This week’s biggest WTF? is that we learned it’s only bad to take classified documents if you are a Republican. Okay, we already knew that, but here’s some WTF? that is actually surprising:
Headline of the Week
My boobs became huge after I drank my dad’s beer while naked
Veronika Rajek says her breasts grew huge after she spent a summer drinking her dad’s beer while sunbathing naked.
The 26-year-old model — who is famous for being a Tom Brady superfan — made the racy revelation on a recent episode of the podcast “Pillow Talk.”
Rajek was asked whether her enormous assets were artificial, to which she quickly responded: “They are mine!”
“I didn’t have big breasts when I was younger because I was doing track and field for eight years,” the beauty explained. “But one summer I was sunbathing, like naked, and I drank my father’s beer and I think they grew like this.”
“If you want to have big breasts, drink beer!” the Slovakian stunner subsequently stated.
According to the University of Pennsylvania’s Abramson Cancer Center, high levels of alcohol consumption can increase the amount of estrogen in a woman’s body. In turn, heightened levels of the hormone can lead to growth in one’s breast tissue.
The only thing I got from drinking my dad’s beer was grounded.
Snooker of the Week
Masters snooker tournament disrupted as wasp lands on Mark Williams’ genitals
Mark Williams received a nasty surprise as he closed in on a first-round victory against David Gilbert at the 2023 Masters on Tuesday. His dominant snooker entertained the Alexandra Palace crowd, and they experienced bonus action after a wasp took a liking to the world No 7.
Williams raced into a 5-2 lead at Ally Pally and was on the table to wrap up the triumph before a curious wasp hilariously halted play.
As the camera overlooked the table, viewers heard the crowd breaking into laughter before it cut to Williams walking around shaking his body.
“Mark’s just won the Alexandra Palace dancing competition,” commentary joked.
The 47-year-old tried to regain focus before the wasp attacked again, prompting the official to swipe it away from his body.
He may have thought he was in the clear, but no… Williams let out a nervous laugh as he looked down to see the insect planted on his genital area.
Trying to evade it, Williams asked the official for advice before the wasp approached again, making him kick the air in a panic to avoid the annoyance and potentially a sting.
The Welshman then retreated back to his seat, running and dodging the wasp as it pursued him before he picked up a towel from his table to waft the tiny enemy away.
I get buzzed playing pool in an entirely different way.
Cutter of the Week
Buddhist monk chops off penis with knife in Thailand
A sex-starved Buddhist monk, Phra Oat had a “serene smile” on his face as he tried to cut off his penis with a kitchen knife at a temple in Kanchanaburi province in Thailand.
The gory incident occurred on the first day of the year 2023, but Oat’s fellow monks rescued him before things got worse, Daily Star reports.
Oat was rushed to the hospital after slashing through his genitals, apparently resistant to the pain, having sprayed a temple cubicle in blood.
Daily Star said the 27-year-old shocked his fellow monks when he sliced through his member in front of them at a temple in Kanchanaburi province in Thailand on January 1.
Rescuers were called by the other monks who snatched the sharp object out of his hands before he could mutilate himself further.
He was rushed to the Makarak Hospital for medical treatment, where medics were able to stitch the organ together as the knife had not completely cut the member.
Speaking in a video, Oat said: “I’m still feeling dizzy. There’s no reason behind it, it just happened.”
“I don’t have depression, I don’t use drugs and I don’t have problems at home. My hands just moved and started with the cutting.”
Don’t blame the hands.
Player of the Week
A woman has been accused of cutting off her trumpet-playing husband’s penis and leaving a knife buried in the dead man’s eyeball in Argentina.
Florencia Amado Cattaneo, 41, has now been seized by police for the horrific alleged murder, and sent for psychiatric assessment.
Victim Pedro Federico Zarate’s body was reportedly found at the couple’s flat in Altos de San Lorenzo with the knife embedded in his eye, and his genitals mutilated.
