Joe Biden’s Handlers To Get Him Some Comfy Shoes So He Doesn’t Seem So Old

Today is Joe Biden’s 81st birthday, making him the crustiest geezer to ever occupy the White House. With the 2024 presidential campaign looming, there is a concern from democrats that Biden is too old for the job. Proving that problem solving is not the left’s strong suit, his handlers are going to get him some comfy shoes, so he doesn’t seem so ancient.

Politico interviewed dozens of democratic party donors and White House insiders about the issue of Joe Biden’s age and this is apparently his handlers’ solution to the public perception that the illegitimate president’s mind and body have gone to seed:

Even those in Biden’s inner circle, including family members, worry about the optics of age. Those close allies believe that Biden is mentally up for the job, but some acknowledge that the president can at times appear frail, according to two people involved in the conversations but not authorized to speak publicly about internal deliberations.

One example: As noted on his recent physical, Biden’s gait has stiffened following foot fractures he suffered playing with his dog in late 2020. People close to the president have discussed having him walk shorter distances while on camera. They’ve also advocated, at times, trading in formal shoes for more comfortable ones — both to make his stride seem less stiff, but also to reduce the risk of falls.

So they’re going to put him in sick kicks and that’s going to stop him from babbling incoherently? It should be noted that when he fell off his bike, he was wearing sneakers.

Also, a change of footwear isn’t going to erase the historically bad job he’s done since stealing the White House. Joe in a pair of Crocs isn’t going to make the cost of everything more affordable for Americans, and him wearing some Air Jordans won’t repair the catastrophes he’s caused domestically and abroad.

The biggest thing some added arch support can’t fix is Joe Biden’s broken brain. Take a look at this senile old fool from the White House turkey pardoning ceremony today:

While pardoning turkeys, Liberty and Bell, Joe attempted a joke about Taylor Swift.

“Now just to get here, Liberty and Bell had to beat some tough odds and competition. They had to work hard and show patience and be willing to travel over a thousand miles. You could say even this harder than getting a ticket to the Renaissance Tour, or or buh buh Britney’s tour, she’s down in, it’s kind of warm in Brazil right now,” stammered Biden.

To help unf*ck that for you, Biden was trying to say it was harder than getting a ticket to Taylor Swift’s “The Eras Tour” which was recently in Brazil. This has nothing to do with Britney Spears, and it’s also weird because a fan died at Swift’s Rio concert. Nothing says “youthful” like a wrinkly old prune trying to be hip by f*cking up his pop stars.

I don’t actually give a shit that Joe Biden doesn’t know the difference between Taylor Swift and Britney Spears, but this was a sad attempt by his handlers to make him relatable to young people. Even sadder is the fact that he was reading this from a teleprompter and still managed to screw it up that bad.

Maybe the best use for Joe’s new comfy shoes is to stick one in his mouth for the entire 2024 campaign so he can’t demonstrate his complete lack of coherence.