This week, Lori Lightfoot blamed her election loss on racism instead of her WTF? failures as Mayor of Chicago. Here’s some other WTF? failures that can only blame stupidity:
Headline of the Week
Bloke put live eel up his bum to treat constipation – but couldn’t get it out
A bloke in Poland inserted a live eel into his anus to treat constipation, but the animal then caused a hole in his bowel and he needed surgery to get it out.
The 3cm perforation was a direct “result of the eel trying to get out”, according to Polish media, citing a Facebook post by a page called “STOP The Bleed – Polska”.
It is believed his actions were caused by his belief in a “folk remedy” that says an eel can help with bowel movement.
The man presented himself to an unspecified hospital in Poland and doctors found he had peritonitis, a redness and swelling (inflammation) of the lining of your belly or abdomen.
They were reportedly “shocked” to find why he had said inflammation.
He admitted he decided to insert a live eel into his anus because he was struggling with constipation, according to O2.
“The eel did everything it could to get out of the man’s body. As a result, there was a perforation of the final section of the digestive tract,” the title reported.
The original Facebook post read: “During emergency laparotomy, a 3-centimeter perforation was found – the result of an eel trying to get out. The rectum was divided at the perforation site, and the proximal end was brought out as a colostomy.”
He was reportedly able to go home after a few days in hospital. The patient is now using a stoma bag.
That moment when a Polish joke becomes real life.
Whoops of the Week
Doctor ‘cuts off man’s penis’ after mistaking syphilis for cancer
An Italian man whose penis was allegedly wrongly amputated by doctors is demanding compensation of €400,000 (£354,000).
Surgeons allegedly amputated the man’s genitals because they thought they had detected cancer in the organ.
That diagnosis was subsequently found to be wrong – the man in fact had a type of syphilis which could have been treated with medication.
The man, now aged 68, wants to take to court the 35-year-old urologist who performed the amputation.
The patient said that he has suffered “very serious damage” and that he deserves to be compensated for the physical loss of his penis as well as the psychological trauma he went through.
The man has asked to remain anonymous because of the sensitive nature of the case.
His ordeal was “as painful as it is embarrassing”, according to the Corriere di Arezzo, a local newspaper.
The surgeon who performed the operation, who is said to be highly regarded, no longer works at the hospital in Tuscany, but in a hospital in Milan.
Measure twice, cut once.
Find of the Week
2,000-year-old penis statue discovered — using a metal detector
A 2,000-year-old penis statue is going up for auction.
Metal detectorists were in for quite a shock last year when they discovered a small Celtic figurine that appeared to show the Roman god Mercury holding a giant hinged penis in his right hand.
The bronze nude statuette is from the first century and is set to be auctioned off by Noonans in London on March 8 and 9.
The tiny figurine measures 2 inches high by .5 inch wide and could fetch up to $1,440.
Detectorists Paul Shepheard and his wife, Joanne, were working on a project in Haconby, Lincolnshire, when they were told that there was something else buried in a field.
hey dug 10 inches into the ground and unveiled the metal man and his member — which they initially thought was a split pin, a tool used to fasten bolts.
Nigel Mills, a coin consultant at Noonans, explained how the male figure has a “hinged oversized phallus” and detailed the meaning behind it.
“[It] would have had symbolic powers of good luck and warding off evil spirits and may have served as a locking mechanism as a buckle to hold a belt and scabbard for a sword,” Mills said.
They also could have located this using a stud finder.
Chop of the Week
Woman ‘chops off boyfriend’s penis after x-rated argument’
A woman has allegedly cut off her boyfriend’s penis after he threatened to spread their explicit videos of the pair because she refused to sleep with him.
The 28-year-old suspect allegedly attacker her partner of the same age while they were at a hotel in Sibolga, North Sumatra in Indonesia on February 25.
Police said that the man allegedly made advances towards his partner but she was ‘not in the mood’ and rejected him.
Witnesses said the pair, who had been together for more than half a year, were not heard arguing. However, they heard the howls of pain from the man after his penis was severed. He was rushed to the hospital with blood loss and is currently in intensive care.
“Based on the suspect’s statement, they had been in a relationship for around seven months. So, they made an appointment to meet at a hotel, then the man asked to have sex, after which the woman refused,” Sibolga Police Chief Taryono Rajarja said.
“When he was denied sex, the man threatened to spread the videos of their intimate activities. Then, when he was ready to take a shower, the suspect carried out the attack. She took a knife belonging to the man and cut off his penis.”
Evi Wahyuni Siregar, a receptionist at the hotel, said he did not hear any noise from the couple’s room until the incident happened.
He claimed the woman had approached him after the attack, requesting medical assistance for her partner, who was bleeding profusely at the scene.
That’s a pretty decisive argument win, though.
Miss of the Week
Woman has crystal dildo removed from her bladder after putting it in wrong hole
A woman had to have a dildo removed from her bladder by doctors after she put the sex toy in the wrong hole.
The 29-year-old from Israel, who hasn’t been identified, went to an emergency unit at a hospital after she experienced discomfort while peeing and abdominal pain.
She then told medics she had put a crystal dildo into her urethra – through which the body ejects urine from the bladder – instead of her vagina for “sexual gratification” by accident.
She then spent “a few hours” trying to remove the object herself but failed, reports the Mail.
Medics at the Shaare Zedek Medical Centre in Jerusalem who treated the woman believe it’s the widest object removed from the bladder at 10cm long and 2.5cm wide, after beating the previous record of 2.4cm.
They gave the woman an ultrasound and X-ray, which showed the dildo stuck horizontally in her bladder.
