When you think of all the celebrity branded products nobody wants you may come up with the Ted Kennedy GPS navigation system, Oprah Winfrey’s Weight Watcher meals, or the Bill Clinton cigar. You probably wouldn’t have included the Ruth Bader Ginsberg bra because such a thing is so preposterous it can’t possibly exist, right? Well, apparently one clothing company thinks every woman wants to squeeze her breasts into an RGB branded bra and this is a real thing. I’ll have to check the ancient texts, but I’m pretty sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse.
Harper Wilde is a bra company driven by radical feminists ideology. They claim a portion of every sale goes to girl’s education or something like that.
“We will not only lift your ladies, but lift the next generation of leading ladies as well,” proclaims their website.
In one of the truly bizarre marketing ideas, they decided that a Ruth Bader Ginsberg bra would really move some product. Harper Wildes’s best selling bra in called “The Base” and they just announced The Base: Notorious RGB Edition.
There’s not much information about this product, like how it’s different than their normal bra or what makes it an RGB bra, but they did include this:
Our bestselling bra just got more supportive.
Truth from Ruth: there will be ‘enough’ women on the Supreme Court “when there are nine.”
Nine what? Boobs? By my calculations that would be 4 and half women, or 5 women but one of them had a mastectomy, or 4 women and trans man who is only half-way through his transformation. Whatever the combo is, it would give liberals a majority on the Supreme Court, so 9 boobs is way too many. It’s at least 1 too many as the current 6-boob minority on the bench is already insufferable.
You can’t just go around using celebrities and public figures to market your crappy products without their permission, which means Ginsberg had to have signed off on this. I bet that was an interesting pitch meeting: “We want to uses your saggy wrinkled mosquito bite boobs to empower women.”
Thankfully Harper Wilde didn’t talk Ginsberg into modeling this bra. If that had happened I wouldn’t be writing this article because I’d be blind. Either I would have suffered some kind of fright blindness or I may have gouged my own eyes out so I’d never have to see something like that again.
Not the dumbest, but certainly nearly the dumbest, thing about this is that it’s a bra that is supposed to inspire and empower feminists. Didn’t the feminist used to burn their bras as a way of declaring their independence from the patriarchy or some stupid shit like that?
I feel like a bra is the wrong thing for Ruth Bader Ginsberg to endorse when there are so many other products she’d be a natural fit for. She’s looked like she’s dead for 20 years, so whatever embalming fluid they used to keep her corpse fresh must be amazing. Also, considering she always has the scowl on her face she’d be a great spokesperson for an asshole unclenching ointment.
After consulting the sacred scrolls I have learned that RGB selling bras is not one of the signs of the apocalypse, but if you ever see her riding up on a pale horse, watch your ass because the end is near.