Cattaneo – a psychologist – was arrested on 11th January after fleeing to her mother’s house in a taxi ‘with bloodstains on her hands’, her sister Patricia told local media.
Her 50-year-old husband’s body was found by his sister-in-law on the bed at the apartment he shared with his wife and five-year-old son.
He had stab wounds all over his body, including his chest, and his genitals were mutilated, according to local media reports.
Amado Cattaneo has been admitted to the psychiatric ward of a medical centre in La Plata, where she will undergo tests. If she is ruled mentally incompetent, she will not go on trial, say investigators and the Prosecutor’s Office.
Pedro, 47, was a trumpet player and a music producer. He had worked at the Estacion Provincial cultural centre in La Plata since 2006.
He played the trumpet and she plays the skin flute.
Hummer of the Week
Excited puppy severely damages penis attempting to mate
An over-amorous puppy has paid a painful price after suffering a severe mating-related injury. Storm, a 10-month-old pocket bully had to undergo emergency care at a Derbyshire vet practice after his first experience of mating resulted in a sore ending.
The pooch ended up needing surgery to repair his damaged penis after getting over-excited. Luckily his pride was restored and his wounds repaired at Linnaeus-owned Chapel House Veterinary Practice, which has two surgeries in Chesterfield and Staveley.
Chapel House vet surgeon Lucy Heap handled the delicate matter to repair Storm’s damage and said: “This was a new surgical experience for me and a whole new experience for Storm. He’d got a little over-excited on the day and managed to mate with one of his owner’s other dogs.
“Unfortunately, this caused him some trauma and a urethral prolapse – the tube from his bladder was now outside his penis. He was losing a lot of blood from the injury and needed urgent care. We gave him some anti-inflammatories straight away and then took him to surgery.”
During the quick surgery, the decision was also made to carry out an extra procedure Storm to hopefully avoid any repeat injuries. Lucy added: ““We also castrated him at the same time to reduce the risk of a recurrence.
“The surgery was technically straightforward and relatively quick. Most importantly for Storm and his grateful owners, it was successful. It was a great outcome.
I wouldn’t categorized losing his nuts as a great outcome.
Muncher of the Week
Florida Man Allegedly Murders BDSM Partner After Partner Bites his Genitals
On January 3, 2023, Osceola County Sheriff’s Office announced the arrest of Bryant Scott Demelo, a Florida man wanted on manslaughter charges. It is alleged that Bryant murdered his partner after a BDSM encounter went wrong.
In a statement posted Friday, January 6, 2023, the Sheriffs office said:
“On September 5, 2022, the Osceola County Sheriff’s Office responded to an address in Kissimmee, Florida, regarding a suspicious death. Violent Crimes Unit Detectives and the 9th District Medical Examiner’s Office responded to the scene. While inspecting the scene, the deceased victim was wearing bondage gear and appeared to have trauma to his body. Detectives identified Bryant Scott Demelo as the last person who had been in contact with the victim.”
“Detectives met with Mr. Demelo, who provided detailed information about his sexual encounter with the victim before death. Mr. Demelo told detectives he and the victim met on an online chat group for sexual encounters, and the two arranged to meet in person. According to Mr. Demelo, during oral sex, the victim bit down on his penis, which caused Mr. Demelo to beat the victim.”
Following the encounter, it is alleged that Mr. Damelo attacked the victim, seriously wounding him and rendering him unconscious. The victim later died from his wounds.
“The victim suffered severe injuries and was knocked unconscious. Mr. Demelo then fled the scene without calling 911 or rendering aid. The Medical Examiner’s office has ruled the death was caused by blunt force trauma and strangulation. Detectives later obtained an arrest warrant for manslaughter for Bryant Scott Demelo. On January 3, 2023, Bryant Scott Demelo was arrested in Seminole County for an active warrant and is waiting to be extradited to Osceola County. At the time of arrest, he was in possession of methamphetamine.”
Meth was involved? I’m shocked.
