that she had left her tampon in for two years.
Author Melanie Galeaz took to TikTok to raise awareness about the dangers of Toxic Shock Syndrome after revealing her experience with tampon use.
The content creator explained that when she was a teenager, she began experiencing pain and strange gynecological symptoms.
However, doctors thought it may have been Lyme disease, as she had been bitten by a tick.
But two years later, she discovered the shocking truth.
“When I was little, I got bitten by a deer tick, and had all the symptoms of Lyme disease,” she said in the clip.
“But the tests were kind of confusing if I had it or not, but since I had all the symptoms and got bitten, the doctors gave my the meds, sent me on my way and I was fine.
“Then my sophomore year of high school, I started getting all these pains in my body and some really gross stuff was happening down south.
“I went to the doctor, but I didn’t really mention the issues happening down south, which I know was my fault.
“Two years later, in my senior year, I was still having problems.
“I finally go to the doctor again and I went to the gyno. She cranked me open, looks and she gasps.
“Taking it out hurt, because it was dissolving inside me. It kept breaking apart and it was such an unpleasant experience.”
She said that looking back, she thinks perhaps she never actually had Lyme disease, and that all her issues had stemmed down to the tampon being stuck.
It would have been funnier if the doc found a lime up in there.
Game of the Week
Man awarded $65K after doctor removes penis: ‘He played Russian roulette with me’
A French hospital had to pay a man nearly $65,000 after a series of alleged errors resulted in the unnecessary “total removal of his penis,” which left him with “no feeling” in his nether regions. His penile reparations were decided recently by the Administrative Court of Nantes.
“I have hatred towards this doctor who did not listen to me,” the unidentified alleged victim told local rag Frenchblue of the purported sexcessive procedure, which occurred in 2014 at the Nantes University Hospital. “He played Russian roulette with me!”
The father of three, then aged 30, had been diagnosed with carcinoma, “a cancer that forms in epithelial tissue” that lines most of the person’s organs, per the Cleveland Clinic.
In an effort to remedy his condition, the urologist at the hospital attempted to excise as much of the tumor as possible while minimizing the damage to his manhood.
Unfortunately, through a series of “faulty breaches,” the cancer metastasized throughout his entire member, per the Administrative Court of Nantes. This caused the patient such “crazy” pain that he said at one point he even contemplated amputating his member himself.
“It was my wife who stopped me,” said the Western France native. “I had the cutter, Betadine, and I was preparing my thing in the garage!”
Over the years, the tallywacker tumor snowballed to the point that a doctor in Lyon claimed he had no choice but to remove the man’s penis. It was either that or he’d most likely die of the cancer, he said.
And so, they decided to literally take the man’s mojo. “Indeed he had removed everything,” the “disgusted” amputee lamented of the allegedly preventable procedure. “He had just left the testicles and had cut at the base.
The man has since received €61,000 ($64,754.86) for “wrongful breaches” that led to “a total removal of the penis,” Frenchblue reported.
It looks like they low-balled him on the settlement.
Jihad of the Week
Wasim masturbates inside Shiv mandir after exposing himself to girl devotee
Islamist brazenness is touching new heights with each passing day. In a disgusting incident which would make any self-aware community hang its head in shame, a man named Wasim was caught on CCTV camera while masturbating to a Hindu girl visiting the Vishweshwar Mahadev temple in Prakash Nagar area of Indore city, Madhya Pradesh.
The footage shows the accused sitting in the garbhagriha (sanctum sanctorum) in front of the Shivling. While staring right ahead (apparently at the devotee praying to Mahadev), he slides his hand inside his trousers to touch his genitals. He then spits into his hand and starts touching himself again.
Angry locals protested against this heinous act, and were joined by BJP leader Manish Sharma (Mama). Following this, Wasim was arrested for the obscene act and booked under the stringent National Security Act (NSA).
Cock bomber.
Cryptocurrency of the Week
‘Buffoon’ exposed himself trying to pay for alcohol with penis
Guy Willis was described by his own legal representative as a ‘buffoon’ for his actions.
The 34-year-old was charged with exposure, with the particulars of the offence stating that he intentionally exposed his genitals, intending that someone would see them and be caused alarm or distress.
He appeared to be sentenced yesterday, Thursday, at Warrington Magistrates’ Court, where he was told that his actions were ‘highly unpleasant’.
The defendant entered a convenience store in the Orford area to buy some alcohol.
When he was asked to pay by the shop worker, Willis dropped his shorts and underpants to his ankles, exposed his penis and said: “Can I pay with this?”
The worker promptly told him to pull his pants up and pay for the alcohol.
The defendant was identified through CCTV, which recorded the incident, and Willis gave no comment to officers’ questions during his police interview after being arrested.
He was also charged with trying to short-change the convenience store.
World Cups of the Week
Topless celebrations spread across Argentina after viral World Cup stunt
Argentina football fans are making headlines all over the world for their unique way of celebrating the team’s World Cup triumph.
Ever since Lionel Messi led his team to a stunning victory against France in Qatar, social media has been flooded with Argentinian women getting their kit off to celebrate.