She was then given antibiotics through an IV drip before doctors performed a cystoscopy, during which they inserted a long thin tube with a camera on the end into her urethra.
Medics put the woman under general anaesthetic to allow them to operate and used a “grasper”, which was inserted through the tube, to pull the dildo out through the urethra.
Fortunately the operation seems to have gone well and the woman was discharged that day after doctors made sure she had no problem passing urine.
Next time she should use Google Maps for directions to her vagina.
Data Mine of the Week
NFL Films ‘maintained database of cheerleaders’ buttocks, breasts and cleavage shots’: lawsuit
NFL Films, the official production arm of the National Football League, was flagged for keeping an extensive database of raunchy footage that lingered on cheerleaders’ breasts and buttocks, according to a bombshell lawsuit.
Victoria Russell, a human resources employee fired by NFL Films last year, revealed the “sexualized and offensive descriptions of women” in a discrimination lawsuit against the NFL in New Jersey in January, The Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday.
The suit alleges NFL Films — which bolstered the league’s popularity with famed phrases like the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field — used timestamps to catalogue clips that included “cheerleaders buttocks, cheerleaders rear end, female fan in bikini top, naughty camera work, close up of cheerleader’s breasts, cleavage shot and shot of endowed woman.”
The league countered that the footage was classified as “sensitive” so that the videos were never rebroadcast.
“NFL Films logs and stores every frame of footage shot by its cinematographers, freelance camera people, and the broadcast networks,” the NFL’s chief spokesperson, Brian McCarthy, told The Post.
“That footage inevitably includes images of fans, cheerleaders, and even players that may not be appropriate for inclusion in the content that NFL Films produces.”
McCarthy added: “Those frames are logged as ‘sensitive’ so that they can be removed from circulation, meaning they will not be accessible to employees whose job it is to locate footage for productions.”
“Ms. Russell did not have credentials for the logging system, nor did any aspect of her responsibilities involve accessing footage,” McCarthy said.
Russell, who is black, was hired by NFL Films in 2018. She alleges in her legal filing that the NFL’s corporate offices are rife with “rampant misconduct against women, particularly women of color.”
She claims she was denied “opportunities for advancement and pay increases” despite her “excellent performance and despite her taking on additional work,” according to the filing.
Started out as a boobs story and turned into racism. What a twist.
Asshole of the Week
She’s got a bone to peck! Woman rushed to hospital after 2inch chicken bone gets stuck in her butt
A 51-year-old woman has been rushed to hospital after getting a chicken bone stuck in her bottom.
The unnamed patient, from Kuwait in the Middle East, accidentally swallowed the two-inch V-shaped bone after failing to chew properly.
Doctors said she had a hard time eating because she had lost her upper teeth.
There was no choking or stomach pain after ingesting the bone. It wasn’t until later, when she tried to use the toilet, that it became wedged in her backside.
Doctors successfully removed the bone by applying gel to numb the area before applying a slight force. The patient has been advised to chew her food.
Doctors said it was the first known case of a chicken bone reaching the anus without causing complications.
The patient had a history of chronic constipation, about three times a week, internal piles and an anal fissure — or small tear in the anus.
It was suggested that this was likely because of her habit of swallowing food before chewing it properly.
X-rays at the hospital revealed the V-shaped bone sticking out of her anus, which was about two inches long and an inch wide. The shorter part of the V was projecting outside of the anus.
51-years-old and she hasn’t figured out how to chew?
Name of the Week
Florida man finds 200-year-old clam, names it ‘Aber-clam Lincoln’
A Florida man and his family found a gigantic clam at Alligator Point, Florida. They were planning to cook it but realized it was more than 200 years old.
Blaine Parker told the Tallahassee Democrat that when he found the clam over Presidents’ Day weekend, he thought it was just big enough for two servings of chowder.
“We were just going to eat it, but we thought about it a while and figured it was probably pretty special. So, we didn’t want to kill it,” Parker told the Tallahassee Democrat.
Parker, a member of the volunteer group AmeriCorps, ended up bringing the clam to the Gulf Specimen Marine Lab in Panacea, Florida. Parker is also a specimen collector for the lab, the Tallahassee Democrat reported.
The lab realized Parker’s find was a six-inch, 2.6-pound clam, estimated to be more than 214 years old.
Realizing how old it was, Parker named the clam “Aber-clam Lincoln”.
Age can be calculated by the number of layers on the shell, with each layer representing a year; with this, Blaine counted 214 layers on Aber-clam Lincoln’s shell, meaning this clam was born in 1809, the same year as Abraham Lincoln, hence its name!” the lab wrote in a February 21 post on Facebook.
Speaking of 200-year-old clams, didn’t Nancy Pelosi buy a house in Florida?
WTF? of the Week
Kim Jong-un approves new dog meat ‘Delicacy House’ to encourage ‘healthy eating’
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has given the go ahead for a new luxury dog meat restaurant in the country’s capital as part of a “healthy eating” drive.
“Dog Meat Delicacy House” will be near the well-known Okryugwan noodle restaurant in a prime river bank location in Pyongyang, according to the Mirror.
Reports suggest the restaurant will open as part of a healthy eating drive, but the announcement comes amid claims of a famine in the country, and following a summit about agriculture headed by Kim.
The new restaurant would mean an important use of public funds and it is likely that Kim would visit it as he has done with other eateries in the area.
He also approved the building of the new dog meat restaurant when speaking on state television in 2021.
And Kim talked of “improving” people’s diets when he discussed the building of another dog meat restaurant in the northeastern city of Chongjin, that was completed a couple of years ago.
Nothing says there’s no famine like eating dog meat.