Skipper of the Week
Walrus Arrives In Scarborough, Masturbates, Then Skips Town
When an Arctic walrus named Thor showed up in Scarborough’s harbor, it caused quite a stir — so much of one, in fact, that the town canceled its New Year’s fireworks display so as not to disturb the animal.
In response, Thor masturbated in front of a crowd and left town.
Per the BBC, the walrus’ arrival in Scarborough is thought to be the first sighting of a walrus in Yorkshire, and the spectacle drew large crowds. Wildlife experts also urged locals to leave the mammal be and suggested he may simply have been “taking a break” as he journeyed north.
Out of respect for Thor, at the behest of the British Divers Marine Life Rescue, Scarborough canceled its firework display, concerned that the explosions would cause the walrus “distress.”
Of course, it seems that the respect was not mutual, and Thor may have become a bit too comfortable — and the morning after his exhibitionist act, he was gone. In short: Thor showed up in Scarborough, got the fireworks display canceled, publicly pleasured himself, and then skipped town.
At least the townsfolk still got to see a rocket go off.
Dogger of the Week
Sick ‘transcanine’ woman fired from job and banned from OnlyFans over sex act with dog
A woman claiming to be ‘transcanine’ has been fired from her job and banned from OnlyFans after comments she made about carrying out a sick sex act with a dog.
KnottyFairy caused outrage on Twitter following comments she had made, and alleged videos she had posted, about her engaging in sexual relations with canines.
On January 2, she told her 185.8k followers that she had made the decision to ‘come out’ as ‘transcanine’, saying she had been with six dogs in the past year, and only two men in her life.
She defended her stance to one critic by saying: “I am trans canine, I can’t abuse what I am.”
She continued to shock followers with her tweets which included a post stating that “dog cum in coffee is the best creamer, and it helps you have clear skin.”
It seems that even her parents have turned their back on her, in one bizarre Tweet she said: “When I first watched the Jesus movie , as he hung on the cross he asked “Father why have you forsaken me.” I understand now what he must felt. My own parents want me gone. I literally washed the dishes yesterday. Why are they ungrateful?”
She could probably get a job teaching kindergarten in California.
Digger of the Week
Bear Breaks Into Cemetery, Digs Up Grave and Eats Corpse
A bear has broken into a cemetery, dug up a grave and eaten a corpse in Malaysia.
Mazlan Aluij, 50, arrived at his deceased wife’s grave in Kampung Dakoh, on December 26 to find it savaged by the wild animal. Aluij’s wife, named Amek Along, had died just a few weeks before from a stroke, the New Straits Times reported.
Aluij told the New Straits Times that he and his son had visited the graveyard routinely before the incident.
“I visit the graveyard to clean it with my son on December 26 and suddenly I noticed footprints and bear excrement in the area where my late wife was buried,” he told the news outlet. “The next day, I brought the village residents along to check the area. We found that Amek’s body was eaten by a wild bear and it was roaming around the graveyard.”
Aluij called the Gua Musan police station to report the incident immediately after it happened.
The cemetery has since installed a “Please don’t feed the bears” sign.
Shooter of the Week
Florida man accidentally shoots himself during alleged car break-in attempt
A man accidentally shot himself in the leg during an alleged attempted vehicle burglary in Okaloosa County.
Justin McCall, who was out of jail on bond, allegedly stole a firearm from a vehicle and was trying to break into another, authorities said. That’s when he accidentally shot himself. A woman outside her nearby home heard him say he had been shot and she called the police.
When police arrived, they found 28-year-old McCall with a gunshot wound to his leg, and he was taken to the hospital for treatment.
Several video cameras at homes in the area captured McCall allegedly committing a series of car and residential burglaries, the sheriff’s office said.
One homeowner said she discovered her car had been broken into and her purse was gone. She later said she saw McCall on a neighbor’s surveillance video, allegedly wearing her boots that had been in her garage.
