This week, Congressional democrats went full-WTF? by insisting that children should be taught pornographic material in school. Here’s some other WTF? democrats will find appropriate for kindergartners:
Headline of the Week
‘Aliens could be hiding deep in Uranus’, top space boffins believe
ET could be hiding in Uranus, boffins believe.
Two of the 27 moons orbiting the planet – which is part-owned by your Daily Star – are believed to have active oceans deep beneath their surfaces.
Scientists have discovered material is being pumped volcano-style from within the moons into space.
That indicates underground water reserves kept in a liquid state by tidal forces lie deep beneath the surfaces of Uranus’s moons Miranda and Ariel.
On Earth dynamic communities of microbes have been found living in such conditions.
That suggests alien lifeforms could be lurking within the two frozen moons.
This is only true if “ET” stands for “extra turds.”
PPV of the Week
On Wednesday, Metropolitan Police officers executed warrants in London, Scotland and South Wales, arresting six associated with a ‘castration cult’ who later appeared in custody at magistrates courts in Westminster and Newport.
They were charged with conspiring together and with others unknown to commit grievous bodily harm between January 2016 and January 2022.
Police said the offence related to the ‘removal of penis, testicles, penile nerves, castration, insertion of needles into genitalia [and] cutting of the penis’.
In February last year, seven were arrested as part of the same investigation after police learned of the livestreaming of the removal of penises and testes, allegedly from a Finsbury Park basement flat.
The charges are reported to relate to 13 victims since 2016.
Police confirmed to the MailOnline that the charges brought today were part of the same investigation that saw seven arrested in Finsbury in 2022.
The Metropolitan Police had raided a basement flat in Finsbury Park in December 2021 and later arrested seven in relation to the alleged ‘pay-per-view live footage of members being castrated online’.
I’d pay money to not see that.
Find of the Week
Police in Ohio say they arrested two females after they were dispatched for a female yelling.
Steubenville, Ohio police in Jefferson County said they responded to Scioto Drive and observed a vehicle in the driveway that was registered to the resident that contained several open beers, hard iced tea, and a shovel. Police also say they found an ID that belonged to Carmina S Chiovitti from McDonald PA.
Police say they went to the back of the house and spoke to a female that was sitting on the ground.
There, police say they found a 12 gage shotgun laying near a tree line with a back pack down the hill with a box of American Eagle handgun ammunition, a black pistol magazine, and a clear plastic object shaped like a male’s penis.
Police say they went inside the house after they noticed the side screen porch door was knocked off its track and inside a window was shattered.
Inside the house, police say they made contact with a second female, and knew her as Carmina S Chiovitti.
Police say no one else was in the house, but the home appeared to be ransacked.
Chiovitti was arrested on burglary charges along with Madison Baron from McDonald,PA.
And they would have gotten away with it if they weren’t so drunk and stupid.
Shaker of the Week
A male performed an indecent act in Grande Prairie by exposing himself to swimming pool staff after he claimed to be a transwoman and went into the women’s change room, the Western Standard learned.
In Grande Prairie, anyone homeless is directed to use the pool facilities to shower.
“On March 14, staff were approached by an individual seeking clarity on which change room to use and staff provided direction to the individual accordingly,” Philip Cooper director of Corporate Communication for The City of Grande Prairie told the Western Standard.
“The city creates a space in all municipal facilities that are non-discriminatory and accommodates gender diversity.”
Cooper said the individual complied with staff and used the change room that had been identified for their use, however, the individual was later found using a different change room.
“Staff immediately responded and the individual was addressed by supervisory staff. The individual complied and returned to the space that had been identified. When the individual asked if they could swim naked, the supervisory staff referenced that swimming naked is not permitted and appropriate swimwear must be worn,” Cooper said.
“The individual complied. Later during their visit, the individual again returned to a different change room and used a shower stall with the curtain partially open. The supervisor staff addressed the individual immediately. The individual complied and returned to the previously identified change room. The individual then left the facility.”
The man was promptly awarded a Courageous Woman medal by the White House.
