This week, Joe Biden continued to reinvent himself by lying that he was at Ground Zero a day after the 9/11 attacks and that he grew up in Jewish synagogues. Here’s some other WTF? that could use some embellishment to make it seem less terrible:
Headline of the Week
Florida man arrested for torching car belonging to his cousin — who’s also his girlfriend
A Florida man was arrested Wednesday for arson after he allegedly torched a car belonging to his girlfriend and cousin — who are one and the same — several months ago.
Melvin Alain Cintron, 37, was caught on camera lighting his cousin and lover’s Jaguar XE sedan on fire in front of a North Miami home on April 29, according to an arrest report obtained by Local 10.
Investigators determined the sedan belonged to Cintron’s girlfriend, but were unable to interview her until Monday, the station reported.
She initially said her car caught fire as she drove home because she was afraid of what Cintron would do if she told cops the truth, according to the report.
Whenever she spoke to investigators about what happened to her car, her boyfriend made her put the phone on speaker.
When she was finally able to speak freely, she told officers she fears Cintron because he carries a fully automatic gun with a double-drum high-capacity magazine on him regularly and even has a nickname for its drums.
Cintron reportedly calls the two round drums on the sides of the magazine the gun’s “t—–s,” the report states.
The unnamed woman also told police that her alleged pyromaniac boyfriend stole her purse and left her without a way home from a Miami shopping center Friday.
Cintron reportedly got jealous when he thought a bartender was flirting with his cousin and the two got in an argument before he snatched her bag — which contained $1,200 cash, police said.
Police obtained an arrest warrant for Cintron, of Hollywood, FL., Monday and arrested at gunpoint Wednesday.
Maybe it’s time to start dating outside of the family.
Gift of the Week
HR manager accused of sending worker penis-shaped cake in harassment suit
An Oregon property maintenance company is being accused of harassment by a former employee who says the HR manager sent him a penis-shaped cake and told him to “eat a d–k,” a new lawsuit says.
Steven Urenda, who was the janitorial operations manager at Dasher Lights LLC and Aspen Ridge Property Services, is seeking over $500,000 in damages after he was forced to resign over the “increasingly hostile work environment,” according to the lawsuit filed in Multnomah County court.
Urenda said in the suit filed Aug. 25 that the trouble began when he received a pink box In May 2022 containing a large black chocolate penis and scrotum along with bold letters reading “EAT A D–K” on the inside box cover.
Urenda, who is Hispanic, was “disgusted by the obvious racial implications of mailing a large black chocolate penis to his household,” which he shared with his partner and his child, who is biracial and identifies as black, the complaint said.
Both Urenda’s partner and the young child saw the package’s contents, the lawsuit added.
The uncouth delivery was allegedly sent by human resources employee Jessica Carlin, whose name and information were accidentally left on the offensive package.
The suit claims Carlin had “recently admitted to calling him a ‘huge d–k’ and had apparently made other similar derogatory statements [about Urenda] to management.”
Urenda said he confronted Dasher owner Matthew McCasline about how the package made him feel, but he said he got the impression from him that he wanted to “end the conversation and sweep the issue under the rug as soon as possible.”
And despite her reported confession, Carlin was allowed to remain working at Dasher, the suit stated, while Urenda eventually received an apology note from the owners with a $50 gift card.
He got a free cake and a $50 gift card? What’s the problem here?
Groomer of the Week
Wannabe member of drag group at center of LA Dodgers drama caught masturbating at California park
A wannabe member of the controversial Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence drag group was arrested last month after police said he blatantly masturbated for an hour in broad daylight at a popular California park.
Clinton Monroe Ellis-Gilmore, 53, allegedly made no attempts to hide the perverted act around 6:45 p.m. Aug. 12 at Table Bluff County Park in Loleta, a coastal community 15 miles south of Eureka.
“According to numerous witnesses, Ellis-Gilmore had been at that location for approximately one hour, sitting in his truck with the door open, masturbating,” the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement.
Ellis-Gilmore was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor that can fetch up to six months of prison time, a $1,000 fine and a requirement to register as a sex offender.
The drag queen — who goes by “Queen Bethe C–khim” — appeared shirtless in his mugshot and flashed a stifled smirk.
His Facebook page is littered with images of himself dressed as a nun and participating in events run by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the trans-queer group that was invited, uninvited and then reinvited to the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Pride Night in June.
Thousands of demonstrators descended on the stadium to protest a pre-game ceremony in which the baseball team honored the local chapter of the Sisters, whose members dress up in drag in traditional Catholic nun habits, with the Dodgers’ Community Hero Award for their “lifesaving work.”
Critics have blasted the group as a “blatantly perverted, sexual, and disgusting anti-Catholic hate group.”
One witness to Ellis-Gilmore’s alleged debauchery claimed the drag queen parked two spots away from his trailer and had his left leg out the open door of the truck and right leg up on the dashboard with no pants on, which gave him a full view of Ellis-Gilmore “playing with himself.”
When is Gavin Newsom going to name him California Secretary of Education?
Joe of the Week
Before they were allowed to leave Kabul in August 2021, having just lost 13 comrades to a suicide bomber, US Marines were ordered to pick up human feces and other disgusting trash at the airport so as to leave it pristine for the Taliban.
This humiliation is recounted for the first time in a new book, “Kabul: The Untold Story of Biden’s Fiasco and the American Warriors Who Fought to the End.”
