Joe Biden and the democrats made 2022 a seriously WTF? kinda year, but they didn’t have a monopoly on WTF? Here’s a look back at the best of the worst of the year:
Headline of the Year
Jerry Anus found with meth while on pre-trial release for three cases
While on felony release for three separate cases, a man by the name of Jerry Anus was allegedly in possession of methamphetamine.
Anus, also known as Jerry Hans and Jerry Anis, was charged in the Superior Court of Guam after officers followed a car that had veered to the right with its headlights turned off, charging documents state.
The officer then confirmed the license plates on the car belonged to a different vehicle before making a pull over.
Anus first identified himself as “Harry Anus” but later gave his real name to the officer after not having a driver’s license, documents state.
Further research revealed Anus had outstanding bench warrants for two 2018 felony cases and one 2019 felony case. His conditions of release included not possessing illegal controlled substances and obeying all laws.
After his arrest, Anus’s shoulder pouch was searched and a clear glass pipe with methamphetamine residue was found. A plastic resealable baggie containing trace amounts of methamphetamine also was found, the complaint stated.
Anus was charged with possession of a schedule II controlled substance as a third-degree felony with three notices of commission of a felony while on felony release, and operating a motor vehicle without a valid operator’s license as a violation.
Surprisingly, no sodomy on his rap sheet.
Dick of the Year
Reactions as 42-year-old man cut off his penis while dreaming of slaughtering a goat to prepare food
Kofi Atta, also known as Wofa Atta, age 42, of Assin Fosu in the central region is said to have cut off his penis while dreaming.
The victim revealed that he had a dream where he was slaughtering a goat to help his wife prepare an evening meal.
He said he woke up on Friday, August 12 only to see his penis chopped off.
According to Accra-based GHOne TV, on Monday, August 15, the wife of the man, Adwoa Konadu received a phone call from a neighbour who told her about the shocking incident.
When she returned home, she discovered her husband bleeding from his manhood on a chamber pot.
Due to the gravity of the situation, the wife got her husband a diaper to help reduce blood flow and then drove him to St. Francis Zavier Catholic hospital in Assin Fosu.
Dream big but don’t sleep with a knife.
Nut of the Year
Wife accused of hacking off ‘lazy’ husband’s balls with chainsaw before cooking them
A woman accused of cutting off her husband’s testicles with a chainsaw and cooking them on the oven hob has been arrested on suspicion of his murder.
Suspect Teresa Peric, 46, is believed to have drugged 42-year-old Srdjan Peric before stabbing him dead, cutting him into pieces and boiling his remains in a huge pan.
The horrific slaying reportedly took place at the family home in Zrenjanin, Serbia, at around 9pm on Tuesday, May 10.
Teresa’s horrified teenage daughter is said to have witnessed the gruesome killing.
The teen – a child from Teresa’s previous marriage and identified only as D. Lj. – revealed that her drugged stepdad had woken up when he was being stabbed.
But as he crawled into the sitting room, her mother continued to hack at him with her knife, the teen said.
The teen then ran to fetch her brother, but she said she then heard the noise of a chainsaw coming from inside the home.
The children were only let back in when they threatened to call the police. This is when they saw Srdjan’s mutilated corpse sprawled on the floor.
At least people will know that his balls had to be cooked in a huge pan.
Balls of the Year
Man breaks Guinness World Record for farthest eyeball pop
A Brazilian man will make his eye-catching debut in the Guinness World Records next year when he’s recognized for the farthest eyeball pop.
Sidney de Carvalho Mesquita, also known as Tio Chico, holds the record for men thanks to his eyeballs, which protrude a whopping 0.71 inches beyond his sockets.
De Carvalho Mesquita discovered his eye-popping talents at the age of nine while making silly faces in the mirror.
While impressed with his unusual skill, his family was first concerned it could be a sign of an illness.
Luckily for De Carvalho Mesquita, that wasn’t the case.
He has since been able to utilize his gift in both personal and professional ways, and is hoping to become known for his talents not just in his home country of Brazil, but across the globe as well.
“My skill is definitely a gift. It came from my father, my mother and the creator, too,” de Carvalho Mesquita told Guinness World Records.
The medical term for what makes de Carvalho Mesquita’s eyes pop is known as globe luxation, an incredibly rare condition that can be measured by an optometrist.
It’s also known as eye boners.
Vag of the Year
A sex and relationship coach who moonlights as a ‘vaginal weightlifter’ has been charged with bashing an elderly census collector.