Vag of the Week
Residents of Regina, the capital and second largest city of Saskatchewan, located 100 miles north of the US border, were horrified when the campaign rebrand was unveiled on Thursday.
Many claimed the slogans – ‘Show us your Regina’ and ‘The city that rhymes with fun’ sexualizes the city.
The campaign’s CEO apologized for the uproar it caused and the tourism organization’s website immediately scrapped the merchandise being sold.
‘I want to start by apologizing, on behalf of myself and our team, for the negative impact we created with elements of our recent brand launch,’ Experience Regina CEO Tim Reid said in a statement on Sunday.
He admitted, in part, that they ‘crossed the line on some of the poking fun at ourselves around our city name.’
Cheryl Stadnichuk was ‘incredibly disappointed and appalled’ by the campaign, The New York Post reported.
‘The slogans associated with the campaign, however, are misogynist and objectify women’s bodies,’ she said.
Former tourism board member Kristen McLeod said, ‘it’s sexualizing the city when it isn’t necessary.’
Many went to Twitter to express their gripe about the new slogans.
‘Makes Regina a laughing stock. Who thought making a campaign for Regina tourism to say this was ok,’ one person wrote.
Another said, ‘Would we engage school children with this messaging? I also ask, do we want men harassing women in bars chanting ‘Show us your Regina?”
Others said: ‘Do better. This is pathetic and disgusting,
As another chimed in: ‘Of course a man would be in charge of this joke of a campaign.’
Huntsville, Alabama is considering a similar campaign.
Pisser of the Week
Ascension Parish employee fired after reportedly urinating in water supply
Ascension Parish Government announced in a news release that an employee was terminated after administrators said they determined the employee had urinated in the Donaldsonville water plant’s water supply March 22.
“From day one, my administration has worked hard to build a professional parish work force that reflects and exceeds the expectations of the residents of our great parish. Today, I am extremely disappointed to be sharing the results of an employee disciplinary action,” Parish President Clint Cointment said in the release.
Upon termination, the Ascension Parish Sheriff’s Office arrested the suspect.
The suspect has been identified as 57-year-old Michael Mastin of Baton Rouge. He was charged with two counts contaminating water supplies, and two counts criminal damage to a critical infrastructure.
A lot of people get pissed off at work.
Frog Fart of the Week
French blame ‘Americanisation’ of baking bread for causing farting epidemic
Angry bakers are fuming over a growing craze for undercooked baguettes which they say is causing a worldwide farting epidemic.
French cooks, who sell 10 billion stick loaves a year, blasted the “half-baked idea from America” which is forcing them to remove baguettes before they are crusty.
It leaves them with spongy white bread which they blame for a wide range of issues, including tooth decay and flatulence.
Experts say the soft and doughy texture is much more difficult for the body to digest and can make those who eat it bloated and more prone to farting.
France, led by President Emmanuel Macron, is known for its culinary craft.
But Damien Dedun, last year’s Parisian baker of the year, said 80% of his customers now want underbaked baguettes.
He fumed: “It’s a trend, a new consumer habit that has been brought on by supermarkets.
“During cooking, the starch in the flour is supposed to inflate, to split and then to dehydrate to be more easily assimilated by the body.
“When it’s not cooked, it’s the stomach that is going to finish degrading the starch and that’s going to make it hurt.”
He claimed the underbaked baguettes his customers now want are “tasteless”, adding: “It’s the Americanisation of things.”
But whenever the Germans invade, they suddenly love Americanization.
Legs of the Week
Mum who passed out drunk and woke up with rotting legs issues urgent alcohol warning
A mum who passed out after a night on the town and woke up with her legs decomposing and almost needing an amputation is warning others about the dangers of heavy drinking.
Julia Anderson, 36, was enjoying an evening out drinking vodka with pals before she passed out in an awkward position.
She woke up to the terrifying realisation that she was unable to walk after her legs had swollen up to double their usual size overnight.
Terrified Julia said she had no idea what could have happened to her. “All I could think to myself was ‘did I break my legs or something? Why can’t I move my legs?,” she recalled.
