The say “those who can’t do, coach” and those words couldn’t be any more appropriate for Barack Obama. Despite a lack of competence, experience, and skill, Obama was a state senator, a US Senator, and a 2-term POTUS. Obama also sucks at basketball, so it stands to reason he should get a job coaching the sport. UCLA is indeed of a new head coach and former NBA great Bill Walton thinks Obama would be perfect for the job.
The UCLA men’s basketball program recently fired head coach Steve Alford. During Thursday’s broadcast of the UCLA vs. Stanford game, former Bruin and Hall of Famer Bill Walton suggested his alma mater should hire former occupier of the White House Barack Obama.
What type of characteristics does Bill Walton think UCLA should look for in their next coach?
“Barack Obama”
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— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) January 4, 2019
“Who do you think could succeed here? What type of characteristics should UCLA look for in the next coach?” asked play-by-play announcer Dave Pasch.
“Barack Obama,” replied Walton without hesitation.
Apparently Pasch was expecting a serious answer so he immediately dismissed Walton’s response.
“Well, he’s – I don’t think he’s going to coach so…,” replied Pasch.
“Well, you keep saying that, but why? Why are you so negative. Why do you just turn down? His brother-in-law coached. I’m sticking with Barack Obama until he says no,” said Walton.
Walton was referring to Michelle Obama’s brother Craig Robison who was a below average baseball coach at Brown and Oregon State. It’s hard to argue with that logic: Since Barack is related by marriage to guy who wasn’t a very good basketball coach, he’d be a great basketball coach. A better argument would be that Barack married a NBA-caliber power-forward in Michelle, so therefore he’d be good at coaching basketball.
Strangely enough, I agree with Bill Walton that Obama should UCLA’s next coach. Not because I think he’d be good, but more because I hate the Bruins.
Actually, Obama’s unique talents would be a good fit for the school. Obama is very familiar with the “JV team” and UCLA certainly plays less than varsity-style basketball. His “lead from behind” strategy would gel nicely with the team’s tendency to be behind in the score most of the time.
After the inevitable losses, Obama could blame his predecessor for the poor performance of the team like he did with George W. Bush and the poor performance of the country under his “leadership.” Hey, it’s not Obama’s fault the team sucks, Steve Alford is the one who recruited these players.
Obama, could also institute some of his socialist policies to the team. The starting players would have to forfeit some of their stats to the bench players so everyone could make the scoresheet. It’d be like ObamaCare for basketball where the productive players have to subsidize the benchwarmers. If you like your 3-pointers and assists you can keep your 3-pointers and assists. Or not.
The only downside is that the school and the big money donors would expect results. The American people gave Obama a second term after he achieved nothing, but UCLA would expect him to win and that’s something his incompetence couldn’t deliver.
Barack Obama’s entire life is a series of unearned undeserved positions and awards. If he can win the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, he can become the UCLA head basketball coach for no particular reason. And like everything else, he’d be just awful.
