I realize that there’s probably no such thing as conservative partitioners of witchcraft, which makes my headline kind of redundant, but I don’t care. The real issue is that a group of self-proclaimed witches (liberal witches) are planning on putting a hex on Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. I guess this isn’t any dumber that the character assassination the Senate democrats tried, but it is perhaps a bit sillier.
It doesn’t appear as if this witches coven has a cool name like “The Intersectional Witches” or “The Woke-Ass Witches” but they are apparently planning this public hexing as some kind of feminist protest.
“We wanted to have an act of resistance,” said head witch Dakota Bracciale.
And here is that act of resistance according to their event announcement:
Please join us for a publich hex on Brett Kavanaugh and upon all rapists and the patriarchy which emboldens, rewards and protects them. We will be embracing witchcraft’s true roots as the magik of the poor, the downtrodden and disenfranchised and it’s history as often the only weapon, the only means of exacting justice available to those of us who have been wronged by men just like him.
Here’s a fair question: if witchcraft is legit and the “magic of the poor” why don’t they use it to make themselves rich? Or at least well-off? Here’s another fair question: what the f*ck does “publich” mean? Maybe they could at least use their witchcraft to spellcheck their insanity.
I can already spot a couple problems with this feminist ritual: Brett Kavanaugh isn’t a rapist nor was he ever accused of raping anyone. People who support him are also not emboldening, rewarding or protecting rapists. If these witches want to hex some motherf*ckers who protect rapists, they should take a look at the Democratic Party and Hollywood.
If you think this is already pretty funny, get ready to split your sides:
He will be the focal point, but by no means the only target, so bring your rage and and all of the axes you’ve got to grind. There will also be a second ritual afterward – “The Rites of the Scorned One” which seeks to validate, affirm, uphold and support those of us who have been wronged and who refuse to be silent any longer.
These witches seem fun. No wait, the word I was looking for is “crazy.” This is like Trump Derangement Syndrome only with witchcraft, which I think we can all agree makes it twice as pathetic.
If I were Kavanaugh I wouldn’t worry too much about this hex. These witches have a poor track record when it comes to this kind of thing. Check this out from Time:
[The witches] put on three events to hex President Donald Trump last summer…
And all Trump has done since last summer is kick ass as President. He has the economy roaring, unemployment is at a historic low, he renegotiated NAFTA, and set North Korea on the path to denuclearization. If that’s what happens when they throw a hex on someone, I’m pretty sure Brett Kavanaugh will be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court by next week.
