It’s April Fool’s Day and time we face the sad reality that Joe Biden’s WTF? presidency is not a playful prank. Here’s some other WTF? that seems like a joke, but is sadly real:
Headline of the Week
‘Human Satan’ breaks world record after getting 33 horn implants in head
A body modification addict known as “Human Satan” won the world record for the highest number of horn implants.
Michel “Diabao” Praddo has 33 horn implants on his head as part of his transformation to look like the “Human Satan”.
The 47-year-old, from Brazil, has four horns on either side of his head and several implants under his forehead skin.
He claims to be the third person in the world to have the end of his nose removed, a highly dangerous procedure.
Now Michel has only gone and scooped a Guinness World Record for having the most implants on his head.
He travelled to Italy for the record to be verified on TV programme “Lo Show Dei Record”.
And the body modification fan came out on top against another hopeful who had 18 implants.
He said: “It was something very special and surreal. A dream come true to enter Guinness and also go to Europe.
“At several moments, I was emotional, with tears in my eyes, as I went over my life.
“An experience that I will cherish forever in my heart and memory.”
The tattoo artist, who’s been in the trade for 25 years, underwent several procedures to transform his aesthetic.
He’s had his ears, nose, nipples and ring finger removed, with more than 80% of his body inked, including his eyeballs.
The modification fan even ate one of his amputated nipples.
The nipple eating thing seems like more of an accomplishment.
Threesome of the Week
Sex killers cut off man’s penis and stab him 54 times as threesome turns into slaughter
A Turkish man and his German girlfriend have been sentenced to lengthy jail terms after being found guilty of killing another man by cutting off his penis during a sex orgy. Prosecutors said the couple had exceeded “the limits of hate and animosity” through their actions. During the trial, jurors heard how Elvan Kucukaltun and his partner of three years Nadja Angela Grosser, invited Kadir Demir to their home in Manavgat, Antalya Province, Turkey, on January 28 of last year for a threesome.
They drank alcohol and went on to have sex, before events took a turn for the worse and ended in murder.
The prosecution claimed Mr Kucukaltun suddenly became aggressive towards his German girlfriend during their sexual romp, prompting Mr Demir to intervene on her behalf.
A heated argument ensued between the two men, which quickly escalated into a knife fight, during which Mr Kucukaltun first stabbed his friend in the chest, before severing his penis.
Mr Demir was found to have 54 stab wounds in total.
After telling his girlfriend to get out of the house, Mr Kucukaltun attempted to bury the victim’s body in a nearby park, but was caught by the local police.
The jury duly returned guilty verdicts and the judge handed down stiff custodial sentences to the couple.
Mr Kucukaltun was sentenced to life imprisonment for “intentional killing with monstrous emotion”.
Ms Grosser received a 15-year jail sentence for “complicity in intentional killing”.
In Turkey, the minimum non-parole term for a life prisoner is 24 years.
When a sword fight becomes a knife fight.
Misgender of the Week
Trans woman left sobbing in JFK Airport after TSA agent hit her testicles
A transgender woman was left in tears at JFK Airport after she claimed a TSA agent punched her in the testicles while she was going through security, the Daily Mail reported.
The unidentified flyer took to social media to vent about the incident, in which she said the agent “humiliated” her in front of everyone in a series of posts that have since been deleted, according to the outlet.
“hi so a tsa agent at jfk airport punched me in the genitalia, yelled at me for having a penis (?) and humiliated me in front of everyone after i told her to please stop,” she captioned a photo of her crying in the airport bathroom, according to a screenshot of the post.
But the embarrassment didn’t stop there, according to the woman.
“[The TSA agent] followed me into the women’s bathroom and began talking about me to a coworker while I sobbed in a stall,” she wrote, asking friends on the internet for advice as to what she should do.
In a follow-up post, she said she was left crying for over an hour and said “my balls still hurt so bad,” according to a screenshot from the Daily Mail.
She does not want the TSA agent to be fired, she said in a separate post, but wanted “her educated and the entirety of tsa abolished altogether.”
How about we educate society to recognize that woman don’t have testicles?
Low Blow of the Week
Man shot harasser in buttocks, told police ‘I didn’t want to kill him so I shot him low’
The man accused of shooting someone in the buttocks waited for police officers to arrive and they said he told them he was tired of being harassed.
The shooting happened Tuesday at an apartment complex in Gainesville, Fla.
Gainesville police said 62-year-old Frank Hargitt was waiting for them with his rifle.
According to the arrest report, he told police the victim “lunged at him” on his porch, so he got his gun, chased the victim around the corner, and shot him.
They said he told them, “I didn’t want to kill him so I shot him low.”
Hargitt was arrested and charged with aggravated battery.
What do you give the asshole who has everything? A new asshole.
Glasshole of the Week
Drunken mistake leads to ‘embarrassing’ hospital visit
A 47-year-old man was left in extreme pain and needed surgery after he inserted a water-glass into his rectum.
The Nepalese man arrived at the emergency department admitting the object had been inside him for three days.
Initially, the man said it had happened by accident before revealing he had inserted the glass himself for sexual gratification while intoxicated, according to the Journal of Nepal Medical Centre.
The man hadn’t had a bowel movement in two days, but was able to pass wind, and he had no bleeding but was in a lot of pain.
The man said he had tried to remove the glass himself but failed.
After an X-ray was done, doctors tried to remove it but couldn’t get a grasp on the glass as it was inverted.
Medical staff then performed an exploratory laparotomy, which is a surgery to open up the abdomen.
At that point, they attempted to move the glass out by “milking” or squeezing the lower intestine.
