Joe Biden has fallen up and down the stairs to Air Force One. He fell off his bike and tripped over an imaginary object on stage. He often gets lost leaving the podium and recently got into a fight with a Brazilian flag. It turns out that all of this is going on with a secret team, whose job it is to make sure he doesn’t fall on his ass and look like a feeble old fool.
Axios brings us the funniest thing in a long time:
President Biden and his campaign are working on a critical project for his re-election bid: Make sure he doesn’t trip.
As voters express deep concerns about the 80-year-old president’s age and fitness for office, Biden’s team is taking extra steps to prevent him from stumbling in public — as he did in June, when he tripped over a sandbag at the Air Force Academy.
There was no sandbag. He tripped over nothing.
It gets funnier, because here are the steps Biden’s handlers are taking to make sure Biden doesn’t eat shit:
With a physical therapist, Biden has been doing exercises to improve his balance as far back as November 2021.
Since his stumble in June, he has been wearing tennis shoes more often to avoid slipping — and using the short stairs on Air Force One, entering the plane on a lower deck than before.
Back when I was in school, the physically and mentally disabled kids rode the short bus. It appears physically and mentally disabled presidents use the short stairs.
This Axios piece is pure comedy gold:
Democrats, including some in the administration, are terrified that Biden will have a bad fall — with a nightmare scenario of it happening in the weeks before the November 2024 election.
Some senior Democrats privately have been frustrated with Biden’s advance team for months, citing the sandbag incident and noting that the president often appears not to know which direction to go after he speaks at a podium.
Often without context, Republicans have used video clips of Biden looking confused about where to go after speeches to raise further questions about his age.
Does Biden wandering around aimless have any other context than he doesn’t know where he is or what to do? How about the many times he has shaken hands with the Invisible Man? Is there something that would explain why Biden is greeting people who aren’t there?
And one last joke:
Biden’s team is betting that any mockery he receives over using the shorter Air Force One steps and wearing tennis shoes will be worth it to avoid another public stumble.
In Passenger 57, Wesley Snipe’s character famously said, “Always bet on back!” In the Air Force One reboot, Passenger 81, Biden’s handlers are saying, “Always bet on Silver Alert!”
They should put Biden in one of those helmets for people who have had brain surgery, give him a walker with tennis balls on the feet, and have him use a chair-lift to get into Air force One, as well as on and off any stage. Even then, Joe would still find a way to go tumbling.
The weird thing is, there is a secret team to keep Biden from falling, but nobody is assigned to stop him from sniffing and groping little kids. Bad optics are bad optics, but pedophilia is certainly way more creepy.