Even before the final kick of the penalty shoot-out, an Argentinian woman — who has since been identified as a globetrotting model known as Noe Dreams on Instagram — made headlines after she was escorted out of Lusail Stadium for dancing topless inside the stadium.
She became an overnight sensation when her brazen stunt in Qatar was picked up by TV crews, The Sun reports.
Eagle-eyed viewers spotted her topless performance in the stands after she seemingly flashed the cameras.
Her friend Milubarbiee, who was also filmed with her top off amid the wild celebrations, referred to the pair as “The Topless Girls”.
Their actions risked arrest and even a lengthy prison sentence in Qatar, where women are banned from wearing revealing clothing in public and public nudity is forbidden.
They also set off a trend that’s now gone completely out of control in Argentina.
A flurry of viral social media posts has emerged in recent days featuring video footage of women stripping their clothes off while celebrating the World Cup triumph in public.
Finally, something interesting about soccer.
Bluff of the Week
Poker star who played with ‘boobs out’ vows to ‘nip that behaviour in the bud’
The poker star, Sashimi, wrote on her Instagram a cheeky apology after her appearance at a Hustler Casino Live poker event drew a lot of attention as fans spotted her repeated nip slips in the eye line of her opponents.
She wrote: “I’m sorry for my little slip-up last week.
“It’s easy to lose track of what’s going on when you are just hanging out. I promise to nip that behaviour in the bud. And I will keep you all abreast of future wardrobe choices. Thank you. By the way, it’s not fake.”
However, it was later revealed that it was all a prank and Sashimi was in fact wearing fake breasts during the event.
Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Candy Cane of the Week
Doctor warns of ‘stupid sex trend’ that sees Christmas ornaments used for masturbation
A doctor has warned against the dangerous and “stupid” trend of people using Christmas ornaments to masturbate.
Dr Sarah Welsh, a gynaecologist, told NeedToKnow.Online that the trend was a bad idea for a number of reasons, with people reportedly left in the hospital as a result of the act.
She said: “It is not advisable to masturbate with Christmas ornaments.”
The cofounder of condom brand Hanx continued: “Christmas ornaments can have sharp aspects or pieces that can break during masturbation, which can cause soreness, the risk of trauma and are just generally unsuitable for your vagina”.
Some people have reportedly been using sweet Christmas treats to pleasure themselves – But Dr Welsh says this too is a bad shout.
She said the reasons this was a bad idea varied: “Due to the hygiene issues, concern about pieces breaking off, or the sugar content of items such as candy canes”.
She added: “Anything with sugar in it, such as Christmas confectionery, should also stay well away from the vagina as this disrupts the delicate ecosystem of the vaginal microbiome and can predispose you to vaginal thrush infections.”
Also, no yule logs or missile toes.
Artillery of the Week
Man with WWI explosive lodged in his rectum sparks bomb scare, hospital evacuation
A French hospital was partially evacuated Saturday after a senior citizen arrived with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum.
The 88-year-old patient visited Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon to have the antique explosive removed — but instead sparked a “bomb scare,” French publication Var-Matin reported.
“An emergency occurred from 9 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. on Saturday evening that required the intervention of bomb disposal personnel, the evacuation of adult and pediatric emergencies as well as the diversion of incoming emergencies,” a hospital spokesperson stated.
Bomb disposal experts at the scene determined there was little possibility the shell would explode inside the man.
“They reassured us by telling us that it was a collector’s item from the First World War, used by the French military,” the hospital stated.
Stunned doctors subsequently began the process of trying to remove the object — which measured almost 8 inches long and more than 2 inches wide — from the man’s rectum.
It’s believed the pervy patient inserted the item up his anus for sexual pleasure.
“An apple, a mango, or even a can of shaving foam, we are used to finding unusual objects inserted where they shouldn’t be,” one doctor declared. “But a shell? Never!”
Medics were forced to take the elderly man into surgery, cutting open his abdomen in order to remove the relic.
According to the hospital, he is now in “good health” and is expected to make a full recovery from the surgery.
The same thing happened in England last year when a bloke shoved a WWII bomb up his bum.
Litter Box of the Week
OnlyFans star says bloke offered her just £50 to poo in a box and post it to him
If you work in the porn industry, bizarre kinks and fetishes are usually where the big money is.
However, one OnlyFans star claims she was offered just £50 to complete the ‘weirdest request’ she has ever gotten from one of her subscribers.
Rebecca Goodwin, who earns over £150,000 a month from her adult content, appeared on the Saving Grace podcast to do an interview about her life in the adult-entertainment industry.
In the interview, host Grace Keeling asked her to share the “wildest thing” she has ever been asked to do – and it did not disappoint.
Rebecca answered: “Have a poo in a [box] and then post it.”
However, the adult actress said she had to decline the request because she was too scared to take it to the post office.
“I didn’t do that – the only reason is because I was scared that I would go to the post office, and they ask you don’t they?” she added.
“I’m bad under pressure so I’d be like ‘oh, er, it’s s**t.'”
To which, Grace replied: “They’d laugh but you’d be like no, literally, it’s s**t.”
Grace then asked what the bloke had offered for her to send it to him, Rebecca said it was “only like 50 quid.”