Canadian-born Kimberley Hawrelak, 50, allegedly attacked the 60-year-old at her multi-million dollar home in Point Lookout, northern NSW, in August last year.
The woman knocked on her door on Cumming Parade while working for the Australian Bureau of Statistics before the altercation allegedly began.
Hawrelak, who has almost 200,000 combined followers on Facebook and Instagram, describes herself as a ‘vaginal weightlifter (and) surfer’ and hosts a podcast called ‘Orgasmic Enlightenment’.
‘My vagina can lift coconuts. Can yours,’ she claims on her website.
Police will allege the 50-year-old was upset when the ABS worker knocked on her door, leading to her attacking the woman.
‘It will be alleged that around 2.15pm on August 21, a 60-year-old Point Lookout woman was assaulted at an address on Cumming Parade,’ police said in a statement.
The ‘vaginal weightlifter’ appeared in Cleveland Magistrates Court in December and is due to reappear in February.
That’s one angry beaver. Or maybe a buff muff.
Boob of the Year
Oakville teacher shocks students by wearing huge prosthetic breasts to class
Video footage and photos of a Toronto-area high school teacher are blowing up online today, sparking a raucous debate about what educators should and shouldn’t wear to work.
It appears as though many social media users first became aware of the teacher in question (and, more specifically, the sizeable prosthetic bust she wears,) when an American radio host tweeted a series of images said to have been captured at Oakville Trafalgar High School.
In the clips, we see a woman with long blonde hair wearing what appear to be bicycle shorts with various incredibly tight tops — tight on account of the fact that the teacher’s breasts appear to be at least twice the size of her head. Each.
Way-too-concerned Twitter users began sleuthing out who this mysterious, chesty shop class teacher might be, and eventually determined that the instructor in question is a tech teacher.
The teacher is reported to be a transgender individual who previously went by a different name.
In some photos shared by students on Snapchat and later recirculated by adults on Twitter, the teacher’s name can be seen written on the blackboard as “Ms. Lemieux.”
The Halton District School Board (HDSB), which is responsible for Oakville Trafalgar High School, could not confirm the name of the now-viral individual when asked about the situation.
“As this is a personnel matter, we cannot provide further information,” said a representative for the board to blogTO.
“The Halton District School Board is committed to establishing and maintaining a safe, caring, inclusive, equitable and welcoming learning and working environment for all students and staff.”
There is nothing safe about having those things around that chop saw.
Asshole of the Year
Man with WWI explosive lodged in his rectum sparks bomb scare, hospital evacuation
A French hospital was partially evacuated Saturday after a senior citizen arrived with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum.
The 88-year-old patient visited Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon to have the antique explosive removed — but instead sparked a “bomb scare,” French publication Var-Matin reported.
“An emergency occurred from 9 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. on Saturday evening that required the intervention of bomb disposal personnel, the evacuation of adult and pediatric emergencies as well as the diversion of incoming emergencies,” a hospital spokesperson stated.
Bomb disposal experts at the scene determined there was little possibility the shell would explode inside the man.
“They reassured us by telling us that it was a collector’s item from the First World War, used by the French military,” the hospital stated.
Stunned doctors subsequently began the process of trying to remove the object — which measured almost 8 inches long and more than 2 inches wide — from the man’s rectum.
It’s believed the pervy patient inserted the item up his anus for sexual pleasure.
“An apple, a mango, or even a can of shaving foam, we are used to finding unusual objects inserted where they shouldn’t be,” one doctor declared. “But a shell? Never!”
Medics were forced to take the elderly man into surgery, cutting open his abdomen in order to remove the relic.
According to the hospital, he is now in “good health” and is expected to make a full recovery from the surgery.
The same thing happened in England last year when a bloke shoved a WWII bomb up his bum.
Shit of the Year
Mum spent three days in hospital after dog pooed in her mouth while she slept
A mum became violently unwell after her daughter’s pet dog pooed in her mouth as she slept.
Amanda Gommo, 51, was taking an afternoon nap with chihuahua Belle when the unwell pooch had a violent diarrhoea explosion in her face.
The mum-of-three, who had been resting with her mouth open, was left needing hospital treatment after contracting a gastrointestinal infection in the messy incident.
Amanda, from Bristol, said: “I suddenly felt something squirt in my mouth. I rushed to the bathroom and my son was in the shower, so before I washed it out I had time to take a quick snap!