Sobbing in terror Julia rang her mum who called an ambulance for her. Medics arrived and rushed her to a nearby hospital.
But the news wasn’t good – after several rounds of tests and x-rays on her legs, medics informed Julia that she had been lying on her legs all night, blocking off blood flow.
This had led to a condition called compartment syndrome, she was told, where muscle and nerve cells are cut off from oxygen and nutrients in the blood and receive damage and start to die.
When blood returns to the area the body responds to the damaged cells with huge amounts of inflammation.
Surgeons at Michael Garron Hospital in Toronto, Ontario, cut open Julia’s left calf muscle to relieve the pressure in a drastic, life-saving operation. Sections of muscles were cut out to relieve the swelling and reduce the toxins being released into her bloodstream.
Julia recovered in hospital for five weeks following the gruelling surgery before being allowed home where she was bedridden for a further three weeks and forced to take heavy-duty painkillers for a year.
Julia said she still walks “funny” following her traumatic experience, though her movement is much improved.
After being embarrassed by her ordeal for three years, Julia bravely decided to share her story to ensure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.
“Never pass out really drunk, sleeping it off is dangerous,” she warned
Too drunk to sleep is a new one.
Slice of the Week
Florida man arrested after slapping woman with slice of pizza, deputies say
A 39-year-old man faces domestic violence charges after deputies said he struck a woman in the face with a slice of pizza.
Deputies said they responded to a residence in Marion County on Friday, March 17, to a 911 hang-up call and possible domestic disturbance.
According to a probable cause affidavit, responding deputies made contact with Ortelio Lazaro Alfonso who said he had a verbal altercation with the victim.
Deputies said when they spoke to the victim, she told them she had been struck in the face with a slice of pizza after an altercation over disciplining.
The victim told deputies Alfonso became angry after she disciplined someone at the residence “on his bottom area.” She then advised deputies that Alfonso got in her face and pointed, but did not strike her at that time.
According to the affidavit, Alfonso then grabbed a slice of pizza and slapped the victim on the left side of her face with it.
Deputies said the victim had pizza sauce on the front of her shirt, the collar of her shirt, and on the back of her shirt. She also had pizza remnants in her hair and ear area, according to the report. Deputies also noticed pizza sauce on the walls and ceiling of the interior of the residence, according to the report.
Alfonso told deputies that he threw the slice of pizza at the victim, but did not strike her with his hands.
That’s one hell of a pizza slap.
WTF? of the Week
Man strangles male friend to death, performs unnatural sex with corpse
In a suspected case of necrophilia, a 36-year-old man has been arrested here for allegedly killing his male friend and then having unnatural sex with the dead body, the police said on Friday.
The arrested individual has been identified as Pervinder. The incident took place on February 9 at his rented accommodation at Singhu village in the Alipur area.
According to the police, Pervinder worked as a helper at a cycle repairing shop in Singhu village and was addicted to alcohol.
Deputy Commissioner of Police Ravi Kumar Singh said that on February 11, a call was received at Alipur police station. It was mentioned in the call that “the dead body of Pervinder was found”.
The police officer said that, to the team’s surprise, the dead body was not of Pervinder but of some unknown person.
“The person who was thought to be dead suddenly became the prime suspect in the case. An enquiry was then made by the police to identify the deceased but all efforts proved unhelpful. Therefore, the body was preserved at BJRM hospital Jahangirpuri,” the DCP said.
“On Wednesday, when Pervinder was going towards Singhu Village Bus Stand, he was arrested from a place near MCD park,” said the official.
On questioning, he revealed that he had met Raja at a wine shop situated at Singhu village around 8-10 days before the incident and they became friends.
“On February 9, at his rented accommodation, Pervinder first consumed alcohol and thereafter tried to have unnatural sex with Raja. However, when Raja opposed him, Pervinder strangled him with his towel. He then did unnatural sex with him, covered the victim’s body with a blanket and fled from there,” the police officer said.
Is there a natural way to have sex with a friend’s corpse?