The Kabul airport passenger terminal was filthy on Aug. 28, 2021, after the botched Afghanistan withdrawal.
More than 120,000 Afghans had camped there for a week, “defecating and leaving trash, bags, clothes, and other unspeakable things.”
Marines at every level were infuriated at being “forced to scoop up human poop.”
The order to clean “came with a threat that we would not leave at all if it was not completed,” one junior Marine told authors Jerry Dunleavy and James Hasson.
“It was degrading and ridiculous. We took a lot of casualties and put a lot of effort into that mission and to close it out that way was wrong. Morale was really down at that point, and it was an extremely pointless effort.”
This is what happens when a shit president is in charge.
Pisser of the Week
A Waukegan woman was arrested after she allegedly urinated on the floor at Gurnee Mills mall and randomly attacked an elderly victim, injuring her, prosecutors said.
Carnise N. Parson, 30, of Waukegan, was charged with two counts of aggravated battery to a victim over 60 and two counts of aggravated battery in a public place.
The Gurnee Police Department responded around 6 p.m. on August 29 to Macy’s, 6124 Grand Avenue in Gurnee, for a disturbance.
Lake County Assistant State’s Attorney Mary Daly said the suspect, Parson, was knocking off clothing and yelling.
Witnesses told officers that Parson had urinated on the floor.
Parson grabbed a pot and pointed her finger at an 82-year-old woman, Daly said.
Parson allegedly told the victim several times that she was going to punch the victim.
Daly said Parson spat in the victim’s face and Parson then tried hitting the victim in the head with the pot.
The victim was able to block the hit with her arm but suffered a cut to her hand and forearm, Daly said.
The laceration on the forearm was approximately four inches long and an inch wide, resulting in missing skin.
Officers arrived and located Parson, who was taken into custody.
Clearly the victim, the mall, and the pot are racist.
Illegal Aliens of the Week
‘UFOlogist’ claims to show 2 alien corpses to Mexican Congress
The Mexican Congress heard testimony on UFOs and the prospect of alien life on Tuesday. Self-described “UFOlogist” Jaime Massan, a self-described journalist, brought two caskets into the congressional chambers and revealed what he claimed to be extraterrestrial life.
Maussan said they are nonhuman remains that are estimated to be 1,000 years old. According to one University of Chicago expert, this is not Maussan’s first time making such claims.
“[He] has made these kinds of sensational claims before in 2017 only to have those mummified remains determined to be of human terrestrial origin. He also has a history of frequently partnering with pseudoscience entertainment companies rather than scientific institutions. These facts are massive red flags,” said Jordan Bimm, a space historian and professor of science communication, in a statement.
Maussan was joined by former Navy pilot Ryan Graves, who testified before the U.S. Congress during its UFO hearing in July. Graves told the House Oversight Committee’s National Security Subcommittee that the government was keeping the public in the dark about alien life and that he knew about a “multi-decade UAP [unidentified anomalous phenomena] crash retrieval and reverse-engineering program” during his time as an intelligence officer.
The U.S. Congress had a corpse from outer space deliver the State of the Union Address earlier this year.
Drunk of the Week
Drunk horse rider arrested for DUI in California
A horse rider in Merced was arrested after they were caught being under the influence.
According to the California Highway Patrol, officers spotted someone taking Seabiscuit out for a stroll with an open alcohol container.
After speaking with an officer, it became apparent that the rider on the horse was under the influence of alcohol. That’s when they were arrested for DUI.
CHP says it’s not worth riding – or driving – under the influence.
“It’s worth noting that, according to California Vehicle Code 21050, the rules of the road apply to those operating animals on the highway,” said CHP.
It’s also worth noting that the news used the “they” pronoun, so this was probably a tranny.
WTF? of the Week
Unapologetic California mayor goes viral after being spanked with paddle by drag queen
A California mayor has landed in hot water after going viral for getting spanked by a drag queen at a Democratic fundraiser, sparking a war of words over whether or not it was in front of kids.
Burbank Mayor Konstantine Anthony was filmed bending over a table and laughing while being struck with a paddle wielded by the drag performer Foxxy Roxywood at the Santa Clarita Valley Democrats’ Drag Queen Bingo event Saturday.
The footage has been viewed more than 7.6 million times as of Tuesday after being tweeted by Libs of TikTok, which claimed that the mayor “received a spanking from a drag queen in front of children.”
Anthony, a newlywed dad whose online bio starts with his pronouns and the fact he is autistic, quickly hit back, sparking a war of words with the popular social media page.
“Actually, there weren’t any children at this private 21+ event,” Anthony clapped back on X, the new name for Twitter. “But of course lying is totally on brand for you.”
A poster promoting the fund-raiser stated that the drag queen bingo was for attendees 15 years old and up, but that it was “not suitable for children.”
“So why does the advertisement say 15+?” Libs of TikTok asked.
The liberal mayor replied firmly: “Regardless of advertising, there were no children at the event. But you weren’t there, so you wouldn’t know. Easier to speculate and lie, right?”
Undaunted by Anthony’s denials, Libs of TikTok produced a photo that it claimed depicted a child who joined the drag queen event.
“You lied,” the conservative X account raged. “Also here’s a photo of a kid who joined the event! Posted on the event organizer’s account!”
Folks, this is my Mayor.
