British media personality Piers Morgan used to have a show on CNN, but his condescending anti-2nd Amendment drivel was too much for American audiences and he was cancelled. Now he’s looking for a new gig to display his pomposity and contempt for the United States by begging President Trump for the soon-to-be-vacated White House Chief-of-Staff position. Morgan has fundamental disagreements with our form of government, our rights, and our culture, so his motives are probably not all that pure in seeking this job.
With the announcement that General John Kelly will be stepping down as White House Chief-of-Staff, there has been a frenzy of speculation as to who will replace him. Piers Morgan, writing for The Daily Mail, has an idea of who Trump should hire: Piers Morgan.
Dear Mr President,
I wish to formally apply to be your new Chief of Staff.
You might not immediately recognize what qualities I have for such a massive job in your administration, especially following a hugely respected war hero like General John Kelly.
But the key thing is to have someone at your side that understands you, has known you a long time, likes you and commands your respect.
See, Morgan was a winning on Trump’s show Celebrity Apprentice, so he figures they are old chums and that more than qualifies him for the job.
When you made me your first Celebrity Apprentice a decade ago, you told me in the live NBC finale: ‘Piers, you’re a vicious guy. I’ve seen it. You’re tough. You’re smart. You’re probably brilliant, I’m not sure. You’re certainly not diplomatic. But you did an amazing job and you beat the hell out of everybody – you’re my Celebrity Apprentice.’
Let’s be honest, what more could you possibly want from your Chief of Staff? You could have been talking about yourself!
Morgan continued to pucker up and to the Presidential buttocks, saying, “everyone knows there can only be one chief in the White House, and his name is Donald J. Trump. You’re your own Chief of Staff, and always have been.”
Just in case kissing Trump’s ass doesn’t sell the president on this ridiculous proposal, Morgan tried the “nobody else wants the job” ploy, writing, “nobody else is exactly storming the ramparts of the White House demanding you hire them for the toughest job in world politics.”
Morgan brought a third selling point that only he could keep Trump from being impeached:
“You’re two years into your first term as President and if you want to reach four years, let alone get re-elected in 2020, then it’s time to recalibrate your system and style,” wrote Morgan. “And it’s time to get a Chief of Staff who can help you do that.”
Then Morgan laid out his 10-point plan if he were to be hired as Chief of Staff including his promise to look Trump in the eye and tell him he’s stupid. Morgan also proposed taking away Trump’s Twitter and getting him to stop calling CNN “fake news.”
Plus some serious desperation:
9) You can actually save money for the country by hiring me. I don’t need the salary and in fact, I’d literally pay to work for you. What could be a better ride than being CoS at this perilous stage of the Trump presidency?
Piers Morgan favors a parliamentary system of government as well as a monarchy over the representative Republic of the United States. He thinks we Americans are silly for having the Constitutionally protected rights of free speech and gun ownership. He looks down his nose at Americans for being less refined and evolved as him. Why would he even want this job?
This is kind of like if the vegan lunatic head of PETA, Ingrid Newkirk, suddenly wanted to be CEO of Kentucky Fried Chicken. This should be viewed with great suspicion. The White House Chief of Staff doesn’t make policy, but clearly Piers Morgan is hoping to influence the President with his anti-American agenda. There’s no way in hell Trump can make America great again with this smarmy British twit by his side.