The sickly pup was taken to the vet by Amanda’s daughter and was diagnosed with a violent stomach bug and placed on antibiotics.
After displaying the same symptoms as her pup, Amanda rang 111 who sent an ambulance to her home.
Paramedics prescribed her painkillers for her stomach cramps and instructed her to drink lots of water to flush out any potential infection.
After their visit, her symptoms became progressively worse, and 48 hours later, Amanda’s cramps had spread all over her body.
Amanda’s mum called 999, and Amanda was taken by blue sirens to the Bristol Royal Infirmary and immediately hooked up to a drip.
She was diagnosed with a gastrointestinal infection, passed on from Belle’s faeces that entered her mouth days earlier.
Amanda, having lost liquids, needed to stay in hospital for three days.
Amanda’s discharge note read “gastrointestinal infection caused by a dog defecating in my mouth” something the doctors had has claimed they were fortunate enough to not have witnessed before.
Thank God she took the time to grab a selfie.
Loser of the Year
A Texas woman has contracted an incurable STD in a bizarre way, according to reports. The victim, identified only as M.A. in documents, is an employee at a family medical practice on Westmont Drive near the East Freeway in East Houston. Authorities say a janitor in the building infected the woman by inserting his penis into her unattended water bottle on multiple occasions.
Toward the end of August, M.A. began noticing the shared water dispenser at her job “had a funny taste and smell to it,” so after a while, she began bringing her own water bottles. The woman then noticed the container she’d brought from home also had a strange odor, so she tossed it out and bought a new one.
In September, M.A.’s co-worker offered to make coffee at the office. To avoid the mystery smell from the dispenser, the woman gave the co-worker a bottle of water that she’d already had. The co-worker noticed the contents inside M.A.’s water bottle were yellow and asked why.
“I felt disgusted.” She added, “I raised it to my face, smelled it, and it smelled like urine.”
Because they were already at a medical facility, a doctor M.A. worked with conducted a urinalysis on the contents of her water bottle. The physician confirmed that urine was present. After speaking with other employees in the building, some suspected it could be the janitor. One co-worker even admitted to experiencing a similar situation. M.A. purchased a hidden camera and left it in her office with her water bottle in plain sight.
Court documents state that 50-year-old Lucio Catarino Diaz was seen unzipping his pants and inserting his penis into the woman’s water bottle. He then went back to cleaning her office. The following day, M.A. provided police with the footage and the bottle seen in the video. Diaz told officials he did it out of “malicious intent,” but was unsure of how many times he committed the crime. He also claimed he’d done the same thing at his previous job and was unaware that he had any STDs.
M.A. tested positive for herpes. The janitor is now being held at an immigration facility and M.A. plans to file a civil lawsuit against building management for allegedly ignoring her initial concerns.
I can see why Biden wants to flood the country with these people. They really enrich all of our lives.
Scumbag of the Year
A twisted pervert videoed young girls underwater with a secret spy camera hidden in the crotch of his board shorts and filmed himself in grotesque sex acts with a dog.
Depraved Kelvin Paul Lowe, 51, also had a huge stockpile of vile child abuse images on his computer when shocked detectives raided his home in Caboolture, Queensland.
Lowe denied he was a paedophile in Brisbane’s District Court on Thursday but was branded creepy and disgusting by Judge Brad Farr.
The court heard how warped Lowe hid a tiny camera in his swimming shorts to film underage girls at Caboolture public pool in March 2020, reported the Courier Mail.
‘He had a keyhole waterproof camera he discreted (sic) down his pants, the lens of which was protruding from his boardshorts which allowed him to film underwater,’ Crown Prosecutor Zachary Kaplan told the court.
Lowe got young girls to perform for him in the pool, including getting one girl, 9, to do handstands and backflips for him as he secretly filmed her for 30 minutes.
He also blew bubbles at her genital area and got her to swim through his legs and then swam through hers while still filming, the court heard.
At one stage her swimsuit bottoms became wedged and he pulled them back into place.
Horrified officers found a huge stash of child exploitation material (CEM) and shock videos of Lowe’s sex acts with a dog, including footage of the pet being forced to pleasure him in different ways.
Further details of the home-made bestiality footage are too foul to publish.
Did he put a wig on a dog to make it sexier? Also, is he a zombie? So many questions.
Animal of the Year
Fifty-tonne whale explodes showering pedestrians and traffic in blood and organs
Unsuspecting pedestrians and drivers were subjected to a disgusting sperm whale explosion 18 years ago today and were grossly showered in a mix of blood, organs and flesh.