Hunter Biden is such a cheapskate.
Premature Ejaculation of the Week
Florida man accidentally shot woman twerking at possible house party, police say
A Florida man was arrested Tuesday after police said he accidentally shot a woman who was twerking at a possible house party.
Police were called to a home on Azalea Lane in Cocoa on Nov. 27 after there were reports of shots fired.
When deputies arrived, they said they found a woman who had been shot in her back. The woman was taken to a hospital.
Witnesses told investigators that the woman was dancing with a man, later identified as Maurqice Thomas, 18. When the woman started twerking, witnesses told officers that Thomas was playing around with a firearm and it “just went off,” striking the woman in the back.
Police said they interviewed the victim on Dec. 7 when she was released from the hospital following several surgeries. The woman said Thomas and a juvenile were playing with a firearm in a reckless manner. The woman said she told them to stop playing around with it.
Moments later, when the woman was twerking, she said she felt the firearm “rub against my butt.” She told investigators that she tried to move away from Thomas but the firearm discharged, striking her back.
Two days after the shooting, Thomas allegedly sent the woman an Instagram message saying, “I am truly sorry!! That sh- was never intended to happen especially to you if there’s any way I can get a second chance and talk to you on the phone can you please lmk and send your number.”
Worst pick-up line ever.
Tankers of the Week
‘Drunk’ Santas inside army tank cause total chaos as they storm into Brit village
A group of boozy Santas found themselves on the naughty list when they tried to drive a tank through a tiny festive village.
Several people filmed the hilarious scene which shows the festive group struggling to move their Army vehicle and being told off for trying to drive it through the narrow streets of Angarrack.
Residents of the quaint Cornish village were fuming when the enormous metal beast got stuck and blocked access to streets, famed for their Christmas lights.
The group of military re-enactors descended upon the village dressed as Santa Claus in a vintage armoured personnel carrier.
Cornwall Live reported that a traffic warden could be heard telling the Santas off.
“You cannot come in with your tank. There are cars parked there,” the warden told the Santa tank driver, pointing towards the centre of the village. “You are not going to get through.”
One of the Santas – not the driver – who is visibly drunk, argues with the traffic warden about being allowed into the village.
The tank full of Santas was also spotted earlier in the day in other towns in west Cornwall including St Ives , Helston and Redruth.
They’re still more battle-ready than Putin’s army.
Budget Item of the Week
Dominatrix Demands Fort Lauderdale City Commission Pony Up for “Sex Dungeon”
Nearly an hour into what began as a ho-hum Fort Lauderdale City Commission meeting on December 20, three women wearing head-to-toe dominatrix-style outfits approached commissioners with a demand.
“Good evening, councilpeoples. You may call me Mistress,” the one in the middle greeted officials.
“Mistress” — sporting a shiny silver suit, futuristic monobloc glasses, and candy-apple-red lipstick — proceeded to explain why she and her Daft Punk-doppelgänger cohorts were there: to propose that the commission set aside a chunk of the nearly $1 million allotted in a recently approved yard-waste-processing plan to fund a “sex dungeon” in Broward County. The two women behind her stood silently as she spoke.
“I propose that you use a quarter of that [million] to support doms and subs in Broward County to build a dungeon created for us, by us, the taxpayers and voting citizens,” said Mistress.
She concluded by telling officials: “I look forward to spanking each and every single one of you at the new esteemed dungeon. You are dismissed.”
“OK, thank you,” replied Mayor Dean Trantalis with admirable aplomb. “And happy holidays to you.”
I can almost guarantee there is money for sex dungeons in the $1.7 trillion budget Congress just passed.
WTF? of the Week
Marines told to stop using ‘sir,’ ‘ma’am’ to avoid ‘misgendering’ superiors
The US Marines may ban recruits from respectfully addressing senior members as “sir” or “ma’am” to avoid “misgendering” and offending them.
The woke recommendation was made in a new $2 million report commissioned by the Corps from the University of Pittsburgh.
The exhaustive, 738-page study that the Marines first commissioned in 2020 said traditional ways of addressing superiors were holding back gender integration.
“Employing gender-neutral identifiers eliminates the possibility of misgendering drill instructors, which can unintentionally offend or cause discord,” the study said.
“By teaching recruits to use gender-neutral identifiers for their drill instructors, Services underscore the importance of respecting authoritative figures regardless of gender.”
The two-year study by the University of Pittsburgh’s Warrior Human Performance Research Center also said that “the Army, Navy, and Coast Guard effectively de-emphasize gender in an integrated environment.”
“Instead of saying ‘ma’am’ or ‘sir,’ recruits in these Services refer to their drill instructors using their ranks or roles followed by their last names,” it said.
“Gendered identifiers prime recruits to think about or visually search for a drill instructor’s gender first, before their rank or role.”
Col. Howard Hall, chief of staff for Marine Corps Training and Education Command, told the Defense Advisory Committee on Women in the Services this month that the radical shift was being considered by leadership — albeit with some pushback, the Marine Corps Times said.
If the troops can’t tell what gender the superior is, that’s the superior’s problem.
