This week we learned that the Justice Department is sitting on incriminating evidence of Joe Biden’s corruption. Here’s some other WTF? that has something to hide:
Headline of the Week
Man from Dildo discovers iceberg shaped like giant penis
Ken Pretty, a photographer from the Canadian town of Dildo, has gone viral for capturing the hunk of ice that bears an unmistakable resemblance to a giant erect penis.
There was no chilling shrinkage for this formidable phallus, which measures an impressive 30 feet — and also features a pair of gargantuan gonads.
Pretty noticed the boner berg as he flew his drone off the coast of Newfoundland in an area known, appropriately, as Conception Bay, the Toronto Star reported.
“Only in Newfoundland,” he told the outlet, laughing.
“The resemblance is — you know, it’s good, right? It’s unreal how much it looked like part of the male anatomy,” Pretty said.
The lensman told the Guardian: “Looking from the land, it wasn’t quite clear. But once I got the drone out there, it was unreal how much it looked like — well, you know …”
Unfortunately, the big dick didn’t last long — it collapsed a day after Pretty snapped the image that made waves across the globe.
Meanwhile, in Buttplug, Saskatchewan a woman saw a moose that looks like a vagina.
Dick of the Week
Giant penis mowed into lawn at King Charles’ coronation bash site
Cocky pranksters mowed a giant penis onto the famous grounds of the Royal Crescent in Bath, England, where a significant coronation party is set to be thrown in just two days.
Residents awoke Thursday to morning wood, with the glaringly obvious penis trimmed into the lush grass overnight, SWNS reports.
It’s unclear if law enforcement is handling the case.
Fancy homes that date to the 18th century form a crescent on this street, known worldwide for having a “perfect lawn.”
A Georgian-themed “grand coronation party” is scheduled for Saturday in honor of King Charles III’s coronation at Westminster Abbey in London.
Prince Harry — who has had a strained relationship with his family, especially following the release of his tell-all memoir “Spare” — will attend, but without his wife, Meghan Markle.
First Lady Jill Biden is also expected to attend.
Now it’s Buttf*ckingham Palace.
Vag of the Week
Viewers of the Coronation of the King and Queen were left howling today as they confessed they thought that they heard the choir singing an unusual word during the ceremony.
As King Charles and Queen Camilla entered the Abbey, the choir belted out songs, however, royal fans hilariously pointed out that one of the lyrics appeared out of place.
A number of other people look to social media after they could have sworn they heard the word ‘vagina’ as the ceremony went underway.
One person said on Twitter: ‘Not the choir sounding like they are singing ‘I have a Vagina Camilla’ as she walks up Westminster Abbey’.
Another suggested that the lyrics may be ‘Buy that vagina, Camilla’ as the user said: ‘Why are they singing buy that vagina Camilla at the Coronation?’
A third added: ‘Was it just me or does this song sound like it’s saying ‘I have a vagina Camilla’.’
Another asked: ‘Are these lots in the choir singing about Camilla’s vagina?!’
While these posts do make a convincing point, it is not likely that these were the words sung by the choir – it is more likely that they were saying the word ‘Regina’ which is the title used for the reigning queen.
Charles is a dick and Camilla is a c*nt. What a lovely pair they make.
Nut Shot of the Week
A $60,000 bond was set for a man accused of shooting another man in the testicles Saturday, according to KSAT News.
David Diaz, 26, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
Officers responded to the shooting in the 1000 block of Santa Anna, not far from West Avenue, in San Antonio.
Diaz, who was at a friend’s house, shot the other man multiple times in the upper legs and testicles, according to the report.
The shooting victim told investigators he’s known Diaz for 10 years and that he accused him of messaging his girlfriend before shouting, “I would kill for my baby mama.”
He then allegedly fired several shots at him.
The victim was taken to University Hospital for surgery. His condition was not released.
I guess they were nutty buddies.
Selfie of the Week
DoorDasher accidentally sends picture of her genitals to customer
In the age of social media, being mindful of how you store your private files is increasingly important. From compromising personal privacy to damaging reputations, the pitfalls of failing to protect your sensitive information online have become more apparent than ever before. Nowhere is this more evident than in the case of a recent viral TikTok story.
In a video with over 1.6 million views, Amy Helen (@sunflowersslut) claimed that she accidentally sent a stranger from DoorDash an intimate photo. While she reportedly intended to send a harmless GIF, she mistakenly sent a revealing image of their private area.
“I just accidentally sent a stranger a picture of my labia on DoorDash. Because I was fucking delivering it, and I was gonna send him a GIF because it was gonna be funny, and instead I sent him a picture of my labia with a pimple on it,” Amy said.
Amy said that she since deleted the pictures from her phone—but that the damage has already been done.
“I’m mortified and I’m never gonna recover. I deleted the pictures now, but at what cost? Some man thinks I’m a sexual predator now,” she said.
In a follow-up TikTok, Amy revealed that she may have gotten lucky because she kept her job after the incident—even if the stranger did see the photo. “I never got a message. I’m still not banned from DoorDash, which, maybe after that video, they might change their mind,” she said.
More like DoorGash. Also, yuck.
Whack Job of the Week
Jeffrey Toobin addresses Zoom call masturbation scandal: ‘I’ll regret it for the rest of my life’
Jeffrey Toobin, the disgraced former CNN legal analyst and New Yorker writer, addressed the infamous Zoom call on Wednesday during which he was caught masturbating by colleagues, resulting in his hiatus from the cable network and dismissal from the magazine.
“It was a disaster in my life — self-inflicted, self-destructive, and something that I will regret for the rest of my life,” Toobin, whose career was upended in October 2020 when he was caught unzipping his pants and pleasuring himself during a New Yorker employee Zoom meeting, told NewsNation on Wednesday.