The massive dead sperm whale was being towed through the busy streets of Tainan, southwestern Taiwan, when it exploded, dousing the city in a bloody concoction of innards that looked like a scene from a horror movie.
Just before the messy explosion on January 26, 2004, the 50-tonne whale was being transported on the back of a large lorry to a research centre.
People, cars and buildings were painted in body parts in a blink of an eye.
Surprisingly, such an explosion is a fairly common phenomenon in whales, caused by a the pressure of gasses that build up inside the mammal as it begins to decompose.
The dead sperm whale had been collected from a Taiwanese beach and was being taken to be used for educational and research purposes, the Express reported.
You had me at “sperm whale explosion.”
Wild Card of the Year
‘I had love affair with a pigeon and drilled hole in my own head after LSD trip’
A woman spent 15 years in a relationship with a pigeon who she believes judged her for not being able to fly.
Psychedelic researcher Amanda Feilding – who also drilled a hole in her own head – named the pigeon Birdie and said she couldn’t resist giving him passionate cuddles.
“I know telepathy exists because I had this passionate relationship with a pigeon who I brought up from a baby and he fixated and fell madly in love with me and I with him,” she claimed.
Amanda, who is approaching 80, spoke about her bizarre LSD-fuelled love affair with VICE TV.
Opening up about the unusual courtship, she added: “That was the beginning of one of the most meaningful relationships in my life.
“He had two main emotions which were passionate love and hateful jealousy.”
She also said their cuddles last up to half an hour and that Birdie gave her “little tiny kisses” to her pupils.
And Amanda added: “He’d always be swooping off somewhere and he could never make out why I didn’t go with him, a pathetic human cripple who couldn’t fly.”
At the time of the romance, Amanda was on a psychedelic journey after she started experimenting with LSD in the 1960s.
And Amanda’s psychedelic journey even led her to drilling a hole in her own head.
The crazy ancient practice is called trepanning and the aim is to expand consciousness and to reduce stress.
And Amanda, inspired by her former scientist lover Bart Hughes, drilled a hole into her skull with a dental drill in 1970.
Somehow, banging the pigeon is the least weird thing about her.
Master Criminal of the Year
Armless Florida man accused of stabbing tourist
A homeless Florida man with no arms has been arrested for stabbing a tourist with scissors using his feet, police say.
Jonathan Dale Crenshaw, a homeless artist from South Beach, Fla., was arrested Tuesday and charged with aggravated battery after he allegedly stabbed Cesar Coronado, a visiting tourist from Chicago, according to NBC 6 Miami.
According to a witness, Coronado was asking Crenshaw for directions when the man suddenly attacked him, stabbing him in the arm before fleeing on foot.
“I’m not from here, and this is not what I came for. I came for a vacation,” Coronado told NBC 6. “I just said, ‘do you know where this is?’ but as soon as I talked, the only thing he reacted was — he just cut me.”
He did much better than the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest.
WTF? of the Year
San Diego schools enlist Paula the Penis as part of gender-identity instruction
Last week, conservative social activist Christopher Rufo — who attracted national attention with his crusade against Critical Race Theory in public school curricula before pivoting to what he terms “radical gender theory” — published a report on San Diego Unified documents that outline an effort to, in his words, “dismantle ‘heternormativity’ and break the ‘gender binary.’” Part of that effort included a sex-ed training module produced jointly between San Diego Unified and Planned Parenthood that advised teachers to call biological males “people with a penis,” because, says Rufo, “according to the district, some women can have penises.”
“That’s where I come in,” says Paula the Penis, a biological female who regularly dons an inflatable penis costume and performs for schoolchildren all over California. “Though I was assigned a sex – female – at birth by a gender-binary-dominated societal structure, and though there is a powerful cultural association with being female and not having a penis, by putting on this costume, I can become a person with a penis, no matter my sex, or gender, or sexuality. I’m a walking, talking visual aid, doing my part to take the trauma out of childhood.”
Paula performs her signature “penis pirouette” for students in her transgender tutu. “Some people will say that my presence is ‘inappropriate,’” says Paula. “But that’s only because of a cisgendered, heteronormative, biologically obsessed worldview that still fails to realize that biology does not equal gender does not equal sexuality. Severing the false connection between those things is a big part of my work, which is why it’s so crucial that I be able to reach people when they’re still young enough to hear my message.”
To think, I hated when they started teaching fractions in school.