“Milking was attempted to deliver the glass through the anus, but this was unsuccessful as the glass was high up, inverted and tightly wedged,” the journal explained.
“Hence sigmoid enterostomy was done and the glass was extracted.”
An enterostomy is the surgical incision into an intestine, allowing doctors direct access to the glass.
The man remained in hospital for seven days recovering from the incident.
The most common reasons for an object inserted into the anus is sexual gratification.
And this is the most common result of that gratification.
Pisser of the Week
Man videoed himself urinating on sleeping ex-girlfriend
A young Timaru man has admitted urinating on his ex-girlfriend when he saw her sleeping in a bed with another male.
Ihaka McNabb was 21 when he committed the indecent act in September last year, with Judge Dominic Dravitzki describing the event as “nasty offending” when he sentenced the now 22-year-old to community detention in the Timaru District Court on Thursday.
McNabb had pleaded guilty at an earlier appearance to making an objectionable video, committing an indecent act with intent to offend the victim, and posting a video online with intent to harm the victim.
The judge said McNabb and the victim had been in a relationship more than a year earlier.
McNabb and the victim had ended up at a party in September 2022 where all were drinking alcohol. There was interaction between the two “but it was not amicable”.
“The victim went to bed fully clothed … at about 2am you entered the room and saw them there and obviously there was anger and jealously,” Judge Dravitzki said.
McNabb then urinated on the victim while she was sleeping and made a video of himself doing it, said the judge.
“At 5am the victim woke up drenched in urine, saying she smelt foul and disgusting.”
Judge Dravitzki said McNabb later posted the video on Snapchat and sent it to three friends which resulted in the victim being informed that they had seen it.
“The victim was left feeling disgusted and degraded and says she felt humiliated at the online posting.”
McNabb had said he saw the victim in bed with another male, and it had hurt him.
Being piss drunk takes a surprising turn.
Divorce of the Week
Wife Was Drunk When She Ran Over, Killed Hillsborough Husband
A Hillsborough wife was charged after police say she was drunk when she ran over and killed her husband with a car at his home in February, according to Somerset County Prosecutor John P. McDonald.
An investigation found that Amanda O’Keefe, 37, of Hillsborough, was over the legal Blood Alcohol Concentration (B.A.C.) limit at the time when she ran over her husband Robert O’Keefe, 41, of Hillsborough, said McDonald.
As a result, on Wednesday, March 29, O’Keefe voluntarily turned herself into the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office, where she was arrested and charged with second-degree death by auto.
On Saturday, Feb. 25, at around 2:28 a.m., Hillsborough Township Police Officers and Hillsborough Emergency Services were called to a home on Clark Lane in Hillsborough Township in response to a 911 call.
The victim, identified as Robert O’Keefe, was hit by a vehicle driven by his spouse, Amanda O’Keefe, and was subsequently pronounced dead at the scene.
She seems happy, though.
Beardo of the Week
Woman ditches razor after shaving face daily for 16 years and ‘feels beautiful’
A woman has embraced her “beautiful” beard after shaving her face every day for 16 years.
Coral Sanchez, 29, first spotted hair growing on her chin when she was just nine years old, and by the time she was 12 was shaving every morning to avoid the attention of bullies.
The content creator spent years hiding her facial hair, even keeping it a secret from an ex she dated for four years, before finally ditching the razor.
Sanchez’s stubble, caused by a condition known as hirsutism, would grow back by early afternoon and she’d “layer” her face in foundation and “wouldn’t let anyone get close” so they couldn’t see her growing beard.
But after battling homelessness at aged 26, Coral was unable to keep shaving every day and it started to make her question why she was doing it in the first place.
Her now partner of nearly four years, Illias Clark, 25, a writer and artist, supported her and reassured her she was “beautiful” and that it her body was “doing this naturally”.
Coral finally set down the razor in March 2022 and has now been growing her beard out for a year and says she feels “truly beautiful”.
Coral finally stopped shaving for good in March 2022 and was “surprised” at how well her beard suited her.
She said: “It was shocking seeing my face and that I was still able to feel feminine.
Her face identifies as a beaver.
WTF? of the Week
‘I have world’s biggest boobs – they weigh as much as watermelons and won’t stop growing’
The woman with the ‘world’s largest boobs’ has wowed fans on Instagram by showing off her ginormous chest.
Chelsea Charms seems to have stayed out of the spotlight for the last few years, however the busty beauty, from the US, appears to want to step back in the limelight after posing for a number of sexy snaps.
She writes in her bio: “The only official account of the biggest boobs in the world.”
Chelsea, 47, had her breasts enlarged by means of a now illegal procedure in which polypropylene string was implanted into each breast.
The material irritates the breast lining, creating a serum which enlarges the breasts, a process which could continue indefinitely.
Back in 2011, she said they were growing at a rate of one inch a month.
She did say at the time she would eventually have her breasts reduced and the polypropylene removed, but hasn’t yet given any further updates.
Talking about her procedure at the time to Holly and Phil, Chelsea, who is originally from Minneapolis, said: “Most of the other girls who have had this procedure have stopped at some point so I’m just waiting for that to happen.”
She told the pair that she called her boobs ‘Itsy and Bitsy’ and helped her make a “comfortable living as an exotic dancer and porn star”.
However it wasn’t all plain sailing as she revealed she had trouble eating and has to sleep on her back.
Chelsea also says she struggles to fit into aeroplane toilets and has to perform regular exercises to be able to support the breasts, which each weigh about the same as two large watermelons.
I never understood the phrase “too much of a good thing” until now.