I have no excuses,” Toobin, who was eventually fired by the New Yorker, added.
“I have only apologies, which I have tried to offer to everyone involved, including very much my family, which was terribly embarrassed by it.”
Toobin said: “But it’s now more than two and a half years ago and a lot has happened — almost all good since then.”
“And I feel like my life is in a very good place, actually.”
When NewsNation host Dan Abrams asked Toobin “what exactly happened,” he replied: “You know, I’m not gonna go into grisly details.”
I bet nobody accept a handshake from his apologies.
Tits of the Week
Trans lifeguard applicant rejected for exposing breasts in front of kids at pool
A transgender person was rejected for a lifeguard gig with the City of Jacksonville last week for going topless during tryouts in front of dozens of children, city officials said.
“Through a citizen expressing concerns, my administration became aware of an incident where a biological female trainee in a lifeguard program was topless at one of our public pools,” Mayor Lenny Curry said in a statement.
The unnamed applicant — a biological female who now identifies as male but has not had “top” surgery to remove their breasts — was vying for a position with twenty other trainees as young as 15 at the Cecil Aquatic Center.
The person’s top was removed during a training exercise as dozens of children and their parents who sharing the pool looked on in shock, a source told The Post.
Jacksonville officials received numerous complaints about the incident, prompting the response from city officials.
But a local transgender activist told ActionJax the applicant should have been allowed to vie for a spot according to his chosen gender.
“This individual here was coming for a position to protect the children and people at the pool, they came here for one person and were denied for another reason completely not related to it,” Cielo Sunsarae said.
“Kids don’t sexualize breasts, it’s the adults that are making it out bigger than what it is. What is the difference if the person had top surgery or not?”
In all fairness, they would have rejected a biological male with bitch tits as well.
Asshole of the Week
Fight inside Margaritas leaves bystander shot in buttocks in Whitehaven
A group of women fighting inside a restaurant led to two people injured during a shooting in Whitehaven.
Four women fought in Margaritas on Elvis Presley’s Boulevard on April 23.
According to the affidavit, a woman wearing pink later identified as Tyearra Horton pulled out a handgun and fired shots during the fight.
One victim said Horton attempted to point the gun at her head.
When the victim ran away she was grazed by a bullet on her right hand.
A bystander was shot in the buttocks as he ran for the exit door.
The victim and suspect attended school in the past. Horton said they were upset about a man they both knew.
Horton is charged with attempted first-degree murder, employing a firearm during the commission or attempt to commit a dangerous felony, aggravated assault, and reckless endangerment with a deadly weapon.
This place is apparently not as much of a Whitehaven as the name would imply.
Lamp of the Week
Doctors left stunned as man in Colombia comes into hospital with a light bulb stuck up his anus
The patient, 53, who has not been named, went to a local hospital this year complaining of pain in his anus.
Doctors did not see anything during a physical examination, but were shocked when an X-ray revealed a large light bulb wedged inside him.
It was not clear how the light bulb got up there, but in previous cases, people have put items up their butts for sexual pleasure.
It was also unclear how the bulb was removed or whether the individual suffered any long-term damage.
Doctors said he was lucky that the bulb had not shattered.
How many Columbians does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
Pisser of the Week
Pest control worker caught urinating in local family’s living room, police say
A local pest control worker has been charged after police say he was caught on camera urinating inside a Cambria County family’s living room.
Authorities with the Hastings Borough Police Department have filed charges against the owner of Young’s Pest Control, 67-year-old Roger Young, after he allegedly admitted to the incident, which police say was caught on the family’s home surveillance camera.
Police say on April 24th, Young was reportedly contacted to spray pesticides inside the residence, located at the Haida Village Apartments.
Police say the tenants were not home at the time of the incident but the family told 6 News that only one tenant had left the apartment on the day of the incident, and that others were home and were reportedly upstairs sleeping.
Investigators say, a few days later, the tenants reportedly reviewed their home surveillance camera, which allegedly showed Young urinating on their couch and other belongings.
Authorities say the video shows Young continue to urinate on the tenants’ carpet and other belongings, before looking up and spotting the camera.
Police say Young was questioned about the incident earlier this week, at which time he reportedly admitted to urinating inside the apartment.
Young reportedly told police that he “messed up and was having a bad day.”
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, just not on the couch.
WTF? of the Week
Whoa, Nellie! Quincy man arrested for having sex with horse in Melrose Township
A Quincy man was arrested Friday for having sex with a horse and being caught by Adams County Sheriff’s Department deputies.
Jack R. Blanke, 39, of Quincy is charged with unlawful sexual contact with an animal, a Class 4 felony punishable for between 1 and 3 years in the Illinois Department of Corrections, and criminal trespassing, a Class B misdemeanor.
Adams County Assistant State’s Attorney Ryan Parker said the suspect allegedly had sex with the horse about a dozen times on a farm in the 4200 block of Deer Ridge Road in Melrose Township, south of Quincy. Blanke allegedly stood on a five-gallon bucket, feeding the horse apples, while performing coitus. Deputies conducting stationary patrol near the the farm at approximately 12:44 a.m. Friday observed Blanke in the act.
The felony charge, read by Judge Tad Brenner, alleged Blanke “placed his penis inside the vagina” of the horse.
Parker asked for $2,000 bond. Assistant Public Defender Sarah Lucey requested $1,000, saying Blanke is on disability and received $1,000 a month from that — and his rent is $700. “That leaves precious little for food,” she said.
Lucey also said Blanke suffers from heart disease and expressed concern about dizziness he has experienced while lodged in the Adams County Jail. She said he lives close to the courthouse and will be able to make his court appearances.
“He is as low risk as anybody could possibly come,” she said. “He has no criminal history whatsoever. He has stable housing and has for the past two years.”
Stable housing? Is that a joke?