McCall was out of jail on bond for two burglaries, and he was on felony probation for a previous theft of a firearm. A day after the shooting, he was arrested on charges of grand theft, burglary to a structure, car burglary and felony violation of probation.
He has had 13 felony convictions in the state of Florida since 2012 — six for burglary, four for grand theft, and one for grand theft of a firearm, the sheriff’s department said.
He should look for a new line of work because he sucks at this.
Shitter of the Week
Amazon driver trapped knee-deep sludge after falling into customer’s 6ft septic pit
An Amazon delivery driver went viral after he fell into a customer’s septic pit and left trapped 6ft under ground.
Charles Amicangel was doing his delivery round when the ground suddenly collapsed and he fell to a pool of stinky sludge.
After he called for help, he took a video to show viewers of the nasty situation.
“So I’m delivering to this customer’s house and I just fell into a septic tank, I think,” he explained.
“I don’t know if they were digging it or what, but I walked by it and the ground came out underneath me.
“I’m like 6ft down and I tried using these roots around me to get out and they just pulled more dirt on top of me.”
Showing the surroundings on the selfie camera, Charles said his plan was to wait for dispatch to call the police or the fire department to help.
“I’m standing in knee-deep sludge – p*** and s***. I really do not want to die in somebody’s whatever you call this thing.”
The Amazon worker said he still has about 100 stops to make to deliver all the parcels.
Thankfully, the local fire department sent a helicopter over and dropped a ladder to get Charles out of what they called “a dangerous situation”.
His colleague came to take half of his workload off of him so he could finish his delivery route.
A shitty situation made worse by the fact that he didn’t get the rest of the day off.
Kisser of the Week
Model winds up in A&E after first date kiss goes horribly wrong
First dates can be extremely awkward, especially if you’re expecting a kiss at the end of the night.
But even if you manage a smooch, it’s not always going to be a perfect experience.
Unfortunately for one woman, she wound up in A&E after her first kiss when terribly wrong.
Ceyda Ersoy took to social media from her hospital bed to share a surgeon stitching her tongue back up after her date.
She claimed the fella had bit down so hard on her tongue during a French kiss he had split it.
The 34-year-old influencer, from Turkey, said: “Is it only me whose tongue has been ripped off during a kiss?
“Oh gosh, it hurts a lot. Is this a joke?”
She claimed she didn’t know exactly how it happened as she was caught up in the moment until she felt pain.
“Seems like I didn’t get to know him [really] well. It’s been a month since we first met, this was our first kiss.
“I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t really know how to kiss. My advice is don’t even say hi to guys who are Scorpios.”
This has the makings for a very awkward second date.
WTF? of the Week
Ex-college athlete accused of biting man’s ear off, chewing face thought victim was ‘robot’
A 25-year-old former college soccer player suspected of savagely attacking a 78-year-old man on a train platform in Oregon — and chewing off his ear and part of his face — told cops he believed the victim was a killer robot, according to prosecutors.
Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt announced Wednesday that Koryn Kraemer has been arraigned on a second-degree assault charge stemming from the grisly incident that took place the day before at a light-rail train station in the Portland suburb of Gresham.
The victim was standing on the Cleveland Avenue TriMetMAX platform at around 2 a.m. Tuesday when Kraemer, who was allegedly drunk and high on fentanyl and marijuana, approached the elderly man and proceeded to gnaw on his face.
Police responded to the scene and pulled Kraemer off the victim. By then, the 25-year-old had chewed off the man’s ear and bitten the skin off his face to the point of exposing his skull.
The victim was taken to a local hospital, where he was listed in stable condition Wednesday, reported OregonLive.
“In a subsequent interview with law enforcement, Kraemer stated that he believed the victim was a ‘robot’ trying to kill him based on how the victim smelled,” DA Schmidt said in a statement.
Kraemer also said that he spit out the victim’s flesh that he had bitten off, and claimed that police “had saved his life by separating him from ‘the robot.’”
What do robots smell like?
